The release of this fanfic is dedicated to my sister, Tara Louise Salisbury, who turns 20 today on March 18th.
I FINALLY GOT AROUND TO GETTING THIS DONE!...Oh yeah, the disclaimer bit.
I do not own any characters from the Kim Possible franchise, they remain the sole property of their respective creators...who so totally rock in my opinion. Also I am not making money from this in anyway...unless Bob and Mark want to give me a job that is. Just a little suggestion guys.
Anyway each chapter is going to be called an episode, either based on the show episodes of Season 4 or original ideas I came up with. Some episodes may be a two-parter. This is going to be my attempt at trying to hone my writing skills by writing comedy, while working on some serious drama in other projects. I been using what I learned for Storytelling for the Screen to give this series a episodic like feel, while making it easier for other's to read. Most of this chapter will be referencing actual episodes, while some scenes written by myself will be added for further comedy between the two leads while scenes from the show will be expanded to give more padding to the story. Most readers who are fans of Steve McQueen will recognise the title parody from one of his more famous films, also see if you can spot the other references to other Kim Possible episodes as well.
This episode mainly references the episodes The Big Job and Fashion Victim from Season 4 of Kim Possible.
There may be a few spelling mistakes, so if you see any then let me know and I'll correct them.
(Edited For Mistakes)
Senior Island, Midnight
The day was not going well for Martin Smarty, recapping the situation he found himself in on Senior Island. It all started off as a friendly poker game with some of his closest...and richest friends but after hearing commotion outside the doors of the game room they decided to investigate. Upon opening the doors they were met with the strangest sight.
Junior had a young red haired teenager who Martin recognised as Kim Possible in a bear hug, Kim struggling to get free. A woman in with jet black hair, light green skin and wearing a black and green jumpsuit was picking herslef from the ground, muttering furiously while a young man was hanging onto the ledge of a pool pit, filled with hungry alligators. When confronting them all and learning of Junior's kidnapping plot for a billion-dollar-a-head-ransom, they were not too happy about it...except for Senior when he learned it was a brithday present for him, enjoying a heartfelt father/son moment...until Senior noticed Shego.
"What is she doing here?"
"Relax pops, Junior came up with this one all on his own," Shego said. "It was actually a good plan, aaand...it still is!"
Moving with blinding agility, the mercenary dashed forward and grabbed the owner of Smarty Mart, holding a glowing hand to the side of his head. As she backed over to the edge of the gator infested pool with her hostage, Kim and Junior rushed over to stop her while Ron still hung onto the pool pit for dear life.
"Sidekick still in danger here!" He yelled, keeping an eye on the deadly reptiles as they moved closer, one of them attempting to eat him. "HEY, STOP THAT!"
"Give it up Shego, it's over!" Kim warned, assuming a combat stance.
"Yes, you saw how pleased father was with his gift," Junior said. "You can stop now!"
"Oh no, no, no," Shego said, grinning evily. "Somebody owes me my billion!"
It was then that the sidekick in his attempt to escape the pit, instinctively grabbed her leg and pulled himself up, sending Shego falling into the gator infested pit with a splash as he climbed out, gasping for breath.
"Ah, made it!" Ron gasped.
"Junior, make sure your lady friend does not hurt my alligators," Senior said to his son.
Shego gave him a look of disbelief at what she heard. "ME?...HURT THEM?"
Ron giggled as the star struck teen went over to the Smarty Mart owner, Martin Smarty, while holding out a copy of his book. "Mr Smarty, can I get your autograph? I read your book three times!"
Smiling at the young man, Martin took a pen out and began signing the book while Kim went over to Ron.
"Good job Ron," His girlfriend said, patting him congratulatory on his back. "You saved him!"
"I did?" Ron asked, suddenly realising what he done. "Oh..yeah, I did!"
"Ngh...seriously," Shego said, grappling with a gator's opened mouth. "A hand?...gah...Anyone?...urgh...THESE THINGS HAVE TEETH!"
Martin smiled, looking at Ron with respect at the talent the young man had shown.
"I like to reward people who save my life."
"And I like to be rewarded!" Stoppable said excitedly. "Did you hear that, KP? A REWARD!"
"How would you like...a job?"
Ron's face turned to that of confusion, while Kim was overjoyed at the reward her boyfriend earned.
"Uh...maybe we have different thought's on that word reward," Ron said, until his annoyed girlfriend elbowed his side. "OW!...Oh...right, a job. Yeah, that would be great. Wow...thanks."
"Outstanding! You are the type of go-getter I need on the Smarty Mart team," Martin Smarty said, holding his hand out to Ron. "Welcome aboard!"
On that night, history was made as Ron Stoppable extended his hand, shaking hands with Martin Smarty while Kim watched with pride as her boyfriend finally got...a job.
THE SMARTY MART ADVENTURE'S WITH RON & STEVE
THE CRATE ESCAPE
While on duty at the Middleton Smarty Mart, Ron leaned against a pillar in the house wares department as he spoke to Kim on the phone, his girlfriend calling to talk about her day so far.
"Huh, fall collection...I am not jealous...nope..no jellin here," Kim's voice spoke through the speaker's of Ron's cellphone.
"Woah, okay from the beginning here KP," Ron said, still slacking against the pillar. "Y'know I'm at work, I got nothing but time!"
"Well it all started when Coco Banana..."
"Woah, sorry Kim, gotta go," Ron interrupted her, as a dark haired Smarty Mart employee arrived with a loading trolley, on it was a cage filled with three lemurs. "The lemur's are in. I'll talk to you later KP."
Hanging up and placing the cell in his pants pocket, Ron took over and started to take the lemur's over to the pets section. A sly thought came to mind and he broke out into a run, giggling as he jumped up the back of the trolley, getting a free ride from the inertia.
