The Vargas Family Mafia

by orangepumpkins

Sneaking in through the back door, a young man tried to get to his room undetected. Though that proved useless the instant a figure turned the lights.

"Feliciano!" the figure snapped. "Why are you home so late? If nonno was home, he would have been worried sick!"

Smiling apologetically, Feliciano replied, "I'm sorry, fratello! It's just that I saw this beautiful field of flowers so Ludwig and I had a picnic there, and we fell asleep."

Slapping his forehead lightly with his palm, Lovino cursed under his breath, "Oh mio dio! Feli! You're in the fucking Italian mafia! You can't just go have picnics and sleep in the open, especially with that friggin' potato eating bastard! You risk your life like that! And even worse, you could blow our cover!"

"Soooooo," Feliciano drew out, "Nonno's out on business again?"

His eyes widening to the size of saucers, Lovino grabbed the front of his younger brother's shirt. "Feli, what the hell are you hiding?"

Averting his eyes, the younger mumbled, "Hiding? What do you mean hiding?"

"Feliciano…" Lovino said warningly.

Bursting out in tears, Feliciano whimpered to the scowling face of his older brother, "I'm sorry, fratello! I didn't mean to! But I accidently told Ludwig that we're in the mafia!"

"You what?" the older practically screamed, tightening his grip on his brother's shirt.

Crying even harder, Feliciano yelled in return. "Don't hurt me, fratello! I promise he won't tell! Ludwig is better then that! You can trust him!"

"Trust him? He's a fucking German, who for some un-fucking-known reason is living in friggin' Italy! How can one get more suspicious than that? And to top off the fucking cake, he's living in the same fucking city that the freaking head quarters of the country's most powerful mafia is! And he's made friends with you! The fucking mafia boss' grandson and one of the potential next boss candidates (for whatever fucking reason, I wouldn't fucking know)!" Lovino lectured, striding across the room. "Feliciano, you'd better fucking fix this, before I do."

"Y-you wouldn't kill him, would you?" Feliciano asked frantically.

"Oh, I don't know. I might just tell nonno." Colour drained from Feliciano's face. He knew what his grandfather was capable of.

"I'll keep him quiet." Feliciano replied, somberly.

"You'd better, Feli." Lovino called before heading up the stairs. "Buonanotte, useless fratellino."

After the lecture he gave his brother, Lovino continued to fume in his bedroom.

"Stupid fratellino. He's too oblivious and kind. He's going to get either himself or our whole fucking family killed! He's not fit for the mafia!" Lovino declared, pacing around his room. "What if that fucking potato eating bastard was hired to kill us? It'd be best if I just fucking kill him!...which of course was what I was going to do anyways if Feli can't get him to keep his mouth shut. Oh mio dio, fratellino, you'll be the death of me!"

The next day in town, Feliciano met up with Ludwig for coffee.

"Ludwig! Buongiorno!" Feliciano called as he ran up to his much larger friend.

"Ciao." Ludwig nodded back from where he sat just outside of a café. "I've already ordered for you. I've taken the liberty of getting you a cannoli, since I know you like them."

Smiling sweetly and taking his seat, Feliciano thanked Ludwig.

The two hung around the café for about an hour then decided to take a walk. Their conversations ranged to what birds see when they fly, to pasta, to Feliciano being sure his brother thought him a pathetic Vargas.

"Feliciano, you are an amazing person. And you are only a pathetic person if you allow yourself to believe so." Ludwig said with a slight blush.

"…thank you, Ludwig." Feliciano smiled.

Soon enough, the pair had walked themselves to the Vargas household and then Feliciano suddenly remembered what he was supposed to do.

"Umm…Ludwig?" the shorter mumbled as he led them to a bench in the Vargas garden.

Raising his eyebrow, the German answered with a simple, "Hmm?"

"Y-you know how I told you I was kind of involved with the mafia?"

Through out the whole day, Lovino had expected to receive a message saying Feliciano was dead or something like that. By the time that noon rolled by, Lovino was completely on edge and decided to take a walk in the garden to calm his nerves.

The sun was bright, so putting on his sunglasses, Lovino strolled on the little cobble stone path until he heard his little brother's voice.

"Umm…Ludwig?" Feliciano mumbled.


"Y-you know how I told you I was kind of involved with the mafia?"

