"Castle we need to talk."
She hesitated in putting her hand on his thigh, she flexed her hand a few times before dropping it. The worst that he could do was lift it off, but he didn't. He sat there looking at her hand before shifting his gaze to her face.
"Castle, you didn't shoot me."
She couldn't believe it when he rolled his eyes at her. That was her thing, he couldn't do that to her, especially when she realised how horrible it felt to have someone do that to you.
"I know you mean your actions caused me to get to get shot but that's not true Castle. My actions got me shot, you tried to get me to back off but I wouldn't. Castle you were the first person to believe there was something worth investigating. You went searching for me. I know I was so angry at you at first, for so many different reasons, but those reasons don't matter anymore. Castle none of this is your fault."
He took a deep breath and shrugged at her, it was as if he only half agreed with what she said.
"Castle about my scar."
"I' m sorry I said those things Beckett. I shouldn't have."
She stroked his thigh trying to soothe him.
"Is that what you think of my scar though?"
He looked guilty as he nodded.
Beckett offered him a tight smile.
"I am glad you were truthful with me, and you're right, if you had said it was beautiful I probably would have laughed. It took me awhile to look at the scar once the wound heeled. I would make sure I had a top on before looking at myself in the mirror, I wouldn't even look down when putting on my bra. I used to agree with you, the scar was ugly."
"Was," he asked "Is it better now?"
Beckett shrugged. "A bit, but that's not why. You said this scar is a permanent reminder of how stupid my partner was. It's not. It is a permanent reminder and I now i smile whenever I see it."
"You smile when you see the scar, oh God why."
Even in the flickering light of the fire she could see she had really confused the writer.
"Castle I wear my mother's ring as a symbol of the life that I lost. I wear my father's watch as a symbol of the life I saved. I wear this scar as a symbol of the life YOU saved, of the life I almost lost."
He seemed shocked by her words.
"But I was a second too late."
Beckett took her hand off his thigh and grabbed for his hand. She held it between both of hers and gave it a squeeze.
"Castle do you realise if you were half a second to early it could have been you who was shot. If you were half a second later, the shooter could have reloaded and shot again this time killing me. You saved me that day Castle, don't ever doubt that. You always save me. Sometimes its knocking me to the ground so I don't get shot, other times its by providing me with coffee. You save me every time we have a bad case and you make me smile. You saved me from myself the first time I picked up one of you books. "
She removed a hand from clasping his and brought it up to her sheet covered chest. Placing her fingertips to the place where she knew where the scar was.
"I have a permanent reminder of how someone cared for me so much, that they were willing to risk it all for me. And that can never be an ugly thing."
She waited for him to respond but he didn't. He just sat there his hand clasped in hers, his blue eyes boring into hers. When she felt his hand tighten around hers she felt some relief.
"You really believe that."
She watched as his mouth twitched into smile. "The scar is kind of like a Castle tattoo on your chest."
Beckett had to laugh at this. "Yes Castle I have you tattooed on my chest."
"You're right its not a bad thing." Castle sighed and took a deep breath. "I do want you to be happy Beckett and yes I would prefer if it were with me. You make me so happy Beckett and I had hoped that I did the same for you." His eyes left hers as they closed. "If I am not making you happy, if I am making miserable, than ill stop following you around." His eyes opened and focused on hers.
He had left before but he had always came back, yet the look he gave her told her there wouldn't be any coming back this time
"Do you still want to work with me considering that I lied to you."
Castle looked away from her. "I am still angry about it, but..." he sighed and his shoulders sagged. " I get why you did it, at least partly. I wasn't excepting you to say it back just for you to know how I felt. To know that no matter what you do I will always be here for you. You not wanting to acknowledge that feels like slap in the face. A rejection of me, of my love. I know now you were scared and confused. This girl in high school had a crush on me and I was so worried about even smiling at her, so I understand where you are coming from. It still hurts, but I understand. I hate it but I understand. I want to continue working with you but not if you think it would be awkward."
"It would be awkward without you there."
Castle opened his mouth to respond when the wind howled loudly outside. He had to laugh, they were always getting interrupted but never before had it been the wind.
"So if we are going to continue to work together, what's our plan of action for tomorrow." He asked trying to think about getting back home.
