I Am Not Yours
Disclaimer: These characters belong to the creators of Glee… If not, Faberry would exist already (as it should).
Couple: Quinn/Rachel and Kurt/Blaine, Brittany/Santana
Authors Note: Before reading this chapter and future chapters I warn you that this is a tragedy, whilst it will end happily for some there will be character deaths and angst.
I Live Through You
It had not truly hit me that my mother was dead, not until I saw her body. I watched as they burned her remains and sent her into the wind to return to the spirits who had created her, I watched as her flesh melted off of her bones, I watched as her hair was singed, I watched the woman that I once called my mother disappear quite literally into thin air. I think that day a piece of me died with her. For I have not felt quite the same ever since.
With each day that passes I find myself lost in a dark place. It can last for a mere minute, an hour, or sometimes several. In this place I will once again realize that she is no longer there with me. That she will no longer read me stories, sing me to sleep, or hold me when I have a nightmare.
Once a girl who had always looked on the positive side it seemed I had taken a dive into the deep end. I could no longer look on the positive side, I no longer felt that I was "special" when the others in the clan told me so, and I no longer valued my life. Now, that is not to say that I have grown reckless, I keep my wit and am always cautious. I still have dreams and look toward the future, it's just that the light that I once carried around with me has dimmed immensely.
Blaine had tried to be strong for the both of us, but he had lost his mother as well and so I tried not to be a burden despite him offering a shoulder to cry on. He did not need the extra weight to carry around with him. Finn was the same way, he tried to understand, he tried to comprehend and be there for me but often I felt that his words were empty. Mere pity.
My dreams were more like nightmares, filled with pale creatures on the prowl. Killing my entire clan, devouring my mother in front of my eyes, before slaughtering me as well. Hatred. It was all that I felt when I thought about the Vampires. I wanted nothing more than to raid their nests and murder them all, but I did not wish to follow my mother to an early grave. As a child the notion of these monstrous beings was incomprehensible, now I understood them clearly. They were demons and I would put an end to their kind when the time was right.
On a nightly basis I visited New York City, after curfew. In search of the one and only thing aside from my brother that brought light back into my eyes. The one and only thing that caused my stomach to flip due to happiness and not illness. I did not know her name, all I knew was that she was the beautiful blonde woman who saved my life and haunted my dreams.
I, Rachel Barbra Berry, was on a mission to find that woman.
If questioned, I could not answer why she meant so much to me. Honestly, I just felt a calling, a need, a desire to find that beautiful creature. Constantly my mind would wander to the thought of destiny and if I had been destined to be saved by her that night. If it were destiny, I knew that if I continued searching the city, eventually I would find her.
At times I could even swear that her scent surrounded me and that I felt her hazel eyes watching over me, like a guardian.
Then again perhaps I was simply latching on to the last memory I had that was positive. Perhaps fate did not exist, and if it did then why had he taken my mother the way that he had? Perhaps I was only being ridiculous in my search. But, I knew that I needed to continue.
I had to find her.
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I spent every evening in New York; every evening over the last two years, simply watching her. Kurt teased about her becoming an obsession of mine, I preferred the term hobby, but neither sounded less strange honestly. I suppose you could liken me to a stalker of sorts, I had no intention other than to watch her as she grew. No ulterior motive.
She was no longer the naive teenager that I had saved, but instead a powerful and almost sorrowful looking young woman. It appeared that she was constantly searching for answers to some unanswerable puzzle as she wandered the city at night. I was curious as to what she was looking for.
At times I allowed myself to believe that it were I she was looking for. For it seemed she often returned to the alleyway in which I had saved her, large brown eyes searching the shadows.
Other nights she would venture to Broadway and take in a show, she appeared to love going there the most. When she exited she often wore a bright smile on her full lips and her brown eyes dazzled with reflections of the neon lights of the city as she skipped cautiously and excitedly across the busy street. It was beautiful, she was beautiful. Stunning actually, she looked not of the world itself. Which was ironic coming from me, a vampire, but for having such natural and common features such as dark eyes, and tan skin, she did not look like any of the other humans.
