Little PURPLE Riding Hood
Once apon a time there lived a sweet, NO WAIT! It should be more like this! 'Once apon a time a kind loving little girl lived in-NO WAIT! OK PEOPLE ! This story is about a killer TURKEY, a emotional HUNTSMEN, A SMURF, and a spoiled 12 year old who HATES the color pink...OK THIS IS IT!
FROM THE TOP!
Once apon a happy, stinky time lived a stupid spoiled 12 year old girl who hated the color pink. Oh yeah i think her name was 'supposed' to be 'RED' but somehow thanks to the Three Little Pigs being chased by a dragon and interfearing with the writing of this story everything got changed and stuff. Her name was oringinally 'Violet' but she wanted people to call her Vio but instead people called her ' Purple' which made her clearly mad and want to just hit things. By the way, if you haven't noticed she has a bit of an 'Anger-Issue' problem so continuing on with the story. She was off playing her brand new IPHONE ( Angry Birds) when her mother called her away from winning the level or whatever.
"PURPLE!" Her mother called in a gentle voice.
"WHAT!" Yelled Violet. Or maybe we should call her 'Vio' just to be nice to her...NO WE SHALL CALL HER PURPLE JUST TO ANNOY HER!
"AND MOM! MY NAME IS VIOLET NOT PURPLE!"
"PURPLE GET YOUR BUTT OUT HERE!" Suddenly 'mom's voice started to raise. Now we know where PURPLE got her anger issues from! Instead of turning off her IPHONE she just put it in her pocket and slowly walked out of her totally advanced-techno room into her lame kitchen along with her lame mom.
"Yes mother?" She said in a ACTUAL Little Red Riding hood voice.
" PURPLE you are to take this basket full of top ramen and crackers to your old granny who is going all crazy again. AND make sure you get there through the front door...we don't want ANOTHER family circus going on there...WHAT ARE YOU STANDING HERE FOR? LEAVE MY SIGHT!" And so PURPLE put on her totally teenager clothes and stuff and write when she was going to walk out the door her mother stopped her. AGAIN!
"UH NO WAY SISTER YOU AIN'T GOING TO WEAR THAT! ITS FREEZING OUTSIDE!"
"MOM ITS 64 DEGREES OUTSIDE!" Ok NOW i was losing a bit of my temper even though its super short. I kept walking until my face was covered in snow. * Sigh* I walk back into the house and my IPHONE is thankfully alive still.
" Purple i want you to wear this" My eyes widen and my jaw drops to the floor cartoon style. It was a DRESS with little boots that only went up to my ankles and...it had THAT cape. The PURPLE cape.
" NO WAY. Mom. I. .Wearing. That." I say before trying to escape to my room. She stops me before i make it to the door and takes my IPHONE.
" PURPLE. if you want your new IPHONE back you will wear this.!" She replied as she tossed the cape, boots, and dress to me. I said 'FINE' and continue off to my room. I slam the door and quickly put on the dress then the cape along with the boots. After the part with the snow landing on my face my makeup is smeared so i just washed it off. I walk out of my room and see my mom trying to play with the IPHONE.
"Ugh...whats with the birds and the catapult?" My mom asks herself. I sigh yet again. She looks up at me.
"HAHAHAHAHA YOU LOOK SO FUNNY!" She bust out laughing on the floor. I grab the IPHONE and look totally embarrssed. I just stare at her until she stops. And after 25 ( YES 25.) minutes she gets up.
" Alright so i see your ready to go." She says calmly. Her face is still red.
" Purple when you leave make sure you don't talk to anyone you don't know. It may turn out to be a creepy person."
" But shouldn't i be worried about anything attacking me? Like maybe a WOLF?"
"Remember granny? its the KILLER TURKEY you gotta watch out for. And also try to avoid the Huntsman...He's been depressed again.."
"OK THEN..BYE" I put the IPHONE in my pocket turning it off and grab the basket. I walk or try to on the path until i find myself next to the flower patch. I suddenly get a idea and a light bulb appears over my head. I notice it and grab it.
" Ya know i think its creepy how whenever people gets ideas, you magically show up." I say talking to it.
