Castle: Punch Drunk Love
Summary: Speculation of the "47 Seconds" promo. Castle's reaction to Beckett's very startling confession; what does it mean for their relationship? Beckett goes to Castle's loft to find out. Strong T rating.
A/N: As noted in the summary this is pure speculation, based VERY loosely on spoilers for the "47 Seconds" promo. This isn't what I 'think' will happen or anything, it's just my own spin on the promo. This story has a strong T rating for some language and certain *cough* adult *cough* situations. Enjoy…
Castle slammed his empty glass down on with a brute force so strong he couldn't tell which might break first, the crystal tumbler in his hand or his dark cherry oak desk which he slammed it into. Either way, he didn't care, instead he reached to his right to grab the tall bottle of dark amber liquid and poured himself another drink. If he wasn't completely loaded already, he was certainly well on his way.
He quickly throws back the shot of scotch and it sends a burning sensation all the way down his throat until it finally rests in the pit of his otherwise empty stomach. He lets out a low growl as he swallows hard and his fist tightens around the glass. Yep, this wasn't shaping up to be a very good night for Rick Castle.
With a loud huff he eases back in his large leather office chairs as his mind replays the scene which brought him to this juncture in the first place...
He and Beckett were interrogating a suspect; or should he say she was interrogating a suspect while he mostly observed with the occasional wisecrack thrown in for good measure. The kid wouldn't budge towards a confession and he could tell that Beckett was about to lose her mind over it.
"I don't remember!" the kid had screamed at her once more and Beckett furiously threw her hands down on the table in front of him, invading his personal space and daring him to try lying to her one last time.
"I was shot in the chest, and I remember every second of it" she practically growled at him and Castle could swear he felt his heart stop cold as his mind flashed back visions of him holding her in his arms on the ground and confessing his love for her that fateful day.
"You remembered?" It was barely a whisper; his tone overcome with grief and despair. He wasn't even sure if she had heard it. He didn't wait to find out either; with a quick turn on his heel he spun around to the door of interrogation room one and left; slamming the door dramatically behind him as he went.
Part of him hoped that she hadn't heard him say it, because she didn't come running out after him so either she didn't care enough that he was obviously hurt, or she didn't hear him and didn't realize that the metaphoric bomb she had just dropped on her partner caused a much larger explosion than the one belonging to the kid she was currently screaming at ever would.
"She lied to me" he had told his mother when he ran into her on his way home from the precinct. He had left immediately after Beckett's impromptu confession and headed straight home so he could drown his sorrows in a bottle of twenty year old scotch.
"You don't know that darling" his mother had tried to reason. "You've done enough research now to know that cops are allowed to lie to suspects in order to get a straight answer out of them. What if Beckett had just said that to get him to open up?"
He simply shook his head at the thought. "Mother, I've been working beside her for 4 years, I know her tells, I know when she's lying, I know when she's baiting a suspect. This was no lie"
His mother sighed heavily as they continued their walk down Riverside drive.
"Darling I hate to bring this up, but if you can always tell when she's lying then why couldn't you tell when she told you all those months ago that she didn't remember?"
He stopped in his tracks and turned to face her; anger coursing through his veins which she could easily see in his eyes. She quickly held her hands up in defeat, she knew she was overstepping. "I'm just saying…" She began but he was quick to cut her off.
"Mother, I know when she's lying. She caught me off guard before, she was in the hospital and hurt and vulnerable and I was just as vulnerable. It was a train wreck of emotions. This was different. She was lying. I know it for certain"
"Okay, fine, she was lying" Martha quickly conceded. "So, what does it mean?"
