AN: This is not beta'd (I abuse commas). It's a simple angst OS that I needed to get out of my system. This is NOT HEA. There aren't butterflies here or a happy trail. Tissue warning.
Song used-Skinny Love-Bon Iver
SM OWNS IT
"You can do this, baby, I know it." I reassure my wife, as her grip tightens on my hand. I'm sure she's crushing it, possibly breaking several of my fingers, but my focus is intense, and I will not let my pain show.
We've waited for this moment, this very second of our lives to be complete for almost six years now. Without the approval of our families, or most of our friends, we've made it here. Through tears and heartbreak, through bitter fights and nights sleeping alone, we've made it.
Nothing is easy, we've always known that, but we fought like hell to be what we are today. We've fought for our love and we're stronger.
"Please, please don't make me do this," she begs, as her arms tremble with pain and her brow drips with sweat, but I can see the strength behind her tear filled eyes.
We both know better, she is the stronger of us.
"It won't be much longer. If I could take this pain away I would, you know that." I tell her as I try to wipe the pain away, along with the sweat on her forehead. The damp towel does little for her, but it keeps me busy.
Our wedding day was a lot like this. At eighteen we stood in front of the Justice of the Peace, Bella in a simple cotton dress and me in my jeans and shirt. Alice and Jasper stood beside us as witnesses, the only friends who believed we'd make it. The grip Bella had on my hand that day was just as intense and the tears from pain as they rolled down her face when her dad didn't show, just as heart-wrenching to see.
"You're stealing my baby away from me, I'll never forgive you,"
I wasn't stealing her though. She was mine, as I was hers from the moment I laid eyes on her. He knew it too, and he hated me for it, still does. Even now when she's about to bring his grandchild into the world, he sits in his cruiser and curses me.
"Edward, it hurts," she cries as she buries her face into my chest, and I cry with her.
"The baby's heart rate isn't slowing, we need oxygen, now," her OB orders, as he lets Bella's bed down slowly and checks the monitor. I've watched it spike over and over again. Every few minutes it makes a steady climb upwards only to make a slow decline. I've heard the other women scream through the halls. I've seen the woman in the next rooms progress beside my wifes.
The panic I felt knowing that would be her soon doesn't matter because despite it I'm smiling.
She's been having contractions for days. We've been here four times since they started and today they finally gave her a room. Even with my own father as head of surgery here I couldn't keep Bella in a room, not when, as they told us several times, it could take days.
They were right of course. Bella wasn't persuaded until they told her she couldn't have food. A light flickered in her eyes that made me laugh. We drove straight to the nearest drive thru and Bella ate her weight in fries.
"Why do I need oxygen?" Bella grinds out in a panic as she swats the nurse away who tries to cover her mouth with the mask. I try not to laugh at the shocked look on the nurse's face when Bella growls at her.
She hits like a man, I know that had to hurt the nurse.
"Bella, your baby isn't getting enough oxygen, his heart rate is unstable and we need you to wear this mask until we can get the baby out." the doctor, although a patient man, rushes out as he places the heart monitor further down on her belly.
I can hear the thumping of a tiny heart along with the beeps of the machines they have Bella hooked to, and when I look at her we both know he's right.
"The baby should be at 120 to 150 a minute, it's dropping and then picking up speed rapidly, please let me do this," her nurse pleads as she takes a step towards Bella.
There are tears streaming down both our faces now and Bella's hand is back in mine as she nods her approval.
"You're at nine centimeters, Bella, not much longer," her doctor tells us as he emerges from beneath the sheet draped down her knees.
It's a blue sheet and for some reason it's all I can think about, that and the blood I saw when he threw his gloves away. I didn't miss the slightly alarmed look when he turned away from us. I don't speak though, Bella is stressed enough and I can't hear any more bad news.
"I need something for the pain, please, anything... oh god." She screams as her back arches in the air. Another spike on the monitor, another forty five minutes ticks by, nothing changes.
"STOP TOUCHING ME!" She screams in all our faces, and slings her ice chips across the room, any time we get near her. My touch hurts too much, the doctors voice is grating and the nurse is too slow.
I bit the inside of my cheek not to smile. I know it's painful but it's my, Bella, and even pissed and sweaty she still makes me laugh.
More contraction but no progress and she's angry.
She's pressed the button beside the bed too many times to count, and cussed out more people than I ever remember her doing. She's pissed, and she's hurting, and I can't do a damn thing for her but wait for her to accept me again.
