Disclaimer: if I owned batman, i'd be working on other things than fanfics.

Saw a few "How many... does it take to screw in a light bulb?" for DC families. This is mine for the bats. Enjoy!

How Many Bats?

When Dick flipped the study's switch and the light didn't pop on, he gasped. Immediately Tim, who was just passing by the door, looked over his shoulder in curiosity and quickly put two and two together. Both of them exchanged glances then grinned.

"Rock paper scissors shoot. Two out of three."

"You're on!"

Damien, having been in the study all afternoon as the sun was setting, looked up from his thick book in complete bafflement. "What are you two idiots doing?"

"Deciding who gets to change the light bulb," Dick answered as he won the first round. Tim gritted his teeth as he raised his fist for another round.

"Can't Pennyworth do it?" Damien raised an eyebrow at the two of them. Their lunacy was becoming more apparent by the second.

"W00T!" Dick shouted as he won the second round. "I did it! I did it!"

"Don't rub it in!" Tim shouted back bitterly. He looked over to where the light fixture stood and pouted even more. He couldn't even fetch a ladder to help out. "Do you even know where the light bulbs are?"

"Course I do!" the first Robin grinned. "Used to juggle them around the kitchen to bug Alfie."

"And why hasn't Pennyworth taken care of it already?" the youngest demanded again. He closed his book and set it aside on the couch he was borrowing.

"Because he's out of town," Dick reminded him, grinning from ear to ear. "So we're in charge of the manor. Dinner's takeout until he gets back."

"Takeouts and instants," Tim reminded them. A devilish grin grew on his face. "And you're in charge of taking out the trash."

"Tt," Damien started. "So we're finally getting rid of you are we?"

Before either of them could start another messy fight, Dick raised a hand, grinning. "Anyway, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. To the butler closet!"

"No fair!" Tim yelled as he chased after their elder brother. Dick was laughing like the Joker as he darted down the hallway with Tim at his heels. Bored of reading and figuring this could be entertaining, Damien followed. Besides, what was so important about a light bulb that the two of them would fight over who would change it?

"Completely fair! You just suck at rock paper scissors." All three boys darted down the hallways to the storage closet Alfred rarely let them enter. Not since Dick raided it when he was fourteen for parts of a science project that is. The custom lock kept them out the majority of the time, but really Alfred was the one who really kept them in line. It wasn't a hard one to pick after all.

"Why were you two fighting over who gets to change a stupid light bulb?" Damien demanded as Dick picked the lock.

"Cause we never get to do it!" Dick complained.


"It's something like a right of passage Damien," Tim explained, trying to keep things civil. "If you can manage to change a light bulb, then you've proven you can live on your own."

"That and cooking," Dick added, just as the door swung open. "Showing that Bruce is pretty much screwed for life. Has he ever changed a light bulb?"

"Alfred probably won't let him," Tim continued. "He changes each and every one of them before any of us can get to it. Kinda frustrating."

"Aha! Here it is!" the eldest chimed, grinning from ear to ear as he spotted their prize. Quickly he scrambled in and grabbed one of the bulbs before darting straight back out. "Now let there be light!"

As the young man ran past them, Tim and Damien exchanged glance. "He's completely mad isn't he?"

"You try growing up with two stoic men who don't let you do the most common and simple of tasks, but tell you to take down every other madman on the planet before dinner time."

The two of them followed after Dick, if only to see if he could manage to screw in a light bulb on his own. The man had stopped in the study's doorway, his jaw wide open as he stared inside. Curious to see the latest development, Tim and Damien fell to either side of him and looked inside.

The darkened light stand now shown brightly, obviously replaced before any of them could get to it. The head of the household sat at the desk, looking over a ledger and eating a simple sandwich. The sight was odd to say the least. They didn't even know he was home yet.

"Bruceā€¦" Dick whined pitifully.

At the whine the man looked up, raising an eyebrow. "What?"

How many bats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but only if someone lets him

A/N: really, the bats are too smart to not be able to do something so simple. But will Alfred ever let them get the chance? Not while he's in the manor. XD