Pairing: Aragorn/Legolas (so it is male x male. Don't like, don't read)
A/N: I hope my English is getting better!
Disclainer: Aragorn, Legolas and the other characters of this fic belong to JRR Tolkien. I own nothing but the plot!
Three Dreams (are made of these…)
I'm here to teach him. Rivendell is one of my most favourite places in the world and I couldn't imagine any place that holds more beauty than this valley concealed between the mountains. The rivers shine silvery even in the daylight hours and the water is crystal clear so that you can see straight to the ground. The small rivers that wind through the valley and beneath the small houses dance over the rocks and form them in their eternal play.
The trees that surround us are high and so green like nowhere else. They seem to stretch their branches towards the sky, try to reach the clouds to play with them. I know they are older than us elves and they will survive everything in Middle Earth because their root reach deep into the core of our planet itself. That is why the leaves gleam even in the pale moonlight. The bark is scarred and knotted it tells a long story of living and dying.
I teach him because I love to be here. The houses and pavilions are old, built by a generation of elves that I barely know. I don't recall ever seeing one of them, some have left for the new shores, some have left for finding peace and some have left forever. Marble columns tell the tale of ancient architects both spirited and gifted and they have left their legacy for us to marvel it's beauty. White statues of the ancient Gods line the wide gardens, some of them half covered with ivy but who would dare to destroy these plants that make this place so enthralling? Nature is a part of us elves and we are a part of nature. A symbiosis that shows itself so wonderfully in Rivendell.
I teach him because I love to stay with my friends. Arwen and Glorfindel are my most precious companions and when I'm here we use to talk whole nights until dawn and we never get tired of talking. There are so many things to discuss, poems, music, diplomatic topics, nature, people, us. Sometimes we just sit together on the roof of a higher building and watch the moon and the stars. They say the sky holds answers to our questions and we try to see what these answers might be. But no one can see the future unless he goes there. Future will always stay veiled until the day when tomorrow becomes today.
Arwen can kind of see the future or more, things that might happen once we made a decision. But what she sees is not always true. It shows a possibility. And we have so much possibilities that it seems arrogant to call this fortune telling. But when she sees what is going to happen she shares her visions with Glorfindel and me and we muse about it.
I teach him because he is one of the most eager learners I have ever seen in my entire life. And even if I'm young by the standard of elves I feel even younger when I'm with him. My millennia fade and I feel like a young man or a boy even when we are out in the sun together and he shows me his progress. Estel was born to fight with his sword but one day he came to my room and asked me to teach him archery. He had heard of my exceptional talent and he wants to learn from a master. I felt flattered when he told me this and I guess this is why I say 'yes' in the first place. Even as a young man he knows what he wants and he even more so knows how to get it. Estel is twenty one now and he changes. The boy becomes a man and you can see him change day by day.
Officially his education was complete when he turned twenty but he wants to learn more. I'm glad that he came to me. He is nice company and when we pause we sit down and talk just like I use to talk with Arwen and Glorfindel. I never thought a mere human can be an inspiring partner in a discussion but he is. I so enjoy talking to him that time flies and the evening comes faster than I noticed. It is dark now and we have stopped talking about an hour ago and now it is us two staring into the sky waiting for the stars to paint their art on the black sky.
"Legolas, will you ever go back to Mirkwood?" Estel asks into the silence and I'm taken off guard by his question. His voice is firm but he has only whispered in a low tone so that it feels like we share a secret.
"Mirkwood is my home. My father lives there and I'm the prince. So yes, someday I will have to go back." I answer with a vague gesture of my pale hands. Estel follows them with his eyes, staring at my fingers. I wonder why he does this silently asking him but he chooses to ignore the question in my eyes.
"I hope you will not leave too soon." He says instead and it makes me curious. I search his deep hazelnut brown eyes for an answer and I know that he doesn't try to hide anything from me. He is relaxed while I want to see what lies beyond those depths. Smiling he waits while I take my time. He is beautiful. I have noticed this before but now I can see it so clearly. Perhaps it is the moonlight that grazed his handsome face with its silver rays. Estel has been a good looking child from the beginning. I remember the day I first saw him and this was the first thing I thought about him. I knew that he would become an attractive man. Perhaps that was my vision of his future. His lips part when his smile grows brighter which makes me gasp for I notice I want to touch the soft skin and let my fingers trace them. They would feel like rose petals, I know for sure.
