And then Kiki updates a lot. Yay? :D So I wrote this one-shot mainly on my iPod in the course of a week at night when I couldn't sleep. I guess insomnia pays off, LOL.
If I update a lot lately with one-shots I'm sorry. As for Sorrowful Song.. I don't know about that. I need to re-write the current chapter, so forgive me if I delay that. Also keep in thought that I have school and YouTube to deal with, ughhh. x:
Thanks for sticking with me though guys~~ ;u;;;
So uh. Enjoy! :D
WARNING CHEESY ENDING ALERT
Everything wasn't okay. They were different, had thought it would've been okay, that he wouldn't have minded. That there was a chance that he had mutual feelings.
Everything was ruined. Gone. Memories were the only thing Johan had left, the only thing keeping his small heart together.
All that tore him apart too.
Could they heal? He doubted it. He had to let go. But how? He had to learn.
Johan sighed, rolling out of bed, groaning at his too-familiar headache. He wasn't ready for today. In fact, he almost wanted to bypass the event by saying he didn't feel well enough. But he couldn't do that; Not to Judai. 'But Judai wouldn't mind.. I bet he didn't even want to see me today..' The teal haired boy sighed again, standing up and doing his usual morning routines.
Today was different. He was going out to see his friend, Judai - one of his best friends. Well, use-to-be best friend. During their years apart - them being twenty-four currently - their relationship had crumbled. That, and because of Johan's confession. Everything had been fine up to that day three years ago. On that day, the two had been casually hanging out, until Judai broke the news to Johan that he, yet again, was going to leave for more world travels.
"Sorry Johan. I wanna stay, but.. The world is just waiting for me, you know? I just gotta see the rest of it!" After graduation, Judai traveled a lot, before settling down in the same town as where Johan did in Japan - Johan moved there for studying purposes shortly after turning the age of nineteen.
"Again? But Judai.." Johan whined. He didn't want his friend to leave, it pained him.
Judai shook his head. "I'll be back before you know it, bro!" He stood up to leave, only to be pulled back by Johan. The brunet looked up into his emerald eyes - ones that sparkled with pain and pleading. "..Johan?"
"Judai, I..." Best to say it now, or he'd have to wait years. And the pain in his chest stung too much to wait. "…I love you." Without giving time for Judai to react, Johan leaned in, gently brushing his lips against Judai's in a tender kiss.
But when he pulled back, Johan didn't get the reaction he planned for.
Judai stared up at him in both shock and slight terror. Nothing was said - That was all it took for Johan to realize what he did. "I-I-um.." He looked away shyly.
Judai backed away and stood up. "I'll.. See you soon. Bye, Johan…"
Judai was finally returning home, after traveling for years. The two had small conversations over the phone - of which Johan had to start and continue - which had been full of awkward pauses and silences, Judai giving vague information to questions that Johan asked about his travels. Johan even had to ask if they could meet up today - which now he regretted. He couldn't believe he hadn't seen the obvious signs: Judai didn't have the same feelings he did. The brunet hadn't said anything on the topic. When Johan would bring it up, Judai would ignore it, or hang up the phone. He didn't know why, but he always did. And now was going to be the first time they had seen each other since Johan had confessed and screwed everything up. The pressure and anxiety was killing him.
Johan sighed, looking over at himself in the mirror: He wore casual clothing - No frills. He wanted a little change from his academy days. Johan frowned at himself; He had always been the type to care about his looks. Today, all the anxiety and stress had affected how he looked, giving his eyes a more tired expression.
He turned his head, looking at his clock. 12:37. Time to leave. He was suppose to meet Judai at the coffee shop just a block away from his apartment at one. Johan groaned before slugging his body out the door to start his long, gruesome day.
"Judai..?" Johan stood in the coffee shop in front of a table that sat what appeared to be his friend. He looked somewhat different - More mature. Though, Johan's appearance changed, so he wasn't too surprised; His teal hair was longer, his eyes looking a bit more mature, and he wore less of his childhood favourite clothing schemes. A lot of people had stopped him and complimented his appearance, calling him handsome.
Yet here he was, facing a very mature looking young adult, his friend who, even though he wouldn't admit it, looked very good-looking and handsome. He gulped down a light blush, afraid that Judai might see and find him pathetic for still carrying these feelings.
