Au: This started as a joke. I promised to write a fic with this title and this description. I have no idea where it'll head to xD


She has to be pure. She has to be loving and kind. She must look good at my side and not forsake her marital duties for another. For there can be no other but me. Should there be I will not hesitate to have him murdered. Should there be she will have failed as a wife and she shall be punished severely till death do us part.


With hair wild around her head Emma sat up and pressed her hand flat against her forehead. What had she been drinking last night?

"Emma, are you all right?" The piping voice of Mary Margaret indicated not only concern but also cheeriness. She'd obviously been awake for much longer than Emma and this was only confirmed when she came into view, all dressed up and ready to go. The blonde rubbed her temples and closed her eyes, trying to clear her mind from the fogginess and dull throb of last night's nightmares.

She gave Mary a faint smile. "I am fine. Just a bad dream."

Mary smiled but hers wasn't convincing either. She only smiled to comfort her roommate.

"How long have I been sleeping?" Emma asked, her eyes searching for the alarm that should be at the side of her bed. Her hand rushed through her messy curls as her eyes found the alarm clock lingering on the floor. She must have smashed it again in her sleep. It was starting to become a nasty habit.

"Long enough." Mary pointed at the clock behind her in the living room, for she stood in the doorway and already turned on her heels in an attempt to go. "It's time for work."

Emma rolled her eyes. "Why didn't you wake me up sooner?" She grumbled, eyeing the clock madly before getting up from the bed and crawling down to pick up her alarm. She looked at it and with a frown concluded that the time didn't match that of the clock in the living room. Perhaps she should get rid of the alarm clock fully for it held no function to her. Biting her lip, the sheriff scurried out of the room and made her way to the kitchen to pour herself a large bowl of milk and started rummaging the cabinets for cornflakes. Somewhere in her mind she was aware her actions were taking an illogical turn. Shouldn't she have added the flakes before the milk? She frowned and rested her forehead against the cool wood of Mary's cupboards.

The latter clicked her tongue and was nervously plucking at her gloves as she tried to come up with an excuse and answer Emma's question. "Because I forgot. I was busy preparing for the new school project." By the way Mary Margaret looked it appeared her time had been spent on cosmetics and fashion than any school work as she had just claimed. Emma frowned at her. "Ah, I get it. Well, go off then."

The blonde decided to continue her search without glancing at Mary. "Have fun." She could hear the teacher smile and turn on her heels, then the footsteps of her sneakers as she made her way to the door. Emma traced her way back to her bed and searched it for her shirt. After dressing properly, screw showers, her head hurt too much to actually think of such daily rituals, she sat down and took the alarm clock. With a nice curve the item hit the bin in the living room and Emma brought her elbow to her chest. "Score." She said, grinning.

The blonde leaned on the edge of the bed and put on her boots. Once she got up, now fully dressed, she sniffed for the hem of her clothes and pulled a face. "Well, it'll have to do." She muttered, feeling groggy and late for work, and rushed back to the kitchen where she slammed a few more doors in a futile attempt to find the cornflakes. Cursing her cereal, she settled for drinking the milk and eating a banana. She would get a proper meal once she was down at the station, so she figured. During her thoughts her eyes fell upon a note on the table and curious as always she stepped closer and took it in her hands. Tracing the paper through her fingers she wondered if the piece of paper had been left here by Mary or by Dr Whale, but realized it most probably was not. The writing seemed awfully familiar.

Emma frowned as she held the note and scanned it with her eyes. When had she written this down.

"You didn't."

With a shout Emma's hand had fluttered to her chest and she looked at her son, gasping for air as she did so. "Kid, you frightened me." Did he read minds too now?

Henry gave her a concerned shrug. "I didn't mean to." The boy sullenly said. "You didn't go out with him, did you?"

She frowned at him for a moment. "Huh what?"

"With Mr Gold." Okay, now that was odd, Emma silently had to admit. She hadn't seen the town's creepy pawnbroker for two days now. What would have made her son ask about him?

