Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction.

AN: This is also a m/m slash, its slow going but it is there. I'll warn you ahead of time but if you don't like then don't read. I also want to warn you now there will be angst and serious hurt. Also some hint of prior rape. Its hinted not mentioned, but if you don't like then don't read. It's all meant to provide background and add to the hurt/comfort. I will hint to when it will show up so that you have a warning of the chapter it is in.

Also there is language. You have been warned.

AN: Otherwise I hope you enjoy : D


-Prologue-

James Tiberius Kirk hadn't been missing for hours. Hell, Jim hadn't been missing for days. Their captain, the federation hero, had been gone for a year. There was little to no hope left that he was even alive let alone capable of being found. As Spock would say he had a .001 percent chance of survival and half that of being found.

It had started out as a routine mission, but as is common with Jim and the rest of the crew of the Enterprise...it didn't remain "routine." It was a fight that turned into a chase and finally capture.

Jim had been planet side with most of the members of the alpha crew when the planet, which was supposed to be an m-class planet and completely void of any life signs, was crawling with Romulans. Jim and his best members of the crew were quick to outsmart and outmaneuver the enemies, but they had lost connection with the ship and were trapped on the planet with a larger number of Romulans to their own seven.

They had managed to evade most confrontation and no one had died yet, but the Romulans were stronger than the humans. Spock might have been able to hold his own (even Jim and Sulu could manage against them), but when it came to a hand to hand fight they were not winning. Jim had seen this first. He saw them weakening and the only sign that he noticed this was a quick glance he had managed to send to Spock during the last confrontation. That one look had struck Spock cold for an instant, because in that instant Jim's eyes had shone with emotions even he had never revealed before.

Fear, not for himself, but fear for those with them, for his team.

They were captured soon after.

It didn't take much. They were weak and had realized that communication with the Enterprise was not likely an option until the problem was dealt with.

On the enemy ship, Jim had found a way to keep their morals high; even when all seemed to point to failure. He would stand before the members of the Romulan crew and glare down at them as if they were only there because Jim had allowed it and that they wouldn't be visiting for much longer. He looked on at the Romulans as if he was there to amuse them, and brought his team along for the show.

Jim had been separated from them immediately. They would keep him from the crew for hours at a time and sometimes even for days, but each time he would return with his cocky smile and even with the bruising he seemed completely at ease. Yet, it did not matter how much McCoy or the others tried, they could not get Jim to reveal what transpired during his times spent with the Romulans. Whatever they had done took its toll and slowly Jim's constant warm morals began to crumble away along with his confident mask.

During these sessions the crew took it upon themselves to try and find some way to get all of them safely off this ship. If Jim could keep them the Romulan preoccupied for days at a time they could certainly make the best of his sacrifice. Uhura and Spock had managed to hack into the comm, on the wall of their cell, and were slowly progressing in reaching out for the Enterprise.

It had been a long week, but on the ninth day of their capture they got static and finally a transmission from the Enterprise. It was a beckon of light that everyone needed. Yet, no one realized the strain in Kirk's smile when the voice of Chekov and Scotty broke out over the static. How he seemed to pull away from the conversation as the two spoke enthusiastically to the still kidnapped members, rather than step up to command as James T. Kirk was want to do. They had all been too wrapped up on what was five steps ahead and their escape then what was going on presently.

The kidnap group was some of Kirks best men. Uhura, Bones, Sulu, Spock….hell, he even had Giotto and another head security officer with him. So, it wasn't surprising that they had all been wrapped up on the future. They were all calculating individuals and while some were planning escapes others were looking out so that what was going on would be kept under wraps. What would be worse than getting caught at this moment of hope?

Jim was pleased that he had left Scotty in charge while they had been planet-side. He knew that the engineer would be able to keep his girl safe, and who better to track them down then their own little boy-genius, Chekov. It wasn't just him that felt this way. The whole captured crew seemed to forget completely that they were even kidnapped at all.