Judai looked up, his chocolate eyes that sweet shade of brown that Johan loved. "..Hi, Johan." He smiled, melting all of the other's fears away. Johan sat across from him, smiling back with confidence. Maybe everything was going to be okay.
But it wasn't.
The day carried on horribly. Although Judai was being more social than he usually was, he gave obvious hints towards Johan that he wasn't interested - and it hurt.
"So… Did you get yourself a girlfriend while I was away?" Judai said as he lazily stirred around his coffee with a spoon, adding in an extra playful wink.
"No, I'm-Uh..." Johan blushed a bit, averting his gaze and mumbling, "…I'm not into girls."
"Oh." Judai said blankly. "S-Sorry.. I forgot." He rubbed the back of his head. "You interested in anyone? Crushes? Anyone at all?"
"No." Johan said without any emotion. It was a slight lie, since his feelings for Judai would never leave, but he saw something fade in Judai's eyes. Not knowing what, he just shrugged it off.
"I see. Man, I really would love for my perfect someone to come along soon.. I've been waiting too long!" Judai pouted, Johan chuckling nervously in response. Truthfully, he wanted to be the brunet's one and only. But he couldn't, didn't Judai only like women?
"Yeah… Hey, wanna go somewhere else? Catch up at my place?" Judai pondered, his eyebrow raising. "…Yes, I have food."
The brunet laughed. He could still read him like a book! "Alright, let's go!"
Upon entering his apartment, Judai scanned the rooms, inhaling the sweet scent of Johan that he had just realized he missed. Finally, after shoving his head into his friend's private life, Judai flopped down on the couch beside Johan, looking intensively at the TV before turning to his friend.
"Nice place you got here." He said after a silence - It wasn't awkward, it was quite nice, actually.
"It's always open to visitors." Johan chuckled. Another brief silence. He saw something dull in his brown eyes again. "…Hungry? I can go make you something-"
"We'll never be the same again."This caught Johan off guard. He had Judai had forgotten about it, or not even noticed.
"What are yo-"
"Us. Ever since that day. We'll never be able to be the same. Didn't you notice? I did. All the time." His face darkened with what looked like sadness. "You were the one who tried so hard to cover it up. To pretend that it never happened."
Johan cringed, but didn't say anything. He didn't know hot to feel. He was hurt, yet worried. Judai's face didn't look angry. More guilty and hurt.
"And I kept pushing it. I was so conficted with my own feelings, so confused about how I felt. It took me three long years to figure it out," Judai looked up at him, his eyes filling with what looked like tears, but nothing fell. "Three years of letting you coop yourself up and try to cover the rejection you felt in order to make me happy."
Johan looked away: Judai looked so sad. He started to figure out why the other was saying this.
"And after a while, you forgot about it-"
"No I didn-"
"You lost your love for me, while I was left with feelings - that too so long to realize, overcoming my blindness - that, even after you telling me you weren't interested, still wouldn't go away." Judai sighed. "So that's my big sob story." He looked down at his feet. "So anyways, you were talking about food-"
"So you love me." Johan raised an eyebrow, scooting closer to Judai on the couch. The brunet brushed lightly.
"U-Um, Y-Yes…" He scratched the back of his head. "But it's okay, I understand that I'm too late." Judai smiled awkwardly. He was still upset that he had been so dumb to not realize how he felt.
"…That confession was even more awkward than mine." Johan chuckled, which surprised Judai. He took the other's hand, squeezing it gently. "Who said you were too late?"
Judai blushed a bit harder. "W-Well you said you didn't love anyone…"
"What if I lied." Johan smirked mischievously, causing Judai to blink in confusion several times before responding.
"Why would you do that…?" The other merely chuckled again, leaning in and kissing his nose gently. He caressed Judai's cheek with one hand, his other still glued to his hand.
"Because I was afraid you'd react the same way as when I confessed. I didn't want a repeat of that. And you were happy, so I didn't want to ruin that with my feelings." Johan sighed, bringing the brunet into his arms and issing the top of his head. "I still love you. The feelings I carry for you will never go away. My heart is forever yours."
Judai smiled, closing his eyes. "And I'll hold it next to my heart for eternity."