A/N: Wow, I really didn't intend for it to be a year until I updated this, but things happened and I didn't find the energy to update this. I even should be resting now, but somehow I'm restless and I finally decided to finish the newest chapter and post it.
I really hope some of you still want to read how this goes *smiles hopefully*
Comments would of course be most appreciated *puppy dog eyes*
Thank you to Jesco123, McCoy's Secret Lover, sweetteetwo, Mori Lina, msdarque, mikesh, fro-chan, Quiet Ryter, BetahimeTsukiko and Mr July for all your kind comments *hugs you all*
Warnings: AU, SLASH (Lindsey/?, Lindsey/Angel somewhere along the way) MPREG, but nothing too explicit... mostly just mentioned... and OOCness in some chapters...
Disclaimer: The characters from Angel belong to Joss Whedon and I'm just borrowing them for my little story. This is not for money, but just for fun...
"I'm Eliot's second father..."
The words felt like a gunshot in the suddenly completely silent room and Lindsey could do nothing else but stare at the souled vampire, sure that he'd wake up any second from this weird dream
"What?" he finally managed to get out, not sure if Angel was playing a rather cruel joke on him just to get back at him for all the things he had done to Angel and his friends, but one look into the other man's eyes told Lindsey, that yes, Angel was dead serious and being a vampire dead serious actually meant something.
The master vampire had a small smile on his face now and took Lindsey's uninjured hand into both of his own
"It's true, Linds, I know that it is a little hard to believe, but Lorne told me what he saw and why would Lorne of all people, who clearly loves and adores you and Eliot, lie to me about this?" he questioned, almost desperate for the young lawyer to believe him.
Lindsey maybe would have been able to name a few reasons, but he was busy hiding the pleased flush that had run through him when Angel had used a nickname for him. And he also knew, that no, Lorne would never lie to anyone about something like this. He cared about Eliot too much to him get hurt because of a lie the demon had told.
"But how?" Lindsey asked, voice small. Yes, he believed that Angel was telling the truth, but he still had no idea how it was possible for it to be true in the first place. And Lindsey still hadn't rediscovered his ability to from longer and more coherent sentences, but honestly, those two words got across perfectly what he wanted Angel to tell him. The vampire sighed and ran a hand through his hair, before he winced a little at the movement. Sitting in that hard plastic chair for a few days had taken its toll on the vampire too and made him ache with certain movements. Lindsey, who had always been very aware of Angel's reactions, of course noticed that and carefully slid a little to the side on the huge bed.
"Make yourself comfortable Angel. I think this talk may take a while and the least I can do after everything you've done for me, is to offer to let you stretch out on this bed with me," he invited, not sure why he had just done that. But he didn't take back those words, he simply stared at the vampire expectantly. The bed was big enough for the both of them to stretch out on without actually having to touch each other. Angel looked at Lindsey in surprise, but he really wasn't a strong enough person right now to resist that inviting offer. So he quickly stretched out on the bed on the spot Lindsey had made available. And before he really consciously knew what he was doing, he had pulled Lindsey into his arms.
At first Lindsey's whole body tensed and Angel was convinced that the younger man would pull away, but then Lindsey relaxed and allowed his body to snuggle close to the vampire, both marveling at how good and natural it felt, not that they'd admit that out loud soon, both for different reasons.
"So. How exactly can you be Eliot's father? I mean, I know it was a one-night-stand, but I'd like to think that I'd remember if it had been you. You're pretty memorable after all," Lindsey told Angel and the vampire smiled at the backhanded compliment. Again on instinct he pulled the human even closer against his chest, enjoying the warmth that Lindsey was giving off and he couldn't help but realize how right it felt to lay here with Lindsey like that. And yes, he would have felt completely content right now, if he didn't have to tell Lindsey how the Powers that Be had screwed with the two of them for reasons even Lorne hadn't any real idea about.
"I couldn't remember either, Lindsey," he assured, well he hoped it was assuring in some way.
"But I really wish I would have realized it sooner, because then I could have been there for you and our son," he murmured through clenched teeth, obviously angry that he had missed so much and angry at what had been done to the two of them. Lindsey only stared at the vampire, too tired and drained to actually have enough energy to be angry. He simply stared at the vampire, not sure what to say now, let alone what to really feel.