As if he knows what I'm thinking he edges a little bit closer to me and lets a hand rest on my shoulder. He suddenly makes me nervous, making me tense while my heart skips a beat. I have always loved to watch beautiful things: the sky, the moon, the sun, flowers, architecture, faces… But it is nothing compared to his beauty and it takes me just a split second to notice that I want him with all my heart. It scares me and it will scare him but he inches closer to me until we are side by side, our hips and legs pressed together. I can feel his warm skin through his closes and I guess he can hear my heart beat.
"Legolas, I hate the thought that you will leave someday." He confesses. "I guess I like you. You are my friend and I feel close to you. Perhaps because you are the only one of the elves that never treated me like a stranger. Elrond was the only one who accepted that I'm not like the elves. And now you." His words sound strange to someone like me because I have never thought about him being different. He is just Estel to me. Not the human Estel or Elrond's foster son Estel. Just Estel. Just him. "I know that elven hearts may seem cold and reserved sometimes especially for us humans who tend to show every emotion. But I know yours is not." How does he know? All this time I haven't noticed this myself.
The closeness is tempting and it takes all my strength to not pull him into my arms and hug him close to me. His presence is overwhelming – it has always been – and I guess I would lose my temper once I feel him close to me. His eyes search mine and I guess he knows what I'm thinking. Elves tend to call humans dumb but Estel is the most comprehensive person I have ever met. I release my breath with a shiver which he notices. I guess he doesn't even know what he is saying or doing to me right now. I won't call it naïve just… inexperienced.
"Estel, it is late. Aren't you tired?" I ask a little breathless. I can see the hurt on his face when I ask him and he stands up stiffly and nods without a word. I never want to hurt him and sadness engulfs my heart when I see him like this. I cannot stand to see his pain and so I grab his wrist so that he stops. He doesn't turn around to look at me and so I just talk to his back. "You are young, Estel. There may be feelings that you don't understand right now, but you will see what they are when you get older." I tell him. With a strange expression he turns around to look at me again. I know that I have lost him because his eyes have shut me out. He has never looked so cold and distant before.
"Don't bother, Mellon." His voice mocks me. "I know I will never be as old and wise as you elves but I know what I want." His words aim to hurt me like he hurts but I cannot let this happen. I stand up, my hand still surrounding his wrist, and pull him closer to me so that I can let my hands rest on his shoulder.
"My beautiful Estel, you don't know what you do to me. I wish you would because then it would be a lot easier for both of us. I will never do anything that could destroy our friendship so please just leave it like that. Don't make me do something that we both might regret." I whisper. Estel just stares at me and I can see that he understands but he doesn't want to hear this. I'm weak. I cannot hold myself back and so I just lean forward and caress his face with my lips. When has he grown up so that we are on eye level? He has always been smaller than me. He has grown without me noticing.
The young man trembles slightly when I shower his temples and cheeks with feather light kisses. When I continue like this he tilts his head so that I come closer to his lips which nearly makes me go insane. Years and years of self control and restraint fall off me and I capture his lips with mine. They are as soft as rose petals just as I imagined and they taste like honey when I part them and deepen the kiss. Estel kisses me back and I can feel his hands slip around my neck while mine grab his waist to pull him close. He enjoys this just like I do I can tell by the way he leans into the kiss. Estel gives a low moan from deep within his throat and this is what brings my senses back to me. I break the kiss and look down at the handsome man. His eyes are still closed and his lips slightly parted.
I let go of him, taking a few steps back. "I'm sorry, Estel." I mumble. "Forgive me." Then I turn around and leave. This should never have happened. He is too young, too precious to fall for another man. He doesn't know what he wants, I tell myself and when I enter my room I close the door and lean against it, catching my breath. I hope that our friendship will not be destroyed by this kiss. What was I thinking? I should've known better, I'm old enough to know the consequences. I'm angry at myself for being so weak where Estel is concerned. I should never have given in to the look in his eyes. You would think I was stronger.