Coming up from another ailse, Steve Barkin carried four blue feather pillows as he made his way to the house wares department. As he stepped on the central ailse, Steve let out a gasp as Ron hurtled towards him, crashing into his off duty principal. The wrecked pillows falling to the floor as feathers escaped from them.
Brushing aside the tail of a lemur sitting on his head, Steve Barkin found he was sitting in the lemur cage while the ring-tailed primates made their soft cackling noises. Ron was sitting on the ground, a little stunned from the crash.
"M..Mr Barkin?" Ron asked, a little confused.
Before anymore could be said, a squeeky voice from the store tannoy system filled the air and caught the two employee's attention.
"Price check on Pop Pop Porter's Freeze Dried Chicken Fried Steaklettes!"
Heading over to the products in question, standing side by side, the duo each picked up a box of the Steaklette's. Checking the price they both reached for their walkie-talkies, switching them on and bringing them to their mouths.
"Two for a dollar ninety-nine," They said in unison, their eyes widening in surprise as they pointed at each other. "You work here?"
"House wares, fourteen years since June," Barkin said, pride in his voice.
"Pets, fourteen hours this week," Ron answered back, although still confused to why his principal was there. "But..but...why are you.."
"The gig at Middleton High is just for the benefits," Barkin explained, raising his arms as he gestured around the department they were in, as a proud smile formed on his face. "But this, is my true passion."
"House wares?" Ron said, stifling a laugh. "Really?"
"Helping a customer choose between a muffin pan and a mini-muffin pan, too beautiful for words," Barkin said, placing a hand over his heart as he felt the warm feelings of satisfaction, before snapping to attention. "Uh oh! Store manager!"
Standing next to Stoppable and brushing himself down, he made himself presentable and Ron saw the reason why. A short, heavy set man wearing a orange management tie walked over to them, wearing spectacles and smiling at them with a kind expression.
"Yeah, good hustle on that price check mah boy," He said in a strong southern accent.
"Ah..well thanks Mr Stockwell."
"Not you Barkin, our new employee!" Stockwell corrected, putting a hand on Ron's shoulder. "The one with promise and potential. A clear candidate for employee of the month!"
"That..would..be the bon-DIGGITIEST!" Ron said, punching the air before confusion took hold of him. "But wait..how would that work, today being the sixteenth and all."
Stockwell laughed at Ron's unintentional joke, further impressed with the young teen. "And a sense of humor to boot. You are going places son."
As Stockwell walked off to continue his duty, the same voice that spoke earlier on the store tannoy filled the air, catching the two employee's attention.
"Clean up on ailse twelve! Code T!"
"T. Toxic," Barkin said to himself, a sly grin on his face. "He's right Stoppable, you are going places. Ailse tweve! Don't get any on ya."
Handing the blond teen a mop, Ron sighed dejectedly at the cleaning he was going to do.
"Yes Mr Barkin, I...hey...just a minimum wage minute," Ron said, catching onto something peculiar and pointing at Mr Barkin's tie. "No orange tie, no authoratage!"
"What are you babbling about?"
"Management wears orange ties Mr B aaand you, no orange tie!" Ron answered, dropping the mop to the ground. "Translation. You...are...not...the...boss...of...me!"
Ron had his eyes closed, smiling while his arms were crossed until Rufus jumped up and tapped his head. Opening his eyes, he realised he replayed that pleasant memory of yesterday's work in his head at the worst possible time...at school.
"Ohhh, school...yeah..uh you are the boss of me," Ron said admittingly, grinning sheepishly at Mr Barkin.
"And you're writing that five hundred times on the chalkboard today in DENTENTION!"
-RS & SB-
The next day at Smarty Mart in the pets department, Ron was playing a game of Poker with one of the caged gorilla's, concentrating before making his move.
"Full house! A-BOOYAH!" Ron yelled, before the gorilla threw her cards at Ron's face in annoyance. "ARGH! Now, Dixie! Sore loser doesn't exactly say 'take me home!'"
The gorilla stepped closer to cage and roared loudly, shaking the cage in frustration while Ron was sitting there unimpressed, with his arms crossed.
"Hey, hey! Now someone needs a T.O!"
Stockwell heard the commotion from across the store and went on closer to investigate, followed by Mr Barkin.
"Now what is going on here?" Stockwell demanded.
"Clearly the new kid is agitating the stock, the live stock," Barkin said, sounding non too impressed, hoping Stoppable would get into trouble. His hopes were short lived when a small eight year old blond boy, wearing a Middleton Space Center Rocket Boosters Club jersey with his mother, pointed to Dixie the Gorilla.
"Mommy, mommy! I want an angry gorilla!"
"Okay darling, let's get a shopping cart," She said, heading off to find one large enough. Barkin frowned with annoyance while Stockwell went over to Stoppable, just as the young man was placing a small crate of baby lemurs onto the desk in front of Dixie's cage.
"Nice sales strategy son!" Stockwell said, impressed at the ingenuity Ron shown, completely oblivious to how accidental it was.
"Heh, heh...yeah well, sometimes it just comes to me."
"But did you check the roster?" Stockwell asked, pointing to the paper in his hand. "You got stockroom duty today!"
"Really? I thought I was supposed to move these lemurs?"
"No need mah boy, we are running a speacial," Stockwell explained. "A free lemur with every coffee maker! We can't keep the little furballs in stock."
Heading over to Barkin with Stoppable, Stockwell gestured to the young teen.
"Barkin, show our star salesman where the stockroom is."
"Ha, ha, ha...my pleasure," Barkin said, trying not to alert Stoppable to the organisation nightmare he was heading to as he placed an arm around Stoppable's shoulder's. "Right this way...star."
"Aw..gee Mr B, that's nice of you considering since you don't have an ounce of controlage over me and all."
Walking over to the stockroom of Smarty Mart, Mr Barkin opened the doors and grinned evily as he shown Stoppable inside the room.
"Welcome to the junk heap," Barkin said, enjoying the very shocked and surprised look on Stoppable's face.