Rick scoffed and shook his head. "It means Mother, that I'm a fool. A damn fool"
"Oh Richard" she quickly tried to console him with a hand on his shoulder but he immediately shrugged it off. "You're not a fool darling"
"Do not patronize me" he huffed. "I told her that I loved her. Loved her. I have been waiting for her for months, doing everything I can to help her get through this so that she could get to that place where she felt she could tell me she loved me too. But here's the kicker, she doesn't love me. I've been running around like a damn lovesick puppy, latching on to any tiny glimmer of hope she would give me that things were going somewhere between us; thinking that we were breaking down those walls for her so that we could be together and she doesn't love me. So yeah, I'm a fool. I'm a fool who's heart has been taken for a joy ride for the last year while I stand here broken with nothing left"
Martha looked at the pain in her son's eyes and it nearly shattered her heart into a million pieces. She's seen him go through ups and downs; including two divorces, but she's never witnessed him in the pain he's feeling right now and the worst part is that she felt utterly helpless to do anything about it. She offered to take him for a cup of coffee but he quickly shot down the idea and told her just needed to be alone and that he was heading home. Part of her; a large part of her; did not to leave him alone right now. Feeling this upset and vulnerable she knew her son well enough to know that he was headed straight home to a bottle but the other part of her also knew that the way he was feeling right now, you would need the jaws of life to pry that bottle from his hands. At least he would be safe at home in the loft; she told herself. Better there than wandering the streets, crawling from bar to bar. So with that she told him she loved him and that she was sorry and they went their separate ways; she had plans for the evening anyway and it seemed Richard wasn't about to let her change them.
"Stupid Castle. Stupid, stupid, stupid" he grumbled rather incoherently at himself before taking another swig of his scotch. His gaze fell upon the stack of Nikki Heat novels that were piled neatly on his desk, along with pages upon pages of notes for his upcoming Heat novel. His breathing became ragged as his temper flared with each passing second that he stared at the books and not feeling like he could take it a second longer he stood up from the desk and with one hard sweep of his arm across the desk he sent the stack of novels and pages flying across the room; hurling into the wall with a loud thump before falling onto the floor. Adrenaline now coursing through his veins (along with a heavy amount of alcohol) his temper flared once more and he grabbed the under edge of his desk and flipped it away from him, causing it to go crashing into the ground so hard that he felt the floor and walls shaking around him.
"Jesus" he grumbled a moment later when his blood had began descending from it's boiling point. He stepped over the fallen desk to the other side and crouched down to begin picking up the shards of glass from the whisky bottle and his glass. He was glad Alexis was on the afternoon shift with Lanie and wouldn't be home until midnight; he couldn't have her see him like this. He picked up the larger pieces of glass but decided the rest could wait and with a loud sigh he dropped himself into a large arm chair and ran a hand through his hair in frustration.
Is this what love felt like? He pondered to himself. Like your heart was being run over by a freight train? He recalled the time when Beckett had told him how you know when you're in love 'because all the songs made sense'. Well, try as he might he couldn't think of one damn song that would make sense out of the way he was feeling right now but in a 'what the hell' moment of spontaneity he plugged his phone into his stereo and cranked up the volume on the only song that he could think of that could even come close.
The walls were practically vibrating around him as the thunderous bass line kicked in on the old and very familiar Bon Jovi tune
Shot through the heart,
and you're to blame,
Darlin' you give love, a bad name.
I played my part and you played your game,
Darlin' you give love, a bad name.
The irony in the lyrics actually made him chuckle slightly and he shook his head. Turning away from the stereo he headed to the opposite side of the room where his liquor cabinet resided. He decided this time to go with just a cheap bottle of bourbon rather than a $450 bottle of scotch that he might end up smashing to bits again. Not caring anymore about wasting time pouring into a glass he simply screwed off the cap and brought the bottle to his lips to take a long hard swig.
"Ugh, that's disgusting" he groaned, but then promptly took another shot, not exactly caring what it tasted like right now, as long as it got the job done.
He turned around and headed back over to his stereo system where he switched the volume down to a much more respectable level; one that wouldn't get the police banging on his door, when just as fate would have it, a loud knock did come to his front door.
He turned off the stereo and strained to hear as he called out asking who was there but was met with nothing but silence in return.
With a loud huff he headed out of his office and toward the front door; carrying his bottle of bourbon along with him.
He swung open the door ready to tell the person on the other side that it would be in their best interest to take a hike when his eyes fell upon the source of the knocking.
It was her.
He stared at her for what seemed to be an eternity. She gazed at him with a weak smile; silently asking with her eyes if she could be let in.
He stood there a moment longer, unsure of how to react. A large part of him wanted nothing more than to slam the door right in her face, but another part of him also wanted to lay into her and give her a piece of his mind so she could maybe feel even an ounce of the pain he was in at this moment.