"Legolas?" A whispering voice says and I jump. Normally I'm not easily startled but I cannot help my reaction. Arwen sits by the window and looks at me. "I was waiting for you Legolas." She says and gets up smiling. I try to pull myself together and manage to put a mask on my face. But she has seen me. "Why are you so shocked? What happened?" She asks with deep concern in her voice. I come up with some apology which sounds strange even to my own ears. She doesn't believe me but drops the topic.
"I have seen Estel. And you." Is what she says next. I can hardly stay calm when I hear those words. "I've dreamt of you." Just a dream. I release my breath and walk over towards my bed and sit down heavily. She comes to sit next to me. "A vision, Legolas, of your future." She smiles but I can also see that there is more to it. "Your fate and Estel's fate are linked close together. And…" Arwen hesitates. "I guess you should know this for I know you well, my friend. I know what's in your heart." At the moment it is racing in my chest, trying to break free. Her words don't help my condition. "I have seen you two together. You know that this was just a possibility but I saw that you were close. More than friends."
What happened tonight has triggered a vision in Arwen? I can hardly believe what she tells me. But I have made my decision and as she said this was just a possibility. I will not let it happen. Estel deserves a female who will bless him with children. He will never be happy with another man. The elves accept love in all its ways and if I chose a man as my mate it will go uncommented. But humans are different. It would be hard for Estel and as I'm aware of what lies ahead of him I will not burden him with my love.
"No need to fear, Arwen. I just talked to him." Talking was not the right word but I refuse to tell her what happened out there. "I will leave tomorrow. It will be better for him." She seems confused and not satisfied with my answer. Before she replies she thinks it over, her eyes cast towards the window, looking at the trees and stars. I will miss Rivendell and my friends. But most of all I will miss Estel.
"He will be so sad, Legolas. There is more in his heart than he tells you." Arwen says and I wonder what that means. I know what is in his heart. Me. And I will make sure that this will change. "But this is your decision and I understand it, but…" She hesitates with her next words. "There is another possibility that I have seen. I fear you won't like it."
"I want him to be happy. He deserves a wife who cares deeply and can stand everything that he will have to face in the future. He will be the rightful king one day and his mate needs to be strong and understanding." He sighs.
"These are all attributes that you posses, my dear friend." Arwen smiles. "The other possibility is me." I need a few seconds to get her full meaning. My heart threatens to stop but I manage to put a smile on my face.
"You will be the best mate he can wish for." I say. I will leave tonight. I won't tell him goodbye, I just want to get away from this beautiful, haunted place. Arwen tries to soothe me, she senses my pain but I don't really listen to what she says and when she leaves I pack my few things, walk towards the stables and mount my horse. When I ride over the bridge from where I can see Rivendell one last time before it vanishes between the mountains I stay for a second.
I was here to teach him, because I love him.
Of course that wasn't the last time I've seen him. The next time, years later, was a bit awkward but we made it through and now our friendship is back to normal. We have never talked about that evening again and I guess this is what makes us such good friends. Maybe he has even forgotten all about it like I so hoped he would do. Arwen had seen one thing right: he is now with her and they make a beautiful pair: she is graceful, her face so beautiful and she is also calm and rational. Aragorn is quite the opposite but nevertheless still a handsome man, but he has a temper that she is able to control. I know how to deal with it, too, but I never try to think about it.
My heart still races when he looks at me with those deep brown eyes and I swear he can still look deep into my soul. My breath still quickens when our hands touch by an incident and I feel still warm from the inside when we talk. I trust him deeply, with all my heart, soul and my life. I know I can because he has proven this a thousand times on the battlefields. Most of all I still like to watch him: he walks with his head held high, like he always does and he moves with feline grace. His hair is at shoulder's length, a bit tousled, his beard stubby and it gives his face a rough touch. I like it this way.
I have learnt to keep my feelings for him under control. Today we are together again in Rivendell. Elrond has asked for a council and we discuss a very important matter. Aragorn, my beautiful Estel, sits with us, too and he is deep in thought, watching the ring that causes all this trouble. I know what he is thinking. He is afraid that Middle Earth might be destroyed by evil forces. Even if he is not the King by now he worries for his future people. And us elves and even for the Hobbits from the shire.