The entire room was filled with stock for various different departments, one of the ailses of the giant stockroom had car tires and boxes on one side while another side had more boxes, with a basketball on the ground. It was more untidy than the garage at his house and more terrifying than any villains lair.
"I have to organise all this stuff?" Ron asked in disbelief.
"Well for someone on the fast track to employee of the month, I'm sure you'll have it whipped into shape in no time!" Barkin said, enjoying every moment of it until the tannoy disturbed his amusement.
"Price check on Cotton Setine Dust Truffles!"
"Fourteen or eighteen inch drop?" Barkin asked himself, deep in thought from that difficult situation. "I better take this!"
Leaving the room, Barkin closed the door while Stoppable stood frozen in shock, wondering how he was going to sort all that junk.
-RS & SB-
The next day at Smarty Mart arrived, along with another shift at sorting the stock in the stockroom. While Rufus, wearing a smaller version of the red employee vest, sold pets to customers Ron was taking a break and enjoying a soda in stockroom. The door opened and Barkin saw the relaxing teen, a looking of annoyance on the older mans face. The room still looked disorganised, in fact it looked more disorganised than ever.
"Stoppable," Barkin said, in a condescending tone of voice.
"Hey Mr B, just taking five," Ron said, taking a sip of his soda.
"Question. Just when do you plan on beginning the actual work?"
"Hey, excuse me! I just spent the last two sixties organising this stuff into three piles!" Ron argued, pointing to each individual pile. "Miscellaneous stuff. Other miscellaneous stuff and stuff that I might want to buy with my discount. Two percent off, right?"
"Stoppable, get this into your nacho cheese head," Barkin said, using a fist to knock on Ron's skull. "Every item must be logged and shelved according to department, not personal preference!"
"Aw man, now you tell me!" Ron whined, kicking a set of tires at the bottom of a tall, dangerous pile in frustration and watching the tower of junk start to tremble. "Actually, I should not have done that!"
Toppling over, the pile of stock came crashing down and swept the two employees into a moving avalanche of chaotic junk, crashing through closed shutter doors and sending the two employees flying into a large crate.
Landing heavily onto cardboard boxes, Stoppable managed to get sit himself up and smile with relief while Barkin didn't look too happy.
"Whew, close one. I thought for a minute we were going to be trapped in the stock room."
A shadow suddenly fell on them and they looked up as the automated shipping robotic arms began sealing the crate, much to Barkin's annoyance.
"Yeah, lucky us," Barkin said sarcastically. "That would be much worse than being TRAPPED IN A CRATE!"
With the crate loaded onto a delivery truck, the driver began to drive off to his destination, unaware of the two occupants trapped inside.
-RS & SB-
Trapped in darkness for what seemed like hours, a set of eyes looked around while the other set just stared icily at the ones belonging to the young man. Ron whimpered as he continued looking around, getting desperate.
"Eh..ngh...ugh...there's no way out Mr Barkin!"
"Stop your squirming Stoppable and look for a light source!" Barkin snapped.
"Well it's sort of hard to focus with a flashlight wedged in your back! Paaaain...OW!"
"GIVE ME THAT!"
Snatching the flashlight and switching it on, the beam of light illuminated the two men, showing the face of a very relieved Ron Stoppable.
"Thanks Mr B, much better," Ron said, his smile turning to surprise when he saw what appeared to be a days worth of stubble on Barkin's face. "Mr Barkin...your stubblage..it's...oh...HOW LONG HAVE WE BEEN IN HERE?"
Barkin sighed, casually checking his watch. "Oh, about ninteen minutes, I..uh..have to shave often."
"How often?" Ron asked.
"Uh about fifteen times a day, now will you cut the chat while I formulate a plan?"
"Already got one," Ron said, turning suddenly and banging his fists on the side of the crate. "HEEEELLLLP! SOMEBODY HEEEEELLLLLP!"
"Thaaaat's not a plan."
"Not the boss of me," Ron said to Barkin quickly, before resuming his futile plan. "HEEEEEELLLLLLP!"
Already annoyed at the screaming teen, Barkin grabbed Stoppable and placed a hand over his mouth, silencing him instantly.
"No one can hear us man, it's just you and me," Barkin said darkly, the dramatic silence broken by the sound of a moo. "And that cow."
Letting go of the young man, they stood in the silence while Ron looked at all the merchandise. He then began to wonder what possible reason that stuff was in the crate for.
"What is all this stuff anyway?"
"It appears to be returns," Barkin explained. "Merchadise that has been returned."
Suddenly the crate began to shake violently and Stoppable's eyes widened with fear, unsure what was happening.
"Where does it get returned to?"
"TO THE RETURNS WAREHOUSE...OVERSEAS!"
The shaking intensified until they realised that the crate was on a plane and it was in the middle of take-off. As the plane rose into the air, they screamed in terror as the cow came tumbling towards them. Once the plane leveled off, the employees began to sort themselves out of the pile of junk they were buried under, with Ron taking large frilly green womens underpants off his head.
"Aw man...that is so WRONG!" Ron cried, throwing it into a corner of the crate. "Talk about bad stylage too. Hey, Mr B? You okay over there?"
Barkin pushed a load of boxes off himself, a large toilet brush jammed into his mouth which made Ron go slightly green at the sight. With a great deal of effort, Barkin managed to get the brush out of his mouth, dripping with his saliva.
"Relax Stoppable, it hasn't been used," He said, before eyeing the brush suspiciously. "At least...I hope it hasn't been used."
Shrugging and tossing it aside, the sound of the cow alerted them and investigated a large pile of boxes, working in tandem to free the bovine creature. With a shake of its head, the cow trotted over to corner of the crate and lying down on a pile of Faux Fur Car Covers for comfort. Sitting down on a box filled with returned Yodelling Alarm Clocks, thankfully they didn't have batteries in but it was fairly uncomfortable to sit on.