There was something special about her that set her apart from them, not only in appearance, but also I could tell that she had a kind soul. A soul that was not commonly found in any species including my own. An untouched soul, perhaps slightly naïve regardless of aging. They do say that ignorance is bliss after all.
Whatever it was about this woman the one thing that I knew was that I could not stop watching her, I could not stop following her, I could not stop wanting to be a part of her existence.
"Why not just go and speak with her for once?" Came a familiar high-pitched voice from behind me. Even with my raised senses I had not heard him approach me and I jumped a little in surprise. Growing irrationally upset with him sneaking up on me.
Turning to glance over my shoulder I caught his glowing blue eyes with my intense hazel, a slight scowl on my face. "Kurt, how did you find me here?"
"What a ridiculous question Quinn. You always spend your evenings here instead of in your room."
"Benefit to never sleeping I suppose." I husked out turning my attention back to the beautiful woman, watching as she started down the sidewalk, preparing to move and follow her when she got out of my sight.
"Most wouldn't describe stalking a benefit to never sleeping—"
"—it isn't stalking."
"Alright, let us instead call it watching a young woman from a distance without her knowledge of you doing so, and following her around the city every night for the past two years." He laughed a little and I bit down on my bottom lip glancing away ashamed. He had a point, when described in such a manner it did sound like I was simply stalking the poor woman. To me it felt like it held a deeper meaning though.
"I can't really explain it, Kurt. I just feel this need to follow her, to protect her." I husked out softly. Never meeting his eyes as he turned on his heels to look at me.
"Have you ever considered that you may actually really like this girl?"
"It's not like that—"
"—Quinn, how do you know if—"
"—Because, Kurt it's not like that. When I found her again, she had come to the city and she appeared utterly broken. As if she were made of glass and a heavy wind could be enough to push her over the edge and shatter her completely. The way that she had cried would have killed me if I were not already dead. Although I do not know what caused this aching, I just want to watch over her and make certain that she is safe and never has to feel that heartbreaking pain again."
"If that isn't love then I do not know what is sweetheart." He said laughing and shaking his head at me. Undoubtedly he found me clueless.
"How can you love someone you hardly even know?" I questioned him seriously.
"Haven't you ever heard of love at first sight dear? You spot their eyes across a crowded room and your heart races, figuratively in your case of course, and you just know that that is who you are going to spend your life with!" His voice heightened with excitement as he latched onto my arm, nearly jumping up and down. Kurt was madly in love with romanticism. I appreciated it, but did not find it realistic.
"How do you know?" My naivety on the subject was obviously shining through, but I had never been in love before. Not in my human life nor my afterlife.
"Well, seeing as I have never actually been in love I am not sure. I guess you just have this feeling, this desire to be around them at all times. This calling, so to speak."
Chewing on my bottom lip I thought over the feelings that I held for the beautiful woman, the way that I wanted to be a part of her life even if it were merely from a distance. This could easily be described as a "calling." It still seemed to baffle me, the thought of falling in love with someone that's name I did not even know. Still, I admitted huskily. "I feel that. A calling."
"I knew it!" He practically squealed in excitement bouncing up and down beside me. Glaring in his direction helped in settling him.
In all honesty a part of me knew that I cared deeply for this woman, that she was somehow special to me. But a part of me was equally terrified of what would happen if I did approach her. More than likely she would not feel the same and then this image I had in my mind would be destroyed. "What if she does not care for me in return Kurt? What if I frighten her, I am after all stalking her. She probably does not even remember I exist."
"Nonsense, look at you. No sane human could forget you!" He tried to encourage, only receiving a roll of my eyes in his direction. Letting out a loud sigh he nudged my side. "You are too stubborn sometimes Quinn!"
