DISCLAIMER: The only one for this story: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight…I own a rather, erm, twisted imagination.

A/N: Hello all. I'm back with another birthday gift. This one is for Lisa aka HeartOfDarkess aka Slashgal. She's one of the first authors that ever befriended me and I'm so thankful she did. She holds a rather special place in my heart.

Happy Birthday, Lisa!

So, here's a shocker. I set out to write her a birthday one shot and ended up finishing this monster at close to 14k words, so ya'll get another short story from me! Lisa's birthday is technically April 1st, so it is my goal to post 1-2 chapters a day, culminating on the 1st with the final chapter (there are 12 by the way). Once the whole thing has posted, it will be added to my blog along with the slideshow (there are 27 pictures to accompany this bad boy).

Special thanks to JA Mash for the outstanding banner and custom manips. Thank you to JA Mash, TrueEnglishRose, reyes139, nmydreamz, WitchyVampireGirl and Jay Love (aka Kim Rathbone on FF) for being my pre-reading cheerleaders.

Warnings: You know if you're old enough to be reading this…it is marked M. Shamwow's…but ya'll know me and that these are a must by now (although I can't promise what fluid they'll be collecting this time…hehe). Rated M for: mild bdsm, slash, lemons, drug use, improper use of food, language, voyeurism, exhibitionism…OH! and there is a naughty pig.

I think that covers it. Shall we? Let's…


Could I watch you dance, or would you mind?

That if you gave it a chance, I think you might find it thrilling.

Oh I find it such disgrace to never share that rapturous face.

So why won't you dance and I will find it thrilling.

Will you think of me or will you let me, let me say?

Who cares who's watching you with me?

Who cares who's watching you?

Can I watch too?

If they watch us dance, I wouldn't mind

They just might enhance our lovely time

Oh I find it such disgrace to never share our animal grace.

Let's give them a show that they might find alluring.

Let them let us be, oh. Let them, let them, let them say -

Who cares who's watching you with me?

Who cares who's watching you.

Let them say, let them say.

Who cares who's watching you.

Let them say, let them say.

Who cares who's watching you.

Can I watch too?

Why, why wait?

Why wait 'til, 'til the theatre is empty?

Why, why wait?

Why wait 'til, 'til the theatre is empty? Oh!

Who cares who's watching you with me?

Who cares who's watching you?

Let them say, let them say.

Who cares who's watching you?

Let them say, let them say.

Who cares who's watching you?

Can I watch too?

~Bon Voyeurs by Blacq Audio~



"Come on, Bella...please? I promise it'll be fun," Alice's delicate voice came down the line.

I was going to cave, I just knew it. She was my best friend and had some kind of weird powers of persuasion that were just downright freaky at times. Didn't mean I wouldn't hold out for as long as possible...just to try. If she'd been in the room with me, yeah, I'd have caved long ago.

"I don't know, Alice," I hedged. "I was kind of looking forward to a quiet weekend. Just me, my book, a few bottles of wine and Bessie."

"Bella, what the hell is a Bessie?" she asked with a hint of reservation to her tone.

"She's my potbellied pig. I just got her a couple of weeks ago. She really is quite adorable," I snorted.

"I leave you alone and untended and you get a pig for a pet?" she screeched in disbelief. "That is, just, ewwww."

"Why? Bessie is a sweetheart! She doesn't shed, she doesn't chew on things, she doesn't lick me...she's even litter box trained. It's cute really and she looks just like a little cow with her spots, except of course for her little piggy face," I defended my little friend as she came prancing up to me, having heard her name.

Her blanket was next to the couch and I reached down to scratch her belly as she snuggled into it. I started giggling as she made cute little noises.

"Anyways, so if for no other reason than Bessie, I really can't come this weekend, Alice. I don't have anyone to take care of her while I'm gone," I claimed, my voice smug as I was sure I'd finally beaten Alice at her game.

I got nervous when she didn't reply.

"Um, Alice?" There was some muttering at the other end of the line, but I couldn't make out any words.

"You know what, Isabella Swan, you really need to get laid! A pig? Of all things...sheesh. I cannot believe I'm saying this. Pack up your damn pig and get your ass to the cabin tomorrow afternoon. Oh, and she better be as clean as you say! I'll see you at three for your birthday weekend," she said in an exasperated tone and hung up before I could respond or ask her to clarify what she meant by birthday weekend. So help me god, if she'd planned a party...

I could only stare at the phone in my hand in shock. How does she do that? Shit. Shit. Shit. The phone started screeching, reminding me I still needed to disconnect from my side, and Bessie jumped to her feet with a startled squeal, her little curly tail wagging frantically.

The look she was giving me matched my thoughts. What the fuck?

"Come on girl," I clicked at her as I headed back to my bedroom to pull out my travel bag and camera case. "Guess we're going on a trip," I bemoaned and was answered with an unhappy grunt.


As much as I was dreading this because I really didn't like being the center of attention, I had to admit that a sense of peace washed over me as I pulled into the familiar driveway. Alice's parents had brought us up here for just about every vacation we had during our school years and I had some pretty awesome memories. Goofing off with Alice, laughing at her eccentric parents, Esme and Emmett, but especially of her brother.

Edward. You could say that he was indirectly responsible for my little...um, some might say problem, but I preferred to call it a hobby. Yeah, hobby.

He'd always been unaware of the way I'd watched him discreetly, soaking up his image for my fantasies later when I was alone.

In the earlier years, those fantasies were of fairy princess weddings and castles. As we became teenagers, those fantasies became more private, more dangerous...more erotic.

The first time I'd gotten myself off, had been to a photo of Edward, wet and dripping as he'd emerged from the lake, the sunlight refracting off of the water and making him sparkle like some mystical being. I'd snapped it with my old camera that I always had with me. The same camera I still carried around with me now. It only took black and white photos, but I still loved it.

I had to shake my head to clear those old images out of it. I hadn't seen Edward in about ten years. He was a few years older than Alice and I, and had left for college our sophomore year of high school. He was most likely married with kids by now and certainly had not been pining after me all these years.

I scoffed. He hadn't noticed me then, why would he notice me now? Of course, why was he even coming this weekend? Last I'd heard, he was living in San Francisco and had opened his own OB/GYN practice. Surely he was too busy with all of those women to come up for my birthday.

"I've got a bad feeling, Bessie," I said to my companion who was curled up on her travel pad in the passenger seat, safely buckled in. "Alice said this was going to be just a few old friends, nothing big, but how did she convince Edward to fly back?" Her eyes moved to look at me and her tail wiggled, but she made no noise.

"A lot of help you are," I chastised her as I pulled up in front of the house and turned the car off.

A/N: So that's the first chapter…should I mention that "canon" does not exist in this story? Thoughts? Thanks for reading!