"So uh...you got a plan to get us out of here then?" Ron asked, as his co-worker sat deep in thought. "Anything?...Anything at all?"
"Don't you carry that...uh...whatchamacallit...Kimmunicator?" Barkin asked. "We can call Possible for help and get out of here!"
"YES...KP SAVES THE DAY AGAIN!" Ron said, patting his pants pocket to find the spare Kimmunicator but to no avail. "Oh...wait...uh...oy vey."
"Aaand Stoppable manages to ruin it, AGAIN!"
"HEY, IT MUST'VE FELL OUT OF MY POCKET! HELP ME LOOK FOR IT, WILL YA MR. B?"
A mad search began as the two began to try find the Kimmunicator, over turning piles of merchandise until they found what they were looking for. Unfortunately the small device was shattered by a Heavy Duty Garden Gnome, its beady eyes staring at Stoppable.
"Great...just great," Barkin sighed, sarcastically appaulding Stoppable. "You really know how to make a bad situation EVEN WORSE!"
"Hey..don't blame me, it...it...it was that gnome!" Ron yelled, pointing at the garden ornament. "These things are evil, ya hear me? EVIL!"
"IT'S A TINY STATUE! HOW IS THAT EVIL?"
"TRUST ME...I KNOW THESE THINGS, LOOK!" Ron snapped, pointing at the small figure. "IT USES IT'S CREEPY EYES TO PSYCH US OUT!"
Barkin looked at the tiny ornament and nodded in agreement, it did have a sinister look to it. He could have sworn that the eyes were moving as well.
"Sweet hail mary, THAT THING IS PSYCHING US OUT!" Barkin cried, dragging the young teen being a large pile of boxes for cover. "We got to take that thing out before it drives us over the edge!"
"Are you crazy? That thing will get us!" Ron gulped, leaning back against a large pile of boxes that began to wobble. "Oh man...NOT AGAIN!"
The tall pile of boxes began to lose their balance and toppled over, crashing down and sending up a small cloud of dust. Coughing as they swatted the air to clear the dust, Ron and Steve looked at the devestation caused, smiling at the result. The gnome was buried.
"Excellent work Private Stoppable!" Barkin said, suluting the young teen. "I'll make sure you get a medal for this."
"Wow...gee thanks Mr.." Ron said, until he suddenly caught onto something. "Wait...Private Stoppable? Mr B, uh...you feeling alright?"
"I'm fine Stoppable, you're just lucky you have an experienced veteran who knows the rules of survival," Barkin answered, his eyes exploring the environment they were in. "I may not be in the army anymore but the skills I acquired will keep us alive until rescue comes."
"Yeah...hey I been wondering...how'd you leave the army Mr B?" Ron asked. "If that's not to much of a personal question, er...sir."
"Discharged on the grounds of my psychological health...they said I was too unstable in tense situations," Barkin explained. "Load of hewey in my opinion, I can keep my cool under pressure. Now you sit tight...I got this all under control. This crate isn't going to get to me!"
Ron sighed and sat down at the other side of the crate, thinking about the situation they were in while Barkin began to formulate a plan.
-RS & SB-
Five minutes later
Ron sat to one side of the crate, his legs tucked up to his chest as he rocked back and forth while Mr Barkin was throwing junk around, looking for something to use. Already Barkin's facial hair had grown to a length that would normally be associated with a few months growth.
"Oh...I can't believe we're heading overseas!" Ron whined. "We could end up in a whole other country!"
"Stoppable, quit your whining and give me a hand with our base camp," Barkin said, handing Ron a bright red stilleto shoe. "Here, use this trenching shovel to start our herb garden!"
Ron looked at Mr Barkin with a mix of uneasiness and confusion, worried about the mental condition of his co-worker.
"Herb garden? Uh, don't we need like herbs for that..and y'know a garden?"
"We'll harvest the soil from our socks!" Barkin explained, holding up a pair of socks in each hand, the bottoms bulging with accumilated filth.
A short uneasy silence filled the air before Ron finally spoke, his tone of voice sounding a little nervous. "Uh..Mr Barkin, you feelin' okay? Heh, uh...this crate isn't getting to you, is it?"
"OF COURSE NOT!" Barkin yelled, before suddenly looking confused. "But why do you keep calling me that?"
"Mr Barkin?" Ron said, a mix of confusion and cocern in his voice. A moo filled the air and Mr Barkin wrapped an arm around the cow's neck and brought him over to Ron before pointing at it.
"HE'S MR BARKIN!" He yelled, giving Ron a deranged stare.
Ron sat frozen on the spot, petrified as he stared at the crazed man before him before talking to the cow to humor Barkin. "Moo?"
Okaaay, this is gonna replace the lion incident at the zoo from my nightmares, Ron thought.
Playing along with the man's request, Ron started to use the stilleto to start creating the garden as requested, pouring out the dirt in Barkin's socks into a plant pot. Fighting his gag reflex, Ron then began to loosen the soil with the makeshift shovel.
"Ew...oh this...is...so...wrong," He whined, as he continued digging. "Just what sort of herbs are we going to be planting anyway?"
"I found these in a small box not too long ago," Barkin answered, jars of dried seasoning in his hands. "We can plant these to grow a food source."
"Uh...Mr B, I don't think..." Ron began to say, stopping when he saw the unstable look in Barkin's eyes. Deciding to keep his mouth firmly shut, Ron continued with the digging while Barkin began shifting boxes to create a defensive perimeter for the base camp. The smell of the soil filled Stoppable's nostrils and he pinched his nose tightly shut, holding his breath while digging with his free hand. Once the soil had been loosened, he dumped the dried seasoning in there and buried it before scampering over to the other side of the crate.
"Uh Mr B...have you got an escape plan?" Ron asked, while the deranged man finished making the perimeter. "Anything at all?"
"We'll have to split up in different directions," Barkin said. "Maybe the natives in the area can help us."
