Meanwhile, the rest of the crew...

The door clicked shut behind Zoro and Luffy, perhaps with a helpful nudge from a quickly disappeared arm.

For a few moments, you could have heard a pin fall, even Sanji's gagging sounds stopping.

"Did that just happen?" Usopp finally said."Did Luffy mean that he– that Zoro and he would–?"

As if the liar's question was a signal, the others began to talk, the room filling with voices at various levels of bewilderment.

"Does anyone have an idea of when they even hooked up?" Nami said, chewing her lip. "I've got an old bet with Vivi to claim, unless it turns out that they've somehow kept it secret for more than a week. In that case, you're all shutting your mouths about the entire business, got it?"

Sanji was back to making choking noises, although with slightly more wheezing groans to it. These sounded as if they might be caused by his Nami-swan and Vivi-swan discussing the shitty captain and shittier swordsman's sex life, instead of the theatrical groans he had previously tried to annoy Zoro with.

Chopper kept tugging on first Nami, then Robin, hoping for reassurance from the two (moderately) sane Strawhats that either Luffy or Zoro had the vaguest inkling about the concept of safe sex.

While Nami was too busy interrogating the others to answer, Robin calmed the little doctor by pointing out that they were bound to feel the castle shake long before either of the young men received permanent damage. At that, Sanji wailed pitifully and tried to choke himself with a pillow, necessitatingboth Brook and Chopper's involvement to save him.

Giving up on trying to get an understandable word out of the overwhelmed Franky, Usopp finally wolf-whistled to gather a bit of attention.

"Excuse me, but I think you are forgetting something very important here!" he yelled.

"First Bon Clay, then Ivankov, now the marimo! They're after me! They won't give up! But neither will I! I SHALL DIE A TRUE MAN!"

"Err, right, whatever you say, Sanji. But listen, guys, have you actually forgottenwhat Luffy's like when he's having a food dream? I mean one of those when he thinks he's landed on the Island of Steaks or so?"

They contemplated this for a while. For the boys, memories of Luffy's loud enthusiasm while he dreamed of giant mountains of meat hadn't faded during two years apart; you tended to remember staring at the planks above you, too tired to rise and smack the captain yet unable to sleep due to the infuriating noise. And poor Chopper! He'd learn not to sleep too close to the captain after one particular night when Luffy had stretched out and begun chewing on the nearest non-human-meaty thing.

Franky blew his nose and nodded, pulling himself together. "True, Strawhat-bro can be a bit, um, enthusiastic."

"And loud," Nami added, "sometimes even I hear him if I'm on watch."

"Yeah, exactly!" Usopp nodded seriously. He had, by necessity, become the reigning master of throwing assorted nick-knacks at Luffy to wake him up – but the captain could almost sleep through a well-aimed boot. If he was already awake and distracted...? Usopp got a headache from the mere thought.

"Then there's Zoro!" he continued miserably. "Mister 'I can keep training for hours, and I've got both an endless amount of blood and stamina', if you remember?"

Robin hid a smile. "Oh dear. And our captain made of rubber too..."

Sanji twitched, Usopp paled and even Nami looked a bit cross-eyed at the images those words called up.

"And when he's not training, Zoro spends his days sleeping," Chopper said, starting to see the numbers add up. "We've always liked that he takes so many night watches."

Usopp nodded wildly, hair and nose alike almost bouncing with eagerness. "See! But now, if those guys, uh–"

"Discover their libido and regularly engage in sexual activity with each other," Robin helpfully filled in.

"Oh god please never say those words about anyone I know again...Well, yeah, that!" Face a perfect mask of despair, Usopp clenched his hands and dramatically proclaimed: "If we don't do something, we are never going to sleep again!"

"I'll kill 'em?" Sanji suggested, a slightly deranged grin gracing his features.


"While I'm certain we all appreciate the offer in the spirit it's given, I do believe it might be easier to simply install an extra bed in the crow's nest?" Brook suggested. "We still have one day before we were planning to leave Fishman Island."

"Oh, all right!" Nami said, feeling the weight of Chopper and Usopp's combined woe-us-who-will-get-no-sleep looks. "Franky, buy whatever you need and get it fixed tomorrow."

"Cheap bedding, but a sturdy frame, I think," Franky said, bringing out a pencil. "And an easy to repair, fold-out construction."

"I'm sure it'll turn out great. But now, can someone please tell me when they hooked up? I've got belies riding on this!"

"During dinner today," Robin said, finally taking pity on Nami.

"Really?" Nami perked up at those words and rubbed her hands. "Hehe, that'll cover at least one year of albatross mail magazines!"

"But really, you should be thanking our shipwright an– "


"Franky, what did you do?"


"Whoa, cool it, Sanji-bro! I didn't do anything!" Ducking an improvised and slightly wobbly kick, Franky grabbed the agitated young man and threw him on the bed. "Besides, I'm practically innocent. You're the one who inspired Zoro, amiright, Robin-sis?"

"Considered in a certain light, hmm, yes I suppose so."

While Sanji shuddered and began foaming at the mouth and Chopper shrieked for a doctor, Robin sat down and enjoyed the sight of her crewmates being so lively together.

Beside her, Brook settled. "Young love is a fine thing indeed, don't you agree, Miss Robin?"

She nodded and obligingly gave Chopper a hand when he tried to force some water into Sanji.

"And they have grown into such handsome young men, our Captain and our Swordsman. Why, if I weren't but dry bones, I might myself get a bo–"


"Don't even go there!" Nami howled and hefted another pillow to follow the one that had gotten Brook right in the afro. "If I hear one perverted skull-joke out of you, I'll throw you overboard myself, see if I don't!"

"Yohohoho! I accept thy challenge!"

The next morning, when Princess Shirahoshi inquired about the loud shrieks and thumps that had come from the Strawhat's wing of the palace, Nami was quite relieved to be able to inform her that it was only a pillow-fight gone slightly out of control.

Nevertheless, she made sure to distract the innocent princess before she asked about the smattering of bruises that had 'mysteriously' reappeared on Luffy. There were things she just wasn't paid enough to explain.

/The End

(Ps. Feedback much appreciated)