Wow that was fast. I hope this makes up for the long time I didn't update. And thank you to my dearest friend iluvZimandNny16 for being the first one to review after the long wait. I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the other one.

Disclaimer: I don't own ANYTHING!


How to describe that first time?

It was exhilarating.

It was perfect.

It was beautiful.

It felt right.

It felt.

For the first time since my friend's death I felt something.

Truly felt something.

It was truly extraordinary.

The sensation rolled through me on a thunderbolt of adrenaline.

Shattering the fog that had clouded my life.

Replacing the blinds that had covered my eyes.

With a diamond vision and a crystal clarity.

For the first time in a long while I was alive.

My spirit rising above the heavens.

My body coming out of the dust.

My heart dragging itself out of the catacombs.

And embracing the warmth of the sun.

But it was not to last though

The second the buzz from that knife stroke wore off so did my high.

The second I could no longer feel that throb I died again.

My spirit sunk below the depths of Hell.

My body returned to the dust of the Earth.

My heart crawled weakly back into its tomb.

And the sun's rays were eclipsed by a brewing storm.

I wanted to race off and return to that sweet caress.

I coveted a time when I could return to my forbidden lover.

But just then my parents came home.

The pair completely unawares.

It's a good thing that I had cleaned the knife afterwards.

Scrubbed it down with disinfectant and put it in the dishwasher.

They never expected a thing.

Dad suggested we go out for a bit of stupid father and son bonding.

I agreed to save face.

If I denied him they would only get suspicious.

So I allowed him to take me out on a fishing trip.

Packed my gear and headed out towards the Fox River.
Where we spent the afternoon fishing.

We spent many hours out by the river.

Catching fish after fish and tossing back the ones that were too big.

Dad talked about a numerous things both mundane and specific.

Though I noticed that he was purposefully avoiding the accident.

I think he was trying to keep my mind off of it.

Normally I would have been having a great time.

In fact after noticing all the effort Dad went to I felt a little bad.

I wasn't having a great time.

In fact a strange sense of numbness was all I could muster up.

I did try to enjoy myself, really I did.

If for nothing but my dad's sake.

But no matter what I did I couldn't pull it off.

No matter how badly I tried I just felt dead inside.

And despite the lively conversation all I could think about was that knife's edge.

And the sharp feel of it against my sensitive skin.

And how alive it made me feel.

I could almost sense it waiting for me.

Singing its Siren's song beckoning to my starving veins.

I knew it was sick, I knew it was wrong.

But I couldn't help but sigh in longing whenever I heard that sweet melody.

We caught about ten fish between the two of us.

Mom was so pleased it almost woke up my dead heart.

But I said almost didn't I?

I don't think Dad noticed my emptiness.

I did a pretty good job of hiding it.

I used every effort of will to convince him that I was fine.

I used every persuasive trick I knew to convince him I was back to normal.

I can only hope that I was successful.

He made no comment about how out of it I was so I think I pulled it off.

I even made a point of watching a Star Track marathon with them.

Buttered Popcorn and cheesy movie quotes and all.

I regretted the fact that I couldn't seem to feel anything.

Normally I would be having a blast.

But no matter how hard I tried I couldn't seem to get into it.

The only thing I could manage is cold numbness at best.

And burning agony, despair and guilt at the worst.

Soon it proved to be too much.

I found myself cracking under the strain of trying to feel.

And eventually even my parents noticed the lapse.

So they sent me off to bed with good night wishes and promises that things will get better.

But there was still the question of how do I feel.

The change in location didn't change the gnawing ache inside me.

The only thing that could relieve that was the sharp kiss of a knife's blade.

But there was no way I could retrieve my waiting friend.

Not with my parents out in the living room.

Sure to sniff out anything amiss.

So it was then that I began my search of my room.

Trying to find anything I could to appease my hunger for sharp icy clarity.

Finally my reprieve came in the form of a thumbtack.

It was pittance compared to my knife's caress.

But it would due for now.

As the tack pricked my skin sending sparks of that feeling up into my brain.

I knew it wasn't enough.

I knew I had to get more, always had to get more.

I knew then that I would do whatever it took to get this sharp lovers pain.

And I would go to whatever lengths it took to get it.

I knew I would never be able to function again without it.