United States of Hetalia Productions

This was a spur of the moment idea. Very random idea I admit. I don't own Hetalia.

England, America, and Canada were in America's house. England was sipping tea, America was watching TV, and Canada was coming downstairs with something in his arms.

"America, I found this on the ground..." He held up a t-shirt. "Isn't this New Zealand's?"

"Yeah. He let me borrow it."


America blinked. "Huh?"

"New Zealand's a girl," Canada stated.

America nearly burst out laughing. "No way! New Zealand's a guy!"

Canada shook his head. "No. I'm pretty sure New Zealand's a girl."

"What do you know?"

England looked up at the two of them. They had both turned their attention to him.

"England!" they said. "Is New Zealand a boy or a girl?"

England thought for a moment before realization dawned upon him. "I don't know..."

"Dude, wasn't New Zealand your colony? You kinda fail."

"I have a good reason for it!"


England was around exploring the Pacific region. He had heard of a pair of islands that was excellent for whaling, so he wanted to see for himself.

"Hello!" a youthful voice said behind him.

England thought it was a child. Probably the nation of this place.

But he did not open his eyes to make sure.

He had seen enough half-naked natives for one century, thank you.

"Are you the one that Netherlands found? New Zealand?"

"You mean the man with the funny hair? Yes."

"My name is England. Pleasure to meet you." He held out a hand in the direction he believed the child was in.

"...Why won't you open your eyes, Mr. England?"

"...I don't want to seem rude, but...put some clothes on." England blindly dug in his bag and pulled out a small, plain white dress.


"Put some proper clothes on!"

End flashback

"And you had him as your colony for how long?"

"Be quiet!"

"Anyways, we should figure out what New Zealand is!"

Canada and England raised their eyebrows. "And how do you suppose we do that?" Canada asked.

"Okay! We take New Zealand to a beach! Or we go to Finland and find a nice sauna and-"

"America!" England scolded. You must be more subtle with these sorts of things!"

Plan A: Restrooms (America's plan)

"Thanks for inviting me to this restaurant."

"It's our pleasure."

They had managed to convince New Zealand to order a large drink, and their table had a clear view to the entrances to the restrooms. America 'accidentally' spilled said drink all over New Zealand's pants and the nation left to clean up. They would see which door New Zealand comes out of. Simple as that.

Unfortunately, a waiter with a cart tripped right outside. At least a dozen other people crowded around to see if the poor man was okay. Unfortunately for the curious nations, they were blocking the view. So when New Zealand returned, they didn't notice which door the kiwi emerged from.

Said nation arrived to a table full of men facepalming. "What happened?"


Plan B: Shiny things (England's plan)

They were up in England's attic. It was simpler this time. Some boxes had weapons inside, and others had jewelry England's old queens used to wear. Whichever New Zealand was amazed by would determine the gender.

What they didn't count on was that New Zealand would be uninterested in both.

"What about these swords? Aren't they cool looking?" America asked.

The kiwi shrugged.

"How about these?" England held up a necklace of pearls. "Are they pretty? Don't you just want to put them on?"

New Zealand raised an eyebrow. "I had no idea you were a cross-dresser, Big Bro."

America held back a snicker.

This wasn't working. At all.

Plan C: Just ask (Canada's plan)

"New Zealand?" Canada asked.


"Are you a boy or a girl?"

The nation gave him a blank look. America and England were anxiously waiting the answer behind Canada. Then a small smirk came onto New Zealand's lips.

"What do you think I am?"

New Zealand walked away laughing as the other nations just stood there in shock.

'That little trickster,' they all thought.

Random idea, drabble, thing. I don't know what New Zealand is. I won't even bother to guess since I'm always wrong.