Shove That Up Your Arse Harry Potter!

A little idea that popped up at 1:00 am. Not beta'd so I apologize now for any mistakes.
This is my first Draco/Ron and I know I should be ashamed for making it at one in the morning but hey.

Also I know that I should be continuing on my two other fanfics! I just couldn't resist making another one!


Ron fumed through the great hall, practically storming in frustration. And he had a reason to be.


"Oh, Merlin, he is so dreamy!" A voice came from a mass of forbidden lip-stick and curly blonde hair. She expanded the 'o' sound in 'so'.

'First years' Ron thought, rolling his eyes. He passed the lot, hands in his pockets gruffly as he resumed walking, turning around a corner. Being the man he is, not noticing how the group of first years held their breath until the red-head came out of view.

"He just walked past!" One of them squealed but got hushed by another girl. Too late. Ron stopped in his tracks, somewhat amused and smug at the group who had fallen for him. He leaned back on the wall, though those cuties were not in his view, he wanted to hear more admiration. Because that was how he was.

"Oh my god!" Said voice continued. "He has the most gorgeous hair! And those lips! Not to mention those lips!" She squeaked. Ron couldn't help it; he smirked.

"Also." A new voice interrupted. "He must be the most kindest, most loving, most brave and-"

"Hang on, Lucy! 'Most brave' belongs to H.P doesn't it?" Blonde exclaimed. Seeming ad though she was the leader of this group.

"Oh of course Daniella!"

"How could we forget about him?"

"Wait. Who's H.P again?" Ron was grateful for this voice. He too wanted to know just who this H.P was and what he got on him. Truth be told, he was getting a pint jealous.

"Duur! Does Boy-who-lived ring a bell? Otherwise the most gorgeous eyes on the planet!"

"Wait, but R.W and D.M have amazing eyes too-"

"Oh god, D.M is sex on legs..."

Ron zoned out at about here. Harry more braver than he? He never really thought about it.

That wasn't true! Okay, so he was a little scared of spiders and some others and his best pal didn't. It doesn't prove anything! He had grumbled.

:::End Flashback:::

Ron's ears had turned into an angry red days after that repeated in his head. He felt a great amount of jealousy hit him. Of course, he told his friends Hermione and Harry himself. They simply just laughed, shaking their heads. Which did not lessen the red in his ears.

This red wasn't a new experience though. Ever since Hogwarts was rebuilt and they came back to enjoy a final year, Harry confessed his love for Hermione. They started going out and soon enough, were the wizard world's most famous couple.

Though he wasn't angry that they loved each other. He was angry about the fact that he was constantly getting ditched. "Oh Ron, we're just going down to Hogsmeade together." "Sorry mate, we just need some alone time." yeah-bull shit. He supported them on the couple thing though.

People actually believed that he had fallen for Hermione at the start. Ron had scoffed in amusement, stating he didn't bend that way. Which of course was all over the daily prophet by the next day.

Yes. Ron bleeding Weasley. Was gay.

Ha, though it didn't stop the fan-girling. Not that he minded.

He reached the gryffidor table, squeezing in-between Hermione and Harry. (He figured this was the only way to stop them from snogging at breakfast. Apart from the time he used a bucket of ice-cold water. But, let's just say, the results from this technique were a kink higher than the latter.)

Hermione and Harry didn't mind at all actually. More than happy to have their pig-resembled attitude stuck to their best friend's head in between them.

Hermione had her nose glued in a book that Ron couldn't even bother reading the title. She had barely taken notice of the two, irritatingly.

"It's so annoying!" Harry grumbled, in no need to check his volume since his girlfriend wouldn't bother to lift an eyebrow in her current condition.

Ron chuckled. "What did you do this time?"

Harry gritted his teeth. "See, that's the thing. I haven't done anything! She's ignoring everything besides literature for nothing." Harry whined. Ron knew this whine. This was the 'no-more-sex-for-me whine.'

Ron snorted. He didn't want to say this aloud but he'd highly doubt that they would miss out on sex today. Nudge nudge wink wink.

"Maybe she couldn't stand the fact that her boyfriend is horny for most of the day?" Ron offered.

"Hey! Do you have grounds for saying that? At least I'm with someone!" Harry countered challengingly.

"At least I can get it off with someone without having to pull their noses out of books!" Ron laughed and Harry mocked glared.

"At least I've got the most gorgeous eyes," Said Harry, batting his eyelashes.