/Our son/ he mused, amazed how good that sounded. But he still wasn't ready to just forgive Angel for everything that had happened between the two of them. He had tried to tell Angel more than once that he wanted out and the vampire had always ignored him and Lindsey had let his anger at the rejection and his worry for Eliot cloud his judgment and actions too. So they had a lot of work to do and a lot of issues to work through, but right now it seemed like Angel wanted this to really work out between them, so Lindsey took that as a good sign and a step in the right direction. But then again, Lindsey couldn't help but wonder if Angel was only pretending to want this because of Eliot? Because they suddenly had a son together and Lindsey still didn't know how that was even possible.
And he simply couldn't silence that tiny voice in his head that told him that Angel really only wanted this, because of Eliot. The young lawyer, however, forced that little voice to shut up for now, so that he could finally find out how Angel could be Eliot's father and everything the vampire knew about the plans of the Powers that Be and how they involved his son. All the insecurities and fears came back, even though he tried not to show it. He looked at Angel, unsure what was going to happen next and he also wondered now, why exactly he had invited Angel to lay down with him in the first place, but he felt strangely comforted in Angel's arms. To get back on topic, he finally repeated his earlier question.
"So, how come that I have no idea that you're Eliot's other father, because again, I think I'd remember if we'd ever had sex, let alone if you had got me pregnant," he wanted to know. Angel sighed deeply and tightened his hold on Lindsey some more, as if he was afraid that the younger man would vanish any second, but Lindsey thought it better not to comment on it.
"As I said, the Powers that Be messed with us. Apparently we weren't allowed to fall in love too soon, if at all, so they realized they needed to stop this before it even started, after I had got you pregnant, which was needed obviously. So they messed with our memory," Angel explained to the best of his ability, because he himself didn't understand everything yet. He started to softly caress Lindsey's shoulder without even realizing it. And the younger man didn't protest, because it felt good and helped him to not freak out completely. But that also explained why, no matter how hard he had tried, he hadn't been able to ever recall the face of that man that had taken him to bed that night so long ago.
Lindsey felt lost and confused and he really wasn't used to feeling like this, or hadn't been for a long time, actually not since the day he had found out that he was pregnant. And part of him hated to feel so helpless again and in need of protection, but another part of him loved, that for once, he didn't have to be the strong one and could let other people take care of him, no matter if it was his once worst enemy who did the actual caring. Sure, it shouldn't surprise him that Angel cared about him, not after everything he had told him. But it was still a little hard to accept no matter that Angel looked honestly distraught that the Powers that Be had taken his son from him. Lindsey still didn't dare to hope that Angel was also regretting that the two of them hadn't been able to find out where that one passionate night between them would have led. It also explained, why he had always had ambiguous feelings towards Angel, ranging from hatred to lust to annoyance and, unfortunately, also to love, no matter how hopeless that sentiment was.
Yes, Angel had told him that he thought he loved him, but Lindsey still couldn't believe him and he was pretty sure that Angel would soon realize that he only loved Lindsey because of his feelings towards Eliot and that Lindsey actually wasn't worth his love.
A tiny part of Lindsey told him, that maybe he should just take what Angel was willing to give him, because lying here with Angel, the vampire's arms wrapped around him almost protectively was one of the best experiences of his life, which was actually a little sad to admit, but then again, Lindsey didn't really care about that right now.
"So the Powers that Be really messed with us for no real reason and didn't want us to find out that we had a child together?" he finally asked.
Angel nodded, but then he added, voice grim: "Well not for no reason. They wanted you and Eliot vulnerable, so they could control both of you better and so that I wouldn't be there to protect you."
There was anger clearly visible in the vampire's voice, so Lindsey decided that this was not the right time to throw a fit about how he was able to take care of himself and his son, that he had done so for years. Instead he also came to a realization that nearly made his heart stop.
"Does that mean that Eliot is in danger?" he questioned, his heart speeding up again, hammering against his chest.
Angel's face turned grim.