Kirk's original optimism blossomed in all of them, and they were already seeing their safe return to the Enterprise. They were already planning a return attack for these Romulans who had dared to strike out at James T. Kirk and his crew. They were already too lost in what would be, that they missed how, as the communication between the ships passed, the smile that had bloomed on everyone else's face (minus Spock of course but a glimmer in his eye showed that he was just as pleased to be getting off this ship) had been completely absent from Jim's lips.

They missed how his bound hands scraped over his side as if testing something. They missed Jim taking a step back when Scotty spoke about how their systems had been experiencing interference during the time of their capture. They missed how he looked over the small but powerful group, his gaze lingering as if taking them all in. All while Chekov spoke happily about "zi problem iz all fixed now." They missed him placing the smile back in place when both Scotty and Chekov spoke out about the crew hanging tight so they could be beamed back.

They missed so much and yet, as the white buzz began to slowly form around the crew they had all seemed to snap back to the present as if on cue.

Nothing was happening to Jim.

Spock had been the first to react. He tried lunging out to grab Jim, but as the cries of "Captain!" and "Jim" followed this action, Jim just shook his head and took a further step away from the crew.

"It's alright. They were never planning to keep all of us." His words had been spoken so calmly as they all began to flicker before him, "But they wouldn't allow it any other way, they were the ones causing the interference. It's alright. It's going to be alright." He had smiled almost amusingly at his crew, and with such a 'Kirk' warmth, as he tried to reassure them all. His eyes were quick to meet with Spock's and the smile fell into a strained calm, "Spock I leave you in charge. You get them out of here. I-It's been a pleasure." They had watched in mutual horror as Jim tried to put on his casual smirk speaking his final words to them, "Try not to miss me too much." He had whispered over the final hum of static before the crew dematerialized. Spock's eyes were the last thing he had seen, the brown a piercing color burned into his memory with disbelief and betrayal fading into concern and fear.

The comm on the enemy ship had buzzed to life within moments after their disappearance. The static broke out to the shouts of protest from those who had been beside him not long ago. The crew had realized by this point that they could not get back to their captain nor locate his signal as the disruption returned.

"Mr. Sulu, Spock." Jim's voice broke back over the static and everyone on the bridge froze, "Remember when Pike went to Nero, he gave orders to come back and retrieve him.

This is me informing you as my last command. Do not return for me." His voice seemed to shake at this, "This is bigger than you know. Just…get them away from here Spock. Keep them safe. I'm so sorry." He breathed out and the transmission cut into static.

"Com-Captain…we're being hailed." Uhura chocked on the title but looked tensely up at Spock.

"Pull it up on the screen." Spock stated folding his arms behind his back in an effort to look composed amongst all the shaken members on the bridge.

The image of the captain of the Romulan ship gazed back at Spock with an amused smirk. "Crew of the Enterprise. You have been given a chance of life as a gift from your Captain." He paused looking around at the crew before him, and damn Jim would have been proud to see all the members hold their ground as they were taken in. "However, I am not nor did I claim to be an honest man." His smirk morphed into a twisted and cruel glare as his eyes returned with Spock's. "We got what we came for now it's time for the Federation to understand what is coming."

There seemed to be a struggle from the sidelines that took the captain's attention as he glared at the incompetence of his own crew. Then finally with a crack and a cough the reason came to be known.

"Dammit no! Leave Sp-!" Jim's voice sounded raspy and slurred but recognizable in the background before the transmission was cut.

"Shields to one hundred percent, Mr. Sulu now would be a time to get us out of here!" Spock replied immediately, "Be prepared to fire all weapons."

"Aye sir!"

"Yessir"

The ship managed to break away from the Romulan attack, and reluctantly forced to warp out of there. They were bruised and broken and would not be able to stand in a fight. Yet, as they came away with their lives the weight of one settled heavily over the Enterprise.