"Kid, shouldn't you be at school?"

Henry let his hands drop at his sides and looked up at her. "No one will miss me. They have the same class all over again tomorrow."

"Why? Just because you weren't there?" Emma mocked, thinking her boy's fantasy was a wonderful thing but at times should be reigned.

"No, just because everyone's been stuck in time and there's only one lesson they can give."

"Sounds like crap." Emma stated in a plaintive voice.

Her son felt like defending and thrust his chest forth, making himself appear larger and broader than he was. "How else did you think Snow White could become a teacher?"

Emma's headache hadn't completely vanished yet and she rubbed her hands past her face, resting her palms against her eyes for a moment. "I don't know. I suppose she was educated at home. A private teacher and all of that."

Henry glared at her. "Really?"

She huffed.

"And how come you're so smart then, kid?"

"I taught myself a lot of things." Henry proudly said, smiling at her.

"Like how to sneak into a woman's apartment?" She joked.

"Mary let me in on her way out." Henry confessed which made Emma grimace. "I taught myself more than school or Regina ever would.."

"So you must have inherited some wit. Good to know one of your parents has been intelligent and it rubbed off on you." Somehow this thought was giving her mixed feelings. On the one hand she was glad Henry seemed to have earned these great sides to his personality, on the other it scared her for the father he had. If the man had been as creepily smart as Henry she held no doubt he would track them down once he'd ever found out about the baby who was now a teen. And then what would she do? Have another custody battle. She let out a loud groan.

Henry smiled at her, eyes softening and full of admiration as he placed his backpack aside and captured his mother's hands in his own, enveloping them with his. "I'd like to think that's you." He said, voice soft and gentle.

Emma blushed and silences filled the room. She somehow felt it wasn't of her side and not only because of the grades she'd scored while at school. No, definitely couldn't have been her genes, could they?

"Look, my gran is all cool and all of that," Henry continued, helping her out, "but she was never educated as a teacher. I doubt she has a certificate to prove she's qualified for all that."

"If what you say is true the mayor will have fixed that, kid." She half expected Henry to huff and stamp his foot at this suggestion but instead the boy gave her a bright smile.

"Ah yes, the queen would have used her dark magic."

Emma wondered how long the boy would keep up like this. "I mean she could have forged it anyhow."

At her words the boy needed a moment to think before he consented. "That as well." He made it sound like it had been his own idea. As if Regina was double-crossing them both as the Evil Queen as well as her evil mayor self. For a moment he was silent but then his eyes found the piece of paper in front of Emma.

"Did you write that?" He asked again and by doing so brought Emma's attention back from one subject to another. She snapped out of her thoughts and glanced at the paper that was back on the table.

"Huh? What? I can't recall. I woke up and this note was on the table. It's really odd, I think I dreamed about it." Emma pondered while Henry leaned over her to see what it said but couldn't get a good view as she urged him aside.

"What does it say?" He urged.

Emma picked it up. "Some kind of very misogynistic rant."

Henry snatched it from her fingers and frowned increasingly as he read the lines. "This wasn't written by you. I think I know to whom this belongs." He looked up at her in earnest. "He was in the book."

"What, Mr Gold?" Emma said in surprise, thinking back of the way Henry had entered the apartment.

The boy looked at her with incredulous eyes. "What makes you say it is him?"

His look made Emma realize her mistake and quickly wave her hands in front of her. "I did not. I was just suggesting."

Her son continued stubbornly. "I told you I don't know who he is yet. So no, I don't think this is by his hand. This isn't by Gold. It is that of the King. It's of Snow's father."

Emma shivered. "Well, nice grandpa I have."

"I agree mine's better." The boy said. "So, you think Mary will be seeing David today?"