"The...natives? Uh...I don't think we got anyone else living here."
"You head south and circle around to the west, I'll head north and circle to the east," Barkin ordered, completely ignoring Ron's comment. "We'll keep in radio contact on anything we encounter."
"Uh, radio contact?" Ron asked, completely baffled at what his principal was saying.
Barkin held out two toy walkie-talkies, both pink in color and had a picture of a blue pony jumping over a rainbow on the back. Seeing his co-worker was deadly serious, Ron picked up one of the radios and put it in his pants pocket. Splitting up, they began to explore the the confines of the crate.
-RS & SB-
Ron pushed a large box aside, full of the defunct Dr D's Cranial Rinse, apparently a box was lost in the store room but recently found and immediately returned. Once the large box was moved aside, Ron was face to face with what appeared to be jungle foliage.
"Wait...what?" Ron said to himself, pushing through the ferns and finding himself in an area of the crate filled plants. "Woah, must have come from the Garden Care department. Wonder why all this was returned?"
His question was answered by a sinister hissing noise behind him, a chill going down his spine in complete terror, wondering what it could belong to. Turning around slowly, he saw a large venus flytrap plant looming over him, a foul liquid dripping from its mouth.
"AARGGH!" Ron screamed. "MUTANT VENUS FLYTRAP!"
The teen cried out in terror, dodging the snapping plant as he ran for his life, tripping over a large plant root and slamming to the ground. When he opened his eyes, he saw a very familiar tiny plant that he recognised from his Wannaweep days.
"POISON OAK!" Ron yelled. "AW MAN, WHY ORDER THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE?"
Exercising extreme caution, Ron made his way around the Poison Oak before pushing past a large fern and walking right into the side of the crate, rubbing his nose in annoyance. Grumbling under his breath, he began to follow the outer wall of the crate and headed east, hoping to find something useful to get him and Mr Barkin out of the crate. He found an unmarked box and curiosly opened it up, finding it to be filled with...
"POTATO CHIPS! BOOYAH!" Ron cheered, picking up a bag and opening it. Taking a handful of the chips, he crammed them into his mouth and immediately went green in the face. Spitting the stuff out of his mouth, he looked at the outer packaging.
"Ew...Meat Cake flavoured!" Ron whined, noticing the other bags were of the same flavour. "I hate Meat Cakes!...Pretty darn strange considering I never ate them before...I think. Meh, what else we got here then?"
Opening another box he found blocks of Yak Cheese, to which he gave it a taste and immediately spat that out.
"Urgh...yuck! Man, I can't believe I spat cheese out...ugh...but on the other hand, that was seriously gorchy cheese...BLAH!"
Trying one more box Ron found cans of soda that he eyed with suspicion, picking one up he saw that the label was all in a language he couldn't understand. The notice on the front was that it was being returned due to the Russian language cans were delivered by accident instead of the English cans. Not wanting to risk more disgusting stuff assaulting his taste buds, Ron placed it back in the box and began continuing to explore for a means of escape.
"Meh, I bet that soda was bad tasting anyway," Ron said to himself, moving along and checking the other boxes in the crate.
-RS & SB-
Meanwhile at the Middleton Smarty Mart
At a sampler stand, a young woman with short blond hair was smiling at shoppers passing by and offering them free samples of the soda cans. A middle-aged man wearing a business suit passed by and stopped, his interest caught by the cans.
"Now what's this?" He asked, looking at the cans. "Can't seem to read what these say."
"It's a new brand of apple & blackcurrant soda from Russia, highly refreshing," The woman said. "Care for a free sample?"
"Sure, I'll give it a try," The man said, taking a can of soda and opening it up. As soon as he took the first sip a smile formed on his face. "Wowzer's! This has to be the best soda I've ever tasted!"
-RS & SB-
As Ron continued to rumage through the boxes, the radio walkie talk went off and the young blond teen answered it.
"Hey Mr B, what's the sitch?" Ron asked, listening to Mr Barkin's whispered response.
"I found the local natives of this land and I'm observing their behaviour at a distance," Barkin's voice answered. "Get over here and help us make contact, if we establish a peaceful link then we might be able to co-exist until re-enforcements arrives."
"Wait, there are other's in the crate?" Ron asked, a little taken aback. "Who else was stupid enough to get stuck in here?"
"Stoppable, hurry up and GET OVER HERE NOW!"
Swtiching the walkie-talkie off, Ron back tracked through the plants and avoiding the mutant Venus Flytrap, heading towards the side of the crate Barkin was exploring. Squeezing through a small gap between two large, heavy boxes, Ron found a makeshift path and began to follow it until he was grabbed by the collar and yanked into a small space, while a hand clamped itself over his mouth to stop him from screaming. Ron tensed up but immediately relaxed when he saw Mr Barkin and shot him a look of annoyance.
"Will you stop doing that?" Ron whispered harshly. "Why'd you do that anyway?"
"You'll need a symbol of peace before we make negotiations with the natives here," Barkin explained. "Use these to help build peaceful connections with them."
Ron's eyes widened in surprise when he was given a bundle of friendship bracelet's and giving his mentally disturbed co-worker a nervous glance. Barkin pointed down a small gap between two large boxes.
"Through there are the other's, you'll have to talk to them nice...and...calm," Barkin whispered, keeping his distance. "I hear the natives will eat you alive if you insult them. Now remember, Operation Desert Trout's success is relying on your success."
"The other's...will eat me?," Ron gulped, when a look of confusion fell upon him. "Operation Desert Trout? What's that?"
"Enough with the chit chat and get your butt over there," Barkin ordered, shoving Ron foward towards the gap between the boxes. Stumbling forward, Ron held out the friendship bracelets in front of him while hoping the other's won't hurt him.
"I come in pea..." Ron began to say, until he saw the 'natives' before him. "...you gotta be kidding me." Right before his eyes was a box filled with rubber chickens, completely harmless.