"As you have told me on numerous occasions." I drawled out huskily.
Pausing he appeared to be deep in thought as I forced him to move down the street with me in order to keep track of the beautiful woman. "Do you remember that promise you made me?"
"Yes?" I raised an eyebrow in his direction before glancing back to the young woman; she was helping an elderly man across the street. This woman was surreal. She even appeared to be laughing along with his jokes and smiling kindly at him. A good amount of people would have run the man down with their vehicle in a rush before actually stopping and helping the man.
"I want you to fulfill it."
"What?" I glanced to him, absolutely horrified with his proposition. My naturally raspy voice cracking due to the emotions that welled inside of me at the thought of actually approaching the woman. "You cannot be serious."
"Dead serious actually." He laughed a little at his pun which earned another raised brow from me. Sometimes I wondered how this man could hold such a high rank in a society of murderers. "Quinn, please just approach her? Take a chance like you promised that you would! What's the worst that will happen?"
"She will think I am a sociopathic killer who has been stalking her for the last two years." I muttered out humorlessly.
He rolled his blue eyes at my sarcasm. Even if it did hold partial truth, there was a very good chance that she could think exactly that. "Oh please! And so what if she does, then you gave it a chance and it didn't work out and you know that it wasn't meant to be! As opposed to following her around until the day that she dies and never knowing what could have been!"
"What am I supposed to do? Simply walk up behind her and give her a heart attack?" I rasped out, my tone still dripping with sarcasm. It was ridiculous.
"That is precisely what you should do!" He shouted pushing me toward the sidewalk and out of the shadows. "Only minus the heart attack sweetie!"
When I looked back at him and prepared to run back into the darkness, his encouraging eyes and the waving hand motions that he was giving me made me truly evaluate his earlier words. What was the worst that could happen? I have been alone and living in misery for so many years, latching onto some hope that someday I will find love, and now it is possibly literally standing right in front of me and I am running from it?
Taking in an unnecessary breath I gathered my strength and confidence before nodding at Kurt. Turning on my heels I started down the street. Not taking advantage of my enhanced speed. I did not wish to startle her. I wanted to appear as human as possible.
I could tell that she noticed me as her muscles tensed and her breathing sped up, also her heart was thudding loudly. It caused my hunger to rise but I would never devour the wonderful woman in front of me. As her pace sped up so did mine and I debated if I should announce my presence or simply wait for her to turn and approach me, any thoughts of doing anything were interrupted by her voice.
"I should warn you that I am armed." She announced proudly, her voice holding so much confidence. It was beautiful, the voice of an angel and if not for her words I more than likely would have swooned.
"I do not wish to hurt you." I husked out, honestly.
Now I could hear her breathing stop, but her heart continued to race on as if in a marathon. I let her calm down, standing completely still, neither approaching her nor descending back into the shadows. It took a few minutes for her to begin breathing regularly again, and she was still facing the opposite direction of me. I prayed to God above that I had not frightened her too much.
Glancing down at her hands I watched as she balled them into fists before extending them a few times, and then finally she turned around quickly to face me. Her chin held up high despite her short stature, as if trying to make herself seem more confident than she actually was. The conflicting emotions could not be hidden from her large beautiful eyes though, I watched as so many feelings flashed across them. Fear, shock, relief, sorrow, confusion, wonder, and many others.
"It—" She started her full lips quavering, eyebrows knit together in confusion. "It-It's you." Her voice was weak.
I wish I could have cried. She remembered me.
What would you have done, I wonder,
Had I gone on my knees to you
And told you my passionate story,
There in the dusk and the dew?
My burning, burdensome story,
Hidden and hushed so long—
My story of hopeless loving—
Say, would you have thought it wrong?
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Authors Note: Thanks so much to everyone reading my fic it means the world to me that y'all are enjoying reading it. :)
Thank you all! You guys really do make my day! Please leave reviews if you want to read more! :) Will be updating my other Faberry fics too!