SURPRISE!

Technically this is a oneshot collection instead of a oneshot but it still counts right haha?

So yeah I've been thinking about for a while now and I finally got it started. It's just a little oneshot collection showing what if Naruto used his prankster nature for revenge against kids who wrong him. So obviously expect some Naruto OOCness(with some respect to his original character though)...Or I could just say expect some Dark!Naruto :D(which is why he's in the character filter hehe.)

To get this out of the way, absolutely NO PAIRINGS in this story. Nope not even my OTP KyuuNaru. For two main reaons:

1) It doesn't fit this type of story I don't think. I really can't imagine Naruto getting with someone romantically or even having a crush on them will make this story better. Putting romance in will just isolate a portion of readers so this story will stay general.

2) Naruto's a kid. He doesn't care about that stuff yet.

For updates on what I'm supposed to be working on check the bottom A/N!

Please enjoy!


When you promise to keep something a secret, make sure you actually keep something a secret.

Meet Shinji Kurosa.

Shinji was a well-known name at Konoha's orphanage. He liked to talk a lot, but he was trustworthy and known as the kid other orphan kids could go to when they needed to tell a juicy secret. So naturally he had a lot of friends being talkative, trustworthy, and friendly.

Unless you were Naruto.

Naruto let out a grunt as he hit the hard ground. The laughter of the boys behind him rang through his ears and made him itch to get up and return their pushes and shoves. But he can't. Because even though every kid in the orphanage gets in trouble for fighting, Naruto's punishment was the worst. He'd rather do chores for a week and forced to apologize in front of everyone than locked in his room for a day. To a kid like Naruto, the isolation was pure torture.

It wasn't worth showing these blockheads what's what.

"Stupid blond baby! It's no secret that no one likes you! No one even talks to you! Why don't you just go into the forest and get eaten by a bear? Oh wait! Not even an animal would want anything to do with you!" Shinji laughed. His two buddies beside him laughed as well but they didn't say anything. Naruto knew why.

He also knew why they just stood there looking tough while Shinji pushed him to the ground and barely tapped him when it was their turn to do the pushing. Laugh all you want Shinji, because the biggest secret of the orphanage was being kept from you. It was right under your nose! Literally!

Naruto looked up from the ground and while Shinji was too busy laughing to notice, his friends did. Naruto could see the hesitation, the questioning, and the apology in their eyes. He discreetly nodded to let them know he would still talk to them tonight. They closed their eyes in relief before turning to their boss.

"Hey dude this is boring. Let's go do something else!" One of them said the other nodding in agreement. It was obviously their attempt to make up for what just happened. Truthfully, Naruto would be happier if they just invited him to play with them. He wouldn't mind being 'it' in all of the tag and hide and seek games with his bullies as long as he just got to play with others.

But this was acceptable.

Since majority ruled, Shinji left with his buddies, loudly shouting meaningless insults to Naruto all the while. Naruto didn't care. as he got up from the ground he smirked. His peers may not outwardly like him. It was the 'cool' thing to do. To hate on Naruto was considered completely normal and acceptable(possibly because the adults were so lenient. A warning not to talk to him, a scolding for having anything to do with him, and possibly an extra day of chores if they felt old man Hokage was watching were about the worse punishments given to kids who messed with Naruto).

But Naruto was much more popular than Shinji believed. And every night at 10:00, an hour past curfew and thirty minutes after the old coots that run this place are in bed, Naruto proves that.


Tonight he was meeting with only two kids, Ren and Kira, the two guys that usually followed Shinji wherever he went. But at 10:00 on the dot Shinji was nowhere to be seen when they met Naruto in the front yard. The boys all nodded to each other before they got to business.

"Whatcha looking for?" Naruto asked.

"They just came out with a new, red bouncy ball. They say it's the bounciest ball ever made in Konoha. Since our blue, bouncy ball doesn't bounce much anymore, I want the new, red one," Ren whispered. Despite doing this at least four times beforehand he still looked around like an adult was going to catch them.

