I really wanted to make a second list since I'm almost done with my fic 100 Things I'm Not Allowed to Do in Middle-Earth, so I decided to work with my absolute favorite fandom this time! I'm going to try to update this once a week once I complete 100 Things.
Disclaimer: Nope, I still don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, Pokemon, Smurfs, Power Rangers, or any of the songs mentioned.
1.) I will not use alchemy and live animals to simulate live-action Pokemon battles.
"Skarmory, use steel wing!"
"Geodude, dodge and use rock slide!"
Winry, hearing the commotion despite being having a floor between her and the two brothers, stomped downstairs to figure out just what was going on. Upon seeing the havoc the Elrics had caused, though, she pulled out all the stoppers that kept her temper contained.
"WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING TO OUR LIVING ROOM?"
Ed and Al put down the innocent bird and pet rock they had kidnapped and fled from the wrenches being hurled at their vulnerable skulls.
2.) I will not dye Edward Elric blue and call him Smurfette.
The door to Roy Mustang's office burst open with a bang, and the subordinates who were curious enough to look up from their paperwork were treated to a humorous sight they'd never forget.
"ALRIGHT, YOU ASININE COLONEL, HOW DO YOU GET THIS DYE OFF?"
Roy Mustang just chuckled. A blue-skinned Fullmetal Alchemist was just too funny! "But Smurfette, blue just looks too good on you-"
The Colonel had to jump out the window to save himself from Ed's alchemy. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO TINY THAT THEY HAVE TO LIVE IN SMURF VILLAGE?"
3.) I will not make a betting pool regarding Envy's gender.
Envy barely managed to transform himself into the disguise of another measly subordinate as General Raven passed by. He sighed in relief. That had been too close!
...But his relief transformed into rage as he recalled what he had swiped from the desk of one Roy Mustang's subordinates. Gnashing his teeth furiously he pulled it out once more and reviewed it.
Male: Roy, Havoc, Breda, Falman
Female: Riza, Alphonse
Genderless palm tree: Edward
What was that last one supposed to mean, anyways? "I AM NOT A PALM TREE, FOR THE LAST TIME!" Too late, he realized that he had expressed his indignation out loud, and he fled the scene to avoid the weird looks he was getting.
4.) Lust will not be sent to a convent.
Lust's fellow Homunculi brothers had thought it a good idea to send her to a convent since she couldn't keep herself off every man that passed by. "Get thee to a nunnery!" Father had said.
...But when she returned and insisted that everyone call her Chastity, they regretted their actions.
5.) Roy Mustang is NOT dead sexy in a mini-skirt.
"Sir!" exclaimed Riza Hawkeye as her superior officer strutted into the room. She wasn't the only one who was in shock; Havoc had swallowed his cigarette, Breda had done a genuine spit-take with his coffee, Falman was gaping like a fish that was asphyxiating, and Fuery was pounding himself on the head to rid himself of the bad mental images.
"I need my gloves, Lieutenant! Help me find them!" Roy Mustang ordered as he rifled through the contents on his desk.
"But what happened?"
Mustang gritted his teeth as he replied, "Apparently, it's possible to transmute the clothes people are currently wearing into something...else." This something else he was referring to was the itsy, bitsy, teeny, weeny blue mini-skirt he was currently dressed in.
"THAT'S FOR MAKING ME INTO SMURFETTE!" the smug shout of Ed was heard by all, and Mustang turned a shade darker than Fullmetal's famous cloak.
6.) I will not sit outside Kimblee's cell for days on end and sing, "I Know a Song That Gets On Everybody's Nerves!"
"I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves-"
Kimblee bashed his head against the wall. The evil brat had been there for six days! "I told you already, GET LOST, YOU TIN CAN!"
"-AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES!" Oh, if Al had his body, he would be smiling.
7.) I will not have a t-shirt launcher installed in my automail.
In the end, it turned out that Winry had turned the settings on far too high, and Ed had to reimburse a girl's family who had to go to the ER for a busted arm.
She still kept the Fullmetal Alchemist t-shirt, though.
8.) I will not host a rock concert to fund my research, nor will Roy Mustang be in charge of pyrotechnics.
"I WILL NOT DIE, I WAIT HERE FOR YOU! I AM ALIVE WHEN YOU'RE BESIDE ME-E!" It turned out that The Fullmetal Alchemists was an excellent band name. Edward had an incredible singing voice, a guy in a suit of armor looked hard core enough to be the guitarist, Winry had some experience playing the drums, Hawkeye had learned to play the bass as a teenager, and the skills for playing the electric violin had been passed down the Armstrong family for generations!
Mustang, however, had been left without an instrument to play, so they had to give him a different job...
The moshers all had to evacuate the area as a fireball engulfed the areas above their heads. "THIS IS AWESOME, LET'S GO ON TOUR!" Mustang exclaimed excitedly.
9.) While outside on winter days, I will not lick Alphonse Elric's armor.
The door of the Rockbell's residence opened as two people with very unique footsteps shuffled in. Pinako knew who it was, so there was no point in sparing them a look.
"Uh...Granny?" Sighing, Pinako glanced up from her steaming mug of coffee and was greeted with a mildly disturbing sight: Edward's tongue was stuck tight to the metal on Alphonse's thigh.
"...Do I want to know?"
"No," Ed and Al answered simultaneously. Sighing once more, Pinako left to fetch the blowtorch.
10.) Roy Mustang's office is not the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers.
Mustang, being the head honcho, had stolen the glory of red for himself. Edward, who just shrugged and claimed that the Red Ranger was always a douche bag anyways (though he had been trying to take the title of Red Ranger for himself earlier, too), took the title of Black Ranger. Fuery had taken green, and Breda had stolen blue. Alphonse, upon realizing that a suit of armor couldn't plausibly wear tights, had decided to be the Magna Defender.
Then came the real problem.
Hawkeye had point blank refused to be pink and had chosen yellow for herself, which meant that Falman...
"I hate you all..."
...had to be the Pink Ranger.
"Sucks to be you, man."
11.) I will not attempt to understand how Alphonse Elric's soul is only worth one arm.
"...I'm worth more than just one appendage, right? I mean, the universe doesn't think that little of me...does it? Ah, why does my life have to be so angsty?"
Edward sighed and patted his brother on the back. "Al, you've been talking to yourself for six hours now. Angst needs to be done in short bursts, not all drawn out."
Al sniffed, though there was no need. "Who taught you about angst, brother?"
Ed shrugged. "I wrote a book on it myself."
"Oh, that makes sense."
12.) I will not challenge Edward Elric to a milk chug contest.
To everyone's amazement, Ed actually managed to hold his gallon of milk in his stomach. Envy, however, ended up puking all over Lust's feet.
"So, what were you saying about humans beings weaker than you?"
Moments later, Ed rushed to the bathroom and reminded himself of one reason why he despised milk in the first place as he, too, vomited.
I know that Ed's not much of an angster (he does a better job of controlling it than other anime characters), but when he does, he does it right!
What was your favorite? Mine was probably 1!