Of Twisted Technology and Torrid Romance


Summary: The autocorrect in Dom's new phone is still giving him issues. Romance is hard enough without typos.

Rating: M (for language and sexy-ish texts)

Genre: Humor, or my attempt at it!

Disclaimer: I do not own Fast and the Furious. The people who doown it probably wouldn't let Dom look like this much of an idiot.

Timeline: Post the first movie and established Relationship for Dom and Brian. After Of Twisted Technology and Miscommunications.

(IMPORTANT!) Basic idea, for those who don't know: Smart phones have a feature that will automatically correct what you actually want to say to what your phone THINKS you want to say, with mixed results. You really need to visit the site DAMN YOU AUTOCORRECT to fully understand. This story is in the same vein as Of Twisted Technology and Miscommunications, but can certainly stand alone.

THANK YOU SO MUCH TO THE REVIEWERS ON 'OF TWISTED TECHNOLOGY AND MISCOMMUNICATIONS' I never intended the first to be anything more than a one-shot, but the response was so overwhelming and appreciated, I felt I had to do more as a thank you, since so many people said so many kind things while simultaneously demanding more. Seriously, I am beyond grateful.


New Txt Message:


V: Hey man, come out with me tonight

DT: This isn't another sexy girl ambush is it?

V: Maybe…

V: DDs man… all natural – SISTERS

DT: What part of committed rectalexams don't you understand?


V: do you have to spell it out like that, D?

DT: *relationship

DT: Although, after a few coronas tonight I can probably make that rectal exam thing come true…

V: Nevermind, you perverted asshole

DT: Be at the garage by 9 tomorrow… Enjoy the DDs and don't be late

V: Asshole

DT: you already said that

V: it's still true


New Txt Message:


DT: Letty, I need to know if you're in tonight or not

Letty: For what?

DT: What do we ever do?

DT: drag raping

Letty: Does that mean I get to fuck YOU? Because I will, Dom. Maybe I'll leave you high and dry halfway thru and find Brian

DT: racing, Leticia

Letty: V told me your phone was fucked up, but he didn't tell me it would know my deepest desire and suggest it

DT: can it, Letty

Letty: not joking, Dom


DT: …

DT: I know


New Txt Message:


DT: Vince and I are going out for drinks… want to come?

O'Conner: Nah, you guys have fun

DT: You sure? We can get you an anusturner

O'Conner: Is that a drink? It doesn't sound fun, that's for sure

DT: *Anusturner



DT: I was trying… forget it

O'Conner: I love when you try to make me look stupid but your phone turns the tables on you!

O'Conner: thank you, Dom's Phone!


New Txt Message:


O'Conner: I forgot, we need corona, cocoa puffs, lube and the stuff for dinner tonight


DT: Do we need tatas?

O'Conner: Not that I'm aware of… unless you're telling me you miss boobs

DT: tomatoes

DT: do we need them?

O'Conner: Yeah

DT: I can see your raised eyebrow and stupid grin from here, go ahead, make me think you're upset about the tatas autocorrect so I can apologize like an idiot

O'Conner: Nah, I'll give you this one for free.

DT: So what, after the first thirty seven autocorrects I get one free?

O'Conner: Pretty much

DT: I'll holding you to this


New Txt Message:


Letty: You ever coming back to your own fucking garage?


DT: Sorry, Letty, on my way

DT: anal went on a little too long

Letty: you've got to be kidding, fucker

Letty: newsflash, dick, girls don't like constant reminders that their exes decided to play for the other team

DT: my nap, jesus

Letty: don't even try it, Dom

DT: I'm being strenuous, Brian's not even here

DT: *serious

Letty: fuck you

DT: I give up


New Txt Message:


O'Conner: I'll be down at the garage at 11, I think. Anything you need?

DT: Can you get Crisco slick for me?

O'Conner: What's so special about Crisco?

O'Conner: I'm not saying no, but that seems messy

DT: *Caught up

DT: I'll behind on some of the invoices… mind doing a few?

O'Conner: Kinda messy or really boring…

O'Conner: Sure I can't take the first option?


DT: Haha

O'Conner: ?

DT: Oh


New Txt Message:


O'Conner: letty just sent me a weird text… I don't know how to respond

DT: What did she soy?

DT: *say

O'Conner: That she was bringing her new boyfriend to the barbecue this weekend and I wasn't allowed to be too friendly

DT: She was kidding

O'Conner: Are you sure?

DT: Joking is a good sign

O'Conner: Okay, what should I say back?

DT: Make some joke about asking for permission to fuck with him

O'Conner: you sure?

DT: Yeah



DT: *************FLIRT! Permission to FLIRT with him!

O'Conner: Are you fucking kidding me? I already texted her

DT: Jesus, Bri

O'Conner: that's what you said to say! I thought it was a little much, but you said you were sure!