"Mr B?...These...these are rubber chickens," Ron said, looking a little awkward.
"Rubber chickens?" Barkin said, a look of confusion turning to pure terror. "RUBBER CHICKENS? SWEET HAIL MARY, I SENT YOU ON A SUICIDE MISSION! GET OUT OF THERE!"
"Mr B, they're just rubber chicken's...look, they don't mean us any harm," Ron explained, saying it in a tone as if speaking to a child. "Look, I'll show you."
Stepping closer to the box, Ron picked up one of the chickens and poked it with his finger, giggling at the squeeking noise it made.
"You're not going to hurt me, are you?" Ron asked it, chuckling at the fun he was having. "You're just a dumb, harmless rubber chicken."
"STOPPABLE, GET OUT OF...wait a sec," Barkin said, glaring at Stoppable icily. "So...you finally shown your true colors."
"What are you talking about Mr B?"
"You've gone over to the other side, haven't you?" Barkin said accusingly. "I got it all worked out. By working as a spy, you'll be rewarded with mugs of hot chocolate while you give them the locations of our trout shipment, allowing our comrades in the desert to starve!"
"You know I would never...wait..what?" Ron said, trying to figure out how Barkin came up with that theory. "Uh...Mr B, maybe you should...like uh...sit down for a while?"
"Oh no you don't! You want me to rest while you place a mind control rubber chicken on my head so I will be forced to do the chicken dance!"
"Mr B...er...I wasn't going to..."
"La, la, la, la, la...I'm not listening!" Barkin yelled in a sing-song voice, sticking his fingers in his ears and running past a bunch of boxes. Left alone, Ron sighed and looked at the tiny rubber chicken in his hand.
"Man, this tanks," Ron whined. "Barkin is insane...well more insane than usual, no Kimmunicator and...I'm standing by myself...talking to...a...rubber chicken...oh man, now I'm starting to lose it!"
Throwing the chicken to the floor, Ron went back to the centre of the crate to wait for help to arrive.
-RS & SB-
Barkin began to hide behind a large bunch of boxes, muttering to himself furiously while figuring out a way to protect himself from the 'danger' around him. Covertly moving from one box to the other, Barkin trod on something that caused him to slip up and land heavily on his back. Groaning in pain, he looked at what he slipped on and found a teen style magazine, taking note of the front cover.
On the front was Kim Possible in her mission gear fighting Shego, taken by a photographer who managed to be at the right place at the right time. The tagline for the photograph read 'Possible's Mission Gear, Stylish and Practical'.
"That's it," Barkin said to himself, rubbing his hands as a plan formed in his mind. "I need mission gear like Possible!"
Getting on his stomach, he began to crawl on the ground and made his way over to a large box filled with returned clothes. Ripping it open he started to take off his current uniform until he was in his underpants and began to change into a large green bath robe, with a purple feather boa around his neck. To protect his head he placed a lampshade on his head and wore red three inch high heels on his feet. Hearing a moo coming from the other side of a bunch of boxes, he saw the cow standing next to Ron, who was sitting crossed legged and rocking back and forth.
"Mr Barkin, not you too!" Barkin sighed, slumping dejectedly to the ground. "Then I guess it's all up to me then."
Keeping to the shadow's, Barkin searched a few more boxes in the crate to help formulate a strategy to ensure the success of Desert Trout. Suddenly a rumbling in his stomach made him stop and clutch his abdomen, looking around.
Great, cut off from a food supply and Stoppable has control of the base camp! Barkin thought. I need food!
Keeping to the outer edges of the crate, Barkin explored the outer perimeter of the crate and found himself nearing garden plants, stopping when he heard a hissing noise come from his right. Turning his head, he saw a Mutant Venus Flytrap growling at him and was about to lunge when he bunched his fist and brought it down on the plants head, knocking it out cold. Continuing onwards for his quest for food, he came across a bunch of searched boxes that had various foodstuffs inside. Taking a look at an opened bag of potato chips, he began to eat them and smiled at the taste.
"Oh...I LOVE MEATCAKES!" Barkin cried, furiously ripping apart the other bags and cramming the Meatcake flavoured snacks into his mouth. After gorging on the snacks he let out a yawn, his eyes feeling heavy. Back tracking the way he went, he operated on instinct and returned to the area of the crate that he knew was 'safe', falling fast asleep.
-RS & SB-
Ron sighed as he sat on the floor, thinking about how bad his day went. Taking a photograph out of his pocket, he looked at the picture of him and Kim on their prom night, smiling as the cow looked at the picture with interest.
"Yeah, that's my girl alright," Ron said, patting the cow gently on the head. "Man, I just wish Kim was here. She would know what to do."
The cow blinked it's eyes sleepily and began to lie down, closing it's eyes and falling fast asleep. Rubbing his eyes, Ron figured it must have been late at night and began to put the photograph away, before kissing the part of Kim's face goodnight. Curling up on the floor, Ron closed his eyes and fell asleep.
-RS & SB-
Ron awoke with a jolt, as if the crate was being unloaded off something. Getting up, he began banging on the sides of the crate, shouting for help before giving up. The cow gave him a confused stare, letting out a moo before resuming its stare. Sitting back down, Ron began to rock back and forth, wondering if he would ever escape the crate.
On the other side of the crate, an increasingly disturbed Mr Barkin sat in the shadows of a pile of boxes, still dressed in his 'mission gear' while holding onto a rubber chicken. Making sure he was alone, he began talking into it, convinced it was a tape recorder.
"Tuesday, thirteen-hundred," Barkin said, his eyes shifting around the crate. "I'm surrounded behind enemy lines, Operation Desert Trout is in danger."
Getting up, he peered around the corner of a bunch of boxes, spying on a worried Ron Stoppable as he sat next to the cow.
"Code name, Ron Stoppable has crossed over to the enemy side," Barkin whispered, only to have Ron hear him.