He is still the same. I will always remember the young man I taught back then. He is still visible on Aragorn's handsome features and in his eyes that sometimes sparkle with mischief. Now the man turns his eyes towards me and smiles. A slight and secret smile that is only meant for me. I hope I'm not blushing like a young girl and for a few seconds my mind is far away from this council and back with Estel when we kissed under the stars. Aragorn does not avert his eyes, they bore into me with so much passion in them that I fear I will drown when I look at them for longer. He is ready to fight against the Dark Lord and his armies. He will protect his people and he silently asks me to come with him.
I will. Of course. I will follow him down into the depth of hell and back again. He would do the same for me and that is what makes our friendship precious. Sometimes I'm really glad that we haven't destroyed it with our kissing. And I'm happy that Arwen is his mate and cares for him. I know that she loves him and will care for him for all eternity. Tonight I will meet her and I'm looking forward to it. Since I became the emissary of Mirkwood for my father I have travelled a lot and I haven't seen her in ages.
When the council ends we are nine people who will go to Mordor. A strange party indeed and I'm not sure if the dwarf was a good choice but at least he has an axe. The hobbits seem oblivious to the danger that lies ahead of us, they look forward to our journey. But they're loyal and will be a great help for Frodo who needs his friends by his side. I myself am very glad that Aragorn and Gandalf are a part of the fellowship, too. Nothing can happen to us when Gandalf's strong magic and Aragorn's swift sword protects us. I'm not sure if Boromir can stand the temptation the ring holds but he is a fierce warrior like Aragorn.
We have just one night before we start. I guess Arwen will stay with Aragorn and so I have no hope of meeting her. I walk the paths of Rivendell by myself, enjoying its beauty in silence. The trees, bushes and flowers seem to shine even by night. Maybe we will never come back and this precious and peaceful place will be lost forever. Because this is what will happen if we fail. I'm not afraid but sad. My own life is nothing compared to the thousands we are able to safe. Or doom. By a small bridge over the river I sit down and watch the water flow beneath my feet. The stream is steady and silver in the moonlight, rippling over the stones. I'm so lost in this sight that I nearly overhear Arwen approaching me.
"You're not with Aragorn?" I ask, my eyes never leaving the water. She sits down beside me and rests her head on my shoulder. She sighs and I can feel her shiver slightly.
"I have dreamt of you again." She says and I feel my heartbeat quicken. I don't want to hear anything about Aragorn and me being 'us'. We are just friends and nothing more. "No matter what I do or what you do he will be with you someday." I don't believe this because Estel has never shown more than friendship after we kissed. I hope that he has forgotten about it. Maybe he has not.
"That is just a possibility, Arwen." She shakes her head no.
"I have vanished from those possibilities. I'm no longer in his future. I have seen it clearly, Legolas. You are for him. He still loves you even if he doesn't show it." I turn my head to look at her. Tears gleam in her eyes. "I was never enough for him because I'm not you. I'm not what he wants." Arwen tries to calm herself but I can hear the sadness in her voice and words. She loves him. "He will die if we stay together. And I will vanish, too." I gasp. When and elf falls in love with a human and the human loves them back then the human will gain immortality as long as the elf loves him. So I thought Aragorn would never die.
Arwen hides her face on my shoulder. I cannot understand that she comes to me of all of his friends because I'm the cause for all this trouble and her sadness. "I have dreamt of his immortal life, Legolas. He will live forever because you love him and he loves you back. Happiness will make his life eternal. He will not be happy with me and I will doom us both when I'm selfish and stay his mate. Maybe even you…" I know what she means. If Estel dies I will never be the same again. I cannot stand the thought of losing him. A tear runs down Arwen's face and she gets up. "I told him." She says. "I told him that he is for you and you are for him. He gave me back the Evenstar." She opens her hand in front of me so that I can see the precious piece in her hand. "I don't want it."
