Chapter 1: Where's Sasuke?
As the sun shone in through the window, Naruto grumbled and reluctantly rolled over. Sitting up, he looked around inside his crappy apartment.
…Wait. Why am I back in this shitty place? Confused, he stood up and hobbled over to his closet. Inside, his old orange and blue jacket hung, alongside his orange pants. The hell? I threw these out years ago after I outgrew them. And where's my more recent stuff?
For a long moment, Naruto stood, dumbfounded. Finally, as confusion cleared the last of the sleepiness from his mind, everything started to come back to him.
…Holy shit! Holy shit it worked! Naruto felt like jumping for joy. So what if Sasuke went evil? So what if he killed Sakura and Kakashi? So what if I had to drag his ass back to Konoha so he could spend the rest of his life in prison? So what if Hinata went lesbian just as I returned her affections? So what if I got passed up for Hokage in favor of freaking Konohamaru? I did it! I went back in time! I pressed the reset button! I get a do over! That time-travel jutsu worked!
Quickly, Naruto ran over to a mirror to verify his age. Yes! Twelve again! Ha! Take that, fate! I get to change things! This time Sasuke won't go evil, Sakura will realize that I really am the better guy for her, Orochimaru won't get to kill the third, Kakashi and Sakura won't die, and Konohamaru won't get to be Hokage! Naruto struck a pose. Naruto is back baby, and he knows just what he has to do to fix everything! Say goodbye to dead-last! Say hello to top-class! This is a whole new Naruto!
Naruto's impromptu posing session came to an abrupt end as he glanced at his clock and immediately flinched. Oh crap! New Naruto is gonna be late if he doesn't get moving! Grabbing his clothes, Naruto quickly began changing. If I recall correctly, I set the jutsu to send me back to the day we got assigned to our teams. Can't miss the opportunity to make a better first-day-as-a-ninja impression on Sakura! And this time, I absolutely won't kiss Sasuke!
As Naruto ran to the academy, a thought occurred to him. Ack! Dammit! I should have gone back to the day that I stole the scroll! I could have learned a new forbidden jutsu! Kage bunshin is great, but there were all kinds of awesome stuff on that scroll I didn't have time to learn before Iruka found me. Damn. Oh well, can't do anything about it now. Well, I guess I could…
As Naruto ran, he was suddenly passed by a short, red-headed kid in a t-shirt and shorts with a long staff strapped to his back. "Morning Naruto!" the boy shouted as he ran past.
"Morning… uh… guy." Naruto realized that he had absolutely no idea who the person who passed him was. Huh. He must be from a team that didn't pass their final genin test. Sucks to be him.
Speaking of tests, I wonder if I can actually get the bell from Kakashi this time. He won't expect me to know proper chakra control, and I can catch him by surprise with the Rasengan! …Wait, no. If he finds out I know the Rasengan, he'll want to know how I learned it. And somehow I doubt he'd believe me if I said I made it up. …Maybe if I called it something else. Thus were Naruto's thoughts as he made his way to the academy.
As Naruto entered the classroom, he scanned the would-be genin already present. Huh. Looks like I beat Sasuke and Sakura here. I was hoping Sasuke would be here already so that I could sit far away from him. Don't want a repeat of last time. Oh well. Wandering into the room, Naruto arbitrarily picked a seat in the middle row.
"Huh? Naruto, what are you doing here? Only those who pass are supposed to be here. Class shouldn't start back up for you for another few weeks."
Oh, damn. I forgot about this part. Hello again, Mr. Not-Going-To-Pass-The-Final-Genin-Test. Huh. I could have sworn Shikamaru was the one who bugged me about that last time. Oh well. "Hey, hey! Can't you see this forehead protector? Starting today, I'm a ninja too!" …Come to think of it, this guy's pretty short. Did he graduate early or something?
"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you didn't graduate. Nevermind." The red-headed boy from earlier wandered back to where he'd been sitting a few seats down.
A commotion drew Naruto's attention to the door. Said commotion turned out to be Ino and Sakura forcing their way through the doorway at the same time. Ah, Sakura's here! Now to just make sure I don't screw up and kiss Sasuke. A quick glance around verified what he had already known: Sasuke wasn't present yet. …Wait. Where IS Sasuke? The teams are going to be announced soon. As Naruto pondered his soon-to-be teammate's whereabouts, Sakura finished her confrontation with Ino, and then plopped down in the seat next to the red-headed boy.
Soon enough, Iruka moved to the front of the classroom and began explaining the teams to the new genin. And yet, Sasuke still hadn't arrived.
Sasuke's really dragging his ass, today. I wonder what's going on. Oh! I'll just ask one of his stalk- I mean, fangirls. "Oy Sakura!" Which was as far as he got before Iruka pegged him in the face with an eraser. "Ack! My eyes! Chalk dust in my eyes!" Damn. I guess I'll have to wait for him to show up to find out what's going on. He better get here soon, or he's going to miss his team assignment.
…Wait, what am I thinking. Kakashi's always late. He's got plenty of time. Maybe he somehow found out about Kakashi being our jonin sensei and decided to just sleep in. I know I would have if I had known. …Oh, damn. Another missed chance! Lost in his thoughts, Naruto only half listened to Iruka as he started reading off the team assignments.
"…Team 5: Uzumaki Naruto…"
…Wait; did he just say Team FIVE?
"Haruno Sakura…" Sakura immediately looked gloomy. Naruto, puzzled over the new team number, forgot to cheer.
"And Negi Springfield." Immediately, Sakura's look of gloom was replaced with a look of joy as she stood up a cheered. Naruto, on the other hand, looked shocked. This quickly shifted into frustration.
"…What the FUCK?"