Disclaimer: All character rights go back to Akira Amano-sensei and Hideaki Sorachi-sensei!
Getting hit by a bazooka doesn't get you anywhere... Well, except to another world where samurai and aliens exist, and your hair drenched with liquor after you come back. Happy Birthday, Squalo!
"VOOOIII! Where's that brat?" Squalo stood up and shouted across the meeting room.
"Calm down, Squalo. I'm sure Tsuna will be here any minute." Yamamoto smiled sheepishly while raising his hands in an attempt to calm Squalo down.
"Lambo's not here either." Chrome spoke softly, but was interrupted by Gokudera's comment.
"Where's that stupid cow anyways? I hope that he's not causing any trouble for Juudaime." Gokudera stated agitatedly before standing up. "I'm going to look for him."
"Tch. Well, he'd better hurry up, or that stupid boss is going to start shooting holes in the ceiling or something." Squalo sat back down on his seat in a huff. Where is Vongola's Tenth boss when he's supposed to be in a meeting with his guardians and a representive from Vongola's very own assassination squad?
Meanwhile, in a certain laboratory near the meeting room...
"And I must insist on this, Juudaime, that Lambo must never use this bazooka. It's not a completed product, so I don't know what exactly will happen if he fires it." Giannini explained to Tsuna, who was fidgeting nervously.
"Erm... Giannini-san, I've got a meeting to attend to, so if I don't leave now..." 'I'm going to get skewered by Reborn!' Tsuna shuddered at the thought.
"Okay, I understand." Giannini nodded.
"Nyahahaha! Lambo-san has a new bazooka!" Lambo took out the orange-coloured bazooka and pretended to be shooting bullets from it.
"Juudaime!" Gokudera ran into the laboratory. "Reborn-san wants you in the meeting room now!"
"Hiiiieee! I'm doomed!" Tsuna screeched before turning to Lambo, "We got to hurry, Lambo!"
"No! Lambo-san wants to stay here with his new bazooka!" Lambo held his new bazooka closer to himself.
"Stupid cow!" Gokudera punched Lambo on the head. "Stop causing Juudaime more problems!"
"Ga... ma... ne..." Lambo muttered before bursting into tears and pulling the trigger on the bazooka. The stray bullet flys out of the door and makes a turn towards the meeting room.
"Lambo just fired the bazooka he wasn't supposed to! Just what is going to happen when it hits someone? Wait a minute, who is going to get hit by that?" Tsuna face-palmed before scratching his head frantically and quickly running out of the laboratory towards the meeting room.
Back in the meeting room...
"VOOOOII! That's it! I'm going back to the Varia mansion!" Squalo shouted, slamming his hands on the table and standing up. Even Reborn did not stop him: He was annoyed as well. How could his student be late?
"I hate crowds. I'm leaving." Hibari stood up and opened the door. Just then, a bazooka bullet flew in, somehow changed its course and headed towards Squalo. Everyone there (except for Reborn and Hibari, even though they was surprised) had their mouths agape at the stray bullet.
"Hell, what on earth are you guys doing-" Squalo muttered under his breath before noticing the bullet. His eyes widened and he tried to dodge it. Sadly, it was just too late.
Squalo fell down a multi-coloured tunnel, and when the smoke finally cleared, he was seated in a ramen store with a weird penguin-like duck (with big round eyes) sitting beside him.
And Squalo, being the noisy, long-haired strategy captain we know of, showed his displeasure in the way he knows best- by shouting.
"VOOOOOOII! Dove diavolo sono io? (Where the hell am I?)" Squalo shouted angrily before a certain signboard and bowl of soba made contact with his head.
"Tch, che bastardi... (You bastard...)" Squalo rubbed the sore part of his head and was about to shout again when the lady behind the counter spoke up.
"Stop making a racket in the shop." The lady told Squalo sternly in Japanese, after which a signboard flashed in front of his face before he could apologise.
'And while we're at it, where's Katsura?'
"Who the hell's Katsura, freak?" Squalo glared at the duck before he noticed the duck's foot flying towards his face. He quickly dodged it by throwing himself backwards, using the explosives in his sword to destroy the entrance of the shop and making space for him to battle.
"Voooooii... You have good reflexes, Anatra (Italian for duck). How about we have a little spar?" Squalo smirked as he raised his sword, the silver blade glistening in the sunlight. Without a word, the duck pulled out its katana and got ready for battle. Tension filled the square as bystanders watched both swordsmen (more like a man and a duck, actually) get ready for their showdown.
Unfortunately, they were interrupted by a noisy pair of passerbys...
"Hey, I wouldn't be taking that if I were you." The brown haired one said to the other one with the silver hair and natural perm.
