Completely Bludgered!

by Polydicta


Ron & Ginny have been caught dosing Harry and Hermione with love potions. Hermione decides that she wants to try to become a beater … using a couple of very special bludgers. Weasley bashing.


All fiction is derivative and fan fiction doubly so. I make no claim to own any part of any of the following, all I have done is an attempt to put together the elements in a novel fashion, using words and ideas like Lego ™ bricks.

There is no money involved – all I do is to share what I do for my own amusement.


Completely Bludgered!


How in Merlin's name could they have found out? I mean, I know my idiot brother has trouble keeping his mouth shut, but even so!

I don't know how mum's plan could have failed, I mean, there's no taste to Amopotentia, and they've been being dosed with it daily all year, in fact all last summer, too. We've been giving them a little in their pumpkin juice at every meal all year …

And now look at us! I'm so FURIOUS at them!


A few hours earlier:

"Ginny, Ron, we need to have a chat with you."

"Okay mate, we'll be right up."

When we got up to the dormitory, Hermione was there with him. She slammed the door and cast some kind of locking charm.

"Right, just so that you know, Hermione and I visited Madam Pomfrey earlier this week. We've both been feeling increasingly rough these last months, and Hermione has started being sick in the mornings. We thought that the contraceptive charms had failed, but no …"

Hermione continued. "What she told us is that we've been systematically poisoned with a seriously powerful and illegal love potion. Something called Amopotentia. The effects are irreversible. Professor Dumbledore has had your belongings searched by the school house elves, and they turned up bottles of the stuff in both your trunks.

"What Mrs Potter and I are saying is that you have been caught red-handed. Now, what do you have to say?"

Ron started blustering. I told them that we were fated, two fated couples, and that it was intended to help bring us together properly. They wanted to know how we knew we were fated, so Ron told them that Mum had told us.

Then Dumbledore and McGonagall stepped out of the shadows somehow.

"Miss Weasley, it would do well for you to know that the two people you were poisoning are a fated couple, they completed their soul-bond last summer, and are properly addressed as Mr and Mrs Potter. You should also know that under wizarding law, it is a capital crime to interfere in the sacred relationship. The Potters have asked that your sentence be commuted to life servitude.

"I never believed that I would ever have to make this pronouncement over any of my pupils here at Hogwarts, but as the duly appointed representative of the Wizangamot, it falls to me to pass judgement.

"Ginevra Molly Weasley and Ronald Bilius Weasley, you have been found guilty of attempted murder by slow poisoning of a soul-bound couple, and also attempted rape of the same parties. You are sentenced to life servitude as the property of the injured parties, Mr and Mrs Harry and Hermione Potter. Your magic shall be bound and you shall be branded as property as is appropriate under wizarding law.

"And may the judges of hereafter curse your souls."

There was a purple flare of magic and I felt unbelievably … weak.

Then the bitch said, "Harry, now that I'm over my fear of flying, I wonder if I could try out as a beater?"

Everything went dark. I was being moved …


At last! The movement's stopped, and there's daylight. A chain is released and I start to run, but there's something odd, I seem to be flying. I fly as far as I can … I can't get any further from them and I feel myself dragged back toward them.

I hear Harry's voice. "Here it comes Hermione … get ready now …"

She's got a bat … she's got a beater's bat, and she's watching me as I head back to her. She's gonna hit me in the face, my beautiful …


Agh! Headache! I'm trying to fly away, but I'm dragged back …