DT: Shit, her phone just got the text

O'Conner: steal it from her! Delete it!

DT: I can't just rap it out of her hands!

DT: *rip

O'Conner: You and your fucking phone

O'Conner: I'll handle this

DT: You're calling her?

DT: Bri, what are you saying to her?


DT: fuck, answer me, she just went outside


O'Conner: It's fine, crisis averted

DT: what did you say? She's grinning at me all creepy

O'Conner: None of your concern

DT: Is this some kind of weird double team punishment?

O'Conner: Yep

DT: I don't like it

O'Conner: well I don't like being threatened with castration over a text that you told me to send, so now we're even

DT: You don't intend on teaming up with Letty often, do you?

DT: Brian?


DT: Fuck


New Txt Message:


DT: Want some sperm?

O'Conner: is that some strange way of asking for a blowjob?

DT: Soda

DT: Although…

O'Conner: Bring some sprite to the bedroom and we'll see about the rest…


New Txt Message:


DT: Vince said you left in a rope

DT: *rush

DT: Something piss you off?

Letty: Fucking maxima

DT: Want me to help with your tampon?

Letty: …

DT: Tune up… fuck, Letty, sorry.

Letty: I don't know… as I recall you always kind of liked that time of the month

DT: Give me a fucking break, Leticia


New Txt Message:


DT: Due God fix the leash dickwhistle BATHTOWN?

O'Conner: I'm getting pretty good at interpreting your autocorrect nightmares, but I'm totally stumped.

DT: Did gloop flash the sink dong in the bathmat?


DT: autocurtains suck

O'Conner: Got one: autocorrect sucks.

DT: Dallop God flesh the slip drip on the bathroom?

O'Conner: WTF?


O'Conner: please do, I'm dying to know what you want


New Txt Message:


CaraMia: So why is Brian so pissed at you?

DT: Hippy fit

CaraMia: He wants to be a hippy?

DT: *Hissy Fit

DT: I defiled him at the bar last night and now he thinks that I think he's a godchild

CaraMia: You defiled him? I don't even want to know, but if you did something to him in public then he has every right to be pissed!

DT: *ducked him… *girl

CaraMia: Oh Jesus Dom, forget I asked!

DT: DEFENDED HIM – some dick was saying nasty shit to him and I punched the guy

DT: calm down Mia

CaraMia: In an hour I'll say it was sweet, but right now I'm on Brian's side

DT: Aren't you always on Brian's side?


New Txt Message:


Letty: Am I expected to bring anything to this bbq?

DT: Only if you want to

DT: We're covered on liquor and meat, Vince and Leon have snack shit and Hector's bringing some crazy barbeque sauce we're supposed to use

DT: Maybe something sweet? Mamasita melons?

Letty: Last I checked, you didn't want this mamasita's melons anymore


DT: The shit I could say

DT: How many months have to go by before I can fight back?

Letty: Many, MANY more


New Txt Message:


O'Conner: Heading to the store, want anything?

DT: We're out of chips, get something like that


O'Conner: Okay, Doritos?


O'Conner: Um

DT: Jesus


O'Conner: … want me to grab more lube?


DT: Well, sure, we're almost out. But I meant Funions

O'Conner: Oh god… fucking funions. You freaked me out

DT: I think I freaked myself out


New Txt Message:


DT: If I get one more request for your number from people who were at the bbq, I'm gonna kill, Mia

CaraMia: Who wants my number?

DT: Hector's girlfriend, Macy, Carla from next door…

CaraMia: Why?

DT: Tips, I guess. Everyone loves your sloppy bjs

CaraMia: WHAT!

CaraMia: Who's been going around saying I give sloppy BJs? That's disgusting… and not true!


DT: *Sloppy Joes

DT: I never want to discuss this again

CaraMia: Oh my god, Dom…

DT: Quiet now, Mia Angelina


New Txt Message:


DT: You like Chinese dicks, right?

O'Conner: Can't say I've ever given them a whirl

O'Conner: I'm a little surprised you're asking

O'Conner: I would have guessed you were way too possessive for a threesome

DT: I am, don't even think about it

DT: But if you want some Dumplings, I have some left over

O'Conner: Yum

O'Conner: Me love you long time

DT: Freak


New Txt Message:


O'Conner: So what's the plan?

DT: Don't know

DT: Want to do a enema later?

O'Conner: This isn't a request you send via text, dom

DT: What's the problem?


O'Conner: Are you joking?

DT: I'm fucking crazed all day and you get bitchy about one request?

O'Conner: Dude you want to try something new, we can talk about it but don't throw shit out there randomly and expect total agreement

DT: how is this new?

O'Conner: I think I'd remember you playing doctor with an at home enema kit, you fucker

DT: wtf?