I drink coffee and walk down the hall to Alice and Jasper when the pain becomes too much and she sleeps. I tell them there is no change but it will be soon. I promise it and pray that I'm right.
"Are you ready to be a father, Mr. Cullen?" The doctor asks an hour later, as he slips on his gloves and approaches a very worn out Bella.
I nod and grab her hand, even though I feel her pull away when the pain becomes too much again.
Beaten bed rails and a lip bitten so much it bleeds and it's finally time to push.
"Remember to breathe, Bella," the nurse says, as she places Bella's feet in the stirrups.
"No shit? I have to breathe too?" Bella snaps bitterly, and turns to the doctor. "Are all your nurses this bright or did you pick this one special?"
Thankfully both the doctor and nurse only laugh lightly as they ready her for the hardest part.
"Alright, Bella, this is the moment you've been waiting for. Deep breathe in and push 2, 3, 4" he counts to ten and Bella's face turns red under the plastic mask. Her nails dig into my skin and I watch.
I watch and I wait and I listen.
"Push," the nurse says again and again.
"You can do this baby," I cheer on as my hand holds her knee. I try not to grip it too tightly but my excitement is almost too much.
"Just a few more pushes baby and he'll be in your arms." I whisper to her as I kiss her tears.
Bella is about to be a mother, I'm about to be a father, and the smile I hold is the biggest I've ever had.
"He's crowning," the doctor shouts at the same time Bella screams so loud my ears are left ringing.
I watch as more nurse come in and ready the bed for our baby. I focus on my grip on Bella and the sounds of the doctor working below.
When the monitor blares faster and faster I feel as though I'm going to faint. I can feel my own heart racing along with my sons.
"Just one more push Bella, hard as you can," the doctor orders and he reaches out for something I miss.
"The cords wrapped around his neck, I need to cut it before he suffocates." he answers my unspoken question and Bella grabs me tightly screaming in pain as my own hands grip her.
"What's happening, please tell me what's happening," Bella shouts but they are drowned out quickly by the tiny wails of a baby so blue and purple he doesn't look real.
"Oh god," I gasp out scared to death.
"Please," she sobs and my attention turns to her once more.
My hands are shaking and there are tears in my eyes as I look at her and promise her he is okay.
He has to be okay.
"Oxygen," the nurse orders and I watch as they hold a tiny mask just above his naked body. His limbs are kicking and his screams are the most beautiful thing I have ever heard before.
"Anthony," I whisper with a smile as I brush my wife's hair away from her face.
Not a few seconds later he's swaddled in a blanket and brought to Bella's chest.
"Take the baby Edward," Bella demands, her voice is strained.
"What?" I ask her confused until I see her pale white face.
"The baby," she gasps and a nurse grabs him just as she crashes.
And just like that my knees finally give way and hit the linoleum below them.
"She's bleeding out," the doctor shouts as he starts to work below the sheet once more and Bella's grip on me loosens.
"No," I say to her as I try to stand. I grab her hand once more and pull it to my chest. "Don't do this, not know, fight damn you." I beg her, I scream at her.
"We have to stop the bleeding," he shouts again and hands are all over her, gripping her, checking her, cleaning her.
"Why isn't she fighting? Save her god damn it," I scream at them as I grip her tighter to me.
"We're doing all we can, I promise you, Mr. Cullen. There is a tear and I can not close it," he tells me and his voice is strained.
My heart drops at his words, when it hits the bottom it shatters and I cry in pain as I hold her.
My eyes stay glued to her and I watch as her eyes, those beautiful brown eyes I have looked into for so many years, the ones I said "I do' too, the ones I made a lifetime of promises too, roll backwards. her body shakes violently as they work on her. And I beg them to do something, I plead with them and with her.
I can't lose my best friend, I can't let her go, not when we've only just started a family. Not when she spent hours giving birth, being so strong for our son.
She can not leave me... us. She can't do this, not now.
"Anthony needs you, I need you, please Bella." I plead some more as the tears run freely and I grip her cold face in my hands and I kiss her hard.
I whisper my love to her, I whisper our vows, I tell her she's everything.
Over and over I do this until my voice is gone, and so is she.
At 8:10 am my wife gave me the greatest gift in the world, and at 8:36 am another was taken away.
AN 2.0- Leave me some love and tell me what you thought.