Beckett sighed. "Well I am hoping Ryan and Esposito will come looking for us. If not we will have to hoof it back to the highway."
"In this storm." Somehow it being dark outside made the storm seem that much scarier.
Beckett shrugged. "Well hopefully it will have died down. If not we are just going to have to go out in it. it's not going to be easy so we really should get some rest."
Castle nodded, "right well I guess it's time for bed then."
When Beckett smiled at him his mouth dropped open. "I mean sleep, we need to sleep."
She watched as he got up wether out of need or necessity she wasn't sure . He checked the door to make sure it was locked before going over to the fire.
"You can have the bed."
Beckett wasn't really surprised by his offer, Castle was always the gentleman.
"Castle there really isn't"
He held his hand up to halt her speech. "I am all for equality among the sexes but your hurt. You need it more than I do."
"Thank you but the bed is big enough for the two us to share."
Castle looked at the bed that Beckett was sitting on. "It's not that big."
She laughed at him. "Are you afraid you will catch my girl germs."
"No I am afraid you will shoot me if I accidently touch you. You once told me you sleep with your gun."
Beckett got off the bed and walked towards him. "If you accidently touch me I am not going to shoot you. Yes the bed isn't huge so there is a likely hood our limbs would touch, it can't be avoided. If we have to walk out of here tomorrow Castle it isn't not going to be easy even if the storm has stoped. We both need to be well rested Castle, we also need to be warm. The fire will probably barely last the night and I don't know about you but I am freezing unless I am right near the fire."
Castle reluctantly nodded, she was right.
"If I wake up and you're touching me more than you should, than ill gently remove your body parts"
Castles eyes widened. "That's what I am afraid of."
Beckett laughed at her own miss admission. "I meant I would take your hands or whatever off of me. Gently of course, and I expect the same from you."
Castles eyebrows arched. "Oh so that's how it's going to be is it Beckett."
Beckett shrugged . "Well I can't be accountable for what I do in my sleep."
"I'll hold you to that."
Castle walked over to the clothes Beckett had washed for them. He picked up a few items and turned them over and around to help them dry better.
"Hey we have the same underwear."
Beckett groaned and walked over to him . "Umm yeah I noticed."
"Here" He threw his white t shirt at her. "Its dry, it might be easier to sleep in."
Beckett looked at his shirt in her hands than back up at him, his naked chest practically gleaming at her.
"Don't you want to wear it?"
She had to at least pretend she wanted him to cover up.
"Well it looks like my underwear is dry so I can wear that. Yours looks like it is dry to, but I didn't check."
He looked almost embarrassed that he had looked at her underwear. As best as she could Beckett bent down and picked up her underwear. The bra was still a bit wet but her bottoms were fine, she looked at Castle who quickly turned around. Their backs to each other they removed their sheets and put on their underwear.
"Ill just get into bed first."
Without thinking she turned to look over her shoulder. Her eyes focused on Castle's brief clad butt as he ran run around the bed, the silver S insignia on his butt shining in the fire light. With her underwear on she wiggled into his shirt. Checking the fire one last time she ran for the bed and dived under the covers. She shivered under the cool sheets, she briefly wondered if they should have moved the mattress closer to the fire.
"It will get warm soon."
Beckett nodded she could already feel her body getting warmer. Somehow lying here in bed with Castle trying not to touch each other just seemed wrong. She rolled over onto her side and Castle looked at her.
"Are you ok?"
She shrugged. "I want to ask something of you but I am worried about what might you think."
His eyes narrowed as if trying to figure out what she wanted to ask him. He then raised his arm and pulled her to his bare chest. Beckett didn't even try and figure out how he knew it was what she needed. He always knew. Beckett snuggled deeply into his chest, how many times had she done this with a pillow at home. She wanted this, she wanted to snuggle with Castle every night, but she couldn't. It wasn't right, it wasn't fair to him. While she had spent time in her father's cabin recovering she had done alot of thinking. Primarily it had been about what Castle's love for her meant , but then there was also the bigger question. Why? Why did he love her? Why did he want to be with her?
"Out with it Beckett."
Beckett looked up at Castle surprised.
