a/n : This took a while, didn't it? I was busy with end of college and end of semester projects, so lets take this direction-less Crackfic forward!

Issue 3

Azuma Yunoki was stunned.

He couldn't believe this was happening. Kahoko Hino actually said that. That was not all, unfortunately. She also said, "Senpai, I am going to take up martial arts classes."

Normally,he would have snorted at this hilarity but he was trying to recall what exactly she had written to their column. She didn't give him a chance to recover because then, she faked a yawn and tried pretending to sleep.

She had written to their column and was obediently following their advices.
Azuma Yunoki allowed himself a derisive laugh that made Kahoko open her eyes and try to back away from him as if he was some sort of unpredictable animal with mood swings.

He smiled, the brilliant Azuma Yunoki smile that bewitched half the girls in the school. "Sometimes that naivety of yours is cute instead of annoying, I suppose."
He walked away, leaving a wide eyed Kahoko behind.

Seisou Academy Newspaper

Page 7..Personals


I tend to sweat a lot. Thats a huge turn-off to anyone who talks to me. Help!

Len: Don't talk to anyone.
Ryotarou: Dude, have you heard of something called perfume?
Kazuki: Tell them you are into sports and that you have just finished 10 laps of the track field.
Azuma: Take a bubble bath, complete with scented candles. It helps.
Keiichi: Tell them you were sleeping in an incredibly sweltry room.

I want long silky hair like Azuma can I do to achieve that kind of hair?

Len: Ask Azuma Yunoki.
Ryotarou: Read the advice given above. I really hate myself for this.
Kazuki: Eh.. ask him what shampoo he uses..
Azuma: Use egg. It'll help your hair grow right from the roots.I can't believe I wrote this.
Keiichi: I can't believe you wrote this either.

My girlfriend's dad doesn't like me much. He always sets his dogs on loose whenever I go over to her house!

Len: Don't go over there.
Keiichi: Bring over some cats to distract the dogs.
Kazuki: Bring them steak..or meat..oh wait, if you do that, they'll run after you more.
Azuma: Try to be nice..like stroke them with a great smile.
Ryotarou:If you want to get a bite with their fangs bared,do follow the above advice.

I have got a video of Len Tsukimori wearing girls clothes. How much will I get as a ransom if I blackmail him with it?

Ryotarou:I am willing to pay any amount you ask for that one.
Keiichi:Give it to me..I need something that'll keep me awake.
Kazuki: Eh..you don't have any of my videos ,do you?
Azuma: To the person above,it is me who has your video wearing pigtails and singing,"Baby One More Time."

I realized that I am pregnant. What do I do?

Len: How do I know...I have never been pregnant!
Ryotarou:I dont know. To the person above me-you cannot get pregnant.
Kazuki:I had read in the newspaper that once a guy got pregnant.
Azuma:Have the baby and then send it to the child's father as a gift(answer inspired from the movie-Three Men and a Baby)
Keiichi:That is why you must learn to sleep alone.

How do I get an extraordinarily pale complexion like Len Tsukimori?

Len:Avoid stepping out in the sun,use sunscreen and don't forget to use a night cream.
Ryotarou:I have no idea...but thanks for asking this question.I have realised Len Tsukimori is a vampire.
Kazuki:I dont know,and I have a dark complexion.
Keiichi:Use a fairness cream.
Azuma:Are you a girl or a guy..?

I'm in love with Len Tsukimori.

Len:Forget about him.
Ryotarou:I second the person above me.
Kazuki:Even I agree with them.
Keiichi:Me too.
Azuma:He is much in love with his violin...so if you want his love,ask a genie to turn you into a violin.

It was a day when Azuma saw proof of the how much people follow the He says column, no matter the farce they come up with.
Azuma couldn't help listening in when he saw a guy,who is quite rotund say to another tall skeptical one,"Of course,I'll be sweaty,I have just finished 10 laps of Seisou track field."
The tall,skeptical one raised an eyebrow."Funny how I didn't think of that" as he scanned the fat guy up and down.

Azuma sighed, a little exasperated, a little amused. He wondered how long the newspaper is going to indulge this madness, and he couldn't wait for it all to be over.
He also couldn't overlook the guy grinning uncontrollably with a bandage on his arm. Bandage Boy's friend asked hesitantly,"You went to her house again?"
Bandage Boy smiled,"Yeah,and I gave a great smile and stroked the dogs..I guess they didn't like it..and eh..well".
He looked at his hand which had the bandage,still smiling uncontrollably.
His friend said,"Dude,you can stop smiling now,the dogs are not here."
"Oh"Bandage Boy stopped smiling."I forgot."

Both of them didn't notice Azuma Yunoki laugh uncontrollably.

Perhaps, interesting things don't really have to end, do they, Kahoko?

r & r!