A/N: Blame the girls on FB for this. I asked for a challenge and this is what came up. I'm a master procrastinator and I've been working on an other fic for a while but the damn thing is buried in my head and won't come out.

This is unbeta'd and hasn't even been pre-read. There is no bestiality or anything gross in here either, I swear. It's all in good fun!

SM owns all things Twilight... I own a cat.

No animals were harmed during the writing of this fic.


A Kitty's Tale

Summary: It's that time of year again, I need my check-up. I really wish Bella would stop flirting with the new veterinarian, although I have to admit, his freaky colored eyes are quite nice. AH; Crackfic; CatPOV; ExB; M for... stuff.

Twiddly's POV

I was napping on my red chair in the corner of the living room, just minding my own business when my Bella walked in with that phone thing in her hand. She kept blabbering on it, I tried not to eavesdrop, but her mouth kept moving and the noises were loud. Not like when she talks to me all quiet and sweet.

"I know, Alice...Uh huh...Yeah, I will, I promise...No Dr. Cullen is on vacation in Mexico, I swear I didn't do it on purpose...Mister Twiddler needs this...I'm sure this Edward guy will be fine...I've never met him...No, I won't be late...Listen, I've got to go. Talk to you later...Yeah. Bye."

I stretched my paws out over the edge of the cushion and yawned. I had no idea what she was talking about but I didn't like that Alice person.

Alice was a pain in the butt. She kept me once at her home and tried to dress me in a fluffy pink tutu. I'm a boy for cat's sake!

I closed my eyes and lazily curled myself into a ball. I was just drifting off when I felt my Bella's hand on me. I loved wen she put her hands on me. She was always gentle and caring. She would stroke me and care for me so well.

I purred and stretched, nuzzling my my cheek against her hand. I had to make sure other knew who she belonged to.

"Hi baby," she cooed. "How's my big boy doing?"

I purred and meowed in response. She seemed to like it when I spoke to her.

Her fingers scratched under my chin, making my entire body loosen up in response. I closed my eyes, letting the sensations course through me.

"Aww, did you miss me? I'm sure you did, huh?" she cooed some more, her voice all low and sweet, just the way I liked it.

She always knew what I liked. She filled my bowl every morning with the beef and chicken concoction, the scent made me drool a little. I liked starting off my morning like that.

She'd usually be out the door before I was finished eating but, I made sure to say goodbye by rubbing my cheeks and the side of my body against her legs. This wards off the other strays. She's mine, bitches!

She patted my head and stood up, "Poor kitty, I can't believe I have to bring you to the vet later."

I knew who this vet person was, but I couldn't find it in me to care. She only brought me there when I was sick and I wasn't sick so there was no reason for me to go there.


A sudden need to go lay on the ground hit me and I stood on all fours, stretching as I listened for my Bella.

I could hear her in the other room, flitting around with her buzzy thing. Ugh, that thing was so noisy and it made strange sounds come out of her mouth.

I hopper off of my chair and lay on the ground in front of that room with the bed.

When she was done making all that racket, she put some clothes on her body and smiled as she bent at the waist and patted my head.

I scrunched up my nose, her pheromones overly present in the air as she moved around me.

My Bella stepped over me and went over to the closet where she took out that big metal carrier thing.

Oh no, was she planning to bring me somewhere? Was it this vet thing?

But, it couldn't be, I wasn't sick.

I didn't got to the vet place very often. He usually grabbed at me and looked through my fur and then he would give me a shot on my haunch. But that would only happen if I was sick.

I didn't like it very much but it seemed to make my Bella happy. She didn't like it when I was sick.

Thankfully, I hadn't been sick in a while, but I couldn't understand why she was bringing me there.

"Aww, don't worry Twiddly. I won't let him hurt you, this is for your own good."

My Bella grabbed me and cuddled me to her chest. I nuzzled myself against her chin and rubbed my scent on her. I then licked her skin. I didn't like the taste but I needed to make sure the other cats knew she was mine. My Bella would always be mine.

"My poor baby needs his yearly exam. That new doctor better be gentle with you or I'll give him a piece of my mind. Yes I will," my Bella cooed at me while scratching behind my ears. I closed my eyes and rewarded her with a purr from deep in my throat.

She put me inside that metal death trap and closed the door. I hated that thing but trying to use my claws was fruitless. I'd lost them years ago on one of those trip to the vet. They'd put a mask on me and I'd gone to sleep only to wake up with parts of my rear missing and my claws gone.