"I wouldn't keep your hopes up, kid." Emma knew Mary was having a date later that day with Dr Whale. "But in contrary to someone else I know she's at school. Where she should be. Working." She eyed her son to see if he got the hint. He did, but smiled sheepishly at her as he put his hands behind his back and wiggled his chest.

"Come on, Emma. What's one more day?" He tried but she groaned and rolled her eyes. Her hand was on his shoulder as she guided him towards the door. She took the key to the apartment and pocketed the note that had been on the table. Then she opened the door and escorted her son out.

"No, you're going to school kid or I'll be in big trouble." She knew Regina would have her skin if she found out Henry had been skipping another day to be in Emma's presence. "

"But I need to be here," The boy tried, looking at her as he uttered a dismal bleat of protest when she pushed him into the car. "I can help you find out more about that note. It wasn't in the book, but I think I could find back a passage to which it might belong to."

His hopeful bright eyes touched her for a moment and she almost gave in, but with a sigh she closed his door and made her way to her own seat. After buckling up she glanced at him. "Henry, we can do that after school." She said, and run a hand through his hair as if to cheer him up. But by the look on his face it was obvious her action wasn't really helping to bring the smile back to his face. Instead he sat sulking and she started the engine.

"So what was that about me seeing Mr Gold?" She said, driving backwards out of the parking lot and heading up the road.

Henry's sulking stopped almost instantly and he perked, the sparkle in his eyes returning as he grew enthusiastic at her side. "I heard the rumor that Mr Gold has been out last night. You didn't notice my presence in your apartment for a good ten minutes. Then I saw you hold onto that note and put the pieces together and thought he must have been out with you."

"With me?" She spurted. "Why on earth with me."

Henry looked a little hurt as he splayed his fingers in front of him and shyly looked away. "Well, you're very pretty."

She looked in the rear-view mirror and protested.

"I'm not just saying this because you're my mom." Henry said, making her heart clench.

"Even so, what would make you think Mr Gold would ask me out? Why would he date me? And why would I say yes to such an offer?" She laughed at the ridiculous thought.

"You're right," Henry said, smiling brightly again. "I was worrying for nothing. You would not be as thick as to accept such a request from him. You'd turn him down." His smile grew wider. "Sorry I doubted you, Emma." His brown eyes slid back to his biological mom.

"I must have imagined his interest in you."

She suddenly hit the brake hard. Very hard. Their heads jolted.

"Say that again?" She demanded, in shock.

Henry looked a little frightened as he turned his upper-body to face hers. " Well, haven't you seen how he's been looking at you. He always is. He licks his lips too when he sees you, even when we're just passing on the street. And he always greets you and calls you by your first name." He pursed his lips. "I think he likes you."

Emma brushed the wild curls of hair out of her face and grabbed the steering wheel again.

"Okay, that's a lot of disturbing information to take in but… okay." She let out a deep breath. "I really need to get you to school." With a movement of her foot they were driving again.

"We'll take a look at that note later, okay?" Henry said eyeing her carefully. She agreed silently and he smiled. "Operation Cobra." He said crossing his fingers and giggling softly at her.

"Operation Cobra," She repeated him like an echo, devoid and empty of meaning. She dropped him off and watched him go after he waved at her with a bright smile. The boy always seemed jolly and full of confidence. His eyes, the way his lips curled, his hair and odd giggles and sometimes his smell would remind her of someone other than her. But she couldn't quite put her finger on it. Perhaps it was his father's influence. The damned man seemed to have given him intelligence as well. Emma seriously considered the madness to be part of her gift to her son for despite not believing his fairy tale theory she did consider herself as a socially awkward outcast with several heavy issues that even Dr Hopper could not cure. Had her fantasy been more vivid she might have acted the same as her son and thought similar things.

With a jerk the car sped forth until it reached Regina's office and Emma jumped out to rush into the building. Without any obstacles she made it to Regina's room and found the door ajar. She pushed it aside carelessly to find Mr Gold half over the mayor's desk, staring angrily at her and having his teeth bared. The mayor was too caught up in looking into his eyes to notice Emma's presence at first.