"And I want the new ninja Kakashi action figure!" Kira said. Kira was special in that one of his eyes wasn't 'made right' when he was born so it had to be removed when he was just a baby. Now he wore a special eye patch every day. Naruto knew he identified greatly with Kakashi and practically worshipped the man. All of Konoha did actually. They loved Copy-Cat Kakashi, owner of 1000 jutsu. So finding the new ninja figure of the man wouldn't be tough, but stealing it may be his toughest challenge yet.

Sounds fun. But now Kira owed him a bit more.

"Okay. I can run off and do that now. As always, you'll have in them in your beds by four in the morning, before anyone else wakes up. In return, dinner tomorrow is gonna have melonpan. I want just one from each of your plates." Naruto was lucky the orphanage cook wasn't trying to poison him or anything, but he still feels cheated whenever he sees the other kids having larger portions of food on their plates than him. Anything sweet like dessert was usually rare since the place was poor. So some melonpan would be a real treat! Too bad Naruto knew ahead of time that he wouldn't be getting any from the cook because he would've 'ran out' like usual. Not this time. Naruto will never again miss out on delicious sweets and other food.

Now there was only one more thing to address. "And Kira getting a Kakashi doll is gonna be tough so I want one of your blankets."

The one-eyed boy shrugged. "Fine by me. I have like, four extra blankets. Losing one won't kill me."

Naruto had to bite his tongue. He only had a sheet. He was lucky to have it, but now that they were entering the heart of winter it was too cold in his small, single bedroom, separate from the other kids, to get a good night's rest. The fact that the adults were giving all the extra blankets to the other kids even when they already had more than one didn't sit right with him. But what could he do?

"So we agree?" He asked. The two boys in front of him nodded.

"I'm in room C, the bottom bunk by the left wall."

"And I'm in room D, the single bed by the right wall."

"Oh! And Cho wants to talk to you tomorrow night."

Naruto nodded and silently promised to remember this information. Then without another word, he climbed up and slipped over the faulty front gates while Ren and Kira crept back into the house.

Outside of the orphanage, Naruto felt the rush of freedom that came with leaving that place. None of the other kids could do what he did.

A lot were too scared to climb the gate, some of them have already hurt themselves doing so(Naruto has never told anyone that he laughed whenever they tried and failed. A lot of them wanted to be ninja one day so it gave him pride to find out that he could physically do what they couldn't). But all of them were afraid of what the adults would do if they found out the kids left without permission or supervision.

But Naruto didn't care. It wasn't that he was above the rules. It was that the rules didn't apply to him. Perhaps the adults agreed with Shinji in that they hoped he would accidentally hurt himself outside of their 'protective' watch and that was why they never raised a fuss when they saw him sneaking off during the day. But whatever the reason, it was something he has learned to use to his advantage.

The orphanage was poor and no one but Naruto was allowed outside of the gates. Whenever a new, shiny toy came out orphan kids had to wait longer than kids with parents to get it. So Naruto made a deal. He'll sneak out at night and get them their toys if they in return gave him a portion of their food and if it's cold, blankets. Getting past the sometimes ninja-level security is hard, but the food and warmth are worth it.

And Naruto won't lie to himself. Maybe one day he'll be courageous enough to ask not for food and blankets, but for a place in the games they play.


Ren laughed loudly as he played with his new red, bouncy ball. He was alone in his room for once. The other kids were all outside. But he didn't care. He had only received this present three days ago. It was an unspoken rule to wait at least three weeks before bringing your toys out into the public. Almost all of the kids knew about Naruto's business so it wasn't about hiding from them. It was about hiding from the adults.

If they ever found out about this, they could all get in trouble and they won't get cool things anymore. So they wait three weeks after they get something before they bring it out because by then, the kids are so bored with it that they play with it like it's a boring, old toy and the adults assume it's something the orphanage has always had.

Typically, Ren was extremely careful about this. But today he was having so much fun he didn't hear Shinji come in until the boy spoke.

