I blame Jenny for the terrible title.

Full terrible summary: basically Dave texts the wrong number and it's John. They've never met, but John tries to form a friendship because he's a dork. Also John is insecure of himself and he kind of thinks Dave is a really cool college kid even though he's actually just a equally-lame high school kid too.

A/N: Okay I guess I should point out now that this is not meant to be serious writing, I just use this type of casual writing to help me relax. I figured some people might like it, so here you go.

Dave says fuck a lot. And everyone is probably out of character.

And there won't be any spoilers to my knowledge because I am really far behind and it's AU anyways.

Also, I really wish fanfiction let me use color, because that was what I originally did, but you guys need some way to tell them apart..so TG and EB it is.

If any of you watch me for my future BBC stories or my Torchwood fic that may never update, I'm sorry.

TG: yo

EB: umm hi?

TG: wow

TG: lame

EB: bluhh...

EB: i think you have the wrong number

TG: like fuck i do

EB: no really!

TG: yeah thats hilarious jade

TG: my sides are splitting

EB: im not a girl! im john :B

TG: fuck

TG: wrong number

TG: sorry bro

EB: what no its totally fine! did you get jades actual number?

You don't respond for a while. Because what the fuck? This guy is still texting you?

You ignore it, and meet up with Jade before school, like you were attempting to before you find out she'd typed in a number wrong.

"Thanks for that," and she grins.

"Sorry! I didn't know, okay?"

You roll your eyes, even though she can't see it behind your shades. The school's in view when your phone buzzes.

EB: sorry i guess that was kind of weird wasnt it? hehe

You stare at the message, before looking back at Jade.

"Now I got this creep textin' me like we actually know each other or somethin'. It's fuckin' weird,"

She giggles. "Maybe he's lonely? You should text him back!"

What a stupid idea.

But then it's only fifteen minutes into your first period class and it feels like it's been five hours. You pull out your phone, and finally decide to just reply for the heck of it.

TG: no kidding

He doesn't respond until the end of the period.

EB: hehe sorry :B anyways, you know my name, so whats yours?

TG: sexy fuck

He doesn't respond.

He doesn't respond until lunch.

You meet up with Jade, and she quickly introduces you to one of her new friends, Rose. She seems normal enough. She's kind of pretty, actually. You think she could lose the black lipstick, though.

You sit at a round table in the corner, just the three of you, when your phone buzzes.

EB: pfft that would be a terrible name, dude

TG: its the best name ever fuck you

EB: sureee

TG: it is

he doesn't respond for a few minutes. Jade raises an eyebrow.

"Texting mystery boy, Dave?"

You smirk slightly.

"He's an idiot. I think he almos' thinks we're friends or some shit,"

EB: hmm i bet your real name is better!

You don't respond. You tell yourself (and Jade) it's because it lowers your intellect just looking at it.

He texts you again.

EB: so, whatre you up to right now anyways? :B

TG: none of your wax

EB: what?

TG: wow

EB: ummm anyways! im at school. its really boring. i dont really think anyone likes me

TG: i wonder why

He doesn't respond. You almost feel kind of bad for him. Almost.

EB: wow jerk

You arch an eyebrow at your screen.

EB: is it okay if i call you?

You don't reply. Because that is weird as shit.

And then he's calling you.

Jade is jumping up and down and forces you to pick it up, or she'll do it.

You pick up.



You don't say anything.

"Sorry, I just..I wanted to hear your voice! You seem cool. Like, not like me. I thought maybe if I talked with you more or something I'd be more like you but jeez this is stupid sorry,"

and he hangs up.

What the fuck.

You almost feel bad for the kid again.

EB: bluhhh sorry

TG: w/e dude

You eat some lunch.

EB: can i ask you a question?

TG: you just did

EB: oh..um...can i ask another?

EB: er

EB: how do you get people to like you?

TG: dude i wish i could help but people just flock to me

Hah. Like that's even true. Sure, girls think you're hot. They ask you out. You decline. But your best friend is kind of a geek and right now you're sitting with her and a girl with her nose stuck in a book whose wearing black lipstick.

EB: oh...well...do you have any tips for me?

TG: just be yourself dude

TG: if they dont like you they can go fuck themselves

EB: ..thanks! youre like..um..my idol! yeah! :B

TG: ok i guess

EB: no, really! thank you! i wish i could tell these jerks that you said that! maybe they wouldnt be such jerks anymore...

TG: um

TG: no prob

Wait. Did you fucking write 'um'. You fucking did. Shit.

EB: hehe :B

TG: whats with the buckteeth

EB: oh..uh...its supposed to help me feel better about mine! or something...i dont really know. thats what dad says. it kinda helps i guess.

TG: cool

EB: anyways i gotta stop texting cause class is starting again but thanks for texting me back and stuff!

And then the bell rings for lunch to be over.

You go to your next class, which happens to be the same as Rose.

It's ridiculously boring.

Eventually-three hours later, school is finally over. Thankfully.

Rose invite you to her house. You and Jade, that is. You shrug.

You have to pretend to not be flipping shit when you see it.

I mean, it's not really your fault. Hell, Jade's house is pretty awesome when you compare it to your crap-hole of an apartment. Your house in Texas was better. But you haven't lived there in what? three years?

You feel like you keep your cool pretty fucking fantastically.

She quickly hurries you past the kitchen, and forbids you from going in there. She makes it sound like a death threat.

You don't know what you were expecting, but it wasn't this. You're all in the living room. Jade insisted on watching some dumb show you've never heard of. Rose ignored the tv and knit what looked like a mass blob of purple.

You don't ask.

Your phone buzzes.

EB: hi!

TG: sup

EB: im at home! my dads making cake again.

TG: cool

EB: no not cool! he makes cake every day and im so sick of it you dont understand! :B

TG: woah angry buck teeth everyone watch out

TG: we got a bad ass over here

EB: not funny

TG: hilarious

EB: :B

TG: im scared

TG: buckteeth

TG: john hold me

He stops replying. You feel a tad bit awkward. But why the fuck should you? You're Dave fucking Strider. You make people feel awkward with your insane cool levels.

EB: i cant im drowning in cake batter bluhhh

You didn't snort.

Fuck you Jade, you did not snort.

Jade waggles her eyebrows at you. You throw a pillow at her face.

She giggles.

TG: sucks for yoyu

Jade threw the pillow at you.

You didn't avoid it because it's ironic.

You didn't avoid it because fuck you.

EB: yoyu? hehe i think you made a typo there Sexy Fuck

You're about to reply when you see the last part. You feel incredibly weirded out until you remember you told him that was your name.

TG: its hard to type properly when someone chucks a fucking pillow at your head and you dont dodge it because its more ironic that way

EB: hehe you hanging out with your girlfriend?

You almost reply with a 'fuck no', before realizing-you're Dave Strider. You are supposed to have a girlfriend. A sexy girlfriend. A sexy girlfriend that flirts with you by chucking pillows at you, apparently.

TG: yeah