"If you have taken such an interest in our newest resident, then how about you take her on some kind of vacation."

"That sounds lovely but would unfortunately not do. After all no one has been successful in leaving the town and I don't fancy suicide much."

Emma cleared her throat and found both heads turn toward her.

"Ah, Sheriff Swan, how nice of you to join us." Regina gave her a fake smile. "Speak of the devil and here she is." She added as a whisper through gritted teeth. Mr Gold caught her words and gave her a dangerous glance that told her she should watch her words.

"What have I missed? Is Mr Gold going on a vacation trip?" Emma mocked while she folded her arms in front of her chest. A fight between Regina and Gold was always interesting to watch, especially as she considered both of them to be 'evil'. It was a shame really that she needed Gold's help to in order to beat Regina. She disliked the thought of working alongside a man of his reputation. Then again he'd behaved quite well as her benefactor and she only owed him, not the other way around.

The man in question only gave her a short 'good day' before he turned away from her to face Regina again. "Well then, we will all go on this boat." He said, his palm flat on the table. The mayor raised a brow and pursed her lips. The idea wasn't really to her liking if her expression as anything to go by. No matter how much she tried to hide her emotions her dislike showed.

"All right." She said. "We will all have our vacation on board a ship. A big ship. Something fit for, well, for me." She said, smoothening her jacket with her hands.

Emma watched impatiently as she knew she was being ignored deliberately. But right now she had no idea what was going on and thus had no clue how to burst into their conversation. Mr Gold pushed himself from Regina's desk and snorted. "You want me and our sheriff to join you on a ship?"

Regina signed a form in front of her and sighed. "Yes," She looked up at him again and waved a finger through the air as if bored. "Yes, you and miss Swan and anyone else who would wish to join. We'll all go. See it as my special gift for the holidays."

Emma frowned in suspicion. "Oh, ho, wait a minute." She said, stepping forth and coming to stand at Mr Gold side. The man glared at her from the corners of his eyes but said nothing. "Why are we all to go on a ship?"

"Because you need a vacation, Sheriff Swan." Regina dryly remarked, and as she put down the pen she started to roll her shoulders and arms around, indicating she needed a massage. Her nerves were strained, and not only because of the two people occupying her office. She looked up at them drearily. "And not just you. Mr Gold made it a good point. We should all go on a trip."

She stood up and closed the map in front of her.

"No buts," she said, shushing Emma who had already opened her mouth like a fish. The blonde pressed her lips tightly together and reluctantly obeyed. "There will be no argument and no discussion. It is settled. You," Regina pointed at Mr Gold, "and you," She pointed at Emma, "along with Henry, Mr Glass and Dr Hopper will be joining us. I'll have wallpapers spread about the trip. Anyone who wants to join is welcome. This is a one-time experience. See it as a favor to gain votes for the next election." She hated to lose and reluctantly admitted she could use something to increase her popularity among the town's inhabitants. Mr Gold's ridiculous idea, for he had refused to leave town with Emma on one of Regina's already paid for trips on a cruise liner, to leave town for a few days was offering some potential to work in her favor. Ridiculous, but it might just be what she needed to win this game.

"Now I'd appreciate it of you two would leave me to my work. I've got a trip to plan." She pushed both Gold and Emma out of the room and closed the door behind them.

Emma looked up at Mr Gold, a perplexed look on her face. He looked startled too but quickly composed himself. "Well, what had you come for, Emma?" He said, grinning at her from ear to ear.

She let her hands drop down her sides. "I uh- think I forgot. Clarification, but.." Her voice trailed off and her eyes scooted to the floor. Mr Gold's smirk expanded.

"I think you've gotten what you were looking for. Clarification, Emma. It seems we'll be packing for a trip across the sea."

Emma rolled her eyes. "You can't be serious."

Au: Give me cookies and I'll be your slave 8)