No more Walking away
DISCLAIMER: There is no original way to say that I don't own Wicked, and frankly, the reminder of that is depressing.
AN. So, this one-shot (my new multi-fics are coming, but a little slow. So, I've been on a one-shot kick lately) was requested a little while ago by PocketSevens; from a song by the same name. His only requirements was that it be set after a Fiyeraba fight. A "post argument make-up", I believe were his exact words :)
It took me a while to get around to it (sorry), but here it is! I don't know if it's anything like you imagined though... nothing I ever write on other people's ideas is!
Elphaba hesitated as the small cottage she and Fiyero now called home came into view. She knew that Fiyero would be inside, waiting for her. He always was.
It worried Elphaba, that this might become a habit. It had only been two months since they left Oz and actually begun a relationship, but Elphaba counted at least a dozen arguments in that time. And they'd all ended the same way- her storming out and going for a walk through the nearby woods until she'd calmed down.
The first time, she'd been surprised to return home and find Fiyero there. He'd been frantic about her, that she might have either not come back or hurt herself while she was gone. And each time since, she'd been less surprised and he'd been less worried. He knew now, that she just needed her space and to try and regain control of her emotions.
Especially when all their arguments had been over the same issues. Elphaba knew it was ridiculous to keep arguing about the same things, but it seemed they just couldn't help it.
The facts remained that Glinda didn't know her best friend and ex-fiancée were alive, Nessarose was dead and Fiyero was a Scarecrow and Elphaba didn't know if she'd ever be able to turn him human again. And as far as Elphaba was concerned these were all her fault.
She couldn't help but feel guilty over everything that had happened, and every time she saw Fiyero- as much as she loved him, the guilt weighted on her a little bit more. So, when each argument reached its climax, she'd retreat to the woods. She'd drink in the silence of the woods, maybe shed a few tears and when she felt like the guilt was bearable again, she'd return home and they'd act like nothing had ever happened.
But that was getting harder and harder to do.
Finally, Elphaba summoned up her courage and headed inside. As she'd predicted, Fiyero was sitting down at the small table where they (she) ate, and reading the paper.
He didn't look up as she entered.
And then Elphaba decided she didn't want to just pretend nothing had ever happened.
"I'm sorry," she said in a small voice.
That made Fiyero look up quickly. Elphaba wasn't exactly one to apologise easily.
"Elphaba," he began quietly, and Elphaba inwardly winced. More often than not now, he'd taken to calling her "Fae" a diminutive she wasn't quite certain of the origin, but loved nonetheless.
"Elphie" would always remind her of Galinda, but "Fae"- coming from Fiyero's lips, sounded sweet, gentle and affectionate.
"When are you going to accept the fact that I don't hate you for what happened to me?" he asked quietly.
Elphaba offered a weak smile. "Probably by the time you do hate me."
He looked away and Elphaba slowly walked over and sat opposite him.
"Yero, you don't understand," she said, a note of pleading in her voice. "Every time I see you… you should hate me. I don't want to, but when I look at you… I see something else I messed up. Something that's my fault and I can't fix."
Fiyero met her gaze, and Elphaba couldn't discern the expression and emotions in his eyes.
"Why don't you look at it how I do?" he suggested.
Elphaba was confused. "How is that?"
He reached over to take her hand in his, and Elphaba took it. It was padded with straw, as was the rest of him, and she felt another wave of guilt that there were no bones to be worried about squeezing too tightly.
"When I look at the way I am, I don't see any failure on your part," Fiyero told her. "I see it as evidence."
"Of my failures?" Elphaba asked dryly and Fiyero shook his head.
"Of our love for one another. Fae, I did what I had to do to save your life. And you did the same for me. And I'd do it again in a heartbeat… figuratively speaking of course," he said with a faint grin and tears sprung unbidden to Elphaba's eyes, which she desperately tried to fight back and hide.
But Fiyero saw anyway. Of course he did.
He quickly got up and had to steady himself- balancing a body of straw was surprisingly difficult and a skill he was still adjusting to.
Then he came around to Elphaba's side and plopped himself to the floor on his knees, taking her face in his hands.
"If being human means having to live without you, I'm happy to be in whatever form the Powers That Be can throw at me," he said gently.
Elphaba blushed and lowered her eyes shyly, she still wasn't used to being the centre of someone's universe- as Fiyero had assured her multiple times, that she was in his. He knew that, and was quiet smug about that.
"Don't be shy, precious heart," he murmured.
That was another thing. Apparently, "sweetheart", "honey" or "darling" just weren't appropriate enough endearments for Fiyero. When Elphaba had queried the "precious heart", Fiyero's answer had been simple-
"You are the most precious thing in my world, and my heart is yours. Seems fitting enough to me."
Elphaba had never questioned it again.
"Yero-" she began, but he cut her off.
"No. I don't want to hear it," he said firmly. "I don't regret my choices, Fae. I chose you, I chose your life over mine, and I will choose you every day for as long as you choose to let me love you."
It was getting harder to fight back the tears.
"This is hardly the life you imagined before you met me," she whispered.
"No," Fiyero admitted. "It's more than I could have ever imagined. Fae, I was alone until you opened my eyes. You know that. And I know this isn't easy… but we're together. And neither of us is going to be alone ever again, you have to believe that."
