The mail lady just walked by and dropped off three huge sacks beside my mailbox. Oh great. All of life's pleasures always come in packs left outside on my lawn. That was sarcasm by the way. Sorry I'm being so, I don't know, depressed. It's just that these stalkers won't leave me alone! I mean, if it was just one or two then I could just have the Peacekeepers take them away to the Funny Farm, but it isn't just a few. THEY ARE EVERYWHERE!
Oh wait, there's my reflection in a mirror! I feel all better! For those of you losers who don't know who I am, I am the miracle known as Finnick Odair. Everyone loves me. Especially me. Who couldn't love me? I'm perfect! I'm tall and tan with bronze hair and gorgeous green eyes. I also have a six pack that the ladies love. I charge six dollars to stroke them, eight to apply sun block.
I walk out of my house and lug the sacks inside. God, the last one is seriously heavy. I sit down on my couch, open it and do you know what happens? A chick jumps out!
"OH MY GOD!" I shout, jumping over my couch and hiding behind it. After a few minutes of silence I lift my head so that only my eyes are visible. There is a rather plump girl standing in my living room staring at me with an evil grin.
"Finnick," She laughs hysterically. "It's Delly! I'm here to marry you!" Oh no. It's Stalker 437 from District 12. Oh dear god…
I know there is only one source of action in their situation. I make a mad dash for my kitchen and the demon starts chasing after me. I grab a bucket of water, thank god I keep them handy, turn around and dump the whole thing on her! HA! Now, she's melt!
She runs out crying and I do my victory dance back into the living room. I plop down on the couch and open a letter. It says it's from someone named Gale. I make a mental note to make him Stalker 527.
Dear Finnick Odair,
Oh how I love you standing by the sea
Even though my District Twelve is poor
I know you love me
Even though you are all the way from four
Oh Finnick, your eyes are so dreamy
Your hair is so pretty
The sauna next to my house is steamy
So come enjoy it with me and leave your city
In this country we may not have freeness
But we can see what we want to see
And I wiant to see your-
Okay I'm not reading anymore of that! I toss that one in the trash can and wipe my hands down with Germ-X. That was… disturbing.