"HEY! At least I'm not the one talking into a rubber chicken!" Ron snapped, followed by a small awkward silence. "This time."
Barkin stared at the object in his hand, eyes widening in terror as he realised he was talking to the enemy. "Rubber chicken? RUBBER CHICKEN?"
Freaking out, he began yelling out in terror as he wrestled with the rubber toy, crashing out into the open space in the crate while Ron avoided the crazed thrashing.
"NO! NOT AGAIN! MAYDAY! MAYDAY!" Barkin cried.
The cow gave a moo of concern as Ron looked at it in agreement.
"Yeah, I know," Ron said, sounding freaked. "Not looking good."
As Barkin continued crying out in terror and wrestling the toy chicken, Ron had enough and grabbed the chicken out of Barkin's hands and threw it into the corner of the crate. Barkin continued trembling on the floor, eyes wide with fear while Ron rolled his eyes.
"Stoppable...you...saved my life," Barkin said, wrapping the teen in a crushing bear hug. "Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!"
"Ack...Mr B!" Ron gasped, eyes bulging out. "Too...tight!"
"Oh...uh...sorry about the Stoppable," Barkin said, dropping the teen to the ground. "I...uh...tend to get carried away."
"Don't mention it...no seriously don't mention it. That hug was...pretty darn creepy, especially the way you're...is that a lampshade on your head? Dude, you really did lose it, eh?"
Barkin suddenly looked at the clothes he was wearing, slapping a hand to his head in complete humiliation.
"Uh...maybe a little," Barkin said, noticing the smug look on Stoppable's face. "Alright, I admit I went a little out of my mind!"
"A little? You were crazier than Killigan on a golf course!" Ron pointed out. "Man, you got some serious rubber chicken issues Mr B."
"Yeah...well, I had a bad experience with them back in my army days. A few of my fellow squad members thought it would be funny to replace my radio with a rubber chicken for a laugh...then it esculated into something more horrific. It's best if you don't know the details."
"Okaaay, well that explains the chicken but...er...what about calling the cow Mr Barkin?" Ron asked. Barkin pointed to the name tag around the cow's neck and Ron stared in disbelief as he saw the name 'Barkin' written on it. "This cow has your last name?"
Mr Barkin nodded in confirmation, watching a smirk appear on Ron's face. Trying not to laugh he clasped both hands to his mouth and held his breath, struggling for a few seconds before finally collapsing to the floor, roaring with laughter.
"Stoppable...stop laughing," Barkin warned, trying not to chuckle. "I mean it...heh...no, really I...heh..." In the end a loud guffaw escaped from Barkin's mouth, doubling over and joining his fellow co-worker on the ground. The cow watched with it's confused expression as the continued laughing, Ron just barely managing to get his next question out.
"Q...Question Mr B," Ron giggled. "What's with..heh...the goofy outfit?"
Mr Barkin laughed at the question and wiped away tears of laughter from his eyes before answering.
"This was actually...'mission gear,'" Barkin answered, laughing again as Ron started giggling hysterically. After a few more minutes of laughter they stopped and sat down in the middle of their 'base camp.'
"So what are we going to do to escape?" Ron asked. "We got anything to bust out of here?"
"No...there was no heavy duty equipment found here," Barkin answered. "We're stuck until help arrives."
With a sigh, Ron gently leaned back on a box in defeat.
"Aw man, this tanks! I wish something would happen to get us out of here!"
A distant boom snapped them to attention, straining their ears as they listened. They could only hear nothing, except for the mooing of the cow.
"Ya hear that Mr B?"
"Must have been our imaginations Stoppable, it was nothing."
Another boom in the distance filled the air, this time a little more louder to making it clearly audible. Ron placed his ear against the side of the crate, listening to what was happening.
"Sounds like a fight," Ron said.
"A fight?...OH, SWEET HAIL MARY! WE'RE IN A WARZONE!" Barkin cried, looking terrified.
"Relax Mr B, I'm sure it's not a..." Ron didn't have time to answer when a distant crash alerted him, the rumbling of something stampeding towards the crate starting to intensify.
Ron gulped and backed away from the wall of the crate, standing next to his crazed terrified co-worker. The rumbling began to intensify as the sound of something rolling towards the crate got louder. Panicking, Ron took cover behind the cow while Barkin surrounded himself with boxes in a attempt to shield themselves. Suddenly the crash shook violently as something impacted into the side, Ron covering his ears and tightly shutting his eyes while the cow stood perfectly still, completely unfazed by the crash. The side of the crate began to creak and fell down, providing the exit they desperately wanted. With a lazy moo, the cow left the crate while Ron opened his eyes to see what was happening as the distant sound of police sirens filled the air, looking at someone he didn't expect to see. His friend, Monique.
"Ron?" She asked, a little surprised to see him.
"Monique!" Ron happily cried, glad to see someone else not insane while Barkin appeared from behind the boxes of the crate. Monique was taken aback by the manner Barkin was dressed.
"Is that, Mr Barkin?"
Leaping out of the crate, Barkin took deep breath's, savouring every lungful while standing next to Ron.
"Ah, sweet lady oxygen!" Barkin sighed, wrapping a arm around Ron's shoulders. "Breathe with me Stoppable! BREATHE!"
The doors of the warehouse they were in busted open and two men, one dressed in a blue suit and the other dressed in a cream suit appeared.
"Fashion police! Halt!"One of them yelled, taking a good look at Barkin's appearance. Barkin gulped and eyed them both suspiciously. The man in the cream suit raised his wrist and spoke into the hidden comm device in the fabric.
"Code red," He said. "I repeat, code red. Send immediate re-enforcements."
"Oh sure, now you arrive!" Monique said sarcastically.
"We're trained in contour, not combat," The man in the blue suit explained, in a matter of fact tone.
Arriving on the scene unfolding, Kim Possible walked over to her best friend, smiling.