The experience had made me fuzzy and disoriented but, after that I'd lost the urge to sniff out any of the females that lived in our building. It was okay, considering my Bella didn't like it when I'd go looking for a female. She always said I was hers and I felt bad when I'd try to run away.

That sleepy vet trip only happened once and those parts didn't grow back. I should know, I clean there all the time. Hey, you would too if you could reach. I'll never understand how humans get clean. Ugh, the thought of that big water thing made me shudder.

I meowed loudly to show my discontent and then I settled myself down in the far corner of the metal thing.

She brought me to the car and I dozed off.

The next thing I remember, I was being carried inside a building.

"I'm here for his yearly check-up and heartworm medication," my Bella told the human sitting behind the big counter.

The blond lady looked at some papers and replied, "Yes, Edward will see you in a few minutes. Have a seat. If you can, take him out of the carrier and try to keep him calm."

My Bella set down the carrier on a table and carefully took me out of it. I was scared so I wrapped my paws around her arms and buried my face as close to her as possible.

"It's okay baby. You'll be okay," she cooed while stroking me. I liked it when she stroked me so I relaxed a bit. I knew she wouldn't let anyone hurt me. There weren't any small humans around so it was okay. I didn't like the small humans very much. They usually tried to pull my fur instead of stroking it.

"Mister Twiddler Swan?" A deep voice called out.

I turned my face in the direction of the voice. He was a tall human with brown-coppery colored fur on his head and nice freaky colored greenish eyes. He was different from my Bella. Her head fur was chocolate brown like her eyes.

His smile was warm so I decided to trust him.

My Bella's pheromones levels indicated she wanted to mate with the vet person. I thought this was strange since she usually mated with the buzzing thing. But I let it slide, opting to cuddle myself in her neck to show the vet person that she was my person.

"This is him," Bella said.

"Hello there Mister Twiddler," the male replied. "I'm Dr. Cullen, I'll be treating you today."

"Are you related to the other Dr. Cullen?" my Bella asked. Her voice was different. She sort of sounded like she did when she spoke to me.

"He's my father actually, call me Edward," the male replied and he stroked my back lightly. I liked his hands. He seemed gentle and I could tell by his voice that he was nice.

My Bella shifted me in her arms and extended her hand to shake this Edward person's, "I'm Bella."

Edward took her hand in his, "It's nice to meet you, Bella. Follow me into the examination room and we can get this over with. Don't worry, I'll be gentle with him." His voice was soft as he made eye contact with her.

My Bella was breathing funny and a soft sound escaped her throat when the Edward person let go of her hand.

We stepped into the room and she pulled me away from her and gently propped me on the gray shiny table. It was cold under the pads of my paws. I didn't like it so I tried to crawl back into my Bella's arms.

"It's okay, baby. Edward won't hurt you," my Bella cooed as she stroked me and held me in place.

"Okay, so I can see from his chart here that he's all up to date with his shots and today we're doing a check-up and heartworm preventative measure, yeah?" Edward said as he caressed me. His hands went all over my body, commanding and yet gentle at the same time. I purred lightly under his touch.

Bella's soothing touch came into the mix as she scratched under my chin. I was putty in their hands.

"Yes. He's a house cat and really doesn't do much but I like to make sure he's okay," my Bella showed her teeth when she smiled.

The male Edward doctor person examined me thoroughly while my Bella scratched under my chin. I didn't move very much as I trusted them both. The table under me had warmed a little making it a little bit more comfortable.

"Well, everything seems fine here. I'll go get my supplies and you can be on your way," the Edward person said as he left me and my Bella alone.

"It'll be okay, baby. We're almost done," my Bella cooed as she stroked me from head all the way to my tail. I liked it when she did that so I purred and chirped, making my Bella giggle, "Aww, you'll be okay Twiddly."

Edward came back into the room and stroked me again. "This won't be too bad," he said as he stroked my back.

I felt a little prick and something cold being applied between my shoulder blades. I flinched a little and meowed my distress and my Bella took me into her arms and held my face against her chest.

"It'll be okay baby," she cooed. "It's all over."

Well, that was a good thing. I looked over at the Edward person and hissed in his direction.

He patted my head and stroked me behind the ears, "It's okay buddy. We're all done."

My Bella's heart rate picked up, I could sense she was nervous about something. "I guess we're done until next year, huh?"