"I should be saying that back to you," Thre natural perm replied cooly. "After all, I had been saving up lots and lots just to buy this every week."
"Hmph, who doesn't?" The brown haired one gripped the magazine he was holding on to and pulled it closer to himself. "I want to see how Katekyoushi Hitman Reborn ends up, so let me have it, okay?"
"What, so you're just buying this for that little baby wearing the fedora?" The natural perm sniggered before pulling the magazine closer to himself. "You should learn to read something like Naruto. The part on Itachi and Sasuke at the end was awesome."
... Who were fighting for a magazine that had the words 'Weekly jump' on it.
As the passerbys drifted their attention from the two swordsmen to the two fighting for the weekly jump, their attention was, once again, drawn back to the two swordsmen as Squalo walked away from the weird duck, up to the two fighting and neatly sliced the magazine they were holding into two.
"Hey! What was that for?" The brown haired one demanded before Squalo kicked him in the stomach angrily, sending him flying into another magazine rack.
"VOOOOOII! IF YOU WANT TO FIGHT OVER SOMETHING AS TRIVAL AS THAT, GO ELSEWHERE, BASTARDS!" Squalo bellowed at the brown haired guy. It took Squalo every last bit of his patience to turn and walk back on the streets. For some unknown reason, however, that weird duck was gone.
"Where did that duck go?" Squalo shouted, and was about to start swearing again when the natural perm behind him spoke.
"Syrup? Hey, cough syrup, is that you? When did you get so violent?" The natural perm asked, standing up lazily. "And what happened to your hair? Were you dragged to a hairdresser?"
"Voi! My name's not 'Syrup', it's-"
"Oh, it must be 'Cough Syrup' then." The natural perm interrupted before continuing, "Anyways 'Cough Syrup', you owe me a volume of Weekly jump since you just slashed up that previous one."
"VOOOOOII! My name's not 'Syrup', nor it's 'Cough Syrup' either!" Squalo roared, causing many of the passerbys to cower in fear of their lives. "It's Superbi Squalo, you hear me?"
"Zura, calm down." The natural perm walked up to Squalo and spoke lazily to him, starting to pick his name as he did so. "It's not like I've gotten your name wrong on purpose this time... Wait, maybe I did..."
Squalo was about to shout again when a simply dressed boy wearing glasses walked up to the natural perm. He was carrying a large paper bag filled with groceries.
"Gin-san, can't you see that this person isn't Katsura-san?" The boy told the natural perm- 'Gin-san' in this case- directly. However, it seemed that this 'Gin-san' was not convinced.
"Shinpachi, are you blind or something? Only Zura can have long, silky hair like that." Gin replied, causing 'Shinpachi' to snap in annoyance. Squalo swore that he saw a few annoyed ticks on the back of Shinpachi's head.
"Zura, when did you bleach your hair white? It doesn't really match you, uh-huh." Another girl with orange hair, deep blue eyes and was carrying a huge umbrella told Squalo.
And it did not take Squalo a second to snap, too.
"Voooooii... What was that you called me again?" Squalo snarled under his breath as he raised his sword little by little.
"Kagura-chan! He isn't Katsura-san! Get away quickly!" Shinpachi called out in panic. Before Shinpachi even finished his sentence, however, Squalo swung his sword downwards, a cloud of smoke and dust covering the two.
The smoke soon cleared, revealing the two in a stalemate, with Kagura using her umbrella to block Squalo's attack. Kagura then pointed her umbrella at Squalo and shot bullets at him, but Squalo himself jumped backwards and shot his explosives to destroy the bullets. Squalo then swung his sword at Kagura again, with Kagura protecting herself with her umbrella, the same way they had started.
"Voi, you're good for a brat." Squalo snarled. "But I wonder if you're able to move after that."
Kagura eyes widened as she tried to move her arms and legs, which seemed to be unable to move.
"Zura, what's this?" Kagura perked up. "I can't move!"
"Scontro di Squalo." Squalo continued, eyeing the panicky Kagura carefully. With a shout, he swung his sword down on the Yato clan member. It was before the sword had landed a hit, however, that Shinpachi ran up to Kagura and pushed her out of the way, and Gin took out his wooden sword (that Squalo did not notice he had around his waist due to his anger) and blocked Squalo's attack.
"Zura, aren't you taking this a little too seriously this time? Hurry clear your head, idiot!" Gin said, still as lazily as ever but with a bit of seriousness in his voice.
"Voi, as I said, stop calling me KATSURA!" Squalo shouted, about to start his one-sided spar against Gin when a modern-day police car with a lantern attached to it drove into the lane. Two men- one with messy short hair and the other with dark, near shoulder length hair- and both wearing matching uniforms exited the car.
"Heh, I was right. It was Katsura Kotarou!" The dark haired one announced, the other not so convinced.