"I can practically here the little monkey inside your brain clapping his symbols together. What are you thinking about?"
Beckett bit her lip, did she really want to have this discussion while she was in bed with him.
Castle frowned at her.
"Why do you want to be with me. I can't give you what you want?"
He shook his head and pulled her to him tighter. "You said that before, what is it exactly you think I want from a relationship."
Beckett pulled herself out of his embrace and sat up.
"Oh come on Castle seriously look at me, is this seriously what you want?."
"Yes," he answered without even having to think about it. "Why is that so hard for you to believe?."
Right now Beckett really started to rethink her position on his intelligence.
"Ah because I am not some celebutant like your last two wives. I am a cop Castle a cop. I make average money, work terrible hours and the next time I get shot you might not be there to save me. Yeah that really screams ideal partner for Richard Castle master of the macabre."
Castle sat up next to her. "Yes you could get shot again, and I may not be there to save you, God forbid. We could have almost died today because I couldn't hold a map. Every day we do stupid things that could get us killed, but so what. Life is a gamble, you just gotta roll the dice." He shook his head at her. "Do you honestly think your terrible hours is going to turn me off you. Beckett I am a writer, I am hit with inspiration anytime of the day or night. I once wrote a sex scene on toilet paper while I was sitting on the toilet on a flight back from LA. I can sometimes write all night and sleep all day. Write for 3 days straight and then not write anything for 3 weeks. It's what I have to do in order to earn my living, same as you. Oh and you have to realise I don't care how much money you make. Even if I wasn't rich I wouldn't care what you made as long as what you did made you happy, and being a cop makes you happy. The fact that you don't do it for the money is one of the great things about you. Not to mention being a cop, that is hot." He shook his hand as if he had just burned himself.
Beckett pursed her lips trying not to laugh but there was still something nagging at her.
"But I am not like those other woman you have been with."
Castle leaned forward and brush back some of her wayward hair.
"Exactly, your nothing like them. Your beauty is natural, it pure. You have a brain and you know how to use it and not for sinister things. Those woman are my exs for a reason, they weren't right for me."
Beckett gulped, his hand was still lingering on her jaw.
"And you think I am right for you."
Castle nodded at her. "I do. All those woman wanted from me is the limelight. Parties, galas, pictures in the paper. My credit card was there favourite thing along with jewellery, fancy dresses. Enjoying an old movie, playing laser tag, spending the day reading a good book in the sun wasn't part of the vision of being married to Richard Castle. "
"You don't want the parties, the fame?"
Castle shrugged. "The parties were part of my image and my image made me money. I needed the money to buy toys, in order to make me happy. I have found something that makes me happy and the only thing it will cost me is my heart and soul."
His heart and soul, his words touched in a way they had never before. He was baring it all to her. Her jaw began to quiver and it wasn't because she was cold.
"But Castle I am so messed up. My mother's case plagues me, I am stubborn, I won't ask for help, how you could want all that."
Castle scoffed.. "Do you think you are the only one with issues Beckett. I have two failed marriages, a play boy image, and an almost adult daughter. That's a lot of baggage to expect someone to deal with. I am not exactly squeaky clean prince charming here. I know you have issues Beckett and yet I am still here."
He wanted her; he wanted to be with her for no other reason than because he loved her for who she was.
"I am scared Castle."
"I am to Beckett."
Beckett frowned at him. "What are you scared about Castle?"
"Same thing you are, I'm guessing. I don't want to screw this up, but what scares me more is the never knowing, I have to at least try."
Beckett turned away from him now. She pulled her legs up to her chest and rested her head on them.
"Its different for me Castle."
"If I screw this up with you Castle than I lose everything. For over ten years of my life when things went bad I knew I could always turn to you and you would make things better. If this doesn't work then what do I do? You won't be there and I don't know if I could hadle that."
"Ten years. I don't understand."
Beckett sighed and turned to look at him. "You books were always there for me, they got me through my mothers murder. If things didn't work out between us, I would lose you twice over."
She watched as his face dropped.
"I am sorry I didn't know. I shouldn't have pushed you. Maybe you were right. Me knowing that you know only makes it worse." He pulled back the sheets and went to climb out of the bed, "this really isn't a good idea."
