Unbeautiful

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Buffy/Angel

Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss. The song Unbeautiful is by Lesley Roy.

Summary: Post Btvs Season 3. Buffy flees Sunnydale and ends up in LA and finds herself singing at Caritas. Angst Warning. Character Death.

AN: This takes place about a month after Graduation part 2 so any events of season 4 have not yet happened. I messed with the timeline in Angel's world a little bit so he already knows Lorne.

This story has been sitting on my computer for several months, and I realized I never posted it. I don't write BA anymore but I hate to let stories go to waste.

…..

Water ran down unchecked down her cheeks. Buffy wasn't sure if it was rain or tears anymore. She didn't care either way, it was all the same. Her soaked long sleeved black shirt clung to her body uncomfortably as she moved through the rain.

She wasn't sure what made her come to the demon bar she was now standing outside of, but she felt the need to be here. She'd heard rumors about the demon that ran it being able to read a person's soul when they sang. Maybe that was it. Maybe she just wanted to prove that she still had one.

No one paid much attention to her as she entered Caritas. She made her way along the outside of the room and stopped as she felt someone watching her. She looked up and her eyes met the red eyes belonging to a green skinned, red horned demon. That must be him.

She slowly approached him and he gave her a warm smile.

"Here to sing for me sugar pie?" Lorne asked, patting the seat next to him for her to sit down.

"I... yes. No… I mean… I guess." She wasn't so sure this was a good idea. She didn't want to know what was in her soul. She's pretty sure any good in her, he took with him.

She closed her eyes as she fought back a fresh wave of tears.

Lorne studied the girl for a moment. He felt like he knew her from somewhere…

"Well you look like you came here looking for something. Go on up there. You might not be singing for me. You might be singing for yourself, darlin'. "

Buffy nodded and walked to the stage area. She needed to do this. She wasn't sure why, but she did. There was something inside of her that need to be let out.

She picked the song and stood up to the mic as the first guitar chords began to play.

"Don't hang up,
Can we talk?
So confused
It's like I'm lost.
What went wrong?
What made you go?
Don't pretend you don't know
This is me
I'm unchangeable"

(I'm never gonna change! I can't change!)

"When did we
Fall apart?
Or did you lie
From the start?
When you said
It's only you
I was blind
Such a fool
Thinking we
Were unbreakable"

(No matter what, I'll always be with you. Hey, I'll love you even if you're covered with slime.)

(In two-hundred-forty-three years, I've loved exactly one person.)

"It was you and me against the world
And you promised me forever more
Was it something that I said?
Was it something that I did?
Cuz I gotta know
What made me unbeautiful."

Tears fell from her eyes, but she hardly even noticed, so caught up in the words she was singing, trapped in the memories of her past, her past with Him.

"I've been told
What's done is done
To let it go
And carry on
And deep inside
I know that's true
I'm stuck in time
I'm stuck on you
We were still untouchable"

(Strong is fighting! It's hard, and it's painful, and it's every day. It's what we have to do. And we can do it together.)

"It was you and me against the world
And you promised me forever more.
Was it something that I said?
Was it something that I did?
Cuz I gotta know
What made me unbeautiful

Wake up, wake up, wake up
Cuz I'm only dreaming
Get out, get out, get out
Get out of my head now

Because we're much better
All together
Can't let go."

(You're the one freaky thing in my freaky world that still makes sense to me.)

How could he expect her to go on without him? He was all she had…

"It was you and me against the world
And you promised me forever more
Was it something that I said?
Was it something that I did?
Cuz I gotta know
What made me unbeautiful"

Weren't they supposed to fight side by side? Weren't they supposed to keep each other strong? Where was he to keep her from falling? She was falling… so far…so fast… Where are you Angel?

"It was you and me against the world
And you promised me forever more
Was it something that I said?
Was it something that I did?

Cuz I gotta know
What made me unbeautiful
Made me unbeautiful..."

She knew what she had to do. She knew what her soul was crying out for.

Her eyes met Lorne's. He knew too. But she wouldn't let him stop her. At least my soul is still there… It's there because it belongs to him. I can't lose something that isn't mine.

Buffy jumped down from the stage and ran from the bar before Lorne could even take a step. He watched her go with worried, sorrowful eyes. He needed to call Angel.

As he walked to his office, he prayed to anyone who would listen that the vampire wouldn't be too late.

…..

The rain stung her skin as she ran through the storm, her hair sticking to her face, her eyes clouded with tears. Her body seemed to know where she was going when her mind did not. Her mind was lost in a time where promises weren't yet broken and her heart had still been whole.

She was brought back to the present as her feet stopped running, standing at the edge of the bridge. She couldn't remember the name of it, and somehow that seemed important.

