Right-o then. My second fanfiction, also a crossover. Again, I was bored. Spring break's come along and for once my video games have bored me. I also can't find any anime to watch. So, without further ado, I present you with this piece of crap that I spent maybe half an hour on total. Have a nice day. Review if you want, or not. Whatever.

Disclaimer: I'm a bum, so I own nothing. I also have nothing for you to sue me out of, so trying would be pointless. Don't get your pants in a twist, huh?


Itsuki Koizumi furrowed his brow.

It had been 3 minutes since he had entered this closed space, and he had been watching the area closely since then. Ms. Suzumiya had gone all-out this time; it was as though she'd played a game to inspire this landscape.

The first, most obvious feature of this battlefield was that it was, in fact, a battlefield. A war was in progress in the streets, which were covered with tanks and infantry fighting off what appeared to be – and Koizumi used this term sparingly – zombies. Or some form of undead. They swarmed everywhere, overwhelming the ground forces without issue, easily fighting the scattered soldiers even against the fire of the more powerful tanks.

What he saw upon closer inspection only served to disturb – and confuse – him further. Huge, dog-like beasts the size of rhinoceroses crawled out of buildings that had been overgrown with a biological mess. Some of them tore apart the tanks and ground forces, others hurled themselves head-on into helicopters, and others still fought against grotesquely deformed soldiers of about the same size, who tag-teamed in defeating the beasts one by one. Neither side pushed too far in either direction, but the city itself was utterly decimated. It seemed as though the battle had been going on for a very long time, a never-ending war of the worst form of carnage.

Koizumi closed his eyes, lowered his head and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to pinpoint exactly what had happened to cause this sort of closed space. He had heard reports of Haruhi who had, in fact, been playing violent video games the nights previous to this one, but he had no clue that it would get this out of hand. As he looked up again, blinking his eyes in a futile attempt to adjust them to the bright moving lights of the battle, he realized one last thing.

None of the other espers were here.

He confirmed this with another quick glance across the city. Nobody was there to support him; it was if he was the only one here, or each of the espers somehow were sent into a different space from the others. For a moment, he wondered what would have to be done to tear down this closed space. There were no Celestials to defeat, which defied all usual closed space logic. Perhaps he'd have to cause peace? He sure hoped not; that would near impossible to accomplish. Maybe there was a source somewhere, something in particular that he'd have to fight before he'd be able to make this space collapse.

Just as he thought this, a huge explosion rocked the building he was standing on, forcing him to grip the railing to keep himself from tumbling over the edge. As he attempted to regain his footing, he noticed an extremely fast-moving blur shoot out of the building and land in another large explosion directly on top of the line between the military and the infected. A huge crater was formed, destroying a tank and sending gore flying in all directions. Koizumi narrowed his eyes to see better through the smoke, which slowly cleared to reveal a single standing figure.

A gray and red hoodie made itself immediately apparent, but what it was wrapped around could barely be considered human. The thing wore a human face, one of a young man somewhere in his late twenties. Attached to his right arm was a huge blade made of sharpened bone and recycled metal, protruding from the flayed skin in a bloody mockery of human flesh. The thing's eyes glowed, and its hood flapped in the wind for a moment before a mass of mutated flesh brought it back up and glued it on. This creature may have once been human, may have once displayed human qualities, but now it was no more than an animal.

Koizumi had spotted his target.

The thing took off in another blur, smashing through the military weapons with not a single sign of mercy. A voice came out from a walkie-talkie attached to the suit of a dead soldier near Koizumi. In a panicked voice, it spoke: "This is Misfit 4-1, we have confirmed the appearance of the Blacklight Virus, Codename Zeus, in sector 49E, repeat, 49–" The speech cut off as another explosion rocked the ground below. Koizumi watched the beast move between sides, destroying both the military and the undead, taking no side but its own. The Marines called it Blacklight. The men in the black suits called it "Zeus", and the mutated super soldiers called it "Mercer". This all confused Koizumi very much, but he figured he didn't need to understand it if it was only something Ms. Suzumiya had thought up. And so, with a tired sigh, he began to think of a battle plan.

He barely had time to think, however, when the blur flew from the battlefield and hit the railing at Koizumi's side. It flew straight past him, skidding across the rooftop's gravel surface, before smashing into and air conditioning unit and coming to a stop. Koizumi observed it warily, backing up slowly as not to catch its attention. He failed.

The beast looked up and immediately locked on to Koizumi, glaring menacingly at him from under the shade of its hood. It shot up in an instant and flew on a mass of tentacles straight towards the confused esper, and said esper barely had time to raise his shield bubble before the thing collided with it head-on, screaming as it bounced off the surface and slammed into a water tower behind it. Koizumi jumped into action immediately, taking to the sky as a mass of flesh flew past. The beast recovered almost instantly, shooting tentacles at Koizumi as though they were missiles. Despite his best attempts to dodge, some of them smacked into the shield, creating impacts heavier than Koizumi was used to blocking. Even the Celestials didn't hit this hard.

