Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or the song "Hate This Place" by the Goo Goo Dolls...I just really like them both alot :p
Who knows where you've been
Plopping herself down onto her bed, Buffy Summers could already feel her eye lids beginning to droop, begging her brain to let them rest. It had been a long night, but luckily it was the weekend finally. No classes tomorrow, so she could finally catch up on some much needed sleep.
"As long as some vampire doesn't feel the need to start running amok." She said quietly, her long blonde hair failing in curls down her neck and shoulders. Down the hall, she was sure that Dawn was already fast asleep.
Closing her eyes, she rolled over onto her side, slipping into a comfortable sleeping position. Outside, the moon was still high in the sky, its glow casting shadows upon anything that lay on the ground.
Her mind beginning to slow down, Buffy quickly fell into a memory-drenched dream.
It was finally over, the Mayor had been stopped, and with that end, the school now lay in a mess of twisted metal and stone, with smoke and fire taking free reign over the tattered remains. They had won, and once again, Sunnydale could find a small amount of peace. At least, until the next giant threat came along.
Moving a few strands of hair out of her eyes, Buffy looked across the smoke-filled street, now crowded with medical and fire personnel. And there, past the constantly moving emergency workers, stood Angel.
He was dressed in his usual attire of all black clothing, making him stick out like a sore thumb amongst the many dressed in lighter colors.
I somehow doubt we'll ever be the same
Part of her life was leaving. He had always been over her shoulder, or just a call away, ever since she had arrived in Sunnydale, "protecting her" as he had called it. A guardian angel in a corny irony filled way. He had purposely tried to avoid being completely involved in her life, until it had nearly killed him to be away from her.
Finally, after she had invited him into her house, he had, although not purposely, showed her his true form. She hadn't been thrilled, she would admit that, but still, she found herself unable to stay away.
There's too much poison and confusion on your face
For a brief flicker of a second, she looked at Angel as if Angelus was standing there, that uncaring grin plastered all over his face. Burying the thought and the image it had created, she continued to stare at him. He looked back, that usual "I love you" look in his eyes, the same look she had always been comforted by when she had needed it most.
I think I love you, But I ain't sayin'
Nothin' you don't know
They stood there, the moment effectively 'frozen in time'. He really was leaving, and even though he said he wouldn't say good-bye, there he was. Still silent, offering no words, but still, his presence alone was enough to say good-bye. There were millions of things she wanted to say to him, and yet, she herself remained silent as well, the words trapped in her throat.
You know I'm lost
Hiding in your bed
She had gone back to the mansion after he had disappeared into the smoke, his sights set on somewhere else, leaving her here to 'live a normal life'. The thought itself seemed utterly ridiculous when it had come from his mouth. Of all the people to say that she deserved 'a normal life', it had hurt to hear it come from his lips.
The bed and all of his things were still there. The books that he had poured over millions of times, the now cold and unlit fireplace that before now usually cast warm shadows across the room, and the bed where…'it' had happened.
No, I don't think it's wrong
It's just gone to my head
An hour filled with passion and love had turned everything in their lives upside down, and had nearly caused the end of the world. Their relationship had been killed when she had plunged the sword through his chest, sending him into a hundred years in hell. And it had been revived when she had found him, in an animal-like state, lost in the wilderness.
She had kept him hidden after that, wanting to find a way to explain to the rest of the Scoobies what had happened, but he had been so... weak. It was only going to be a few weeks until she told her friends, she just wanted him to be fully recovered. But mainly, she wanted to convince herself that she didn't love him anymore.
She had failed miserably.
Can you feel it?
I didn't mean it
She had once told him that when he kissed her, she wanted to die. It had probably hurt him, but he had remained silent about it.
Can I see you?
What are we doin'?
It had been lonely that entire summer, knowing that he was truly gone, and that she wouldn't see him over her shoulder, or around the corner, watching over her.
Her angel, in all respects of the word, was gone.
I think I love you
But I ain't sayin'
Nothin' you don't know
And then, he had come back, not telling her, but instead sneaking around her back. That had hurt even worse than anything. She had confronted him, and…he had agreed that things worked better when they were apart.
Even If we want to see each other?
Looking up at her window, Angel was utterly silent, a mere shadow in the moonlit night. He remained there, wanting to come to her window, and just see her.
And yet, he simply turned and walked back to the car. As he started the long way back to L.A., his mind was filled with a thousand different ways on how he could have told her what had happened.
But he couldn't bring himself to do it. He alone would carry that memory, and day by day, he would live with it.
And what he had lost.