"I fear he is, Lindsey. That's another reason why I want the two of you to stay here. You're save here. I'll protect our son with my life, I promise you that," the vampire told the younger man and pulled Lindsey even closer against him, surprised when Lindsey didn't protest. But the blonde lawyer simply felt relieved. He knew that his son couldn't have better protectors than Angel and his friends, especially after Lindsey was useless with his paralyzed arm. A heavy silence settled over them again, both lost in deep thoughts, trying to come to terms with everything.
"And where do we stand in all of this?" Lindsey finally asked that question he really dreaded the answer to, insecurity shining in his blue eyes.
Angel sighed again. He knew that it was going to be hard work to convince Lindsey that, no matter what had happened between them in the past and with his feelings as surprising to him as they were to Lindsey, they were genuine.
"Lindsey, every word I told you is true. I love you and I probably always have and I want you and Eliot to be a permanent fixture in my life. I want us to be a real family, no matter how strange that might sound to you right now."
Lindsey really wanted to believe Angel so badly, but the vampire had dealt his heart so many blows that he simply couldn't, not right now at least. But he also knew that the other wouldn't understand that, especially given their current position, snuggled against each other, comfortable as if it had always been like that between them. So he simply nodded, keeping all his doubts and fears to himself.
Having Angel pretend to like him just so that he and Eliot would stay with the vampire, was more than Lindsey had ever dared to hope fpr and it was better than nothing. Maybe one day he could even forget that Angel was only pretending. Angel of course sensed the change of mood in Lindsey, but he simply couldn't figure out what exactly was bothering the younger man and he simply hoped that Lindsey would tell him on his own when he was ready.
For now he simply kissed Lindsey's forehead, which made the younger man look up at him in surprise, before Lindsey gave him an almost shy smile, which made him look much younger and Angel began to understand that the cocky lawyer MacDonald was only a mask or maybe only one part of the many layers that made up the person that was Lindsey.
The younger man's voice brought Angel back to the present.
"So are you going to tell Eliot that you're his father?" Lindsey as and Angel looked at him with wide eyes.
"As much as I want him to know, that's not my decision to make, Lindsey. You're the one, who raised him and I respect it if you don't want to tell him now. I just hope that you will tell him one day, when you think that he's ready for it."
Now it was Lindsey's turn to stare at Angel with wide eyes.
"Really?" he questioned, disbelief coloring his voice. Angel gave Lindsey a small, but honest smile.
"Of course," he confirmed.
"I want what's best for our son and you know him better than anyone, no matter how much I want to change that and you know what's best for him, so it's your decision when you tell him. I only hope it won't take too long until you think he's ready, but that's just me being selfish."
Lindsey snorted at Angel's words and then he said, only half serious: "Sometimes I'm not sure if you even have one selfish bone left in your body."
Then he separated from Angel, ignoring the feeling that screamed "wrong" and he looked at the master vampire.
"But seriously, who are you and what have you done to the real Angel, who'd gladly throw me off the tallest building he could find?"
Lindsey had no idea how to cope with all these new developments, that had been thrown at him since he had woken up just a few hours ago, no matter that it suddenly seemed a lifetime ago. And Angel being all nice, considerate and gentle towards him was just a little too much, no matter how often Lindsey had dreamed about things being like this between him and the master vampire.
Angel only continued to watch him.
"I've simply admitted to myself and you what I've known for quite a while now and that is how I really feel," was all he said and Lindsey only snorted again. Sure, Angel had repeated it more than once now, but Lindsey was still unsure and on edge for some reason.
"Angel... I..." he started, but he didn't get much further, because suddenly the door to the room burst open and Eliot dragged a shocked looking Lorne into the room. Before Angel or Lindsey could react to Eliot's sudden return and could say anything, it was the boy himself, who took matters into his own hands.
He let go of Lorne's hand, walked straight over to Angel and looked him directly in the eyes, before he asked: "Are you really my other daddy?"
to be continued, if you're still interested...
Well, sorry again that it has been so long and sorry for the OOCness in this chapter, I really hope that it wasn't too bad and you still enjoyed reading it *smiles hopefully*