An Actor, a Zen Master, and a Saint Walk Into a Doughnut Shop…
Summary: Norman and Daryl discuss TWD…with a special appearance by Murphy MacManus. Just written for giggles! I had so much fun writing this, and I hope y'all have fun reading it!
A/N: I do now own TWD or Boondock Saints!
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, you're a virgin. Sorry."
"But…but it's me!"
"I know it's you," Norman sighed, folding his arms across his chest, "But it allows for more depth to the character. Besides, with Lori over there sleepin' with practically whoever will give her attention, the last thing this show needs is more hookups and drama."
"But it's me! Daryl Dixon! Ladies' man!"
"Ladies' man?" Norman laughed, "Okay, partner, you just keep sayin' that. Look, I'm sorry but the writers ask for my input on you, and I just got to make you a virgin. It adds to your…persona. It makes you different."
"But how can you just do this to a guy?" Daryl pouted, "I am NOT a virgin."
"Well you are now," Norman grinned, "Sorry, but that's just the way it's got to be. Trust me, it'll help with your character. On a recent poll, you're one of the top characters – right after Rick! They love you!"
"Too bad all that lovin' ain't getting' me sex."
Norman shrugged, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it. You're going to be a virgin, oh and whatever thoughts you had about Carol, keep them platonic."
"What?" Daryl whined, "Look, I like 'er and she likes me. I can't help…"
"You're both very damaged characters, Daryl. You're drawn to one another, but I want you to remain strictly platonic. I want you to see her as just a friend, a sister. Protect her and care for her, but don't make your relationship with her about sex. This isn't what this show is about…"
"Pretty lame show then," Daryl grunted.
"Hey," Norman glared at him, "all you have to do is what we say. You have a pretty swell deal if you ask me."
"Just do what we say and have fun with it," Norman tried to sound encouraging, "The audience loves you! And, since Walking Dead, my movie sales have skyrocketed."
"How'd you feel if some guy just told you you had to be a virgin, huh? And that you have to be…uh what was that word…platanic with the girl you happen to have a thing for?"
"Platonic. And that's not the point. Listen, Daryl, you're a very complex character. Like an onion."
"You've got different layers. We are adding to your layers."
"I don't want fuckin' layers, I want to get funkin' laid!"
"Well, maybe in a couple of seasons."
"Couple of…no! I refuse!"
"Okay, then in the October premier, you are gonna get eaten by a walker if you don't…"
"Fine," Daryl grumbled, "I'll do what you say…"
"Good. I'm off to smoke and pick up some Krispy Kreme's…you wanna tag along?"
"Krispy Kreme's?" Daryl was suddenly interested.
"Mother's milk," Norman grinned, "What do you say?"
"Alright," Daryl leaned the crossbow against a tree, "Only if you're payin'."
"Of course," Norman nodded solemnly.
After grabbing some doughnuts, the two sat down with their coffee to eat.
"Alright, someone bought fucking doughnuts!"
"Oh no," Norman shook his head.
"Who's that?" Daryl asked.
"Murphy. Just follow the Ten Commandments around him and you won't die."
"Hey guys," Murphy sat down with Norman and Daryl.
"Hey Murph," Norman patted him on the back, "Long time no see. What have you been up to?"
"Oh, the same ol' same ol'. Just clearin' God's good earth of the scum."
"I'm Daryl," Daryl stuck out his hand.
"Murphy MacManus, pleased to make your acquaintance."
"So Murph," Norman took a bite of his doughnut, "How's Connor?"
"Still a pain in me ass," Murphy shot Norman a glance, and Norman put the doughnut down, "Fellas, you don't mind if I say grace now, do you?"
"Uh…" Daryl just looked awkward, but Norman told him to go ahead, "And shepherds we shall be, for Thee my Lord, for Thee. Power hath descended forth from They hand; our feet swiftly carry out Thy commands. So we shall flow a river forth to Thee, and teeming with souls shall it ever be. In nomeni Patri, et Fili, Spiritus Sancti."
"What the 'ell ever happened to 'rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub. Amen?'" Daryl grumbled.
"It's a family prayer," Murphy explained, "Passed down throughout the generations."
"Uh-huh…" Daryl eyed him suspiciously.
"So Connor is doin' well?" Norman asked.
"As well as ever," Murphy took a bite of his doughnut, "Like I said, still a pain in me ass, but I don't know where I'd be without that fuckin' bastard. I love 'im, I do. Fuckin' bastard."
Daryl's eyes looked as if they'd pop from his head.
"What the fuck are you fuckin' starin' at?" Murphy turned to him.
"Ah, don't worry, friend, I curse like a sailor."
"Worse than," Norman grinned, sipping his coffee.
"Ah, shove it. I know you fucks curse too."
"Sometimes," Daryl shrugged, "but I don't curse like that."
"And you," Murphy turned to Norman, "you curse quite a bit yourself, aye, you do!"
"Do you want another doughnut?" Norman asked, changing the subject.
"Nah, I need to be gettin' back. I was only supposed to step out to get Connor some fuckin' cigarettes. He's going to fuckin' kill me for taking so fuckin' long. Enjoy your fuckin' doughnuts, you bastards," Murphy said with a grin.
"Interestin' guy," Daryl said once Murphy had left.
"That he is," Norman nodded, "Fun to work with though. He and that brother of his are always a riot to work with."
"Speakin' of brothers…"
"Don't you worry," Norman promised, "Merle isn't gone for good."
"Better not be. Don't wanna sound soft or nothin' but I miss my brother."
"Of course you do," Norman nodded, understandingly, "Come on, let's get you back to the set. There's a lot of work to be done before October."
"Am I really one of their favorite characters?" Daryl asked.
"Yes, Daryl," Norman grinned, patting him on the back, "You are."
"Well, you're not a 'alf bad actor."
"Thank you, Daryl."
"I can see how all them movie sales skyrocketed."
"And how all those women seem to be in love with you."
"You're still going to be a virgin, Daryl."