A/N: Featuring double POV. I apologize for any horrific military inaccuracies. Also, Captain kind of snaps… But Pilot remains sane. For now.
Chapter 11- WWIII and Victory
Each morning I would awake to the sound of explosions.
The bombings never stopped. I could see them from miles away. For the first few months, I had feared them, but I've gotten used to them by now. In fact, I find them rather lovely- the fiery cloud rising upwards. It is quite majestic. They would never fall on MY troops, though. They could not penetrate my luck.
Everyone told me of my luck. How much of it I had, how useful it would be. But I had never truly seen it in action until now. My troops won battle after battle under my command. The pitiful troops of the conspirators would be easily vanquished at my hand. I saw them die. Like the bombs, I had feared it before. But I realized how weak that was. What's victory without a little death?
I was somewhat disappointed that Snippy-Sniper- the man with blue eyes who feared me- was not in my squad. He had skill- nothing compared to me, of course- but he would have made a useful minion.
I had been leading my minions for a year or so, and we were winning by far. On this day, my troops were moving across conquered territory to new battlefields. I was to travel by plane. I was too valuable for anything less than first class.
My pilot was Hatchenson. Now, he was the definition of a loyal minion. He rejoined the Air Force to fight alongside me. He dropped the nukes on the enemy with great skill. My luck ensured he never missed.
I sat in the cockpit of the plane beside the pilot. Both of us were wearing gasmasks- necessities of nuclear warfare, my trainer had told me. The plane, the Flying Cow, was rather cramped, but a deliciously dangerous machine nonetheless.
As we flew, Chris turned to me. "It's a pretty rough war, eh?" He commented. "But you'll stop it- I know it!" I sipped my tea through a straw I had acquired, and pondered his words.
"It iz not zat hard to be in zee thick of it as one would think," I said slowly. "I like to think of it as a game. You beat zee enemy, win zee war, and fly off to candyland."
"It's an awfully violent game of candyland, then," Chris said. "But I guess if it solves the problem…" He fell silent, focusing on flying the plane.
"So far it has. At least for me." I told him.
"But how do you cope with all the death on the battlefield?" Chris asked.
"I have desensitized myself."
"I guess that's what you have to do, huh."
"Of course! I am zee glorious Captain! I can't go out and save zee world if I get all weepy over an enemy corpse, can I?" I laughed.
"I'm glad to see you've finally realized you're our savior, Captain," Chris said happily.
"Savior? I prefer ZIS term," I said, handing him a card. It had my image on one side, and the word "MESSIAH" on the other. I had found it under my pillow this morning. Hatchenson looked at it thoughtfully.
Suddenly, there was a loud bang and the plane jolted violently. I looked out the cockpit window to find that we were on fire and losing altitude rapidly.
"THEY'RE SHOOTING AT US!" Hatchenson shouted, springing into action.
"How did you not notice we were over enemy land?" I growled. Boobish minions! Do they notice NOTHING?
"Oh, forget it! We're as good as dead now!" The pilot wailed.
"No, we aren't! Am I not zee magnificent Captain? I will teach those spineless wiggling Conspirators a lesson!" I announced.
The rest happened very quickly. I got the door open, grabbed the terrified pilot by the arm, and jumped.
OW. What had just-
Then I remembered. Captain had jumped out of the plane, and had dragged me with him.
I opened my eyes and looked around. I was in some sort of an office, tied to a chair in front of a desk. My right leg was in extreme pain- I guess I had broken it. But where was my Captain?
"RELEASE ME, YOU WORTHLESS MONKEYS!" I heard someone shout. Yep, that was Captain all right. And he didn't sound too pleased.
He and two gas-masked guards entered the room. Captain had his arms tied behind his back.
"Watch what you say, Seven," the one on the left cautioned. "We're armed, and you aren't. So I suggest you shush up real fast."
"You cannot kill zee Captain, you imbeciles! And to say I'm unarmed- pish-posh! My weapon iz over zere!" He laughed, and motioned with his head towards the desk. His mug, filled with hot liquid, sat upon it. The guards exchanged what must have been a disbelieving glance; it was hard to tell with gasmasks.
Another gasmask-wearing man entered the office. He sat down at the desk.
"Show some respect, Seven. This is the head of the ICM. He came out here because of you- he wanted to kill you personally." The other guard said.
The head Conspirator looked very intimidating. He was tall and looked very strong- the kind of guy that could squash me like a bug. Captain better think of something quick! We had to get out of here.
He spoke in a deep voice, with a slight accent that I couldn't identify. "So, you're the Directorate's-ah, weapon?"
"Unbind me, and zen I might talk!" Captain snarled. I had never seen him this angry. He was scary to the extreme.
"Do as the prisoner says, men," The Conspirator said. "He'll be useless otherwise." The guards undid the knot that bound his hands. I watched, trying not to move. I didn't want them to realize I was awake and feed me to the lions or something like that.
Captain immediately grabbed his mug off the desk. He took a sip from the straw and spoke.
"You must cease and desist RIGHT NOW." He said, his voice venomous.
"The war? Oh, I think not. You see, we haven't yet won," The boss sneered.
"AND YOU WON'T!"
"Not with you out of the picture."
"And half zee world, too!" Captain yelled. "So let's say you win, and what do you get? A poisonous world full of angry subjects who'll rebel at zee drop of a hat! How stupid, to conquer ZAT!" He laughed.
"Where the hell did they find an idiot like you?" The boss said. He was losing his patience.
Captain laughed again. "You boobs don't even realize!" He said maniacally, and removed his gasmask. "Jogging your worm's memory yet?" He cackled. His bright purple eyes were wide. He looked crazy.
"You-" The Conspirator stammered.
"You created your doom, idiots!" Captain bellowed. "Genetic engineering? I got out while I could! And now I'm zee Captain, and NOBODY. DEFIES. CAPTAIN!" He screamed, a look of pure anger and hatred on his face. I looked at him, awestruck, as he threw the scorching hot liquid at the man. The Head Conspirator recoiled in anguish. I'd have died of fright if it was me in that situation.
"Now," Captain said evenly, "I can summon my bombers to even zis out. Or you can quit while you're ahead and fail miserably later. Your choice- because clearly you're in no fit state to fight back yourself." He was right. One of the guards had passed out, and the other had run out of the room. The boss spluttered. He hadn't been wearing a coat or gloves, and the liquid had soaked thorough his shirt and hit his arms. I had spilled boiling water on myself as a kid, and I know it hurts like hell. Captain tea is probably twice as bad!
"I am making the worst mistake of my life in saying this, Captain," The boss choked out, "but my life would be far shorter if I didn't. I will call back my troops. I surrender. I would not want to rule a dead world- especially not one with demons like you in it."
Captain stepped back, a triumphant grin on his face. He went over to untie the ropes tying me to the chair. I couldn't walk, so I just sat there, rubbing my rope-burned arms in shock. I received a message through ANNET-
:Minions- The International Conspiracy has surrendered. We have won the war!:
I grinned, realizing he had sent it out to the whole world.
A/N: And that is how Captain won the war. And lost his mind. And how the Flying Cow thing happened. It's not over yet…