"Hey why do you have that?"

Ren attempted to excuse himself at first. He tried to convince Shinji it was something he had always had. But Shinji wasn't dumb. He had been hanging out with Ren a lot and he had never seen it before. So Ren had to confess.

"Okay, okay. I got it from Naruto."

"What? How'd that loser get something like that?"

"Well," Ren hesitated. When you're caught by another kid it was always hard to confess the truth about Naruto's business because it was hard to tell who truly hated Naruto and thus would rat on him, or who just pretended to hate Naruto and thus would enjoy the thought of getting presents more. Ren knew Shinji well enough to know that the boy fell squarely into the former category.

But Shinji was a trustworthy person. No real harm in telling him right? Because Shinji always keeps secrets right? Right.

So Ren told Shinji the truth.


"Hey loser! I need to talk to you!"

"Oh great. What do you want?"

"I wanna see you tonight at 10 in the front yard. That's where it is right?"

"Who told you about it?"

"Doesn't matter! Are you going to accept my business or not!"

"Okay okay! Quit yelling! I don't like you, but that won't stop me from wasting an opportunity. But be warned Shinji now that you are a part of this ring, you have to PROMISE me you won't tell anybody. You hear me? An-y-bo-dy!"

"You have my word. I promise not to tell anybody."

And Naruto trusted him. Because Shinji was a jerk to him, but he was supposed to be trustworthy. And he wouldn't want to be the one who spilled the big secret. Right?


Wrong.

At 10 that night Naruto was greeted by a smirking Shinji with the angry head woman behind him. She was almost as, or maybe even older than, the old man Hokage, but when Naruto saw her furious, black eyes stare straight at him he truly feared those wrinkly old bones would kick right into shape and give him the lashing that would actually kill him.

She was screaming when she reached him. Yelling her head off, asking questions, and acting like Naruto committed some horrible, horrible sin. It was embarrassing enough that Naruto knew other people could hear her, it became even more embarrassing when they went inside and Naruto walked the 'walk of shame'. All of the kids were standing in the hallway watching as Naruto got dragged roughly by his arm to his room.

Very few were smiling, and the ones that were were the ones who didn't know about the secret until now. Most just looked anxious. Naruto couldn't tell what they were thinking until after the head woman left him alone. His butt, arms, and legs were hurting immensely, but knowing he was going to be locked in his room for the next three days(and Naruto wondered if the only reason it wasn't longer was because he had a scheduled visit with the Hokage on the fifth day. The fourth day would be dedicated to making him look 'presentable') was what kept him from sleeping.

And while he was awake, a note slipped under his door. He read the messy, childish handwriting.

are you gona tell on us

Naruto's eyes darkened to a nearly blackish blue as he only had one thing to write in reply.

i wont but talk to shinji because he will


Three days of total isolation.

Three days of revenge plotting.

It was the only thing keeping him from going insane. The idea of getting revenge on Shinji for lying, for breaking his promise, for being untrustworthy kept him too occupied to think about the loneliness. Naruto thought and planned and thought some more before coming up with the perfect plan.

On the fourth day, when he was finally let out, he began to put it in motion. It...annoyed him(immensely) to see Shinji still being treated like a good friend by the others. The power of having a big voice and talking a lot seemed to have a huge influence on other people Naruto learned. But he knew it wasn't totally flawless. It actually worked with his plan because to bring about this kind of downfall, he needed Shinji 'happy'.

So while he was supposed to be 'prepping himself for being in the presence of the honorable Hokage' Naruto snuck around and followed Shinji. He never cared for what the boy did all day, he just knew he could always find some point in the day to torment him. Except today that is because Naruto and all of the other children were banned from interacting with each other while Naruto prepared himself. So it was just so easy to trail behind, watch everything he did, hear everything he said...

Listen in on the secrets only he was supposed to know.

Naruto only heard two, but it was enough. It was exactly enough.