Edward smiled at her, showing his teeth and made his eyes crinkle, "yeah, unless you want to get together sometime. I'm new in town and wouldn't mind someone showing me around."

Bella's pheromone levels heightened again as her heartbeat and breathing changed, "I'd love to. Actually, a bunch of friends of mine are going out tonight. Just a few drinks to relax and unwind. You could come, if you'd like."

"I wouldn't want to interrupt your time with your girlfriends," he replied.

My Bella's skin heated up and changed color a bit. "They're bringing their boyfriends and I'm usually the fifth wheel so it'd be nice to have someone to talk to."

They kept talking but I stopped paying attention as I purred loudly and settled my face against my Bella's chest.

Next thing I knew, I was being put inside the metal cage carrier thing and we were inside that big moving car thing.

It didn't take very long as I slept most of the way and before I knew it we were home again.

I stretched and yawned when my Bella put me on my chair and then I jumped off of it and went to use the litter box.

When I came back into the room, my Bella was talking on that phone thing again, "Yeah Alice...I know...He was so cute...You should see his hair, gah, I wanted to shove my fingers in there and ride his face for all it was worth...No I didn't get his age...Yeah, he's coming tonight...Hardy har har, I get it, coming. I swear you're like a twelve year old boy sometimes...I told him to meet us there at eight, you're still picking me up, right?...Good...Yeah, I'm definitely going to try...See you later...Bye."

I stretched and padded around my spot on the chair and then cleaned myself. I licked every inch of fur that I could and then settled myself on there for a little nap. I was exhausted after the trip to the Edward vet person.

I was awakened by my Bella's hand stroking me. I rubbed my cheek over her hand cause she had dipped herself in that water and now she was all clean and didn't have my scent anymore. I needed for the other cats to know that she was my Bella person. That Edward person needed to know that too.

"I'll be home later, baby. Be a good boy now, okay?" She scratched me behind the ears and I purred to tell her I liked it.

When she was out the door, I went around the house and rubbed my cheek against everything. I then jumped on the kitchen counter and took a nap there. My Bella doesn't like it when I do that so I only do it when she's not home.

After a little while, I stretched, yawned and licked myself again. I was a little hungry so I decided to have a snack. I jumped off of the counter and looked in my bowl. I had some of that chicken flavored food in there so I decided that would be okay to eat. My Bella sometimes gave me table scraps but, she hadn't eaten at home today so all I had were the hard chicken flavored bits. I liked those though so I didn't mind.

I heard a click at the door so I looked over to where the noise was from. I figured my Bella was probably home since my place was dark now.

I heard her voice and the Edward male's voice. They were laughing together but the door was still closed so I couldn't make out what they were saying.

I just didn't want them to give me another shot so I ran and hid under the big bouncy bed thing in the other room.

"I had a good time tonight, Edward. I'm glad you came," I heard my Bella say.

"I'm glad you invited me, Bella. Your friends are great and it was nice to see Emmett again. I hadn't seen him since college," Edward replied.

"Yeah, that was a great coincidence that you two knew each other. Do you want something to drink?"

"I'm okay. Come here, beautiful," Edward cooed. His voice was low and breathy. I didn't like it but judging from my Bella's reaction, I think she did.

I heard some little noises and came out from under the bed. They were both standing in the hall in front of the room. Their mouths were joined and I could see them moving together. Humans kissing, gross.

I could never understand the humans, they didn't do it right at all. No wonder my Bella didn't have any tiny humans, she doesn't mate properly. Didn't she know you don't do that face to face?

I sat and licked myself. I was bored and they kept me from sleeping so I watched them as they took the fabric coverings off. I'd have to pee on the Edward person's coverings later to make sure he knew not to come here again and bother my Bella.

"Hmm baby, your kitty's all wet for me," Edward cooed while his hands were everywhere on my Bella's body.

What the hell was he talking about? I was not wet at all. The male person was obviously delusional.

"Edward, that feels so good," my Bella said in that voice that's usually reserved for me.

"Lay back on the bed. I need to taste that sweet pussy of yours," he replied.

My ears perked up at this. Was he planning on cooking me?

But then Bella's loud keening noises brought me out of my thoughts. She was being all loud and I could hear the mattress making noises too.

The Edward person was moaning, I could hear him flicking some wetness and his face was buried between her legs.

