The Rules Chapter 2

-I really should disprove of you terrifying most of Scotland Yard by just showing up and solving the Boomerang Case, but their reactions were so funny. Especially, of course, Donovan and Anderson – John

-You're going to me when you're questioning you're moral code? – Sherlock

-Good point – John

-Agreeing with John here. Should be reprimanding you (not that you ever listened. You only ever listened when John told you off) but can't. And thanks for, you know, the whole sacrificing yourself but not really thing. And I've got my old job back with apologies and the Chief Superintendant has been made to look a fool and been demoted quite a way, so thanks – Lestrade

-I think Mycroft may have had something to do with demoting the Chief Super: he made sure I wasn't charged when I shattered his nose, especially after running off whilst handcuffed to Sherlock – John

-You're deductive skills are improving, John – Mycroft Holmes

-Mycroft, I know you're a genius but can you try not to patronise me, and when you invade the flat, can you at least let me know that you're invading the flat, otherwise I shall be forced to conclude that you are a vampire – John

-Why will you be forced to conclude that I am a vampire? – Mycroft Holmes

-Flitting in out when least expected, moving about unseen. And then there's your general demeanour. It doesn't help – John

-I would remind you of all the times of which I have partook in activities which vampire lore states would destroy a true vampire, but I doubt that is the point of this debate – Mycroft Holmes

-Ignore him John. Mycroft is a vampire – SH

-If this is going to descend into another Holmesian war, I'm going to escape for a while. Want to go to the pub, Greg? – John

-That'd be great. Drinks on me, I just got a pay rise – Greg

-We really should watch Pirates of the Caribbean next movie night – John

-For the 53rd time, you cannot kill Mycroft. No matter what he may have revealed – John

-And you enjoyed the film. Admit it, or I'll tell everyone about a certain ambition you had as a child – John

-And everyone thinks you're the nice one. OK, I'll admit, I enjoyed the film. It was mindless, predictable and the love story was frankly lifeless and sappy, but I enjoyed it – SH

-As I said before, everything is relative: I'm nice relative to you – John

-Sherlock, don't steal my socks – John

-Experiment – SH

-Boys, remove the squid from my kitchen – Mrs Hudson

-Let's have dinner – IA

-You're dead. Stay dead – John

-Indeed – Mycroft Holmes

-Oops – IA

-Sherlock. A word – Mycroft

-About what? – SH

-Oh God, not again – John

-Playing dumb doesn't suit you, little brother, but then again, the whole business with the Adler woman was spectacularly idiotic – Mycroft

-If anybody needs me, I'll be in Burma. Or New Zealand – John

-Stop being overdramatic John – SH

-Have you two finished fighting like particularly annoying five year olds? – John

-We have reached an agreement – Mycroft Holmes

-He means I've got to do what he says for a while because he's too incompetent to do it himself – SH

-Are you going to do anything about this squid? – Mrs Hudson

-Sorry Mrs H – Sherlock and John

-John don't steal my coat – SH

-I could handle you stealing my socks, but then you stole my jumpers. That meant war, Sherlock – John

-John, you know changing the password on your laptop is pointless – SH

-I take it you haven't figured it out yet then? – John

-John … this must be against the rules – SH

-Hah! Have I finally beaten the great Sherlock Holmes? – John

-What is it, or I'll take away all jumpers – SH

-Give me back the nicotine patches – SH

-Don't threaten the jumpers – John

-'Password' … that is … genius and devious in it's simplicity. I commend you. It took me an embarrassingly long time – Sherlock

-Thank you. I thought because 'Password' is the obvious password that nobody uses, it was the one that you would not suspect, at least not for quite some time – John

-An ingenious theory, and quite correct. Tell Molly I need a female kidney for a case, I need to talk to Angelo and Lestrade – SH

-Sherlock, the new Chief Superintendant wants to let you know that texting the police whilst they are working is banned – Greg

-Tell him I'll text who I like. How else am I supposed to let you know where you've gone wrong and who the killer is? – SH

-I was afraid of that – Greg

-Sherlock, just go with it. He'll calm down once he's thrown his weight around a bit and convinced himself he's boss. The new sergeants usually did that – John

-You better be right, John – SH

-Thanks John - Greg

-Whoever added hallucinogens to the coffee machine (and I know most people would automatically assume it was Sherlock, but I know you John Watson, and I know you have a mischievous streak the size of Wales) is never, ever to do it again, or anything similar, understand? – Greg Lestrade

-Understood. And for your information, it was John's idea. Sherlock merely implemented it – John and Sherlock

-Sherlock, remove the sea mine from the kitchen – John

-Don't worry – it's deactivated – Sherlock

-Now that's just asking it to blow – John

John, we were supposed to be getting married yesterday. Don't worry, I know why you forgot – Mary

Ah. Well, I suppose this means we are no longer a couple? – John

Correct – Mary

Well, I understand. It was the most unforgivable thing for me to do. Please accept my most sincere apologies, I never meant to hurt you and I do love you. Of course, if there is anything I can do … I will miss you, you would have been the greatest person to spend my life with – John

No, John. The second greatest. But yes, we can part on friendly terms – Mary

Well. Forgetting my own wedding because you came back to life. Now people won't even bother talking – John

A/N – So, another chapter! And this is turning into a sort of story with another chapter on the way, as soon as I write it. And I seem to have acquired a bit of John/Sherlock, which wasn't in the plan, but makes things interesting. If you don't like the pairing, you can always ignore it and concentrate on the humour, which is the main focus of the story anyway.