"Hey! Ana!" Naruto yelled waving as he came up to a brunette girl talking to her friend. The girl, Ana, and her friend both looked annoyed that Naruto was there.

"What do you want?"

Naruto kept his grin up. "I just want to tell you something. I overheard Shinji telling Kai that he completely agrees with you!"

"Agrees with me about what?"

"Katsumi's voice is all nasally and high pitched and sounds like a dying rat!" Naruto exclaimed. Both of the girls' eyes widened and the black haired girl on the left let out a gasp. She turned towards Ana with tears in her eyes.

"No! Katsumi-chan I never said that honest!" Ana hastily said. But Katsumi didn't believe her and ran off crying.

"Katsumi-chan!" Ana called out.

"Oops."

"Oops? OOPS?" Ana glared at Naruto. "Look at what you did! You just hurt my best friend!"

"Hey! Don't blame me!" Naruto said backing up. "I just overheard Shinji telling Kai that. I think he wanted to let Kai know that he agrees with you because he likes you. But since I was coming here I figured I would tell you so that'd you know. I didn't know Katsumi was here. She's so quiet I didn't even see her."

"Well of course she's quiet! She's so insecure about her voice she doesn't talk much! And now that she found out how I think of it…oh," Ana buried her face in her hands. Naruto came up and put his hand on her shoulder. Normally Ana would've shoved him away, but she was feeling distressed right now.

"I'm really sorry Ana. Maybe next time you should tell Shinji to not blurt stuff like that out."

"He promised he would keep it a secret," Ana mumbled a hint of anger in her voice.

"Shinji always promises not to tell secrets. Didn't stop him from telling on me did it?"

"No…no it didn't," Ana growled. The fact Shinji busted Naruto's operation was common knowledge. Everyone knew that Naruto had a sting operation where he would leave the orphanage and bring back goodies in exchange for other things, mostly food and blankets. Although every kid knew it wasn't allowed, no one wanted to complain since they were getting cool stuff. Until Shinji ruined it. "And he was telling it to Kai?" She asked turning towards Naruto who nodded.

"Definitely Kai. I'd recognize those dirty shorts anywhere. But you shouldn't worry about that now. You need to go make sure Katsumi is alright. But um, you also might want to make a note that next time you want to tell Shinji one of your secrets, you make sure he keeps it a secret."

And with that Naruto and Ana parted ways. Although Ana wasn't fond of Naruto, she couldn't help but really think about his words. The more she thought, the angrier she got. What other secrets of hers has Shinji told? And to Kai? He was one of the blabbermouths of the orphanage! There was a reason everyone wasn't too sad to know he was leaving today because he got adopted.

Ana growled. Her friendship with Katsumi may be destroyed now, all because Shinji couldn't keep his squealing, lying, untrustworthy, big fat, BUTT shut! She would make him pay. Oh yes. As soon as she talked to Katsumi, she would make sure Shinji regretted telling her secret.


During dinner Shinji was depressed and quiet because his crush hated him and wouldn't believe him when he said he didn't tell Kai anything.

The sight was sweet. What was even sweeter, was seeing other kids give nervous glares at Shinji. That's two secrets he had spilled now. The ripples of mistrust were already moving. Naruto only needed to do one more thing to make a big splash. And that was going to happen in three...two...one.

All of the kids jumped when they heard the head woman and scream. All except Naruto, who bowed his head and grinned.

The head woman charged into the dining room like a mad woman. Her face was red and her nostrils were flaring and she had an ugly glare on her face. Naruto's grin got bigger. Just knowing that for once she wasn't making that face at him made him want to laugh with joy.

"ROSA!" She yelled. "You're the one who's been stealing my make-up?"

The girl with the shoulder-length light brown hair sitting across from Naruto paled considerably.

"I-I-no-I-"

The old hag whipped out a note. "Don't lie to me you little rat! I can't quite tell whose handwriting this is, but they went into too much detail for it to be a lie. Here let me read it to you. Ahem. 'Dear Head, I just thought you should know something about your missing make-up. I know the truth and every day the guilt gets me that I am letting this injustice happen right under your nose!" She glared heatedly at the now shaking girl.

