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Dandelion Dust

Chapter Six

By: Luna

...

"All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on."

- Henry Ellis

Three months had passed since the robbery, and Kagome has yet to wake up. Sesshoumaru managed to hold onto the house and make the hospital payments, but it was tough trying to pack more work into an already compact schedule in order to be home by three. Since Rin was in school, she couldn't watch Kazu during the day, so Sesshoumaru found a good day care center for the hours when he had to work. Kazu's day care closed by four, so in planning on picking him up by three, it gave him a little leeway just in case he was running late.

Today was one of those days; Sesshoumaru was dreading picking him up in the four o'clock hour; he hated the looks he received from the mothers; a mix of "aww" and flirtation, sometimes mixed with a little pity. It was vexing, especially since they considered him a widower. He never talked to them, but since he never took off his wedding ring and they've never seen his wife, they assumed. Sesshoumaru made it one minute before closing, and he winced slightly in guilt when he saw that Kazu was the only child left.

Midoriko-san looked up in surprise when the door burst open, and then blinked at the cold gaze of the man that was barely able to hide his worry. She looked at his haggard face; so tired, so wan, and the dark circles that had formed shortly after he started taking Kazu here.

She smiled as she picked up his son and walked over to him, handing him over to Sesshoumaru with a serene, commiserating smile. "It must be tough being a single dad. Not everyone would make so much effort for their children, you know."

"I'm not." Sesshoumaru let himself relax when Kazu immediately dove under his neck for a cuddle. He was getting so big… was he this big yesterday?

Midoriko blinked in confusion. "Not what?"

"Single." He held up left hand, coolly watched as Midoriko stared at it blankly. "I am married. My wife is… sick. She's in the hospital right now. I don't appreciate people making assumptions about me."

Blushing a little, Midoriko stepped back. "Yes, of course. I apologize." Still, she couldn't stop watching him. It was very rare for her to see a father take such care or pay much attention to his child, especially since she was used to only mothers picking up their children at her daycare. Sesshoumaru was obviously working himself to exhaustion trying to make whatever situation that was happening at home work, and she admired him for it. "Have a good day, Sesshoumaru-san."

Sesshoumaru ignored her. All he wanted to do at this point was go home.

Kazu was starting to speak more clearly. Sesshoumaru was actually beginning to understand him too, which slightly worried him since half the time his words still ran together and they sounded like gibberish. He wondered if he was only adapting to his sons speech or becoming fluent in Baby. He knew what Kazu's different cries were too; when he was hungry, scared, or simply bored, Sesshoumaru was able to differentiate between them.

Was this how all moms were after a while? Was this how Kagome was? He remembered that when Kazu talked to Kagome, she would always listen with an intent, loving expression on her face, and answer back every single time with an answer that apparently matched whatever question he had asked. At first he thought she was only humoring their son; now he wondered if maybe he had been mistaken, since Sesshoumaru didn't humor him often and yet he still found himself understanding what Kazu was saying.

When Sesshoumaru got home, the only thing he wanted to do was sleep, but he knew he couldn't. He couldn't help but start to feel guilty every single time he had to leave his son at the day care center, so when they got home, he made sure to devote at least a full hour of play time with Kazu, even if it meant that sometimes it would leave him frustrated. Once their hour of play time was over, Sesshoumaru would turn on a movie and start making dinner, and then after wards take a bath with Kazu and put him to bed, but not before reading him a bed time story.

It was tradition now. A schedule of events that had to happen every night, because Kazu expected it now, and Sesshoumaru loved his son. So, when the two of them arrived at home that night, Sesshoumaru set aside his briefcase; the old, battered one that Kagome bought him so many years ago, took off his jacket and tie, and then he played with his son. He would have to wait until Kazu was asleep before he started working on the assignments Sesshoumaru brought home to work on every night. If he didn't, he'd never be able to finish his work during the day in order to pick up Kazu on time.

It was okay, he assured himself. He could survive on four hours of sleep every night. It would all pay off, because surely Kagome will wake up.

Soon.

That weekend Sesshoumaru dressed casually in slacks and a light purple polo shirt Kagome had bought him, insisting that it didn't affect his masculinity at all. Sesshoumaru made sure Kazu was dressed nicely as well.

