"You know what you need?" said Amy, sitting on the edge of the TARDIS's glass floor. "A doorbell."

The Doctor looked up from the wires he was resetting. "Sorry, what?"

"A doorbell!" Amy turned to look down through the floor at the Doctor below her. "You know, I stand outside the TARDIS, I can't get in, oh look, I can just push this little button and, ding-dong, the Doctor knows I'm out here and comes and opens the door for me."

"Now, what sort of a silly idea is that?" said the Doctor. "A doorbell. Who needs that?"

"I do," Amy replied. "Because you still, for some reason, haven't given me a key. And you don't ever answer your phone. And I've tried snapping at the door but it doesn't work for me, and, let me tell you, nothing looks more silly than a girl standing in the middle of an ancient Greek plaza banging on the door of a big blue wooden box and shouting, 'Doctor, let me in!'"

"It doesn't…look that silly," the Doctor protested, setting his goggles aside and taking off his gloves. "Besides, what would really look silly would be a doorbell on a police box."

"Oh, come on!" Amy pouted. "It's not like anyone in most of the places we go to even knows what a police box is, let alone whether or not it should have a doorbell!"

The Doctor didn't answer, walking up the ramp, past Amy, and over to the TARDIS console, where he flipped a few switches.

Amy stood up and leaned against the console next to him.

"Please?" she wheedled. "If you're worried about looks, you could put it inside the little cupboard behind the sign. The phone itself is rubbish, after all."

The Doctor sighed.


Ding-dong! Ding-dong! Ding-dong!

"I'm coming; I'm coming!"

The Doctor stumbled over to the door, rubbing sleep out of his eyes as he pulled it open.

He was greeted by an empty field and the sound of crickets. Aside from a grazing cow, no one was there.

"Oh, for the love of… This is the fourth time tonight!" the Doctor groaned angrily. "Whoever's ding-dong-ditching me better cut it out! Or else!"

He turned and strode back inside, slamming the TARDIS door behind him.

Sitting concealed in the shadows on the other side of the TARDIS, River Song turned to a new page in her diary.

Girls: 7, Doctor: 0, she wrote, grinning mischievously.