I Shall Exist for Myself

A/N: This is a one shot epilogue for Colours of Sorrow

My inspiration for this little one shot: http: / www .youtube. com /watch?v =DE6z-5IuAEU

Meaning of the names:

Auxilio: he who saves

Uriel: Light


Samsara: is a concept closely associated with the belief that one continues to be born and reborn in various realms in the form of human, animal, or other being (depending on karma).

Karma: it is not punishment or retribution but simply an extended expression or consequence of natural acts.


"If I can't love you then no one can."

A boy with messy black hair and emerald green eyes woke up from his horrible dream. The deranged scream of the woman from his nightmare continues to resonate in his ears and the sharp sting in his chest felt as if the silver athame from his dreams was invisibly imbedded on his chest. His hand touched the aching spot on his chest and massaged it to will the pain away.

Auxilio Uriel Hegel was having these dreams when he was seven years old. It always end with the disturbed woman stabbing him with a knife on his chest, a man with his blurred face was looking at him with such profound sorrow and remorse as he lay dying on his dreams. Who are they? The people in his dreams were rather intriguing, especially the faceless man who cradled him as he was taking his last finals gasps of air.

He went out of his bed and decided to take a stroll, the Gryffindor common room was devoid of its rambunctious lads who were still asleep in this ungodly hour of the morning. It was 3 am and maybe the staffs were probably asleep; the fat lady was in deep sleep and he easily slipped outside of the portrait. He can't take the aura of loneliness and suffering emitted by the tower, it was suffocating him and pressing at his very being, the aura was insisting something on him that he ought to know what had happened inside the tower a century ago, the tower which he considered as his second home seems to have a dark and unpleasant past.

His feet were leading him into the forbidden corridor in the third floor. The king of the Wizarding World decreed that whoever strolled through these corridor will be sentenced to death; he try to turn back but to no avail his feet were moving on its own accord as if there was an enchantment placed upon it.

The King of their world was never seen by the public after his lover was killed. He never went out of the public but still he still ruled their kingdom with an iron fist. It is a fact that their great leader was immortal and a force that cannot be trifled with. He remembered Professor Aurelius telling their class of the gruesome tales of execution of those who rebelled against the Dark Lord. He can't understand the fact that a man with no humanity left can love someone. His feet suddenly went to a halt and he was standing in front of a portrait.

The person painted had messy black hair and emerald green eyes like him. His eyes widened as the portrait swung open as if beckoning him to go inside the narrow chamber. His feet ventured bravely inside and he found himself in a large cathedral with an altar on its very front. He suddenly rushed to take a peek inside the altar only to be shocked at what he had seen.

His look alike in the portrait was lying in the altar; he was wearing a white robe which was stained in blood. As he examined the body he could see the wound similar on the location on he was massaging when he woke up from his dream. Stained innocence, the person inside of the altar was full of innocent beauty but yet he could feel that he was contaminated with the filth of suffering that he did not deserve.

He stared hopelessly at the altar; his mind cannot comprehend the sight in front of him. Is he merely a clone of this man? Or is he something greater than a clone? Or was he a reincarnation of this pitiful soul? There are many possibilities raging inside his mind, as he continued to gaze at the man.

"Who are you?" a deadly voice said and he could feel a wand digging at his nape. "And why are you here."

He whirled around only to see a man with crimson eyes. He already wanted to give his very being to the man as soon as he locked his emerald green eyes into the man's crimson once but a voice inside of his head said:

'I shall exist for myself now. I shall take the freedom which was granted graciously to me.'

But he did not heed the voice instead he embraced the man in front of him as if he was his long lost lover. It seems impossible to exist just for him; the man in front of him seems to be the long lost piece to the void inside of him, even though his will wanted to get away from this man, his heart will forever be missing its piece if he did not join this man.

What am I feeling? Is this possible to feel this way to a man whom I met for the first time? I can't understand the feelings that my soul was evoking. As if waiting for its queue hidden memories was slowly surfacing from my mind as I recognized him. He was the man from my dreams. The one which I had gladly gave my life for and once again, the one I had loved from my former life.

After all this time, I will gladly loved him back.

Tom's POV:

Ever since his Harry died he tried to seek a spell or a ritual that would bring back his lover to him. He journeyed far and wide to search for a solution but to no avail. He preserved Harry's body and laid him in an altar which was hidden from prying eyes. He still ruled the wizarding world as a punishment because he had let his lover go and that he did not saved Harry from his suffering, a suffering that he had cause.

After Harry's death he ruled his kingdom justly and he stopped the muggle and muggleborn genocides. He distanced their world from the muggles, and muggleborns who already displays feat of accidental magic were abducted from their homes and their parents' memories were erased. He never tortured and killed out of spite. Love can really change someone. He never presents himself into the public eyes. He preferred to rule them in the shadows.

The alarm he had placed inside the cathedral went off. Who was the fool who decided to incur his wrath? He thought as he suddenly brandished out his wand and stalked out of his rooms.

A 5th year boy by the looks of it was standing in front of his Harry's body.

"Who are you? He asked at the still stunned boy as he pointed his wand at the boy's nape. "And why are you here?"

The boy whirled around and I was lost for words. Messy black hair and emerald green eyes flooded my vision. Emotions which I had suppressed a century ago rushed back at my very being. The boy suddenly hugged my still form. I thank the god who heard my prayer to bring my lover back to the land of the living.

"My name is Auxilio Uriel Hegel, and you are?" the boy said cheekily as he raised his head to look at my face.

"Tom Marvolo Riddle."

I will not waste the given chance to be with the one I loved. I will protect and begs Harry's forgiveness through his reincarnation even if it took me until the end of time.