Her voice shakes with emotion and her body with pain. She throws the tiny thing into the water and it gets carried away over the stones and rocks. Then she looks up into my eyes. "Legolas, go and make him immortal." She says and leaves me alone. The water still ripples but I can't hear it. My blood pounds through my veins so loud that every other noise is covered by this sound. I'm afraid. Really afraid which has never happened to me before. And I'm nervous. I'm not sure if I can stand this a second time. She has told Estel so now he knows. The feelings that I have tried to erase over the past decades rise back to the surface and all I want is to be with him now, hold him and tell him that I'm sorry. But I'm not ready to face him yet.
The silence suddenly is too much for me so that I get up and walk back to my room, lie down on my bed and stare at the ceiling. I hear a soft knock on my door, so soft I nearly overhear it. Without waiting for my answer Aragorn comes in and just stands there. He doesn't say a word, he just stands there, his eyes cast towards the floor, his hands folded in front of him in a shy gesture that I have never seen before. I sit up and look at him, try to act like nothing has happened but in fact so much has happened which we both can't deny. I sense that he wants to say something but before he can open his mouth I get up and grab his arms.
"My dear Estel, don't say these words that burn on your lips." I whisper urgently and he looks up, his eyes troubled. Fear, lust, pain, love… I can see it all clearly, he is confused and if something will happen now we might regret. He helplessly scans my face for the answer but I don't have it. I want him. Alas, how I want to press him up against the wall and kiss him until he faints. I have to hold myself back, I have to stay calm which isn't easy while he is so close to me that I can smell him.
"I'm not a child anymore, Legolas." He whispers. No, you are not but you still don't know what is good for you.
"What about Arwen?" I ask in a last attempt to bring him back to his senses. His eyes change but it is not sadness what I see. Just relief.
"She left me. She said you were for me. That is not true, Legolas, I'm for you. I'm yours." He says. My resistance is close to breaking.
"Please, Estel, don't ruin our friendship for a weak moment. You are confused because she left you. Sad even." We both know that I'm lying. "Go to bed and sleep this over." I'm begging him because I cannot hold back longer. My whole body screams for him, I want to hold him close so that I can protect him from everything that might frighten, scare or threaten him. Restless his eyes travel over my face, to my eyes and down to my lips. Please, don't do this to us. I couldn't resist if you kiss me now.
But he does and leans towards me, his lips claiming mine. Oh Gods, he tastes like heaven and my legs threaten to give in. He crushes me against his body and even though I have seen it before now I can feel that he has grown and is stronger like the last time we were this close. I want to touch his chest, I want to feel the muscles move beneath the smooth skin. My senses work on overload when he opens my lips nearly forceful and I can taste so much more of him. A sob escaped my chest and becomes a moan when his tongue strokes mine.
That is when he lets go and takes a step back. I have done this before and now he realizes that this was wrong. Maybe it is not too late and we can blame this on his sadness because Arwen broke up with him. "I'm sorry, my beautiful elf." He whispers, his voice hoarse with desire. Then the man who normally walks most gracefully nearly stumbles out of my door and leaves me confused. I fall onto my bed and stare again but I don't see the ceiling above me. All I can see is him. I want him so but now he has left me.
The journey has taken its first victim. Gandalf. He has rescued us all from this thing that sleeps deep under the mountain and has fallen into the abyss. It was close. Too close for all of us and we are lucky that we still live. Aragorn just sits there and grieves. He covers his face with a hand so I guess he tries to hide his tears. I want to go over and hug him close to me to comfort and to soothe him but all I can do is walk over and comfort him with my being there with a hand on his shoulder. I say a prayer for my old friend the mage but we don't have time to stay and weep.
Frodo and the other Hobbits are overwhelmed by Gandalf's death as well. Maybe we need to rest for some days. I kneel down next to Aragorn so that only he can hear me speak. "We are close to the realm of our Lady Galadriel. Lorien will be a welcome place to rest for all of us." I say. He looks up at me, his face a mask of fear and terror. I have never seen him like this.
I know what he feels. Gandalf was the strongest of us, his magic more powerful than my bow or Aragorn's sword. He was the one supposed to survive this most likely but he was the first to die. This is a bad omen for our journey. We all trusted him and he knew so much. I'm not sure if we can make it without him. We need rest and we need the advice of Galadriel. She has the gift to see the future clearly which will help us to go on. She will know what to do, give us strength and lighten our spirits.