DT: Shit, sorry babe

DT: a maxima… could you look over it for me when you get here? We're swamped

O'Conner: I was shitting bricks, man

DT: I should know better than to send shit and not check it, I'll make it up to you… not with an enema

DT: Unless you want one

O'Conner: stfu


New Txt Message:


O'Conner: It's going to be like 95 today

DT: get your ASSSPRITZ going

O'Conner: My ass spritz? How do I make that happen and how would it help?

DT: a/c

DT: adding symbols drinks it nuts

O'Conner: drinking nuts and ass spritz? Your phone is on a fucking roll


New Txt Message:


Letty: You tell Vince he's a fucker and you guys can see if you can do better

DT: What's the prolapse?

DT: problem?

Letty: I won the race and he's talking shit

DT: not like you never talk shit, Letty

Letty: I'd win again, hands down

DT: think you can milk both of us?

Letty: You changing the rules here, Dominic?

DT: that's not what I meant and you know it


New Txt Message:


CaraMia: Best behavior, Dom, I mean it

CaraMia: No big brother with a shotgun routine

DT: only some

DT: how else am I going to know if he's going be gay on you?

CaraMia: It's not an epidemic for guys I date!

DT: No, Mia I meant I want to talk to him and see if he's got hard

CaraMia: 1st guy I bring to meet you after the whole Brian mess and this is how you act?


DT: *got honor

DT: I want to make sure he's a good guy

DT: Nothing else


CaraMia: forget the whole thing

DT: Mia, I'm sorry

CaraMia: stay away from my boyfriends


New Txt Message:


DT: Can you pick up the ribbits?

O'Conner: Huh?

DT: *relapse

DT: robots?

O'Conner: I'd love to pick up robots.

DT: *rice-a-roni



O'Conner: That's not nearly as fun

DT: Fucking do it

O'Conner: I'd make you say please, but who knows how long it would take


New Txt Message:


DT: Just finished the Supra, did a cumshot in front of everyone

O'Conner: I guess if there was any boyfriend who would understand public masturbation over a car, it would be me… but still

DT: What?

O'Conner: Cumshot?

DT: *Holshot

O'Conner: Muuuuuch better


New Txt Message:


DT: Where's the last corona?

O'Conner: I don't know what you're talking about

DT: You little sniffle bug

O'Conner: you sound like mommy dearest

DT: *shank bomb

DT: shartripper

O'Conner: Shart Ripper? That sounds painful

DT: *skanky bob

O'Conner: keep 'em coming…

DT: fuck you


New Txt Message:


O'Conner: You home soon?


DT: Yeah, soon

DT: Letty and I are playing a Lolita game

O'Conner: Are you fucking serious?

O'Conner: what kinky shit is that?

DT: *plowing a towing guy

O'Conner: wtf?

DT: *paying

DT: I don't know where Lolita came from, honest


DT: Brian?

DT: You know it's an autocorrect, don't jerk me around

O'Conner: I'm pretty sure I was going to kill you

DT: And now?

O'Conner: Take your time coming home


New Txt Message:


DT: Sorry babe, heading out now

O'Conner: No problem, Leon and I were hanging

DT: Took anal with Mia, lost track of time

O'Conner: I can see how anal incest with your little sister could be time consuming

DT: *anal

O'Conner: I understand, Dom. Who doesn't like anal with family?


O'Conner: Yes: you, Mia, anal… you don't have to keep telling me

DT: * a


DT: We fell asleep

O'Conner: I figured

DT: you ass

O'Conner: Sure you don't mean Mia's?


New Txt Message:


DT: the papacy sent you a letter

O'Conner: Wow, that's some dedication to the fight against homosexuality

O'Conner: I'm assuming that's the only reason the Pope would contact me

DT: *Police Academy

DT: Seems like a request for donations

O'Conner: I'm actually a little bummed

O'Conner: A letter from the pope would have been kind of awesome, even if he just wanted to tell me my soul is damned

DT: Sorry, babe


New Txt Message:


DT: We're heading out soon, Brian's playing with my anus

Letty: fuck you, dom

Letty: get your own parts

Letty: I'm finding some guy hotter than you and fucking him until he cries



DT: Anti-lock breaks on the new car

Letty: you have to be kidding

DT: nope, ask him

Letty: listen, you need to stop texting me until you get a new phone


New Txt Message:


DT: Plan on ever getting here?


O'Conner: I'm coming, don't be a dick

DT: are you in your period?

O'Conner: That's being a dick

O'Conner: I'm on my fucking way what else do you want?

DT: *Pontiac

DT: are you bringing the Pontiac?

DT: come on, Bri, I'm just asking – take your time

O'Conner: yes, I'm in the Pontiac, yes I'm taking my time and yes, you're a dick

DT: that last one wasn't a question

O'Conner: I agree


New Txt Message:


DT: How many inches can you handle?

