By Adrian Tullberg

Based off a reference in Futurama

The man shoved open the doors with a dark glare and a angry voice. Somehow the bow tie didn't detract from his entrance."Pond!"

The woman in her mid-thirties practically jumped out of her skin. "AH! Doctor! What ... what are you doing in the Oval Office?"

"President Pond? Is that what happened to the psychic paper that you swore blind you didn't know where it went?"

The most politically powerful individual on the planet wished crawling under a desk was considered statesman-like. "Now, to be fair, I only found I had accidently put it in my bag next to the spare hankies after I left."

"No 'Doctor, I found a potentially dangerous document of yours, would you like to come back and get it', it's 'This is my birth certificate, I'm going to run for President of the United States'!"

"And I won!" Just where was the Secret Service anyway?

"Just how did a young woman from out of nowhere with no political expertise and a noticeable Scottish accent win, exactly? Rutan shape shifting techniques? The promise of Zygon weapons technology to the secret cabals that secretly rules this planet?"

"The fact my major opponent was outed as a vegetarian two weeks before Election Day."

The fairly impressive rant came to an abrupt halt."That ... doesn't sound like a scandal at all."

"I was surprised as you were."

One of the aides decided to walk in. "President Pond? The formal surrender documents for Wales has been drafted and read for revi-"


"Thank you very much Geoff."

Rant from zero to sixty in a time that would make Jeremy Clarkson automatically propose. "You declared war on Wales?"

"Only a little one! Nobody noticed."

"Nobody noticed an occupational war on a country?"

"You didn't."

"What about the British Government?"

"Oh, we arranged something under a privatisation scheme. Dirt cheap, actually."

"And why?"

"Because the CIA said it was easier to start a war than actually find someone."

"Keep talking."

"Some git copper on secondment arrested me on my sixteenth, honestly, 'drunk and disorderly' when the entire pub is cheering you on? Her name's Cooper ..."