"Lorien. Right." Aragorn says but he sounds like in a deep trance.
The next part of our journey is made in silence. We only speak the most necessary things and are lost in our own thought. Normally I would love to go to Lorien but at the moment I just feel numb. Gandalf has always been there, I cannot remember a time without him. And now he's gone. I will miss him. Middle Earth will miss him.
Galadriel welcomes us in Lorien as her guests. I enjoy staying out under the trees. We need time for ourselves because we all hurt. It is a warm, nice evening, I can faintly hear the songs of the elves of Lorien all around me and they lull me into a state where I no longer think anything. I just sit on a rock and stare ahead of me, the peace and silence welcome. Nobody is near me, I'm out here on my own and when the night grows older the others are sleeping. That is what I thought but someone is here with me. I haven't heard him approaching me which makes me wonder how long he is there…
"Estel…" I whisper. We haven't been alone since we have left Rivendell. I feel uneasy but try to not let it show. The beautiful man just stands there with his hands in front of him and his head bowed. He looks tired, I guess he just woke up from his sleep. The sight reminds me of Rivendell when he stood in my room like that.
"I've dreamt of you. Us. I cannot go back to sleep." These are his words. I get up from where I sit and slowly come towards him. He seems so timid. Aragorn of all people. I silently incline my head and he goes on: "It could have been you. Or me. We both could have died, too. I want you to know something before we go on. I know this journey is dangerous and might end in our deaths." I stare at him. "If I die I want you to know that I love you, Legolas." I gasp and take another step towards him, my hand reaching out to grab him by his neck. I pull him close to me, hug him. I feel his arms encircle my waist, he tries to press himself closer still. I inhale his rich scent that reminds me of a green forest. He always smells like this.
"My beautiful Estel. I know. I love you, too." I say under my breath. I feel like I have run a million miles but that is just him, he always leaves me breathless. I feel him relax in my arms. He was nervous and tense before I said this, most likely because with those three words he risked everything. I will not reject him a third time. Maybe Arwen was right and we are meant for each other. It feels so good to finally hold him in my arms, soothe his back with my hands, feel his breath against the side of my face.
When he looks up I see the bright smile on his face and cannot resist. I lean in closer to him and capture his lips with mine. Even though we have kissed before this is better than anything I ever felt. He instantly opens his lips, desperate to deepen the kiss and slight moans of pleasure escape him. He drives me insane, shatters my restraint. I feel nothing but his lips and his hands that begin to wander down on my chest only to go back up under my shirt to caress my skin. I gasp against his lips while he forces me two steps back to press my back against one of Lorien's huge trees.
There is no chance to escape him now, he overwhelms me with his gentleness, his fingers exploring every inch of my flesh that they have access to. I hope that nobody will find us here, see what we are about to do. And I know that we both have not the strength to stop. We have waited so long and I need him just like he needs me. His mouth leaves mine, slowly kissing a track down to my collarbone where he places feather light kisses onto my skin, showers me with his adoration. I let my head fall back and close my eyes, this sensation makes me shiver. I have never felt my body so intensive as I can feel it now and ever drop of my blood seems to burn in my veins.
He doesn't take it slow or particularly gentle, sometimes he bites my skin because he is so eager to taste and feel every inch of me. I will not make him stop, I just stand with my back against the tree and enjoy, moaning and whimpering under his ministrations. Elves are so different from humans. We never let our lust lead us but this is exactly what he makes me do now. Estel reminds me that I desire him with my heart, soul and my body. He will not let me escape from what I feel.
Time stands still while he undresses me and admires my body. I do the same with him, finally, finally able to watch him shamelessly. When he presses me back against the tree he interlaces our fingers while he slowly makes love to me. I'm not aware of what I whisper but I cannot stop. I love him. I love him so much. After some time I feel his warm breath on my ear and shudder. It tickles but in the most pleasurable way. "Shhh… I love you, too, Legolas." He says. Only now I'm aware that I've said this loud enough for him to hear but this is okay. He needs to know what's in my heart.
He knew it all along.
We both knew.
Am I the only one who has the feeling that Aragorn and Legolas are OOC?
Oh, please, please let me know what you think about this by reviewing. Thank you!