Nope, they would never get tiny people that way, that was for sure.

"Holy shit, Edward...yes...oh fuck yes..." Bella said a little louder.

I jumped on the edge of the bed and sat on my haunches just in time to see the Edward person crawl on top of my Bella and kiss her mouth.

They smiled at each other and I could feel nothing but calm all around the room.

My Bella sounded happy and their pheromones were off the charts. They were both in so much need to mate, it almost made me want a kitty of my own. Almost.

I cocked my head to the side and watched as he pulled back from their kiss, "Are you sure about this, beautiful?"

"Yeah, definitely," my Bella smiled, showing her teeth and kissed the Edward person's jaw.

"Ugh, you're so tight, baby. Feels so good," the Edward said as he moved over her.

I shook my head and purred loudly as I laid down on the edge of the bed. I moved my tail from side to side as I watched them intently.

I decided I wasn't going to pee on the Edward person's clothes since he seemed to make my Bella happy.

She said yes a lot so I took that as a good sign.

I got bored a little watching them so I closed my eyes and napped as the bed shifted rhythmically.

I woke up startled when my Bella picked me up, "How's my big boy doing?"

She scratched me behind the ears and cuddled me in the big bed.

"Hey beautiful," the Edward person crawled into bed next to her.

Her heart rate picked up and she smiled at him, "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. It was just my father. I'm supposed to be house sitting for him since I haven't found an apartment yet. I told him I was staying with a friend."

"Am I that friend?"

"I think we're more than friends, beautiful." The Edward person cuddled both me and my Bella and their mouths touched.

I closed my eyes and purred. I liked being close to my human.

"I like being more than your friend," my Bella said between kisses.

"I like that too, Bella. I guess I should thank Mister Twiddler here for bringing you to me, huh?" the Edward person asked while he stroked my back lightly.

I opened my eyes and stretched my paws over to the Edward person. He let me press the pads of my paws over his arm so I stood and nuzzled my cheek against his hand. He could be my human too since my Bella seemed to like him.

My Bella stroked my back lightly while my Edward scratched behind my ear, "Twiddly here is a great matchmaker."

They kissed again and I slid away from their embrace. I decided I had enough of them so I went to the other room to lay down on my red chair.

I closed my eyes and napped for a while.

Days and nights seemed to pass by and my Edward person was always home with my Bella person.

Eventually, my Edward person brought in some of his things. I had to put my scent on all of it. It was exhausting work but I did it.

He liked to sit in front of the television at night and stroke me so, I didn't pee on his things. Not even once.

My Bella seemed happier when he was around. She'd come home and coo at me like she usually did and at night she'd coo at him.

I think she liked to have us to take care of.

I liked that they both took care of me.

I was alone in the house a lot less. My Edward person took care of me like my Bella person always had.

Eventually, my Bella person got a big belly. It was strange and nice. I could feel that there was a tiny human in there.

I would settle myself in her lap and purr against her belly. That made my Bella giggle and I liked that.

I guess at some point they got the mating thing right. Must have been that time I walked into the room and she was on her hands and knees in front of him. I was so proud of him that day. My Edward person was growing up.

More time passed by and before I knew it, my Bella came home with a tiny human in her arms, "Hey Twiddly, come meet your baby sister," she cooed.

I lifted my head from the chair and looked in her direction. I sniffed the air and smelled something sweet. The tiny human made some gurgling noises and that got my attention.

I stood from the chair and stretched, slowly letting my limbs relax before jumping off of the chair.

I strode slowly over to where my Bella and my Edward stood, "Twiddly, this is Leah. She's a baby. You'll have to behave with her."

I meowed and rubbed my cheek along the Leah tiny human's blanket. I could smell how she was different but the same as my Bella. I decided I wasn't going to pee on her things. But I wanted to put my scent on her so I pressed my cheek against her hand.

That was a mistake 'cause her tiny fingers got caught in my fur and she pulled on it a little bit. It didn't hurt but I flinched anyways and pulled away from her.

I decided I would rub myself all over her things, that way she would know that she is mine too and that I am the boss.

I made my way over to my chair and laid down once again. I watched as my humans cuddled together on the couch and decided that I liked them. All of them.

My Bella would always be my first person but the veterinarian and the baby made great additions to my world so I was okay with it all.

I jumped off of the chair and jumped onto my Edward's lap. He stroked me as he cooed at the tiny human.

All was good in the world.