"What are you doing here?" He finally managed to ask.
"Can I come in?" she asked meekly. He wasn't used to seeing her like this, not feeling in complete control of a situation. It was odd to say the least.
He said nothing in return, just stepped out of the way of the door, gesturing with his arm for her to come inside. She mumbled a polite thank you as she stepped past him and he closed the door quietly behind her.
"I'd offer you a drink" he began with a shrug; taking another gulp of bourbon before continuing "but it seems I'm fresh out of glasses"
She shook her head. Great, he was drunk. This was not going to be pretty.
He took a few steps further into his apartment and she followed; her eyes roaming around the open space until the sight of his office caught her attention.
"Castle, what… Oh my God" she gasped slightly as she began heading toward his office to get a closer look at the damage.
Castle quickly ran in front of her and pulled the door to his office closed and led her back into his living room.
"Just doing some… redecorating" he quipped before taking another swig from his bottle.
"Castle give me that" she practically barked as she snatched the bottle from his hand. Luckily by now his reflexes were more than a little slow and she was easily able to get it away from him, much to his dismay.
"Heyyyy" he groaned angrily.
"What are you trying to do, kill yourself?" she huffed furiously at him and to her surprise he simply shrugged his shoulders before dropping himself down onto the couch.
"Not a bad idea. Maybe if I can make my heart stop beating it wouldn't hurt so damn much" he replied bitterly and it brought a sting to her eyes as she listened to his broken words. A single tear escaped her and with a heavy sigh she pulled herself down to sit next to him on the sofa. She took a deep breath, clasped her hands together and hung her head for a brief moment to gather her thoughts.
"If this is about what I said in the interrogation…" she began but he was quick to cut her off.
"No actually, I just found out I could've saved a ton of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico".
The sting of his sharp wit at a time so inappropriate as this cut through her like a knife to the heart but she couldn't really blame him, he had every right to be angry with her. She took a slow breath before turning to face him once more.
"Rick" she began. The simple mention of his first name rather than last caught his attention and he lifted his gaze slightly to look at her. "I know that hearing that today must have been really hard for you but-"
"Hard!" Castle practically growled as he pulled himself up from the couch to hover over her. "You have no idea what hard is, alright. You know what's hard? Pouring your heart out to the person you love and have them take that confession and slap you across the face with it. Being lied to for months on end by the person that you care more about than just about anyone else in this world. That's hard, Kate" He was furious with her and he made no point to hide it. Kate nodded as if to say she understood, and accepted his anger towards her.
"How long were you going to string me along for, huh Kate?" he continued his furious ranting. "How long were you going to let me think that there was a chance that we would…" his voice began to shake slightly; "that you and I might… That we…" he didn't know how to finish that sentence and not trusting his voice any longer he let himself fall into the sofa once more and he kicked the coffee table with his foot, pushing it a few feet across the floor but thankfully not knocking it over.
"Is that what all this is about?" Her voice came to life and it took him by surprise. She was angry with him? Where the hell did she get the right? This aught to be interesting he thought.
"This is why you've been moping around your apartment, drinking yourself half to death?" She was seething with anger as she tried to wrap her mind around his words. "You honestly think that I lied to you, my partner, for months because I didn't share your feelings? Did you ever stop and think that maybe I love you too and that that scares the hell out of me? Did that thought ever enter that thick head of yours?" She was practically screaming at him as she sat beside him and it fueled his anger further.
"Is this it? Is this what it comes down to? The grand showdown of our feelings? Screaming them at each other?" he quickly retaliated.
"I guess it does" she huffed in response.
"Fine" he grumbled.
"Fine" she scoffed.
"I love you, okay?" he practically spat. "Gonna have a tough time pretending not to remember that one, aren't you?"
"I love you too" she yelled in frustration; hands thrown up in the air.
"Then why are we still screaming at each other?" he yelled back.
"I don't know" she huffed, and before she could utter another word he threw his body into hers; practically tackling her down into the sofa as his mouth began an assault on hers. She let out a deep moan as his tongue swept inside her mouth and began dueling with hers in a fiery passion.
