Ed looked in the mirror and let out a long nervous breath.
Okay, you can do this. You can do it. Don't be nervous. Your just going out for some drinks with the guys. No big deal.
Except it was a big deal. A huge deal actually.
-EARLIER THAT DAY—
Ed walked into Roy's office and paused when he made it in three feet. He smirked and leaned back on the door frame as he watched Hawkeye yelling at her boss about his lack of finished paperwork. It was pretty funny being on these ends of things for once. He crossed his arms and continued to watch as Roy leaned back farther and farther into his chair like a scared puppy. He couldn't help but laugh a little and then covered his mouth fast to try to stop any sound from coming out.
It hadn't worked. Both Hawkeye and Roy were now staring at him and it made him slightly uncomfortable.
"Uhh yeah… sorry to interrupt…" he said cheeks becoming a little red. Hawkeye's expression softened when she realized who it was and actually smile. Then she turned back to Roy with a death glare. He jumped back seeing the glare she gave him before she whirled around and left the room.
Ed kept his smirk and approached the older man's desk. "She….is scary." He said bluntly.
Roy nodded his head agreeing before shuddering a bit. That raised a chuckle from his subordinate.
He shook his head and looked over to Ed and sighed. "So Fullmetal, what brings you here?" he asked.
Ed seemed kind of surprised at the question and then shook his head. "Oh yeah, duh." He smiled slightly before he let his gaze fall back down to the desk and he tossed a report on it. "report." He said clearing his throat.
"You didn't blow up the city gain did you?" he asked smiling slightly.
Ed huffed and walked over to Roy's side of the desk and leaned up against it. Roy didn't seem to notice, either that or he just didn't acknowledge it. He watched as the dark eyelashes scanned the pages seemingly un-amused. He caught himself staring and he forced himself to look in the entirely other direction as a slight pink entered his cheeks.
He growled low to himself. Cursing for being so stupid and ogling over his boss. Roy looked up to see Ed gripping the table so tightly it turned his knuckles white.
"Fullmetal?" Roy asked smiling.
Ed whipped around fast. His voice had scared him and seeing Roy's expression he figured he probably guessed what he was doing. Ugh. He crossed his arms and forced himself to breath before he looked at his feet.
"What?" he asked irritably. He was going to give another reason he could for why he was talking to himself.
Roy raised an eyebrow and set the papers down. He opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted when Havoc knocked and stuck his head in the door.
"Roy?" he asked.
Roy looked over and smiled. "Hello Havoc. What's up?"
"Were going out to lunch, want to come?"
"Uhh yeah. I'm just about finished up here. Give me a minute."
He turned back to Ed but was surprised when the strange look on his face had disappeared. What was left was the same bored, arrogant boy. He sighed and stood grabbing his coat off the table.
Ed turned around heading out the door.
"Oh Ed?" Roy asked.
Ed felt his heart flutter. He didn't know why. Just him saying his name was enough to smile. He turned around and faked annoyed.
"Yeah?" he asked flatly. Secretly his stomach was in knots as he looked over to the raven haired man slipping his hands through the sleeves of his blue military coat. He was smiling that extremely gorgeous smirk that made him want to kiss him and punch all at once.
He pouted his lips and put his hands together. "Please oh please do me a favor?" he asked sweetly.
Ed snorted but couldn't help but to smile. His body tingled at the words of the other man but he made himself stay focused.
"Please!" he pleaded walking up to Ed so he was standing only a couple feet in front of him. Trying to look sweet an innocent but failing miserably. He looked sexy and deviant.
Favor? I'll do you a favor alright. If I got the chance to get you alone I swe-
His subconscious was thrown aside by books being pushed into his arms.
"Could you drop these off at the library for me?" he asked super nicely smirking a smile that was full Roy Mustang.
"Oh.."Ed's smile was dropped into a frown as a wave of disappointment hit him. He felt like he had been slapped. Putting everything back into reality. He was only nice when he wanted something. He put on a fake smile wouldn't have done anything to convince a goose. But Roy hadn't seemed to notice. He was too busy talking to someone from out the open door.
He looked back at Ed expectedly and Ed shook his head slowly feeling slightly pissed off.
"Yeah sure." He said turning around and walking out the door and hurrying down the hall. Roy left behind him and went to stand with a group of people consisting of Havoc, Furey, Hawkeye, Breda, Fallman and Armstrong. He only looked back once to see Roy's huge warm smile. The one he only directed to his friends. It made his heart flutter. He loved that smile. It was gorgeous. Just as gorgeous as the man himself. But it made him just about as sad as it did happy.
The latest espionage in the office was starting to take a toll. He was so angry and disappointed. Mostly in himself. He didn't know how the man affected him so bad. But it made his heart ache and tears started welling up in his eyes. He walked away as quickly as he could.
"FULLMETAL!" Armstrong yelled across the hall successfully making Ed the center of attention for everyone within that building. Ed stopped but didn't turn around. He felt his face get extremely hot but he was frozen. He was hoping none of them would no notice him. People were giving him funny looks and whispering among themselves but that's not what was really bothering him. It was those black eyes. He could feel them staring at his back. He knew that bastard just had to be getting off by this.
Ed waved to Armstrong quickly but kept his mouth shut tight before he continually rushed forward. He didn't trust himself to say anything, and frankly he just wanted out of here.
"huh.." Armstrong said confused. Everyone standing with him also had confused looks.
"Maybe he's busy?" Havoc said. The rest nodded their head and continued their conversation. That must have been like a kick start because the rest of the building also continued.
Ed sighed a sigh of relief. At least now he could get to the library and get of here as fast as he could.
That bastard really didn't care about him at all. He had pretended to be nice just so that he's do something for him. If he only knew... He knew the colonel didn't share the feelings he did for him. But time after time he gave his hopes up and ended getting hurt. It was bad enough having to hear him talk about his latest escapades with woman. But he did these pointless chores for him making him look just about as pathetic as felt. He closed his eyes and felt a tear roll own his cheek. He quickly wiped it away and held onto the books tighter.
He hadn't been looking where he was going and collided into someone in the middle of the hallway. The books flew out of his arms and were accompanied by a ton of papers.
"Oh shit sorry…" Ed said dropping to the floor to pick up his books. He looked up when the other person chuckled heartily.
Maes! He looked back down to the floor and continued to help Hughes pick up his papers. The group that was still standing by the door started busting out laughing again. All but Hawkeye who eyed Roy and Havoc dangerously for being such pricks.
That just made him feel even worse. Now they were fucking laughing at him?
Hughes looked over to Ed and creased his eyebrows. He looked extremely red and… were those tears? Ed was refusing to look at him and picking the stuff up hurriedly. He put his hand on Ed's shoulders and Ed froze.
"Ed…What's wrong?" Hughes asked.
Dammit don't you cry…
Ed felt tears run down his face despite himself. His body seemed to want to express his feeling where as for Ed he just wanted to bottle them up. He could cry alone later. He wiped his tears away quickly and nodded.
"I'm fine" he spat.
"Ed, you're not fine. What happened?" Hughes said softly.
Ed sighed had picked his books up and piled Hughes papers.
"…stupid prick colonel bastard…" he muttered under his breath. It was his fault he was crying.
Hughes features went serious. "What did he do?" he asked sharply.
Ed looked up confused at the tone and then he understood.
"He didn't do anything Hughes." He sighed.
"Ed if he-"
"He didn't touch me!" Ed yelled. He could understand how his initial thought would be that Roy did something but it also almost made him angry that he would think he couldn't defend himself.
Hughes looked at Ed frowning.
"He doesn't even look at me like that…" Ed said softly before looking down and standing up.
Hughes stood up grabbing his papers and smiled softly.
"Don't get yourself too down about it Ed. He's not one to catch on so quickly. Give it time."
Ed tensed and felt his face begin to flush realizing what Hughes had said. He didn't say it in so many words but he knew what he was saying none the less.
Oh, I get it. Don't worry Ed. Roy isn't smart enough to realize you like him. It would probably take him awhile. Give it time, he'll come around.
"Thanks Hughes." Ed muttered before walking around the man.
"Oh Ed?" Hughes said. Ed stopped.
"A couple of us are going to a bar tonight. Do you want to go." He asked
"I don't know. I—"
"Roy's going to be there." He added.
There was a pause.
"Uhh, sure." Ed said. He hadn't even meant to. He meant to say that cynical bastard could stick it up his ass for all he cared.
"Alright. Around seven then." Hughes said smiling before walking away to join the Roy posse.
Ed continued down the walkway and turned sharply. Once he was out of sight he took off running.
So here he was. Straightening out his hair and hyperventilating in his bathroom mirror. He didn't want to go. He wanted to sit at home and crawl into a book and stay there. He didn't go out and socialize. It really wasn't his thing.
His body had said yes before he could even muster out any sensible words. He felt too bad about calling Hughes and telling him no so he opted he would just go and try his best to ignore the beautiful, older, blue eyed man he loved.
His brother had been ecstatic that he was going out. After Al had gotten his body back he moved in back with Winry. He'd known they were in love for a long time. Even before his brother had gotten his body.
Ever since Al had left, Ed felt more and more alone. Without the daily distraction of his brother he kind of became a hermit crab. His skin was beginning to become pail from lack of sunshine and the house was littered with books and old take out boxes. He almost never went outside, besides work, and basically lived off of Chinese food.
So when he called his brother, like he did every week, and had told him he was going out the younger Elric almost screeched with joy. Ed had told him it was no big deal but the guy wouldn't let it go.
He stared into the reflection with a frown. He bit the side of his cheek and sighed nervously. He had already ran his hand through his hair and redone the braid three times. He patted down his clothes a second time and tried a smile. Completely forced and not good enough to fool a thanksgiving ham. Just great.
He turned on the water and put both hands on the sides of the small sink, gripping them until his knuckles were white. He felt like vomiting and his head was buzzing annoyingly. He was probably having another panic attack. He closed his eyes tight trying to gain some control. He didn't know why he was so nervous. All he knew was he could feel the blood coming up into his face and could hear his heartbeat in his ear drums.
Breath in, hold, breath out, repeat.
After a few minutes he calmed himself enough to let him think. When he was a kid if he acted as though he didn't care about anything he was able to make it through calmly. So just act like it doesn't bother you. Just say whatever a lot, and laugh at everyone's jokes. And don't drink. Drinking is bad.
He yelped and jumped almost three feet in the air. He turned toward the closed bathroom door like he was suspecting someone to just burst through. A few minutes he heard another knock. He clenched his fist and nodded his head.
Duh. The front door.
One more look into the mirror and the reminder to just be cool in his mind later and he was ready. He flung open the door dramatically and winced as it hit the wall.
Okay so not so dramatically…
He walked to the living room and sat on the couch grabbing the remote. He adjusted the way he was sitting several times before sitting with one arm on the back of the couch and a leg slung over his knee.
"Come in." he yelled nonchalantly.
After a hesitant moment Maes opened the door and walked in. Ed looked over to Maes and gave him the best 'oh hey, whatever' look he could muster. Maes was wearing a nice long sleeved brown shirt and a matching pair of brown pants. He looked like the same old Maes. He looked to Ed confusingly and with a raised eyebrow.
Ed didn't say anything but set down the remote and got up off the couch. He stood leaning on the back of the couch and shoved one hand in his pocket. They stood a few moments in silence before, much to Ed's appreciation, Hughes spoke.
"Living here alone?" Maes asked looking around the apartment.
Ed felt a little self conscious and looked around too. There were books everywhere. There was a small TV in the living room, (which he never used), that had books on top of it. Stacking as high as they would go without falling. The table had books scattered along the empty Chinese boxes. The floors had a few more dozen piles of books. The kitchen was seemingly untouched and the dining room looked just like the living room.
"Uhh, yeah." He answered scratching the back of his head nervously. "Al moved out a while ago. In with Winry."
Meas nodded his head finally understanding. He smiled and gestured toward the door. "Shall we go then?" he asked.
A flash of panic skipped along the blondes face and Maes just laughed. 'Don't be so nervous Edward!" Maes said leading Ed out of the room.
Once they were outside the cool air instantly raised goose bumps. It was freezing. If he had actually been outside at night in the past three months Ed probably would have noticed. But as it was standing, he hadn't. So he hadn't known it was now becoming winter. He put his hands in his red jacket pockets and followed Maes to his car. He climbed in the passenger and waited for Maes to follow. He felt a little uncomfortable with the man. Even thought they had been pretty close with his search for Al's body, he hadn't talked to him for a long time. So it was kind of awkward.
It was kind of sad when he thought about it. Probably starting when Al got his body back he withdrew more and more. He had forgotten those who cared about him and gone into a Roy induced coma. After the successful transmutation of getting his brothers body back, he had decided it was finally time he pursue the things he always put off. Which was just about everything. That's when he had come to the conclusion of being in love with Roy.
Everything had got down hill from there. He had always intended to tell Roy about it. It just never seemed to come up. He was waiting for the right moment.
Okay, so there had been plenty of right moments, but he was a big baby. And he may have just been scared shitless of rejection.
After awhile it didn't matter though. He began to actual become friends with the man, mostly due to the enormous amount of time he now had, and his woman adventureswere just enough to take the love confession and bury It about as deep as it would go. It was almost painfully obvious the colonel was straight. AND not looking for a serious relationship. So either way he was fucked.
He wasn't one to get played and the fact that all Mustang did was play, encouraged him further to keep it inside. Far inside. And away from peering eyes. Well, Maes be the exception.
That guy was weird. Almost un-human, in his abilities. It had taken him all but three minutes to decipher what was going on.
Ed complained when he said something. 'You've known? How could you have known? I just now figured it out!'
Maes just chuckled and told him it wasn't a big deal and that he wouldn't tell Roy. And then he followed that by showing Ed just about every picture of Elisia he had taken. Which Ed painfully sat through because the only secret he had left, that would probably destroy his perfectly guarded life, was in his hands. The hands of the best friend of the guy he was trying his hardest to keep the secret away from. Even better.
Maes opened the car door and hurriedly sat down.
"A little bit chilly huh?" he asked Ed conversationally while he turned on the car.
"Uh…yeah." Ed replied. They pulled off the curb as he kissed his stomach and self dignity goodbye.
Okay. So not so bad right? All I have to do is spend an entire evening ignoring the bastard colonel that I'm in love with and trying to make conversation with people I haven't talked to in months. Fan-friken-tastic…