HARRY POTTER

and the One-Page Romance Novel

By Brahian

Author's Note: I wrote this for English class, we had to write our own version of a certain Shakespherian play, so I wrote a Harry Potter version. Then I figures, since it's a fanfiction, I'll post it here for the world to see! Enjoy!

Harry walked through Hogwarts, followed by Hermione and Luna. Ron was busy. Somewhere.

"What's wrong, Harry?" asked Hermione. She could tell something was bothering him.

"Oh, nothing," said Harry. "It's just, there's this girl I like, but I don't think she knows I exist."

"Is it Cho Chang?" asked Hermione.

"Yeah," said Harry, "How did you know?"

"A girl can tell," she replied simply.

"Don't worry, Harry," said Luna. "I'm there there's plenty of other nice girls you'd really like. In fact, the Weasly twins are throwing a birthday party for their sister in the common room, and everyone in Gryphyndor's gonna be there. What better way to meet some girls, huh?"

"Okay, I guess," said Harry, though he was just saying it so as not to argue.


At the party, Harry completely forgot about Cho at the sight of Ginny's lustrous red hair. The way her eyes caught the light and twinkled mesmerizingly, mesmerized him.

"Hey," said Ron, "Why are you gawking at my sister?"

"No reason," said Harry.

Ron glared at him. Something was going on, and he knew it.


The next day, Harry asked Ginny out on a date.

"Of course," said Ginny. "I was waiting for you to ask me."

"So how's next Saturday?" asked Harry. Hogsmeade weekend.

"Great," said Ginny, "See you then!"

Suddenly, Ron came out from his hiding place behind a suit of armor.

"Aha!" he said. "I knew it! You're dating my sister! NOBODY dates my sister! Not even you!"

"This is none of your business, Ron!" said Ginny.

Ron ignored her and grabbed Luna, who had been standing close by talking to Hermione, by the arm.

"Break up with her or she gets Stupefied," said Ron, pointing his wand at Luna.

"Put that wand away or YOU get Stupefied," said Harry, taking out his own wand.

Both yelled, "Stupefy!" at the same time, and both Ron and Luna slumped down on the floor, unconscious.

Ginny and Hermione screamed, getting the attention of their head of House.

"What is going on here?" she asked Hermione, who was the most reliable.

"Harry Stupefied Ron," admitted Hermione, "But not before Ron managed to Stupefy Luna!"

"Well, since I can't exactly hold Ron responsible at the moment," said McGonagall, "Potter, to my office, now! You two, back to your common room!"

Ginny went back to her common room, only to find more trouble.

"Ginny," said Dean Thomas, "I don't know how to ask you this, but… will you go out on a date with me?"

"Oh, sorry," said Ginny, "But I'm already dating Harry."

"Oh," said Dean, disappointed, "Okay." Ginny felt sorry for him. She could tell he had probably stayed up half the night trying to gather up the nerve to ask her out.

As Dean walked away glumly, Ginny sat down. All the stuff going on was giving her a headache.

"Ugh," she said, "All this stuff going on is giving me a headache."

"Here," said Fred, handing her a drink. "Maybe this will help clear your mind."

"Thanks," she said, taking a drink. "You know, I really enjoyed that party you threw for me last night. I didn't think you cared that much for me."

"Of course we care about you," said George. "You're our only little sister!"

Suddenly, Ginny felt a wrenching feeling in her gut, and involuntarily she bent over and vomited all over the floor.

"Haha!" said Fred, exchanging a high-five with George. "Looks like someone slipped half a Puking Pastille into your drink!"

"Don't worry, here's the other half," said George, handing it to her before she threw up again.

"Quick," said somebody, noticing her sudden puking, "Someone get her to the hospital wing!"

Ginny tried to tell them no while trying to swallow the other half of the Pastille, when she threw up again.


Harry was waiting for McGonagall to come back from taking Ron and Luna to the hospital wing when Neville ran into her office.

"Harry," he said, "You won't believe this! Ginny just started randomly throwing up, and she's being sent to the hospital wing as we speak!"

Harry ran over to the hospital wing, thankful to not run into McGonagal or Filch, only to find Dean Thomas already there.

"Oh, hi, Harry," said Dean, "I just came to visit the, uh… love of my life."

"No," said Harry, "She's the love of my life!"

"A battle for the girl, then?" said Dean, pulling out his wand.

Harry easily beat him and left him unconscious on the floor.

He looked over at Ginny, puking into a bucket while constantly trying to force the Pastille into her mouth.

"I can't stand to see her like this," said Harry, then pointed his wand at his own head and yelled "Stupefy!"


"What happened here?" asked Madam Pomfrey as she, McGonagall, and Dumbledore entered the hospital wing, looking at the unconscious bodies of Harry and Dean all over the floor, and Ginny throwing up in the hospital bed between Luna and Ron.

"So that's where he went," said McGonagall, "Great, now I can't hold anyone responsible!"

"For never was there a tale of so much woe," quoted Dumbledore, "Than that of Ginny Weasly and her Harry Potter."

Author's Note: How did I fit this in one page, you ask? I didn't use paragraphs, and I wrote really small. So, can you guess which play it's based on? Review! Please?