Shouldn't she know where she died?

Maybe, maybe not. It didn't matter now. Nothing did. Because he left her. Unbeautiful…

(Y-you even look pretty when you go to sleep.)

(Well, when I wake up it's an entirely different story.)

Buffy sobbed openly as she swung her legs over the railing, sitting on the top bar.

Did you love me at all Angel…? You promised you'd always be with me… if that was a lie who's to say that wasn't one too?

….

"Angel, it's Lorne. You have to find Buffy."

Angel almost dropped the phone. That was the last thing he'd been expecting Lorne to say. "W-what? Buffy?"

"You have to find her Angel. Before it's too late." Lorne said, his head bowed, grief evident on his face.

"Too late for what Lorne? What's wrong with Buffy? How do you even know?" Angel demanded.

"She was here tonight Angel. Here in Caritas. I didn't realize who she was at first… then she got on stage… the pain that poured out of that girl's mouth Angel… it came from every fiber of her being. " Lorne swallowed hard, remembering the misery he read from her. "She left before I could stop her. Find her Angel. This is your last chance."

"Lorne…" Angel sighed. "Lorne I left Buffy for a reason… I hate that she's in pain but nothing's changed-"

"Angel!" Lorne interrupted. "If you don't find her soon, those reasons aren't going to matter anymore because she won't be alive!"

Angel froze, the reality of the situation hit him full force.

Angel was out the door before the phone hit the ground.

….

Buffy wished she'd brought something of his with her… his leather jacket maybe, or her cross… anything to make her feel less alone.

She stood up, lowering her feet to the narrow ledge below.

But that was it, wasn't it? She was alone. She always would be. The only person she had to stand beside her didn't want her.

(I want my life to be with you…)

(I don't.)

Buffy wiped at her tears, not that she could tell they were there with all the rain pouring down, but she didn't feel right finishing as a sobbing mess.

She looked down at the dark water below. She already felt like she as drowning, and she was still so high above it…

(Right now, I'm just trying to keep from dying.)

Buffy almost laughed at the memory of Willow comforting her. That seemed almost like another lifetime ago.

Angel sped down the wet streets, not sure where he was going but knowing she was somewhere nearby.

He cursed himself for the thousandth time for leaving her. If she died now… well there wouldn't be a point. Why would she do that? Why would Buffy want to kill herself? To extinguish that light that shined so brightly in her eyes? The only light in his world.

….

Buffy shook her head to clear it as a fresh wave of agony swept through her. She could almost feel him, like she always felt when he was near her, but she knew he wasn't. And he never would be again.

Buffy closed her eyes, a lone tear slipping out from under her eyelid.

Goodbye my Angel.

Buffy let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding, and dove from the bridge.

…..

Angel stopped the car on the bridge as he saw her. He jumped out of the car just as she dove from the bridge. Angel froze, his entire world coming to a screeching halt as he watched her disappear into the darkness.

"BUFFY!" Angel sprinted to the center of the bridge and leapt over the rail without a second thought. The only thing running through his mind was his need to save her, his need to let her know how much he loved her. How much of a fool he'd been.

Angel hit the dark water hard, the icy water stinging his skin. "Buffy where are you?" He yelled, desperately hoping she had survived the fall. "Buffy!"

He searched all around him for any sign of her. He caught a glimpse of blond to his left, and quickly swam to her. "Buffy? Buffy can you hear me?" He grabbed her limp body and swam to the shore.

He carefully pulled her from the water, laying her in his lap. He brushed the wet hair from her face as he tried to wake her up. His eyes widened as the scent of her blood reached his nose.

"Buffy!" He felt something warm and sticky on his hand. He lifted it from the back of her head, his undead heart shattering at the sight of her blood covering his hand. He gently lifted her head and leaned down to look at the wound. Her head had gotten caught by one of the sharp rocks at the bottom, splitting the back of her skull.

Angel pressed his head to her chest, desperately listening for the faintest of heart beats. There was none.

"Buffy…" Angel sobbed brokenly. "Buffy… baby... why? It wasn't supposed to be like this…" Angel pulled Buffy's body to his chest, cradling her in his arms. He only wished he could have done so sooner.

He stayed there for hours, whispering into her unhearing ears all the things he wished he would have told her.

Angel closed his eyes, pressing her lifeless form to his as he smelled the sunrise approaching.

"I love you Buffy." He whispered as he felt the deadly rays heat his skin. The sun soon engulfed him, the flames catching Buffy's body, still in his arms. Angel stared at the face of his beloved, amazed at how it looked like she was simply in a peaceful sleep. He would be with her soon.

And as the sun rose full, chasing away the shadows, all that remained of the two tortured heroes, was ash.