"In due to recent events, Captain James T. Kirk is no longer aboard the ship and has promoted me to Captain. We are no longer capable of pursuing a rescue mission and with our current status require an immediate return to the nearest starbase…You…are all expected to behave admirably until that time. Spock out."


"Dammit we have to go back for him!"

"You heard the admirals as well as we did Leonard. We are explicitly not to return to that quadrant or to look for….him" Uhura breathed out choking on a sob as she fought with bringing up Jim's name.

"And Ve vill let that stop us?" Chekov asked appalled. Like Uhura he too had tears in his eyes and angrily swiped at them before responding further, "But ze keptin vould come for us! I know zis…I know he would."

"The admirals have made it quite clear that we will not be able to pursue Jim because going could result in a war. One which at the moment the federation is on the edge of preventing." Spock spoke up silencing the chaos on the bridge.

"Dammit! Are you saying we are just going to leave him…to those, those-!" Bones began to curse but was cut off by a raised brow.

"The Captain also ordered us to not return. The only logical course of actions would be to heed both commands." Spock cut him off but then looked at the crew. Still struggling themselves with healing from physical wounds as well as emotional ones, "Be that as it may. As acting Captain I believe it is also within my right to decide what is best for the ship. I cannot see any logic in not looking for the captain if we find ourselves in such a situation where finding Jim could be a possibility."

"So, were going to search for Jim while under the appearance of following orders." Sulu spoke trying to word that in a way the rest of the crew could manage.

"Brilliant!" Scotty added in clapping his hands, he was more than ready to get their captain back.

"Spock-" Uhura began to protest the flaws in such a statement.

"In this instance doing what is commanded rather than what is right does not seem to be the best course of action, and thus I believe a more Jim-like approach would be acceptable."

"You're damn right it's acceptable! Let's go get him back." Bone's hollered and the whole crew seemed to have their spirits raised at this new turn of events, "Damn kid probably has the whole Romulan crew under his thumb anyway…might as well spare him from the boredom."


However, because of the rumors of war, the boundary lines in space became tight and the unmarked zones became areas of surprise attacks and ruthless battles. No matter how close they got. Word of James T. Kirk was only ever mentioned in whispers of lost causes and forgotten hope.

Romulans were not the only ones who struck out. It seemed that after the Federation's poster boy was rumored dead and missing; many sought to strike out. Old foes hidden in shadows took this as a weak time and planned to strike.

Words of war fell with the battle at Delta Five where the Federation took an impressive win, and the enemies began to shrink back into the shadows from which they came. Just as soon as they had all came out of hiding they seemed too compliant to return. Overall it seemed far too easy for the last word of their beloved captain. 'This is bigger than you know.' Still rang loudly in the ears of the Enterprise crew and it left an unsettled feeling within the crew. The crew was left trying to pick themselves up, and the only thing keeping them running were the odds that the captain would get away and survive until they found him.

.001 percent was still a chance of his survival. Perhaps for any other person it would be a lost cause, but this was James fucking Kirk, Captain of the USS Enterprise. He did not give up until there was no chance and even then he would still fight tooth and nail to prove it wrong.

Though as time progressed the crew began to realize that there was so much space to cover to try and find him. They often found themselves backtracking or stuck on where to search. It was time consuming and no matter how they searched, turning up empty handed and without a trail to follow left little to hope for.

Days turned quickly into months and after a year it became more of a wish then a drive, and they began to fall into a routine to try and wash away the regret that they hadn't fought harder to save their captain. They should've seen the signs while in that cell. Jim had been anything but subtle, yet they had been blind to it. They should've known it wouldn't have been that simple to just escape without any losses.

James T. Kirk was lost as a victim to war, and no one knew how to survive with this loss.


AN: So there you have the prologue. Sorry if the characters seem slightly off. First time doing a fan fiction so still getting the hang of it. Hope you liked.