"I love you" he managed to groan when his mouth left hers and moved to her neck. He began kissing her roughly; letting his teeth scrape lightly against the sensitive skin before soothing over it with his warm tongue; the combination of his actions caused her to involuntarily thrust her pelvis into his as her hands got lost in his hair, tugging on it slightly.
"God, Kate" he moaned as the feeling of her body thrusting into his began building up a pressure inside him which he wasn't sure he could handle for much longer.
With one swift move he grabbed both of her legs and wrapped them around his waist so that he was in between her legs and he began roughly thrusting himself into her core. Knowing there was only a few articles of clothing separating them from the union he has so desperately wanted for them for so long was nearly driving him over the edge.
"Ugh Rick" Beckett moaned in his ear; quickly becoming unraveled herself. "Oh God"
"Say my name again" he pleaded as he continued the assault on her neck; now moving to the opposite side.
"Rick" she breathed in his ear. "I love you Rick" she gasped.
"God I want you so bad" he growled against her neck. His hand retreated to her waist and he quickly began fumbling with the buttons.
"Rick…" her breathing was ragged. "Rick, wait…"
"Mmmm, no more waiting" he groaned, and then quickly covered her mouth with his as he continued fumbling with the buttons of her pants.
"No, stop" she finally managed in the most sincere tone she could at that moment. She pushed him up slightly from his chest and he stared at her, confused.
"What?" there was an underlying tone of anger back in his voice. She wasn't exactly sure it had ever left.
"We can't… not like this" she huffed. "You're drunk"
"I'm… No, I'm fine. Kate, I want this. You want this" he tried to convince her.
"I do, but not like this" her voice was calm and steady and he stared at her in bewilderment.
"Are you asking me to stop?" He asked sincerely. He may be drunk, but he wasn't a monster. If she honestly wanted him to stop he would. But if she gave him even the slightest hint of uncertainty he was damn sure going to do his best to convince her to keep going.
She bit her lip. This was hard.
"Yes" she finally voiced; her eyes closed because she didn't trust herself not to get lost in his.
He sighed and hung his head. This was going to be painful.
"Look at me" he finally said and she slowly opened her eyes. He tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear and slowly grazed his fingertips along the curve of her jaw. "I love you. I've waited a year for you. And although I'm not entirely certain that one more night isn't going to kill me, cuz right now it definitely feels like it might, I will continue to wait"
"Thank you" she breathed a sigh of relief. She wanted nothing more than to be able to show him just how much she loved him, but she'd much rather wait and do it when she could be a hundred percent certain that he would remember it the next morning, and preferably not directly after a screaming match. That wasn't exactly the 'magical moment' she thought it would be. She looked into his darkened blue eyes and ran a hand through his hair (oh how long she's been waiting to do that). They stared at each other for a long moment before a hearty laugh escaped her. She couldn't help it, couldn't stop it if she wanted to. He studied her for a beat, before he began laughing as well. He let himself collapse on top of her, careful not to let too much of his weight rest on her, and they both laughed uncontrollably until tears welled in their eyes. They had yelled and screamed and fought and ended up making out like teenagers by the end of it all, it was all so ridiculous that laughing was the only thing they had left.
"God why couldn't you have gotten here two hours ago before I marinated my liver in alcohol" he groaned into her neck as his head lay on her shoulder.
"If I would have you wouldn't have let me in the door and we wouldn't have gotten into this position anyway" she countered.
"Touche Detective" he sighed heavily. "Don't worry though, I'm already learning a very painful lesson" he mumbled through a long yawn.
"Poor baby" she stuck her bottom lip out in a pout as she ran her hand through his hair one last time and kissed his forehead. "You should sleep" she told him but looking back to his eyes they were already closed and he had passed out. She sighed. Being in love with Richard Castle was going to be interesting to say the least.
A/N: I hope you liked it. Again, this wasn't my take on what I think is 'going to happen', it was just a little trip down fan-fic lane prompted by the promo for "47 Seconds". Please leave any thoughts you have in a review, I certainly love hearing from the readers! Oh, and keep an eye out for my first multi-chapter Castle fic that will hopefully be coming soon, once I get a few more chapters finished!