This story is not for profit. It's just a little ditty to help the Guinness go down.
Shego squealed as she ripped open her mail. For almost a month, at exactly same time of two-fifteen in the afternoon, a letter was slipped under her door. There was no stamp or any other indications that the letters had passed through the postal system. From the peephole in her apartment door, Shego could never see who slipped the envelope through. Her efforts to find out who made the delivery were half hearted at best. Shego didn't care who delivered them as long as the letters continued.
The black haired woman extracted a single sheet of paper from the matching fern green envelope. The contents of the page comprised of a short poem, written using a fountain pen dipped in black ink. The cursive was neat and bold against the lush textured paper.
Shego read the poem greedily, and then again. Her stomach fluttered and she could feel her heart beating. The green woman's normal smirk was absent, replaced by a goofy and very un-Shego like grin, a grin that could have killed a bad girl's reputation in a second. At that moment, said bad girl didn't care. She felt very sentimental and very loved.
The green beauty was tempted to pick up the phone to call and express her gratitude. She still could not believe how romantic her princess was being. Shego's princess, the teen hero, Kim Possible was currently on a secret world saving mission for Global Justice with her best friend Ron Stoppable. As much as Shego was up for a little mischief, wanting to see her Kimmie blush, the green woman did not want to deal with Kimmie's computer nerd, Wade Load or raise the wrath of the Global Justice head, Betty Director, by interrupting the hero's mission. Shego did not want to give the one eyed chief an excuse to further humiliate her by modifying the terms of her pardon. Besides, it was none of Betty's business that Shego was being romanced.
Shego had to admit that if it wasn't for Betty's sick idea of rehabilitation, the green woman would still be living out of a duffel bag with no obligations or any hope of a real future and still very single. Shego was bi-sexual and even though the chances of her finding a compatible lover was doubled in theory, in her line of work it was difficult to meet interesting people, let alone maintain a relationship.
The raven haired woman knew she wasn't a prude, not with the form fitting suits she wore, but she wasn't one for promiscuous behavior either. She just found it very hard to trust. Who could blame her with her colleagues being as they were, evil? She was determined never to repeat the experience of getting down and dirty only to be handcuffed in a bad way by a potential lover. That guy was sure not going to forget her in a hurry. Shego added a new meaning to a bed of burning passion that day.
Single life was fine but Shego did not want to be chronically single. Beyond the smart mouthed, sarcastic, carefree and evil image she liked to project, Shego wanted a lover. Someone who was still around once the thrill of the chase had worn off. She wanted someone with whom she could share lazy Sunday morning sleep-ins, weekend's away, lush hotel rooms, flowers, rom-coms, mushy poetry and lots of cuddles. In short she wanted romance even if it was clichéd. Shego wanted someone to settle down and share her life with, someone who could lift her to be her best. The green woman needed to be treated like she was special.
In her twenty four years, the closest Shego ever got to that was fighting Kim Possible. Sure, she and Kim were competitive and wanted to knock each other down, but that's what type A personalities did. No other person on the planet came close to matching the green woman as what Kim did. The teen was always up for the challenge and never gave an inch. There was more to it. The teen hero understood her. They were in sync when they fought. From the evil network she learnt that Kim didn't banter with the other villains the same way as what she did with Shego. Kim held her in high regard. Basically, Shego found Kim terribly exciting, more than any other person she had ever encountered. And the teen hero was cute to boot.
Shego knew that while she continued to work for Dr Drakken she would always be a marked woman, living her life on the run. The best she could hope for was being married to the job. Drakken was definitely someone she didn't want to cuddle up next to after a hard day at the office. If anything, he was the cause of her hard day at the office with his half-baked plans. Worse still was when they were forced to sleep in the hovercraft overnight. Blue Boy fluctuated from snoring, to sucking his thumb and constantly asked for his mommy.
One of the few constants in her life with Drakken was Friday night karaoke and the green woman would have preferred to spend her Friday nights with Mama Lipsky, Drakken's annoying mother, than listening to Drakken torture another tune. She loathed it that much. Alcohol and wet toilet paper in her ears did not dull the pain. More worrying were the tantrums Drakken threw when the green woman tried to get out of going.
