Disclaimer: Nope. Soul Eater is still not mine. Otherwise this would've been part of an episode. :)


By Techno Skittles

Stein's whole week had consisted of Spirit jabbering on and on about how his precious Maka was becoming such a "beautiful and intelligent" young woman. He listened to Spirit's cries of joy, his worries of how she wouldn't need him for anything anymore, and the constant comparisons between his daughter and his ex-wife. Spirit chose to tell of this to Stein, who was only listening for part of the time, the rest spent counting the pros and cons of sewing his ears shut.

Unfortunately, the cons outweighed the pros.

But on the other hand, Stein had come up with a much more entertaining and satisfying diversion.

"So Senpai, Maka's birthday is today, correct?"

Spirit stopped his ramblings about his ex-wife and turned to Stein with a goofy smile. "Yes! My baby girl's turning eighteen!" The smile dropped off his face like a bowling ball from a four-story building and tears welled up in his eyes. "She's growing up so fast!" he cried.

"Ah yes. Eighteen is such a wonderful age, don't you agree Senpai?" When he was only answered by more crying, Stein continued. "It's the age when one officially becomes an adult in more ways than one."

"What are you saying, Stein?" Spirit sniffled.

Stein smirked and took out a cigarette from the box in his lab coat pocket. "Well first off, she can now legally smoke tobacco." He lit the cigarette up and took a long drag of it, savoring the ash taste on his tongue and in his lungs before huffing it out.

"My Maka would never indulge in such an unhealthy habit!"

Stein shrugged. "But the option's there now. Let's see…she can now vote in any election and she can move out of the house, although technically she already has."

Spirit sighed in relief. "You gave me quite a scare there. Everything you've said so far means nothing to me. My little Maka is still safe and-"

"Did I mention she's legal?" Stein bluntly interrupted.

Spirit paused briefly, pondering what the insane doctor had just said. When he came up with nothing, he skeptically faced the professor and quirked an eyebrow. "Legal? Legal for what exactly?"

"She's no longer a minor, Senpai. She can do whatever – or shall I say whomever – she pleases."

His cohort was shocked into silence, not even breathing.

"And I'm pretty sure her first candidate will be her weapon partner. I mean, they have been living together for years and I'm more than sure that their hormones are strung out to something equivalent to fishing wire…" A slight twitch of the eye. He was getting close.

"Who knows? They could be fucking right this very moment."

"I'LL KILL THE LITTLE BASTARD!" Before another word could be said, Spirit ran off down the hall, dust and dirt kicking up at his heels. He pushed past a confused Marie, who sighed lamely at the sight of Stein smirking with mirth.

"What did you do, Franken?"

"Sentenced him to death by Maka Chop."

Marie shook her head and sighed again. "You're such a sadist, you know that?"

"I can be much more sadistic in the sack," he said, chuckling at the blonde's flushed face.

"Stupid screwhead."

Author's Comments:

This has to be the most random ending I've written to date. :/ But I couldn't think of another way to tie things up.

I made Stein into such a pervert for this one. Plus, I put in some implied SoMa and SteinxMarie. :)

I've actually had this on my mind for a good week now, but to be honest, I didn't want to upload it today. I had another story on mind for another fandom, but this one was ready to go, so I just typed it up and sent it on its way.

I may write something later to make up for this piece of shit. XP

By the way, Exchanges chapter 3 will be coming out sometime in the next week more than likely, and then I'll start working on the next chapter for Grigori's Promise.

Until next time~!