"At least my eye sight is fine!" Ron stated and burst out in a fit of laughter again, Harry had made an offended noise before joining his giggles.

"At least girls think I'm braver!" Harry looked smug when Ron froze.

"You are not braver!"

"Oh? Did you over hear those first years saying the same this morning?" Harry played, a smirk forming on his face.

Hermione had tilted her head to peek at her boy friend and best friend having a friendly go at each other before rolling her eyes and continuing on the novel.

Ron spluttered. "You absolute prat! We're practically on the same level I mean, I sacrificed myself on the chess board in first year!"

"And I found the philosopher's stone, defeated Quirrel, met Voldemort oh and not to mention lost all the bones in one arm." Harry said deviously before adding "In first year."

"How about in second year when I-"

"Oh, grow up Ron." an Irish bloke joined them on the opposite end of the table. Their dorm-mate, Seamus Finnegan.

"Yeah, I mean Harry bloody defeated the darkest wizard of all times. Don't you think he deserves some credit?" Dean who was sitting beside Seamus grinned.

Before Ron could protest Harry cut in. "Voldemort."

The three shuddered. "Yeah I know who he is dumbass." Dean etched.

"No, I want you to say it."

"You're insane. Snapping at me just to go over this stupid point again?"

"Say it Dean."

"Shut up."

"Say it."

"V-Voldemort" Dean repeated bur wavered lightly. "Voldemort!" Dean yelled. "Happy?" He yelled, anger rising.

"Happy? No." Harry replied, his eyes turning into an emotion of irritation as he caught his girlfriend flipping a page. "Satisfied, yes." Harry smirked. Dean simply rolled his eyes.

"You're so cute when you're all upset." Seamus cooed, wrapping an arm over Dean's waist who blushed fiercely.

Seamus placed on a naughty, lustful smile, batting his eyelashes as he started to kiss at his boyfriend's prominent jaw line then expanding his path down his heated neck, lower and lower and lower-

Harry and Ron coughed, forcing the two to jerk away in embarrassment, their faces blushing.

"Back to the point." Harry offered, his voice a little shaky.

The three smiled smugly at Ron who's face turned as red as Hermione being woken up at nine on a Saturday.

"I can be as brave!" Ron snapped, his irritation rising.

"Prove it." Seamus grinned.

Ron looked confused. "What?"

"You heard me, prove it!" Seamus stated.

"You got five minutes to prove you're braver by doing something Harry wouldn't do in a million years."

Harry chuckled, knowing the odds were against his favor.

Ron was about to protest when a flash of blonde had captured in the corner of his eye sight.

"Alright." He said confidentally, standing up and smoothing down his robes, he started to head to the slytherin table.

Harry raised an eyebrow on his choice of the slytherins. What was he going to do? Punch Malfoy across the face? Hermione had already done that in third year.

Hermione who had undoubtedly been listening in on their whole conversation smirked as she finally lowered her book to watch Ron.

Ron sucked in a breath. He could not believe he was doing this. When he was near the Slytherin table, most were giving him weird looks. Otherwise, glaring at him like he was some scum in their toes that they just couldn't pick out.

When he saw Draco, the blonde was staring back at him. Perhaps glaring, he didn't care. With one glance back at the four who were watching him at the gryffindor table (though about half of the great hall turned their heads to watch as well.)

With his strong grip, he yanked Draco up and turned the slytherin to face him. Draco was about to put on his death glare.

"Weasley what the hell are you-mmph!" Draco's voice got muffled as the slightly taller red-head's lips came crashing down on his own. His eyes widened and for a moment, he stood there, eyes wide and disbelieving.

The whole great hall was motionless and even some of the professors were eyeing them with a smile.

Then Draco started to kiss back, his long slender fingers curling lovingly around Ron's head, bringing them even closer. Draco was suddenly slammed into the wall fiercely and Ron closed the gap in between them, drawing Malfoy's tongue out with his own.

A choke was heard in the distance of the room.

The two hesitantly pulled away, breathless and panting heavily.

Harry's jaw had practically clanged on the floor in disbelief. Hermione was smirking gently. Dean's eyes were as wide as frying pans. Seamus was grinning madly.

"Meet me at the room of requirement." Ron murmured between breaths.

Draco had nodded sheepishly before turning to make his way out of the great hall and Ron had followed him.

But not without a turn to the gryffindor table, a grin as wide as the Cheshire cat's as he shouted.

"Shove that up your arse, Harry Potter!"


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