Shego had often wondered if she was going through a mid mid-life crisis. She needed more than Dr Drakken's brand of insanity and suddenly the money just wasn't worth the headache. When the opportunity of a pardon presented itself, Shego grabbed it willingly. Betty Director's initial offer was vague but appealing. Once the Global Justice head gently coaxed the green woman in for discussions, the claws came out. The last minute changes to their agreement were not to Shego's liking but Betty Director insisted they be adhered to or the whole deal was off, no pardon. The one eyed law enforcer made sure that Shego gave something back to society. How Betty had kept a straight face while she explained to Shego she was going to be Santa at the local mall for a few weeks was beyond the green woman. The notion was evil. And they think I'm a mercenary, thought Shego.
For virtually the entire time as Santa, the green woman was planning her revenge on Betty. It was going to be as every bit as slow and painful as what her experience of wearing the red suit had been. And then Kim Possible fell into her lap. Literally. The red head flirted with Shego instantly. Initially, the former villainess was at a loss to what to do. From what she could recall, the teen was awkward on her dates. She had never seen Kimmie so forceful and it took her by surprise.
And then Kimmie kissed her. Shego suddenly didn't care how Kimmie got over her reservations. Shego was just grateful she had. The kiss was brief but amazing. She wanted it to continue forever. They were rudely interrupted by that elf, Clooney, who reminded the pair they were making out in a public place. The effect on Shego was completely disorientating. Before she knew it, the green woman had found herself invited to Christmas dinner at the Possible residence.
Shego stood at the Possible's front door Christmas afternoon with a pie in her hand, debating whether spending the holiday with such a caring and close family was a wise idea. She was not close to her own family. She was not sure if she could handle one that was. How would these people accept her? Why would they? She was sure that Kimmie had many a battle scar after their encounters that her family simply couldn't ignore.
A gentle hand rested on her arm interrupting her thoughts, "Shego?"
Shego turned to see Kimmie's mom standing beside her. The red head's blue eyes were watching her curiously. "Hi, Dr Possible," said Shego nervously.
"What are you doing out here in the cold?"
"Mmmm.. I'm wondering... What I'm doing here." Shego's voice faltered but she could not lie to the good doctor.
"Shego, Kimmie invited you as her guest and you are very welcome to share Christmas with us."
"Are you OK with this?" Shego asked earnestly.
Anne Possible smiled. It extended to her eyes. Shego instantly felt some of the tension within her ease. "Shego, Kimmie told us what happened at the mall yesterday."
The older woman giggled before she continued, "Kimmie even included the fact your beard was quite scratchy to kiss." Shego gasped. "So yes, Shego, everything."
"Are you fine with Kimmie and I being together?"
"As long as you are respectful towards my daughter and keep working within the terms of your pardon, then yes."
Shego was still skeptical. "And Mr Dr Possible?"
"James is mostly fine with it but just a head's up, don't be surprised once James has had a few glasses of eggnog, he might pull you aside and have a talk with you. Kimmie is his little girl and he doesn't want to see her hurt. If she is, then it will be rockets away for you," said Anne with a smile and a wag of her forefinger.
"Oh! Um... I'll make sure that doesn't happen," said Shego. She had been warned in the nicest possible way, so to speak.
"Now, what do you have there? I thought Kimmie told you not to bring anything."
"Its just a pie I whipped up last night. I hope it tastes alright," Shego said. The former villainess thought Anne needed further explanation. "Blame my parents. They taught me that it's rude not to bring anything."
"Its nice to see that despite her supposedly bad streak, Kimmie's girlfriend has some manners and listens to her parents," Anne Possible teased. Shego could feel her face flush.
"Relax Shego, you're among friends and family." Shego raised a perfectly sculptured eyebrow, questioning the odd statement. Anne's smile broadened as she took Shego's arm, "You'll find out soon enough. Come inside."