"Erm... Hijikata-san, if you look closely, that person is definitely not Katsura... Especially since his hair is whit-"
"Are you stupid, Yamazaki?" 'Hijikata' shouted over to 'Yamazaki' before turning back and pointing at Squalo. "This is definately one of Katsura's disguises!
"Hijikata-san..." Yamazaki shook his head and sweat-dropped. Shinpachi walked up to him, putting his hand on Yamazaki's shoulder. The two seemed to be saying something before both sighed simultaneously.
"And I was right to make use of the Yorozuya to lure Katsura out!" Hijikata continued, not knowing that no one was even listening to him. Suddenly, another one of those police cars drove next to the one that was already there, and this time, a brown haired person wearing the same uniform as the other two exited the car.
"Okita-san!" Yamazaki yelped in fright.
"Sougo! What are you doing here?" Hijikata shouted, the said person started staring at him with obvious hatred in his eyes before suddenly noticing Gin in his half-sparing position with Squalo.
"Mister! What are you doing here?" Okita called over, ignoring Hijikata completely.
"What? Don't ask me, ask Zura here-" Gin started, but was interrupted by Shinpachi.
"That is definately not Katsura-san!" Shinpachi shouted across from where he and Yamazaki was.
"- who is most likely having a bad hair day by accidentally bleaching his hair white." Gin continued, showing Squalo his typical goofy, wide grin.
"That's right, Zura! Don't go bashin' and crashin' things around just for that!" Kagura chirped up from the side, making Squalo turn in surprise, totally forgetting that she was ever there. Kagura also had Gin's grin on her face, but hers was more like a smirk. Finally reaching the ends of his limits, Squalo turned back, and did his trademark shout.
"VOOOOOOOOIII! TRASH! Stop making this so messy! And for the last time, I'm not KATSURA!"
"Ahh! It's Katsura!" Okita shouted monotonely, pretending that Squalo was Katsura while everyone there face-palmed themselves. He opened the door to the police car and seemed to be muttering something under his breath.
"Damn it, I wanted to use this new bazooka I just got on Hijikata. Oh well. Guess I'll test it on that silver-haired guy first." Okita muttered before taking out a bright orange bazooka and pointed it at Squalo, shouting with a demonic look on his face, "DIE, KATSURA KOTAROU!"
And Squalo was soon plummeting down a fairly familiar coloured tunnel and was covered by a cloud of smoke before a familiar seen appeared before his very eyes. He was in the Vongola mansion, and Yamamoto had his sword near Squalo's pressure point…
… when suddenly a glass of tequila made contact with his head.
"VOOOOOOII! What was that for, you STUPID BOSS? And WHEN DID YOU GET HERE?" Squalo shouted after turning to Xanxus, who was sitting on his throne-chair.
"A way of saying 'happy birthday', Trash. And I'll give you a day off." Xanxus glared at Squalo as everyone's eyes widened, including Squalo's.
"Yay, Captain Squalo! You got a day off from our leader!" Fran raised his hand lazily, shouting across monotonely.
"Hmmm, Squ-chan. You're so lucky. And welcome back~" Lussuria started twisting and turning gayishly with his pinkies sticking outward.
"Boss! Why didn't you wish me too-" Levi whined, but was ignored by everyone.
"Thanks, stupid boss." Squalo sneered, his shark-like grin on his face. Xanxus stood up for the first time in a few minutes.
"After you clear the paperwork piling up in my office, trash shark." Xanxus smirked as he turned to the door and started walking towards it, the other Varia members sniggering at Squalo as they followed after him.
"Ushishishi. Sucker." Belpehgor sticked out his tongue at Squalo, who had stood rooted to the ground for a while with a look of disbelief on his face before running after them.
The others in the Vongola mansion continued staring in shock before Reborn changed Leon into a gun and pointed it at Tsuna.
"Dame-Tsuna, don't forget that you are to be blamed for this. Get ready for even harsher training tomorrow." Reborn growled darkly, evil aura oozing out of him.
Tsuna did the only thing he could at this moment.
[A/N]: HAPPY BRITHDAY, SQU-CHAN! XD
Well, this is my way of wishing one of my all-time favourite characters in KHR 'happy birthday'! Oh, and for the Gintama fans, they'll be another one for Katsura on his birthday. Look out for it, de arimasu~! :D
Anyways, this story is what happened in Squalo's side of the character switch.
Plus many thanks to my sister, Dreams of the future, for helping me beta this story!
Hope all my readers have enjoyed this, and take care!
Additional birthday wishes to:
- L from the Korean band Infinite (my younger sister was telling me all about him)
- Wataru Hatano (seiyuu)
- Kyokotsu from Nurarihyon no Mago
- and many others which I may have missed out…