After the first month, Sesshoumaru wasn't able to visit Kagome every day and still manage work and Kazu, and since she showed no indication of waking up, he had to curtail their visits to the weekend when Sesshoumaru wasn't working and the day care center was closed. He had to stop by the photo center and pick up the developed pictures he had turned in the day before; he wasn't sure what was on them, but he was sure Kagome would appreciate being able to see them when she woke up. For her, he would even make an effort to organize them in a photo album, even though she'd probably rearrange them when he wasn't home anyways.

After he picked up the photos, he sat in the car with Kazu and slowly flipped through them, his throat tightening with emotion at every scene. It was their family; the pictures ranged from when Kagome had been bored while pregnant and started painting her large belly like a grapefruit, all the way to Sesshoumaru's birthday, his first day as manager at his company, and to the last happy memory he had with his wife.

He and Kagome were kissing, little Kazu held between them. She had been playing in the rain, and had little drops of liquid sunshine clinging to her skin; her long, beautiful eyelashes, and you could tell she was smiling even through the kiss. The next picture had been the one Sesshoumaru had tried to erase; she had captured a rare moment, where his face was relaxed and happy, and he was smiling down at her with an expression that went beyond love; like she was everything precious to him.

He never thought that he would be able to survive in a world that didn't have Kagome in it, but every day when he woke up and had to wake a sleepy Kazu and get him ready for day care… somehow he found the strength to keep going. To keep living, because his son was so young and needed him. Because Sesshoumaru felt so broken that he needed Kazu, too. Kazu, who looked so much like his beloved mother.

These pictures were important. Sesshoumaru tucked them away safely, but then found he had to clear his throat a few times before he got himself under control and pulled away from the curb, heading towards the hospital.

After Sesshoumaru parked and unstrapped Kazu from the car seat, he started walking towards the hospital, his steps getting slower and slower. Every time he came here he felt the same thing; the eagerness to see the woman he cherished, yet dread knowing that everything would be the same: Kagome would still be sleeping, and Sesshoumaru would still be alone.

As soon as they crossed the parking lot and hit the sidewalk, Kazu ran towards the entrance, already knowing where to go, and stopping just short of going inside to wait for Sesshoumaru. Kazu waited, but then became confused because normally his Daddy would be there already, to swoop him up in his arms and carry him the rest of the way to see Mama. Turning around, he looking in confusion at his Daddy, who was looking down at a fuzzy white flower growing up between the cracks of the sidewalk.

Sesshoumaru couldn't look away.

"When they first bloom, they are this beautiful, radiant flower."

It was just a weed. A weed that grew in even the hardest of soils, the rockiest of grounds. Children loved the flowers, while adults cursed them whenever they plant themselves in someone's garden. But it was this flower, wasn't it, that brought him to Kagome? It couldn't be that strange then, that these flowers made him think of her? Sesshoumaru's heart had been the same; hard, rocky, and inhabitable. But then she came, and suddenly she was everywhere inside him, surrounding him with love. A weed that would grow no matter how hard a person tried to get rid of it, until eventually… it was something Sesshoumaru didn't think he could live without.

"But did you know that dandelions are considered to be symbols of good things?"

"Kazuhiko, come over here." Sesshoumaru gestured for his son to come over as he crouched over the flower. Obediently, Kazu came. Curiously, he peered down at the flower, then up at his father's face.

"If you blow off all its seeds in one go, they say your wish will come true."

He reached down and carefully plucked the dandelion, his heart hurting as he remembered. "Your mother once made a wish for me…" He cleared his tight throat in order to continue. "She… she wished for me to be happy. It took a long time for me to realize it, but that wish eventually came true. Because she became mine," he stroked a finger down Kazu's face, a face that every day reminded him of his wife. "And then Kagome gave me you. So I… I think we should make a wish, don't you? Let's wish for your mommy to wake up soon." Because I don't know how long I'll be able to last without her. "Are you ready?"

Kazu cheered, then gurgled out a question Sesshoumaru wouldn't have been able to understand three months ago. "We have to blow all the white seeds off. Let's do it together, okay?"

"I wish for Sesshoumaru to be happy – the real kind of happy, and not just what he thinks it is."

Kazu closed his eyes and concentrated on his wish, and for a moment Sesshoumaru could only stare and marvel at the child that he created with Kagome. Then he closed his eyes as well, and wished with every fiber of his being.

Then, together, they watched as the seeds were gently carried away by the breeze.

And, somewhere in the hospital, a certain someone opened her eyes for the first time in three months… and smiled.

~FIN~

Authors Note: Thank you for everyone that has followed this mini story, your kind words have helped motivate me the entire way. Please feel free to check out my other works! Hopefully you'll enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them. Adieu!