" So what if its creepy? I GET PAID 100$ AN HOUR TO DO THIS!"
" REALLY? Can i have 40$?"
" BECAUSE THE KILLER TURKEY IS BEHIND YOU!" Purple swung around and there it was, THE KILLER TURKEY. It looked like a dead turkey, A creepy, comical looking turkey holding a axe.
"HOLY COWS!" She dropped the talking light bulb then start running like crazy. "DUDE DON'T JUST DROP ME' I hear it say before i see a flash of light. I turn around just for a second to see that the turkey had sliced it in half. After 4:36 minutes and seconds of running i find myself in the woods.
" Dang it! I'm in the 'C.W.W.N.N.S.6.A! ( Creepy Woods With No Name Sense 6 Seconds Ago )" I say.
Then i realise something. I TOTALLY ALMOST FORGOT MY IDEA! I feel really really angry because my idea was NOT to get attacked by a killer turkey.
It was that i could pick a few flowers then give it to my boyfriend. Suddenly i hear a small beep coming from my IPHONE. I pick it up and see that none other than my friend from school was calling me.
" What up Chrissy?" She was like super populer and she was always the first to know when a new rumor went around.
" Hey there V! Guess what i just saw at Mirr Skate Park?
" What?" Clearly confused i say!
" Ya know your boyfriend Justin? The one you have been dating for 2 weeks?
" Well he's on a date with another girl! And it's with SELENA!" I gasp then hang up the phone. I put it in my pocket and i start hitting the trees making my hands all scratched up. I scream. I kick. Then suddenly i feel myself kicking a mushroom. ' OMG! HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN!'
" THIS IS THE FOREST THAT THE SMURFS LIVE IN!" I scream for the world to hear me.
" You called?" I hear a little sound come from next to me. I look at the ground a see a smurf. I was about to start talking when i hear a turkey sound.
" Oh hello! I am the local KILLER TURKEY!" He showed off his axe when he said it.
" Where are you heading little PURPLE riding hood?"
"The old timber house with the white door" I say calmly. The smurf beside me giggles. This is where the 'EMOTIONAL HUNTSMAN' lived.
" OH GOODBYE LITTLE PURPLE! I SHALL SEE YOU SOON!" He runs off towards the direction to the huntsman's house. After 5 minutes of us laughing we stopped.
"Yo smurf do you wanna come with me to my crazy old granny's house?"
"Do you mean THE CRAZY OLD GRANNY?"
" Ok then!" He somehow hops onto my shoulder and we start off towards my granny's house. Or more like me because im the one walking. By now my temper is back to normal so no one is going to end up dieing a terrible death. Or maybe a slow terrible death.
"Ya know for a killer turkey he sure was dumb.."
" Ya he was! And the only reason he became a huntsman was because he was famous for killing turkeys!" And so we laugh again for what seem like an eternity ( it was only 6:25 minutes and seconds). Soon it started raining and i realise i am like super hungry.
"Hey Smurfy do you know if there is any food around here?"
"Unless you want to eat a mushroom and then get poisened then no" He grinned.
"LAME." I look and find myself hold a basket full of warm top ramen and crackers. To add to the drama, my stomach growls like really really lowd.
"WELL I AM STARVING!"
" Sorry didn't meant on get on your nerves.."
" Whatever crazy old granny gonna's have to wait for food.." I stop and sit on the ground, which is wet and now my butt is all muddy. I start eating the awesomely awesome Beef flavored noodles, which is my favorite type. Me and the Smurfy ( he said thats his name ) start talking about stuff like ' The top infinity reasons to hate the color pink' to ' Why learn about math when you can eat tacos?'
" Yo Smurfy how come the Emotional Huntsman is depressed again?"
"Because he hasn't been able to eat a turkey in a month..or kill one"
"Whatever we gotta go before my butt falls asleep.." I add.
"Did i really need to know that?"
" No but now ya do :P" Smurfy just looked like he was going to bust out laughing again. He hopps on my shoulder just in a second and I start walking.
"Hey Smurfy where are we?"
"How should i know? And anyways you got a IPHONE so check it."
"Whatever.." I grab my IPHONE and try to turn it on. And guess what? IT'S DEAD.
