She didn't know how long she was standing there, nor did she really care. At least a half hour had passed since she left the other hotel room. She just had to get away from everyone; everything. She had to get away from the constant song writing and the obnoxious lyrics of love. The lyrics about how great love is, how true love is and how love is all you need; sometimes love isn't enough. Sometimes you need more that love to keep two people together. You need commitment and courage. You need two people willing to put their hearts on the line for one another, to put their trust and whole being on the line and hope that you don't break each other in the long run. For a lot of people, this can turn out to be a wonderful thing, but for Quinn she just got broken.
Quinn stared up at the bathroom mirror and looked at her bloodshot eyes. She didn't know how to stop them; the tears. It was impossible not to stop them around her. Everything was about her. Everything has been about her since freshmen year, and now because of one huge mistake, Quinn no longer had her.
Quinn didn't blame her either. Quinn had made a lot of mistakes over the years, too many to count in fact, but she always stuck by her side; she always loved her. One day, one huge mistake, and Quinn just let her go. It was a mistake that she has been paying for almost a year now.
Quinn wetted some paper towels and placed them over her eyes. She had known from the many times of crying at school throughout her pregnancy that this was the best way to dull the redness. She couldn't let the others know she was crying. She had to be strong; she had to show no weakness and most of all she couldn't let her know she was crying.
A good 15 minutes later, Quinn removed the paper towels and pat dried her eyes. There was still some redness but it had disappeared significantly. With a little make up she was sure the rest of the redness would be almost invisible. She carefully wiped away the mascara that had run down her cheeks and slowly began to re apply the makeup. Only a mere five minutes later there was a knocking on the bathroom door.
"Quinn, quit hogging the bathroom, I needs to re-pencil my eyebrows on."
And there she was, Santana Lopez. It shouldn't hurt this much; to see her, to be around her; but the more time that past, the harder it was. It was harder to see her, hear her voice and it was getting increasingly hard to see her with Brittany; that should have been her, but she was too much of a coward.
Quinn looked at her reflection once more in the mirror before taking a deep breath. She reached for the door handle and exited the bathroom before calling to Santana over her shoulder.
"It's all yours"
Quinn was glad to see that Santana was alone. It seemed that these days, Brittany was always by her side following her like a lost puppy. It shouldn't have angered Quinn so much but it did. It angered her because people needed their space, and because Santana always blew her off for Brittany, and because that should have been her; but it's not. It doesn't deserve to be her; not now.
Quinn could here Santana approaching her swiftly. Quinn could tell from experience that Santana was relatively pissed at this point. She braced for the impact of Santana's words. She left the kind hearted Quinn behind and reverted back to HBIC mode.
"Yeah, is Mr. Shue in there? Because I think I am going to tell him that Rachel and Kurt keep sneaking off."
"Quinn, you can't do that, we will have to forfeit the competition."
"And then there go our chances at nationals, darn."
"You know what, I get it. You're pissed at Finn for dumping your sweet ass but get over it."
"I don't want to get over it! Ok?"
This was way bigger than Finn; hell this was way bigger than stupid nationals. They both knew this fight was about them; it was always about them. Whether it was their past or the present, it was always about them.
"The only person that you're sabotaging here is yourself."
"I don't care!"
"Well you should."
"Weren't we supposed to be together?"
There it was the thing that had plagued Quinn's mind every day since she split with Santana. She didn't mean for it to slip out but she couldn't stop herself. She would give anything to take that day back; to be brave. However now it was too late. Quinn was too late. Now Santana had Brittany and Quinn had no one; she deserved it. She deserved it for putting Santana through the hell she did, but it didn't make it hurt any less.
"Yeah we were Quinn, but you screwed that up didn't you?"
"I'm so sorry, I wish I could go back and fix this, but I can't."
Santana looked at Quinn with a sad expression. This story isn't anything new, it's all been said before, but every time it is said it still holds that same impact; the same heartache.
"We can't go back Quinn. Not now."
"Because of Brittany?"
"That is exactly why Quinn. I am happy, I love her."
"Is it the same? Is it like what we had?"
Quinn met Santana's gaze. Tears were forming in Quinn's eyes and with every word she spoke there was a quiver. She was trying so hard to be okay, to be strong, but it all faltered in the face of the Latina. Santana looked at her for a moment before looking to the ground. Quinn could tell she really didn't want to say what she was about to say, but she did it anyways.
"No Quinn, it's not what we had, nothing will ever be like that; be like us. I love her though Q and you missed your chance. You don't get to have me back."
"I know I get it. You have Brittany, Zizes has Puck, Tina has Mike and god even Rachel has that damn T-Rex."
Quinn sat down on the bed and began to sob. She was alone. No one wanted her, not like Santana. Santana always chose Quinn, so why wasn't Quinn brave enough to chose her?
Santana seemed hesitant but she followed Quinn and sat next her. Santana sat close enough to where her thighs were flush against Quinn's and their shoulders were brushing. They knew they probably should have put some distance between them but the form was out of habit.
"I just want somebody to love me."
"I loved you but you let me go."
Quinn turned to face Santana. The blonde could tell the Latina was fighting off her own tears. Santana was not usually one to cry, but when she did, it was painful to watch. Quinn was a main cause of many of the Latina's tears.
"I'm so sorry, Santana. I never wanted it to be like this."
Santana looked at Quinn before resting her head in her shoulder.
"You know a long time ago I would have told you I knew how to make you feel better and you would have been flat on this mattress in less than ten seconds."
Quinn chuckled at Santana's comment, knowing full well it was true, and then rested her head upon Santana's.
"You know I wish we could go back, not even to just that moment, but back to the very beginning. Back to the start."