'Frick! Right now is the moment that decides what will happen with Feli's life!' Lovino thought as he hid behind a tree. 'If Feli doesn't man up and bring out his inner Mafioso, we could all fucking die!'

"Yes." Ludwig answered, dragging out the word and furrowing his brows.

"Well you and I are friends, right?"

"Of course." Ludwig said without much hesitation, but then added, "…but only if you want to be…"

"Of course I do. But friends tell the truth, right?"


"And you chose to live in Italy because it's just so beautiful, right?"

Smiling at the thought of the breath taking Italian landscapes and the beautiful people, Ludwig answered, "That's a large part of the reason, yes."

"And you have no ties to any violent group that might be enemies with the mafia?"

"…I don't think so?"

"Then you would never try to kill my family, or anyone affiliated with them?"

"You ask some strange questions, Feliciano." Ludwig chuckled. "But to answer you question, no. But only if they weren't hurting you."

The young Italian smiled and grabbed Ludwig's face and kissed him.

When they broke apart, Ludwig's face was completely red and had an expression of absolute shock.

Done with his internal freak out, Lovino looked back toward Feliciano and Ludwig. Lovino could see that Feli had his hands on the German's cheeks and was kissing him square on the lips! The kiss of death! Upon breaking the kiss, Lovino could see utter shock in Ludwig's face. 'Good fucking job, fratellino! Maybe you could do some good for the mafia if you are willing to kill your best friend!'

Being so proud of his little brother, Lovino didn't bother to continue watching and just rushed back to the house to make some of Feliciano's favourite pasta to congratulate him.

"Thank you, Ludwig! You're my best friend!" Feliciano cried with his hands still on a tomato red Ludwig's cheeks.

While he made the sauce, Lovino continued to laugh to himself. "I wonder how Feliciano is going to kill him? Maybe a turban might be nice…a bit too messy though...A nice clean bullet to the heart? Or maybe Feli can be nice and cruel…."

His plotting was cut short though by Feliciano's loud door opening. "Ciao, fratello!"

Another, deeper voice also greeted Lovino. "…ciao, signore Lovino." Lovino's head snapped up from his pot.

"Ludwig is going to stay for lunch, okay, fratello? Oh, and don't worry! Everything's been taken care of!" Lovino couldn't help but smile at Feliciano's words.

"Si, si, of course, mio carino fratellino!" Lovino laughed and then thought to himself, 'I wonder if you're going to poison him?'

"Fratello, are you okay? You seem unusually happy and you're wearing your sunglasses inside…."

'…that might explain why everything is so discoloured….' Lovino thought to himself.

Lying, not to make him seem stupid, Lovino quickly said, "Of course I'm okay, Feli! I just…have a hangover!"

After lunch, Lovino was somewhat depressed to find out that Feliciano didn't poison Ludwig, but was content to see Ludwig look at Feliciano a way a man might lust after a woman. 'So that's your game, Feli.' Lovino thought. 'You're going to break his heart and send him to suicide! Genius!'

"I'll leave you two kids alone! I have things to do, you know, helping nonno with the family business." Lovino laughed.

After they were sure that Lovino was in his office upstairs and out of range to hear them, Feliciano said, "Wow. Fratello is sure acting strange! Maybe it's because I'm more confident now since you convinced me I'm not pathetic, so he isn't treating me like a useless little kid!"

"Hmm. Maybe. I'm not sure if he likes me very much though…" Ludwig muttered.

"Are you kidding, you seem to make him happy! I haven't seen him laugh like that since he killed his first guy and nonno gave him alcohol when we were teenagers!"

'Killed his first guy?' Ludwig questioned to himself. 'Does his whole family play his mafia game? Oh well, as long as it makes him happy.'

author's note:

There we go! The end! clueless!Lovi, oblivious!Feli, and smittened!Ludwig.

Yeahhhhh... this is the only think i got done over the two weeks of spring break...i kinda fail at life, don't I? I just wanted to attempt to write some mafia stuff...and Lovino. Lovi is fun to write. Swears are fun to write.

some translations for ya:

nonno - grandpa

fratello - brother

fratellino - little brother

buonanotte - good night

carino - cute

and you all should be able to figure out the rest.

and apparently giving someone a turban is cracking open their head.

Anywho, thank you for taking the time to read this. Review to tell me what you think~!