"What's happening Monique?" She asked, while Ron's eyes widened at the sight of his girlfriend and the stylish outfit she was wearing.
"KP!" He said, taking in her appearance while another familiar voice filled the air.
"I tell you what's happening!" Kim said in annoyance, heading on over to them. "Camille attacked me!...RON!"
The two fashion police agents sighed at the sight, although not entirely bothered by the fact that they both looked the same but at the outfits. Ron looked on in confusion, baffled at what was happening.
"They both showed up in the came outfit," One of the said.
"How humiliating," The other said.
"Two Kim's," Monique gasped, looking at the identical women standing before her. "Which one is real?"
Ron stepped forward and looked at them both, rubbing his chin in deep thought as he began working out which was which. Finally he came to a decision and pointed to one of the women.
"That one!" Ron exclaimed, smiling at everyone. "Y'know I may not know where we are and what's going on but I know my own girlfriend!"
Putting an arm around Kim, the other one sighed with annoyance.
"No Ron, you don't," She said, crossing her arms and shooting the other Kim an icy stare.
"Just a minute," Monique said, taking a look at the Kim who was being held by Ron. "Padded shoes, 100% silk blouse. ARREST HER!"
"Why?" One of the fashion police asked. "I think it works."
"This is Camille Leone, your thief!" Monique said, while Ron's eyes widened in shock and sheepishly took his arm off her. The Kim doppleganger looked terrified as the police busted in and fashion police pointed at her.
"There's your collar."
Moving in, the two officers grabbed her by the arms as Ron watched in horror when the woman he said was his girlfriend morphed into Camille.
Uh oh, he thought. Kim is so gonna kill me.
"Urgh...but prison is so like, lame," Camille whined, as she was led out by the police. "Oh, can't I do house arrest at one of those yummy villa's in Tuscany?"
Kim walked over to Ron and Monique, while giving Ron an annoyed glance.
"Good eye, Monique," Kim said, causing Ron to gulp.
"Okay...look" Ron began, trying to defend himself. "The crate trappage may have affected my judgement...I was sitting with a cow!...He was talking to a chicken!...and the..."
Kim couldn't help but smile, as Ron continued to defend himself from one of the biggest mistakes a boyfriend could make while Barkin started to laugh.
"Real smooth Stoppable," Barkin said. "Try get out of that one."
"Uh, sir?" One of the fashion police said, grabbing him by the arm. "We got to take you in."
"Oh, you gotta be kidding," Barkin sighed, as he was led away by the two police officers.
"KP, I am so sorry," Ron said, putting an arm around her. "Really, I am so, so sor..."
Kim interrupted him by planting a kiss on his mouth, giggling at the dreamy smile forming on his face.
"Forgiven Ron," Kim said. "It must have been hard being trapped in there."
"I know, I think I been trapped in there for a week!"
"Ron, last time I saw you was yesterday," Kim corrected. "Speaking of which...did you have anything to eat in there?"
As if on cue, Ron's stomach rumbled and Kim rolled her eyes, taking Ron's hand in hers.
"Come on eagle eyes, I think there might be a Beuno Nacho around here."
-RS & SB-
Middleton, One Day Later
Ron and Kim sat at their usual booth in Beuno Nacho, enjoying a meal together. Kim finished taking a sip from her soda before starting on her salad meal.
"I can't believe you managed to get trapped in a crate," Kim said, smiling as Ron began to fidget in his seat, trying to forget that ordeal. "It's a wonder you didn't get fired."
"Yeah...well, actually someone did get fired," Ron said. "The security guard who was supposed to have been watching the screens instead of catching z's lost his job."
Rufus hopped up on the table and began chomping on a few nacho's, craming his tiny mouth with the snacks.
"On the plus side, no school until Barkin sorts out that little legal problem," Ron said, crossing his arms behind his head. "So we got a few days to just chill."
"Y'know I'm a little concerned for Barkin, I hope he's not going to get into too much trouble."
"KP, the guy wore a seriously ridiculous outfit that was seriously out of bad stylage," Ron said. "It's not like he's going to get into serious trouble over it."
-RS & SB-
Fashion Police HQ
At the photo line-up, Barkin waited while the photographer got the camera ready to take his picture for the criminal record.
I can't believe this is happening, Barkin thought.
"Sir, step to the wall please," One of the officers said, watching as the poorly dress Steve Barkin stood in front of the height board.
"You are charged with mutliple accounts of attrocious fashion sense," The other officer explained.
"Uh, I'm not sure this is accurate," Barkin said, looking at the board behind him. "I'm in three inch heels."
"Which is count one," The first officer said. "Those pumps...those toes!"
"Spring calls for strappy," The other explained.
"Turn to the left," The first ordered, waiting until Barkin turned on the spot as the officer snapped a picture. "Count two, the boa/robe."
"Clearly, you didn't pull it off."
"Turn to the right," The first ordered again, waiting until Barkin turned and the other officer again snapped a picture. "Count three, the stole."
"Chicken was so two seasons ago."
"Count four," The first officer said. "The lampshade fedora."
"Your parents must be real proud of you!" The second officer said.
"You realise that I..uh..don't normally dress in this manner," Barkin said, trying to clear the matter.
"Tell it to the judge pal!"
SC90'S Episode Follow Up
Hey there everyone! Hope you enjoyed reading this first installment of a brand new comedy series that I started up. This is going to be a huge project undertaking in which several epic chapters will be written for the first season of The Smarty Mart Adventure's with Ron & Steve. Quite a few readers would have wondered what sort of crazy antics Ron Stoppable and Steve Barkin would get up during the workplace. Expects to see a lot more stuff later on such as villains dropping by for either world conquest or shopping, I got a brilliant idea that involves Shego much later on which will take place after Stop Team Go.
Hope you guys and gals enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing this, feel free to leave a review for I would appreciate feedback on this.