Seeing no immediate results from its attack, the beast switched tactics, jumping into the air and transforming its arms into what appeared to be large rocks, capable of ramming even the strongest of metals into dust. It flew above Koizumi, and then flung itself back down again, aiming a shot straight for the red bubble that protected the esper from any major damage. But Koizumi was fast as well, and he moved back just in time for the strike to miss, glancing off the side and ripping some of the creature's flesh into bloody giblets. The creature screamed again as it smashed into the ground, landing on a horrified soldier who exploded upon impact. Koizumi winced, hoping sincerely that these weren't real people and just figments of Ms. Suzumiya's thoughts. But certainly they were mere illusions, right? Ms. Suzumiya wouldn't be cruel enough to kill real people, right?

No time to think. The beast recovered once again, healing its wound at blinding speed before jumping again and physically running up the nearest building. Upon reaching the top, the creature launched itself off of the wall, waiting until it was level with Koizumi before starting its next attack.

A – force – some sort of power in the air that made itself almost visible in its blurring of the landscape – swirled in a horizontal tornado directly at Koizumi's shield, mixing itself with flesh and gore from the beast. It slammed into the esper bubble, and Koizumi suddenly felt an unbearable pressure closing in on him, as though the force were tightening around the bubble, willing it to burst. Koizumi's right wrist (the arm of which had been supporting the bubble) suddenly popped loudly, and Koizumi yelped in pain; it felt broken, useless now, and he knew that he himself would follow if he didn't move. Willing himself to bear the pain one second longer, he gave everything he had to force his shield from the mess, flying out of the whirlwind only to be met with more large chunks of flesh flying straight for him. Surely this was end, Koizumi thought. As fast as he moved, he couldn't escape the flesh in time, and the resulting impact tore the bubble to pieces.

Time moved slowly. Koizumi had been hit directly in the side by one of the flesh chunks, and it had broken several ribs. Koizumi clung to life as the rest of the flesh tore through the air in his direction, and he wished one last time for his shield to come back, for him to be given more power to fight this strong adversary.

Suddenly, something seemed to give.

The shield came back, stronger than before, reinforced against the flesh that slammed into it. The masses were torn apart, catching fire and withering as it fell to the ground below. The thing screamed once more, a loud roar mixed with something primal, yet something human; the first real human quality shown by the thing besides its outward appearance. Koizumi spat blood, but he would be okay. His wounds weren't fatal. His shield was glowing a bright green this time, as though the power within him had adapted to the fleshy mass that was the beast, focusing on ripping and tearing rather than the smooth cuts that were required to take down a Celestial.

As the power grew within him, evolving and transforming into something fit to kill this beast, Koizumi decided that it was time to end this.

A large beam of light shot from Koizumi's shield, striking the beast in its shoulder and knocking it onto the rooftop below. The esper didn't hesitate to land on the same roof, and as another mass shot at him, Koizumi waved his good hand, using his newly found power to bat the mass away, tearing it into shreds with a light tap. The beast showed off another human quality – fear – as it backed away from Koizumi, who walked forward slowly to keep the distance even. More beams shot from the shield, striking the creature anywhere it could reach, and the creature screamed in agony before the beams caught its head, ripping it to pieces and leaving not one trace left for it to come back again. Probably.

The beast had died by Koizumi's hand, and Koizumi felt nothing but pure joy at still generally being in one piece.

The space began to crumble. Large cracks appeared in the sky, and the pieces began to fall apart, crackling and dissipating, light flooding the space in a spectacular show, the most beautiful form of destruction known to man. Koizumi, watching the spectacle through half-closed eyes, had barely a moment to appreciate the marvel before his vision blurred, his senses dulled, his mind blanked, and he passed out.


He awoke in a hospital. The light was still blinding, but this time it had come in through the window, reflecting off of the bright white surfaces of the modern clinic room. He was laying in a soft bed, also white, and he heard a some shuffling noises as he lifted his head to look around.

Kyon, dull as ever, raised a hand in greeting. "Yo," he said casually, "up already?" Koizumi responded with a nod, before looking about the room. "The girls are out buying something for you," Kyon assured him, referring to the female trio that had caused the SOS Brigade to be a mainly feminine group. "Haruhi's a bit upset that both of her male club members keep winding up in the hospital. Actually, 'a bit' is kind of an understatement," he continued. His voice sounded weary; clearly Haruhi had been taking it out on him.

Koizumi merely smirked. "We'll have to talk about keeping Haruhi's imagination in check, Kyon. I'll get Ms. Nagato on it, too," said the esper. Kyon nodded in understanding. Haruhi's imagination would have to be calmed.

Just a bit.


You're lucky I have the courtesy to even include a footnote. Having fun reviewing. Or not.