"So I will tell the truth to you now. The truth is, Rosa is the reason your make-up is constantly going missing. She's stealing it. She told about how she waits for you to go to your daily physical thing and then sneaks into your room while the cook takes his nap and the assistants are all out shopping and grabs whatever color looks prettiest and puts it in her dress. Then she goes to her room and plays with it until she knows you are going to come back in soon. So she washes her face and then stuffs all of the make-up into the pouch she got for her birthday you know, the green one, and puts it into her bed stuffing! She has already told the cleaning maid that it if she ever finds it and looks in it she'll tell you and have her fired!" The old hag was getting angrier than Naruto thought when he wrote it.

To be honest he felt the tiniest bit bad for Rosa, who was crying and shaking her head no. It was gross to Naruto what Rosa did. Stealing an old hag's make-up? But it's not like he really wanted to hurt anyone outside of Shinji. With Katsumi he was lucky Ana cared about her so much that she proved that she really wanted to make it up to her, and then before dinner Naruto told her he thought honestly her voice was pretty and was sorry he upset her earlier when he repeated what Shinji said. It was a little awkward to do so and she didn't say anything at the time. But not only did she sit next to him during dinner, she also quietly told him that she had too much on her plate and offered him her food. He quietly thanked her and she smiled before things between them returned to the status quo and they ignored each other.

But it looks like he may have to do a little more to get Rosa to forgive him. And he would have to do it in a way so that that she wouldn't suspect him of writing the note.

"That's all I really know about the whole thing. I don't know if Rosa has been thieving from anyone else, but I don't think so because she hasn't talked to me about it. She has told me all about this. I'm sorry for being quiet for so long and I hope you forgive me for not telling you earlier. I hate rule-breaking but Rosa was a friend who trusted me and I was conflicted on what to do. I'm glad I finally got this off of my back.'"

The old witch lowered the note and stared directly at Rosa. "The note ends there. Imagine my surprise when I go to my bathroom and see this note. You've already heard my surprise when I went to your room to check and see if it's true." So that's why she screamed.

"And now? I am surprised that you tried to lie to me Rosa. Don't deny it anymore."

Okay so Naruto will admit the calm tone she was using freaked him out a lot. He remembered her always yelling when she was angry before. Maybe she was really mad because this was a crime against her? And it's her make-up? Naruto was boy so he didn't understand why girls like coloring their faces, but he knew now that it was serious to a woman.

"So who wrote this note? I know it had to be one of you as this handwriting is too childish to belong to one of the workers. Confess now."

Naruto smiled widely when Shinji immediately gave himself away.

"IT WASN'T ME ROSA I SWEAR!"

The crying girl just looked at him. Her expression was a mixture of shock and betrayal. She then quietly mumbled, "you were the only one I told about this to Shinji. You told me you'd keep it a secret. You liar."

"No I really didn't do it!" Shinji denied. But the head woman screwed up his pleas when she smiled and patted his head.

"Now, now Shinji there is no shame in telling an adult when one of your peers do something wrong. Be glad you finally stepped up and told me. If I had to find out from someone else that Rosa was doing this and you knew about it and didn't tell me, you would've been severely punished along with her. But just like with the little rat over there," Naruto knew she was talking about him, "you did the right thing and told me. I will forgive you for not telling me right away. Children, learn from Shinji as he sets a fine example for you all."

Rosa got angry. She abruptly stood up in her seat.

"YOU SQUEALER! YOU LYING, LITTLE SQUEALER! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU MUCH!" Rosa was still screaming when the head woman grabbed the hysterical girl and carried her off..

Seeing Shinji look upset was nice. But seeing the glares of the other kids and hearing the threats muttered by Katsumi was so much nicer.


Shinji was sad now.