"ITS DEAD." I say in a cold voice.
"DUN DUN DUN DUUUUN" I stop walking.
"We are here..." I say in a total dramatic voice.
"The crazy old granny's house?"
"DUN DUN DUN DUUUUN"
" That was really weird PURPLE." The small smurf said next to to me. I just glare at him.
"WHATEVER." I just open the door to my grandmom's house. the house looks like it could belong to a billionaire. the home's front yard has a little pond with Koi in it and it has little flamingos everywhere. Even in the trees you can see nests of Blue Jays.
"HEY! WAIT FOR ME~~~" I hear as i shut the door behind me. Because of that the little smurf can't follow me anymore. 'Hnmmm... I wonder how the Killer Turkey is doing?' I think before i hear my granny yell something.
With the Killer Turkey...
" Doom di doom..." The Killer Turkey was humming along; as he finally got to the Huntsman's house. The turkey found himself standing with his axe on his back in front of a timber house with a white door. He knocked on the door; unaware that the Huntsman famous for killing turkey was just on the other side of the door. A VERY VERY depressed looking scottish dude came out looking like he was flooding his whole house with his tears.
"H-h-h-hello?" HE asked. I could have either laughed or walked away in failure. The dude was 8 feet tall. He had a lot of mustace. he was wearing a...a TUTU? He looked at me. He at first seemed sad then...grinned evily; like a murderer.
"Yo turkey can i borrow that axe of yours?" And of course, because the turkey was stupid, he gave it to him. And soon the chase was on.
I was sitting in a chair, that of course had scratches on it. My granny was screaming at me, sense IT didn't get to have ramen. I say 'IT' because i don't know whether IT is a girl or boy or anything like that at all. All's i know is that one day, i was coming here and remembering that my granny was a...a...a...WOLF. YES my granny, The Crazy Old Granny, was a wolf. Appearently i am related to a wolf.
"Yo granny? Are you STILL trying to eat me?" I ask in an offhand voice as i file my nails. I recently got a pedicure.
"No. BUT... IF I DON'T GET MY RAMEN THERE SHALL BE ANOTHER FAMiLY CIRCUS~"
"NO THANK YOU CRAZY OLD GRANNY. I seriously don't know why you think having flying monkeys, riding zebras like horses, AND watching 'Joe Dirt' is funny..."
" Be quiet PURPLE i smell something..." I roll my eyes then look out the window. I spit out my soda i was drinking because The Killer Turkey was being chased by a scottish dude who was 8 foot tall, had a lot of mustace, was holding an axe, and...he...was...wearing...a...TUTU.
"SHIZ-WIGGLES!" I run away from the window just as The Huntsman and The Killer Turkey came crashing through the wall. I notice the smurf was dangling from The Huntsman's Tutu. I sigh, for the 1,000,000 time.
"HEY. YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR THAT YOU DARN TURKEY~" That's when granny saw the smurf. 'UH OH...'I can't remember what happened from then- All i know is that we are sitting at my mom's home, the Turkey, the Huntsman, me, mom, and granny eating the entire village of them...I notice the same light bulb from earlier frowning at me from above the table..my friend is being a stalker again and is watching from the window... JUSTIN and SELENA are out in my back yard eating Taki's...
Man, i do LOVE eating 'GRILLED SMURFS!'
.creepy story huh...DISCLAMIERS!MWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH..."I SOLEMLY SWEAR I AM UP TO NO GOOD'
PURPLE: NO STUPID ITS LIKE THI-
The Huntsman: i like ponies...-_._-
Justin: HEY don't i get a say in this?
me: NO SHUT UP.
Selena: How about me?
me: NO. Butt You get a cupcakes ^^ I LOVE YOUR MUSIC SELENA~~~~* gives a cupcake*
PURPLE: competely off topic...X_X
LIGHT BULB: SHE DOES NOT OWN ANYTHING IN THIS STORY! OTHER THAN THE PLOT LINE~~~~~~~ AND BRAGGIN RIGHTS~~
Justin: What about me?
everyone but selena: SHUT UP!
Smurfy: PLZ REVIEW!
PURPLE: AND HE LIVESS! * DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN*