Warning: Awkwardness provided by crazy author
The one on Nami's list- Part 1
"Oh crap." Usopp muttered, scratching at his ridiculously big crispy hair.
Zoro glanced over to see the younger man frowning at a little piece of paper in his hand. "What's wrong?" He asked.
"Ano…I think we may have a problem here." Usopp sounded slightly disturbed, "This thing…it's on the list but I can't find it."
"What thing? Why'd ya even have a list? " Zoro snorted as he walked close enough to be able to read the cursive handwritings on the paper Usopp was holding. So this "thing" his long-nosed friend was having trouble finding…Zoro blinked.
It was a name, of this much he was sure. It had six letters and looked like a 14-year-old girl's doll's name. It could be Barbie's cousin or some equally stupid shit, but besides that he had absolutely no idea.
"What the hell is it?" he asked quietly, blinking some more.
"It's uh…" Usopp cleared his throat uneasily. "a brand name."
"…girl stuff." Usopp looked like he was suddenly falling in love with his own shoes as he lowered his eyes to look at them intently.
Girl stuff, huh? …interesting. Zoro scratched his chin. See, this was why he hated doing a supply run with Usopp, of all people. He had suggested they stop by at a swords shop like real men would do but the dumb kid was holding a list in his hand shopping for girl stuff.
Who made him Nami's bitch anyway? (Zoro knew that because Robin was too nice to make a list and ask Usopp to shop accordingly. It had to be the witch.)The poor kid needed some help. Zoro snorted inwardly before throwing another question onto his friend's face.
"Girl stuff like that lacy bow-tie thing she put on her hair?" he remembered making a snarky (in his opinion, hilarious) comment about it and then receiving a punch in the face from her because, well he had made a snarky (hilarious) comment about it.
"Umm…yeah, something like that." Usopp mumbled vaguely, still fascinated by his shoes.
Zoro sighed. Time was ticking. He'd have to be a little more helpful so that they could still check out that swords shop he saw earlier around the corner before it closed.
"Gimme this."He snatched the list from Usopp's hand in a swift motion and made a bee-line for the counter. " Ano, Obasan—"
"Wait, Zoro, I don't think we should go yelling about stuff like this…" Usopp followed him closely, panicking, "I mean it's not something we could just ask other people —"
"My friend and I are trying to find this. You think you can help us?" Zoro didn't give a damn. He handed the paper to the aged shop assistant sitting behind the counter, who grinned at him in return showing her incomplete set of teeth.
"Doing a little shopping for your girlfriend, young man?" The old woman asked a little unnecessarily enthusiastically, a teasing glint in her cloudy eyes.
"No. why?" Zoro looked back at her blankly. Usopp sweat-dropped.
"Go check the feminine hygiene section down the isle. I think they are all in there. "The nice lady instructed.
Feminine hygiene. This could be the first clue indicating that he was about to walk in his worst nightmare but somehow Zoro failed to take notice. He shrugged and mumbled a "thank you" before heading straight towards the unknown territory.
And there they were. On the racks of Feminine Hygiene section lied those little bags and boxes, all in baby pink, baby blue…really, any stupid baby-color you could or could not name. They were piling up there, laughing at his face, ready to assault him and make him die of embarrassment.
It was truly the most horrifying scene Zoro had seen in his life, and he had seen a lot.
"Oi, Usopp—" He called out instinctively, taking a step back. Because he was scared. For once in a lifetime Roronoa Zoro was scared and needed Usopp's help.
"Usopp?" When no response came he yelled again and looked around in panic. There was no Usopp, not in the feminine hygiene section, not in the store. That little shit had probably run off to make reservation for his own funeral cause Zoro was certain he was gonna kill Usopp for abandoning him in a place like this.
"So what's your girlfriend's deal?" the old shop assistant appeared next to him, miraculously. "Is she a regular? Does she toss and turn a lot at night? She suffers from any tummy-ache?"
Zoro stared, eyes wide and jaw hung open in true horror. He wanted to tell her "no, she is not my girlfriend" and "please, try to talk to me in human language" but words failed him. He could only stare with his mouth open, gasping like a dying fish.
"Does she use wings?" the old lady pressed, holding up a pink square bag close to his face. The bold letter on it said wings. "You think she'd like wings? "
What the hell'd Nami need wings for…so she could fly? For a second Zoro was genuinely puzzled, but then he guessed it was probably not wise to ask.
"Just uh…give me what's on the list and I'm outta here." He demanded red-faced.
"Oh...all right. "The old lady actually sounded a little disappointed probably because she was yet to discuss with him about the pros and cons of wings. She efficiently packed the goods as requested while Zoro was mentally designing what shape he should carve Usopp's nose into—after he cut it off with his sword, of course.
"I'm not carrying this around." Zoro glared at the bag and then the shop assistant— who was apparently insane enough to have put his purchase into a transparent plastic bag. If she weren't an old small lady he'd probably beaten her senseless by now.
He sighed before digging out the pink little bags from the bigger bag. "I'm just gonna…put'em in here." He sighed once more as he stuffed them into his haramaki.
"Very brilliant. "The old woman complemented. "Your girlfriend is a lucky lady."
"She's not—never mind. "He shrugged as he flipped the coins over the counter. No need to explain his relationship with Nami to some chatty stranger who had no idea who Nami was. It wasn't like he didn't have more important things to do—he had a long-nosed friend to murder, after all.
Author's Note: ...What can I say? I love making Zoro squirm, cuz he is just adorable when put in an awkward situation…like this one. :D
Again there's Part 2 coming. I got tired just typing this little thingie out, which is only around 1,000 words. (I've had the idea for a while, though).
Leave a comment and tell me what you expect for Part 2. Of course there's gonna be some ZoNa interaction. :3
A "Sorry" to the readers who wanted Part 3 for "It's just a little crush". Can't think of anything to write on that, for now. :P