For the past few days, no one has wanted to be around him. They glare at him when he walks by, if he tries to talk to them they yell at him, and even Ren and Kira have stopped hanging out with him because they didn't want to follow a 'squealer'.

That's what everyone calls him now. Squealer. Squealing Shinji. Shinji the Squealer. It hurt. It hurt a lot because Shinji didn't even do what they accused him of. He has never told a secret. Never. But whenever he tries to tell them that they won't believe a word he says. They call him a liar. A lying, squealer. Shinji the lying, squealer.

It hurt.

He was off by himself now, after everyone had chased him away with their mean words and Ren shoving him to the ground. He teared up thinking about his loneliness; how everyone was now mean to him. Because he didn't deserve it. He really didn't...

It was then that he saw him, Naruto. Naruto was sneaking back into the orphanage's backyard by slipping through a hole under the gate. He was struggling a bit and Shinji, oddly enough, felt the urge to go and help him. Thinking about it, his secret was the one secret he had told wasn't it?

He felt bad now, incredibly bad and guilty. He bullied Naruto a lot and then told his secret. If that wasn't enough, by telling his secret he ruined things for everyone. The other kids constantly reminded him that there were things they wanted that they couldn't get because of him. They didn't like Naruto, but at least he was useful. Shinji ruined that. So they didn't like Naruto and they were really mad at Shinji.

Naruto and he were now two of a kind. If it meant getting rid of this crushing loneliness, Shinji will even befriend the most unpopular kind in the orphanage. Besides, maybe that could help get the other kids to like him again. If he could convince Naruto to do his thing again and maybe help him out, maybe the other kids will forgive him.

"Hey. Do you need some help?" He finally asked. Naruto glared at him and his heart sank a bit.

"No thanks!" The blond snapped before finally pulling himself through. While Naruto tried to catch his breath, Shinji had to try for his friendship again. Naruto was his last hope.

"Look I think we should be friends! I mean because we're kind of in the same boat now. Everyone hates you and they're all mad at me so I guess this makes us both alone huh? So why don't we be alone together? What do you say?"

Naruto simply raised an eyebrow. Shinji felt a bit afraid when the blond didn't say anything. He felt even more afraid when his usual blue eyes looked darker like a blackish-blue and a mocking grin slowly stretched across his face.

The next words he spoke crushed Shinji's hopes.

"Why would I want to be friends with a lying squealer? I can't believe you thought I was that desperate and pathetic."

The next words Naruto spoke crushed Shinji's desires.

"And you should stop lying to yourself. It's no secret that everyone hates you just as much if not more than me. No one even believes a word you say anymore!"

The final words that Naruto spoke however, tore what was left of Shinji apart.

"So if you want to go and tell everyone that I spilled Ana's and Rosa's secrets go ahead. But who do you think they'll believe? A squealer who hates me so much that he's willing to screw everyone over to get me in trouble? Or me? And psh, how would I know everything? Who talks to me?"


And Naruto had officially screwed Shinji over!

The crime: spilling Naruto's secret and getting him isolated from his peers for three days.

The punishment: so spill the other secrets Shinji was supposed to keep and get HIM isolated from everyone else.(edit sorry about the jumbled mess here. I was writing on my tablet).

Naruto's revenge plots will vary between relatively tameish and completely sadistic just so you know and I will try hard not to make this a completely boring 'black and white' story :P. But I hope you liked this first 'shot'!

I should also let you know that being a 'surprise' collection this story will be updated randomly. There won't be anything like months between updates. But I will put the stories I have mentioned on my profile at a little higher priority. Like for now, at earliest this will probably updated again after Cheater Cheater. Maybe...

So now for the FAtZ readers and TINL readers!

'P' is halfway done and the special chapter has over 5000 words written(haha...). But for 'P' I'm trying to figure out how to end it and for TINL I'm just in that mood where I write something, read it, and think it's horrible. This is little surprise is something different that I wrote hopefully to help me get the juices flowing. I'm still working on them now :).

So please tell me what you think!