"No Castle. Stay please."
He shook his head. "It will only make it harder for me. Being so close to you and knowing you don't feel the same way."
After all they had gone through he thought she didn't love him.
"That's not true Castle."
His mouth hung opened and he gaped at her before shaking his head confused.
"I just wanted what was best for you and I didn't think it was me. I hoped, but I thought I was being selfish thinking you could deal with all this."
"I've been dealing with it from day one."
Beckett nodded at him. "I know. I should have realised this."
"So what are you saying?"
Beckett took a deep breath, what was she saying. I love you, I want to be with you.
"I am willing to give us a chance, if you are?"
She watched as a smile spread across his face.
She smiled back at him.
Castle moved slightly towards her then stopped.
"Is it ok if I hold you, or is that too fast. Maybe I should sleep elsewhere."
"Castle" there was a hint of warning in her voice. "You are not going anywhere. Why don't we lie here like we were before and discuss the speed of our relationship tomorrow. We have a long walk after all."
Pulling the covers back over himself Castle settled down into the bed pulling Beckett into his arms. He didn't hear the sound of the wind outside. The horrible taste of the pumpkin soup he had eaten because he remembered Beckett hadn't liked it either, didn't seem so bad know. Somehow the putrid smell of mud and animal faeces didn't seem to bother him. The site of Beckett's hair all wiry like she had stuck her finger in a electrical socket didn't faze him. His whole world centred on the feel of the woman he loved being in his arms and the hope for a brighter day. There was still a long road ahead of them but he was willing to walk it, even if it meant slipping over in mud, and other stuff.]
The next morning Ryan and Esposito peered through the cabin window and stared the sleeping couple. Ryan raised his brows at his partner.
"So do you think they slept together?."
Esposito frowned at the younger detective before looking back at the couple.
"Well Castle does look naked."
Ryan pointed towards the fire.
"I think I see their clothes over by the fire."
The pair looked at each other and smiled before bumping fists. Deciding to let the pair continue sleeping they walked down the stairs.
"So when are you going to tell them, we knew the brother wasn't staying here anymore."
Esposito turned to his clearly delusional partner. "Me, you're the one who didn't tell her."
"Because you told me not to" Ryan fired back.
The pair climbed back into their car. It was freezing cold outside. The storm the night before had dropped the temperature considerably.
"I only told you not to, because Lanie told me to."
Esposito started the car and rubbed his hands together as the heater blew out the first puff of cold air.
"Fine tell Lanie to tell them."
Esposito shook his head at his partner. "I just got in her good books" he slammed his hand against the steering wheel accidently hitting the horn.
The two men froze in the car as the horn broke though the silence. Together they leaned forward and looked out the front window at the cabin. Two figures appeared at the window. Ryan and Esposito offered them a sheepish smile. Thankfully they were rewarded with huge smiles from the occupants inside the cabin before the pair disappeared. The pair sat in silence for a few minutes
"So Castle looked pretty happy," Ryan told Esposito.
Esposito nodded. "Beckett did too."
"I bet they did" Ryan said chuckling.
"I bet they didn't" Esposito challenged.
"Hey guys" Castles voice broke though the childish fight the two detectives were having.
The man was now fully dressed and was walking down the steps. When he stopped half way down and offered his hand to the woman behind him, the two detectives were shocked when she accepted it. And then didn't let it go. Ryan and Esposito watched as the 'couple' walked towards their car and climbed into the back.
"Boy are we glad to see the two of you," Castle said closing the door and sliding over closer to Beckett.
Ryan and Esposito turned in their seats to look at their friends.
"So what did the two of you get up to last night" Esposito asked wiggling his eyebrows at them.
Castle cast a nervous look towards Beckett who was biting her lip. Taking a deep breath she looked up at him and smiled. She then shocked the three men in the car by closing her eyes, laying her head on Castles shoulder and wrapping her arm around his waist.
"Wouldn't you like to know?"
She opened her eyes and gave them one last smile
"Wouldn't you like to know?"
Authors note: Ok so what I would like to know is, what did you think. Loved I hated it. So out of character, it sucked. What?
Oh and new chapter of Aint No Mountain High Enough will be up soon I promise.