O'Conner: Oh, I think you know the answer to that

DT: ha, yeah babe

DT: I meant how many sandwiches

DT: Mia's making lunch

O'Conner: damn… I thought you were gearing up for something fun

O'Conner: I'm probably good with one


O'Conner: tuna

DT: you and your fucking tuna


New Txt Message:


DT: the whore gang is going to be here soon

O'Conner: fun, and it's not even my birthday

DT: very funny

DT: *whole group


O'Conner: so wait, I get Vince instead of whores?

O'Conner: you owe me big

DT: I'll make it up to you later


New Txt Message:


DT: I said I was sorry, assmunch

O'Conner: is that some kind of insult?

O'Conner: nice apology, Dom

DT: that's not what I meant


DT: *Alaskan man

DT: *anteater

DT: Ant-eater? Are you fucking kidding me?

DT: Amante

DT: yeah, that one, you know 'lover'

O'Conner: smooth trying to use the Italian when you know I love it

O'Conner: but your phone can't even handle English, you idiot

DT: I know

O'Conner: luckily it was pretty fucking funny

O'Conner: so mission accomplished, I guess


New Txt Message:


DT: you decide on the sperm sauce yet?

CaraMia: ew, Dom I have no idea what you're talking about

CaraMia: … do you need to talk to Brian?

DT: No, Mia, sorry

DT: the spoiler size for your new car


CaraMia: Dom, I'm getting really tired of this phone

DT: me too

CaraMia: I don't know about the spoiler, I'll figure it out soon

DT: Thanks

CaraMia: This conversation never happened

DT: agreed


New Txt Message:


CaraMia: So where was Brian before?

DT: Home

DT: He's just a sore lover

CaraMia: Excuse me? You hurt him so bad he couldn't even stop by for lunch?

CaraMia: just because he's a guy too doesn't mean you can be so rough, Dom


DT: *loser

DT: He lost a bet so he was sulking


CaraMia: Oh

CaraMia: I'm really sorry Dom

DT: Brian was reading over my shoulder, now he's pissed at you for thinking he's breakable or something

DT: So don't worry about it, at least he's not pissed at me anymore

CaraMia: Give me five minutes

DT: Motherfucker


New Txt Message:


DT: I got a princealbert for you

LeonCell: Um… no thanks

DT: what do you mean? You love it


LeonCell: It's Leon

DT: I know?

LeonCell: Are you sure you don't mean to text Brian?

DT: What does he have to do with anything? It's for you


LeonCell: Not that I'm not flattered man, but I'm straight and this is awkward

DT: I have no idea what you're talking about

LeonCell: Look I'm sorry you pierced your dick for me, but yeah, no way


LeonCell: Prince Albert piercing?

DT: Jesus, I didn't notice

DT: *pepperoni pizza

DT: I went down to Pizza Post and got you pepperoni and vince his nasty anchovies

LeonCell: Fucking hell man, I almost shit myself

DT: Sorry Leon

LeonCell: When my gut unclenches it's going to be fucking hilarious, so don't worry about it

DT: You're like the first person to say that. Thank you


New Txt Message:


DT: Well, that went better than I thought it would

DT: I was furiously masturbating all morning

O'Conner: ?

O'Conner: You could have woken me up, I'd help out happily

DT: thanks, babe

DT: * furiously finishing

DT: the invoices

O'Conner: Okay, good, I felt guilty

DT: No need… trust me


New Txt Message:


DT: You've got a musky snatch


O'Conner: …I don't know how to respond to that

DT: *munchy pooter

DT: *milky polyp

O'Conner: polyp?

DT: *muggy slit

O'Conner: I can't breathe Dom, I'm dying

DT: I'll wait five and clap you

DT:*clit you

DT: *C A L L yoshi

DT: I glup up


New Txt Message:


DT: Do you think I have a c-cup?

O'Conner: This is a trick question

O'Conner: are you still pissed about the manboob thing?

DT: Wow

DT: c-cup = c-clamp

O'Conner: Oh, yeah, I'm sure we have one around here somewhere

DT: Thanks for reminding me about the manboob thing though

O'Conner: your phone did… keep me out of it


New Txt Message:


DT: I never found the gspot

O'Conner: Then what's Letty so pissed about still?

O'Conner: you'd think that was a hint and a plus for breaking up


DT: …

DT: *gloves

DT: thanks for the faith, Brian

O'Conner: I can't stop laughing


New Txt Message:


O'Conner: 6 month anniversary in a week

DT: yeah

O'Conner: I've got the perfect present for you

O'Conner: I'm buying you a new phone

DT: I lube you

DT: *love

DT: Although you'll be getting a lot of the other in thanks


I'm a bit more confident posting this time around, but any and all feedback would still be greatly appreciated, especially if you'd like to see more in this little universe of Dom's hellish phone.

I hope you all enjoyed!