For Shego that had been the best Christmas dinner since she had lived at home with her family. As soon as she walked through the Possible's front door, her brothers, the Wegos, attacked her with affection. She was glad to see them too. It had been too long. She had been too proud to make the first move and was grateful that the decision was made for her.
Kimmie had invited all of Team Go to the Possible Christmas celebration on Mrs Dr Possible's insistence. Shego was grateful that only the Wegos were able to attend. Hego had to work at Bueno Nacho and the excuse Mego had given was vague but Shego knew her brother. Mego declined because the celebrations did not focus on him.
Dinner itself was a lively affair. Shego felt very accepted by the Possibles, which also included Kimmie's troublesome brothers, the Tweebs. The Wegos too did not seem to be phased by the situation. Whenever someone new appeared, whether it was friends or neighbors, Shego was introduced as Kim's partner. No one seemed to think that was unusual that Kim and Shego went from being rivals to something more intimate.
Dr James Possible did just as Anne had predicted and cornered the green woman after one too many glasses of eggnog. The patriarch of the Possible family interrupted his daughter and her girlfriend kissing passionately under the mistletoe. The renowned scientist was trying to be stern but was slurring his words, undermining the seriousness of his message. A tipsy and concerned father was well out Shego's comfort zone and she was grateful that Stoppable and Kimmie's friend Monique rescued her.
The pair performed a pantomime in the spirit of Christmas. More accurately they reenacted the previous day's events at the mall. Monique played the role of Shego. The green woman thought she fared well, certainly much better than how Ron played the role of Kim. In Stoppable's version Kim wore sexy red heels and a short dress. This Kim was much more ditzy. Shego laughed at Kim's discomfort as much as she did at the send up. Shego was also grateful that for once Stoppable did not lose his drawers. She also noticed that the blond hero was very much into Monique and not her Kimmie.
The turning point in Shego's relationship with Kim was New Year's Day when she could no longer deny Kim what she wanted. The green woman was concerned that their relationship was going too fast for the both of them. She was worried that they had not enough time to discuss what was happening between them. Shego was aware of Kim's age and wanted the teen to be sure before taking on a lover. When Kim packed an overnight bag once the clock struck midnight at the Possible New Year's Eve party, Shego was then concerned that the pair were straight out of the U-Haul dyke handbook.
For Shego consummating their relationship was magical. It also marked a new era. It felt like she had pressed the reset button on her life. She could do things over, and properly this time. She rented an apartment near Kim's house and looked into going back to school. Shego found she was falling for the red headed hero and kept wondering about Kim's feelings and motivations.
The former villainess' doubts deepened on Valentine's Day. Days prior to Valentine's, she waited for her beloved to say something but nothing was forthcoming. Shego took the initiative. On very short notice she organized a dozen red roses, a romantic dinner for two and a rom-com at the local multiplex. The planned walk along the lake came to nothing because Kim wanted to go back to Shego's apartment to make love. Shego obliged of course, as when it came to Kimmie, she had no willpower.
In the throes of passion the black haired beauty took the leap and told the hero she loved her. Kim reciprocated but it did not allay Shego's fears. She worried that she was rushing Kim. That perhaps Kim wasn't the romantic Shego wanted her to be. Why else had Kim not given her anything on Valentine's Day? Before she could to discuss the matter with the red head, Global Justice beat her to it and absconded with the hero and Stoppable.
The doorbell rang, startling Shego from her thoughts. She stepped forward and opened the door. Beyond the threshold was a vision of beauty. Her Kimmie was home. The teen rushed forward and jumped up on Shego, legs wrapping tightly around the green women's waist. Eager lips sought black lined ones. Shego dropped her letter as Kim ran her hands through the raven locks holding Shego's head tightly. When she had her fill, the red head pulled back and looked deeply into Shego's emerald eyes.
"I've missed you," the emotion was evident in the hero's voice.
"I missed you too Kimmie. Like you have no idea," said Shego. In the short time they had be going out, Shego had gotten used to the red head sharing her bed. So many nights during the month that Kim was away, she had reached out to cuddle the smaller body and was disappointed to find the bed completely empty. The former villainess missed being spooned by the teen.
"Yeah." Shego tilted her head forward so their foreheads were touching. She could feel Kim's breath on her face. "I'm not letting you go away for so long ever again. You're mine now." This seemed to please the hero who started to alternate between capturing the black lined lips between hers and kissing the soft feminine jaw.
"Knock, knock." A male voice interrupted the pair. Both women looked toward the open door. And then they looked down. A man of short stature stood at the door just as Kim had done five minutes ago.
Shego's mind was momentarily blank. She couldn't understand why that face and body was in her home. After a minute of awkward silence she spoke, "Clooney, what are you doing here?"
"I need to talk to you."
"What the hell for?" For the life of her, she couldn't work out why. Clooney was the last person she thought she would ever see again.
"May I come in?"
"If you must." Shego became aware of the intimate position she was in. Kimmie was still wrapped around her waist, her hands around Shego's neck. "Kimmie, baby, we need to get to get back to this later. Could you..." Kim released her limbs from around Shego and placed her feet on the ground. She stood next to the black haired woman. The former villainess gestured to Clooney to proceed to the living room. She closed the entry door before following the short man into the apartment.
Shego sat next to Kim on the sofa; Clooney sat on the matching sofa opposite. Once they were all settled, Shego addressed her visitor, "So, what do you want Clooney?" The green woman was all business. She did not want him in her home any longer than what was needed. The apartment was her sanctuary. Besides, the green woman had her fill of him when they worked together.
"Umm... I have a proposition for you. Something that I thought might be up your alley."
"The big St Patrick's Day March in New York City," said Clooney. He was looking at the green woman like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"What about it?"
"I do it every year. I'm a leprechaun. It's not very original I know but the pay is worth it."
Shego was getting frustrated. She had no idea what Clooney was getting at. "So?"
"We worked well together at Christmas, so I thought that maybe you'd like to do it with me. You're green and all, so you'd fit right in."
Kim burst out laughing. Shego stared at her girlfriend with annoyance. "What the hell is so funny?"
"I've just worked out who Clooney is." The red head didn't hide her amusement as she addressed the small man. "You were the rude elf working with Shego at the mall."
"Yeah so?" asked Clooney defensively. "And you're the type of customer that makes that job hell. You couldn't just sit down and get your picture taken. Oh no, that would have been too easy."
"Sorry, I wasn't having a go at you," said Kim. "I was just trying to get a background," her tone was apologetic. "This is all a bit left field."
The green woman agreed with her girlfriend's statement and voiced it, "Yeah, this is left field. I haven't seen you in two and half months and you spring this on me."
"I'm not springing this on you." said Clooney.
Shego narrowed her green eyes suspiciously. "What do you mean by that?"
"Well, the letters," said the dwarf simply.
Shego gasped. She could feel all color leave her face. Kim noticed and placed a concerned hand on her girlfriend's thigh. "What letters, sweetie?"
The former villainess did not reply. She stood and strode to the front door. When she returned moments later, Shego had the green letter and envelope in hand. Shego did not go to Kim, instead towered over Clooney. "This letter?" He nodded. "And all the letters every day since Valentine's Day are yours?" Clooney nodded again.
"Shego, what's going on?"
Shego didn't say anything to Kim. She continued towering over Clooney. "So, all that poetry about being an Emerald Isle was all from you?"
"Why?" demanded Shego.
"Well we are the Emerald Isles. You're green, exotic and one of a kind. And Clooney is Irish. It means a green plain or pasture….," Clooney's explanation trailed off. Shego bored into the dwarf. It was like her eyes were wishing him to disappear. Clooney just stared back.
Kim's voice interrupted the standoff. "Doesn't Clooney also mean an intriguing rogue?"
The angry green woman faced her girlfriend with annoyance. "How the hell do you even know that?"
The hero shrugged, "My mom likes George Clooney. Well, like is an understatement, she's actually obsessed with him."
"Oh, that big jerk! I wish someone would realize he's not pretty, can't act, and he would just disappear," piped in Clooney. "He's giving us Clooney's a bad name..." He stopped talking because Shego was glaring at him once again.
The green woman was unable to speak. Her mind was busily trying to put the pieces together. Her jaw was beginning to hurt from the tension. She worked hard to control the plasma from escaping from her fingers. "This isn't just about the parade is it?"
"No," admitted Clooney.
"You wanted this partnership to continue after the parade?" Clooney nodded in agreement.
"How did you know where I lived?"
"I saw you having a Valentine's Day date with Ginger here. I just followed you home."
"What's the significance of two-fifteen?"
"I have a job at the drive-thru window at the Chubbers up the road." Kim was giggling behind Shego. Clooney flashed his irritation at the hero before continuing. "I finish work just before two, so I drop off the letters on the way home."
"So, why are you here now?"
"I finished just dropping off today's letter and was on the way home. I saw Ginger and I guessed she was coming here, so I thought I'd try and beat her."
Kim once again interrupted the pair, "Shego, please tell me what is going on. What letters are you talking about?" The concern was now evident in the hero's voice.
"Kimmie, Clooney here, has been writing me romantic letters every day since Valentine's Day. Letters I thought were from you. Romantic letters I thought were about us but it turns out they are actually about frigging Ireland, the country, and leprechauns."
Kim burst out laughing. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm not laughing at you but that's cheesier than that Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton song 'Islands in the Stream'."
Shego was not impressed with the comparison. Her girlfriend was not winning any relationship points today.
"So, are you going to do it?" Clooney asked in all seriousness.
"So, are you Shego?" asked Kim who was obviously now enjoying Shego's discomfort.
That was it! The green woman had reached the end of her tether with the pair. "What the hell is wrong with you Kimmie? This jerk has been stalking me and he wants me to be his girlfriend. Do you still find that funny?" Kim's eye's widened when her lover's words sunk in.
Shego then turned on the dwarf. "No, I'm not interested in the parade or being your partner on any level. I'm happy with Kimmie here, even though she's being an idiot right at this minute.
"But Shego, think about it," pleaded Clooney.
"I said no!" Shego roared. The dwarf and Kim both flinched in reaction. "Clooney, you have three seconds to get the hell out, and stay the hell out of my life otherwise you will get a plasma enema that will ensure you will walk funny for the rest of your life. And I guarantee you would also have enough room to hide your pot of gold from the other leprechauns on St Patrick's Day."
The dwarf did not have to be told again. He jumped up from the sofa and moved to exit the apartment very quickly. "And shut the door behind you!" The sound of a slamming door pierced the apartment.
The green woman then addressed her lover who was staring at her expectantly. Shego needed to get it off her chest. This matter had been festering within her for a while now. "Kimmie, you have been shown up by an angry elf. He has been a better girlfriend than what you have been. You have been away for an entire month and you have not contacted me once to tell me you're OK. Not once Kimmie!
"I want romance, Princess, and lots of it. You sucked at Valentine's Day, the official day of romance. It's only been a few months but you're already cruising. You owe me big time and it starts now! And while you are at it, Kimmie, you better ask Stoppable to teach you how to cook. I'm not your mother and would like to be waited on every now and again. Here is a hint; I want something romantic with candles, flowers, and a menu that you spent time devising. Actually, anything that shows you appreciate me would be lovely."
The green woman let out a long breath. It felt good to speak her mind. Kim was just gazing at her in shock. Shego knew that she was being harsh but the teen needed to hear it. The green woman had needs. Speaking of which... Shego made her way towards the bedroom then stopped. Turning around, she leaned against the doorway and seductively played with her hair, twirling it around her finger. "Are you coming or what?"
The teen sprung up from the sofa and sprinted past Shego towards the bedroom. In all the years that the green woman had fought her Kimmie, she had never seen her move so quickly. Oh yeah, I still have it, thought Shego as she followed her lover.
A/N – Happy St Patrick's Day to all the good Irish folk out there. Congratulations to my favorite little leprechauns who recently tied the knot.
The George Clooney reference is for my friend, Granddaddy Anarchist. Thanks again for the support.
BD, your story will be next. I promise it will be ready before your 21st birthday.