Elphaba wanted to, but it was hard. She'd always been alone before.
"I did believe that," she said through a painful lump in her throat. "The first night… in the forest. I let myself believe that it was you and me, that I'd never be alone again. And then… I thought you died. For me… because of me. I didn't know if the spell had worked, I didn't know what I was reading from that damn book… I thought I'd lost you before I'd ever really had you."
Fiyero knew that, and that was his guilt to bear. He'd been unable to find a way to contact her for so long, and seeing her as he'd journeyed with Dorothy towards the Emerald City and seeing her in so much pain… only he'd seen the grief behind the madness that had spurred her actions towards the Kansas farm girl.
"But we're here now," he said gently, encircling her in his arms. "We're together and we're going to get through this together. One small step at a time."
Elphaba was almost trembling with the sheer effort of holding in the tears threatening to overflow.
"Elphaba, you can cry you know," Fiyero scolded her gently. "I love your strength, precious heart, but that doesn't go away if you can't always be strong."
That broke the dam and she began to sob quietly as Fiyero held her, gently sliding her off the chair she was sitting on and onto the floor beside him. He couldn't actually cry, in his new form, but his voice still shook as though there were tears sliding down his burlap face.
"Just let it out, precious heart," he murmured to her. "I've got you…"
It wasn't just for himself that Fiyero was crying, but for Elphaba and for her tears. He felt all the weight and heartache she felt and he wished he could take it away. But they had to learn- together, to break Elphaba's habit of dealing with everything alone.
"I'm sorry," Elphaba apologised again when she had stopped crying.
"What for, precious heart?" he asked tenderly, stroking her hair and missing the feel of the silken strands through his fingers the way he'd felt them their first night together in the forest.
"For doubting us," she replied.
Fiyero sighed, and pulled away gently to make her look at him. "If you lose faith, in times of doubt, I understand," he assured her.
"But this has to stop. The storming out. I can't watch you walk out that door anymore, Fae," he said brokenly and Elphaba nodded immediately, seeing the anguish in his eyes.
"Ok," she agreed.
"You have to start letting me in," Fiyero continued and she nodded again.
"No more walking away, I promise you. I'll stay. I can't promise I'll be calm," she admitted and Fiyero laughed.
They both knew she had a temper. That had been evident from the moment they'd first met.
"Fine. I'm not saying you can't get mad but… let's talk it out from now on."
"Talking when angry seems more like yelling and fighting to me," Elphaba pointed out and he laughed again.
"I'm just suggesting we both take a second to breathe and think about what we say before we say it when we're upset," Fiyero reworded.
Elphaba thought about that for a moment. "I can try that," she agreed.
"So, no more going off to the woods to cry?"
Elphaba looked at him in surprise. She hadn't known he knew that.
"I can always tell when you've been crying," Fiyero said softly. "And then I feel bad and frustrated because I can't hold you and tell you everything's going to be okay."
Elphaba winced again. "Yero…" she trailed off and then sighed deeply. "I guess I'm still learning about this stuff," she admitted.
"What stuff? Love?" he asked.
Elphaba shifted her position slightly so she was leaning against the wall, and Fiyero immediately moved to be beside her.
Then she nodded slowly. "Sometimes I feel like… I'm making my way through this blind. No one's ever loved me before, and then you come along and… you've never stopped proving to me how much you love me and I'm worried that I can't do the same and I feel alone and confused and…"
As her words came faster and more rushed, Fiyero frowned concernedly, and cut her off, placing a finger over her lips.
"Hey," he interrupted gently, and shook his head. "Fae, I know exactly how much you love me. The fact I am here today, in any form, is more proof of that to me than anything."
Elphaba looked stunned at that. "You thought I could just let you die?" she asked, horrified.
He grinned. "See, that facial expression right there. All the proof I need- if I ever need any, which I don't."
Elphaba softened, but still felt guilty.
Fiyero drew her to him and kissed her. "Fae, I don't have a clue what I'm doing either. You're the only girl I've ever loved. And we'll work all this out too. But I understand what you're worried about. Just… don't ever doubt how much I love you."
"I could never doubt that," she whispered. "I doubt why, but I don't doubt that you love me."
Fiyero rolled his eyes, but didn't argue. They'd have plenty of time for that later.
"So, we're agreed. I don't have to watch you walk out that door anymore?"
"What if I'm going to the market?" she asked innocently and Fiyero groaned.
She cackled. "Sorry, I couldn't help myself," she grinned and he sighed.
"We're agreed that you won't storm out in a fight anymore?" he repeated, choosing his words carefully.
Elphaba sobered and she nodded solemnly. "I promise. I'll stay and yell at you instead," she teased and Fiyero chuckled.
"As long as you're staying, I'll take whatever you want to throw at me."
He stared at her pointedly and she smiled. "I promised, didn't I? And have I ever broken my word to you?"
"No," Fiyero answered, not even needing to think about that.
"No more walking away?" he asked, not being able to stop from confirming that with her one more time.
"No more walking away," she agreed.
And although sitting on the floor wasn't the most comfortable position, they stayed like that for a while longer, just happy to be in one another's arms.
AN. 16 days!