And here is my contribution to the aftermath of the emotional rollercoaster that we were all taken on last night. Spoilers for that ep, though not many. Not necessarily AU, could take place anytime after 47 seconds.
Disclaimer: Not mine, cos if they were mine, I'd try and be less cruel to all the faithful Caskett shippers.
Castle sighed heavily as the doors opened onto the bustling floor of the homicide department, wondering once again why he continued to torture himself by returning here every day. Ever since he had discovered the truth about Beckett's memory of that day at the cemetery, he had tried to convince himself that he no longer loved the woman that he had shadowed for almost four years, but it was futile. He couldn't help himself and as he continued to struggle with his feelings, he became angry. Angry at himself, angry at her, hell even angry at the poor guy who made their coffee every morning. It had gotten to the point where he could barely look at her without saying something deliberately designed to upset her. Which brought him back to the question that he had been continually asking himself, why did he keep coming back?
Shaking his head, Castle headed over to his chair that stood beside Beckett's desk, hoping to find a distraction there. However as he drew closer, he realised that the desk was empty, save for an envelope with his name on it, written in Beckett's handwriting. Curious as to what she would have to say to him that couldn't be said in a phone call, text or on a post-it, Castle sat down in his chair and reached for the envelope.
Finding several pieces inside, Castle opened the ones that were covered in Beckett's handwriting first and read,
I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I know that it's not enough, certainly not after what I've done but I needed you to know that I truly am sorry.
You were right, Castle, about everything but most of all you were right in saying that I'm a coward. I am.
For years, I've hidden away from the world, pretending that I was making an effort to be part of it, even when I knew that I wasn't. Then you appeared in my life and slowly but surely you dragged me into the world. But even then, I still found ways to hide. Too scared to risk myself again and too selfish to share myself with someone who had shared so much of himself with me.
I need you to know something, when I lied to you, when I told you that I didn't remember that day, I didn't do it intentionally. I just felt so overwhelmed, I'd just been shot, I was still with Josh and you'd just told me that you loved me and all I could think was what if you'd just panicked. What if you didn't mean it, or what if you did? I was terrified and then once I'd lied it was easier to keep lying than to tell you that I remembered everything.
I was and am a pathetic coward, too scared to tell the man that I love that I return his feelings. Because that's the truth, Rick, I didn't lie to you because I didn't return your feelings but because I did.
I love you. I'm no writer like you, so I can't add any embellishments but that's the simple truth right there.
I love you, Richard Alexander Rogers, Always.
P.S the other letter is the one that Royce left me, I wanted to share it with you, I'm not sure why, but I want you to have it.
Castle stared at the pieces of paper that he held in his hands, his face slack in stunned amazement. Of everything that he had expected to read this had been the furthest thing from his mind. Unable to help himself though, Castle felt a grin beginning to form. She loved him. Sure she hadn't actually said it to him directly but considering how he had been acting recently, he was hardly surprised that she hadn't comfortable approaching him.
The only question was, what was he going to do now?
And there we have it, my short little story. It's a one-shot for now, unless I can think of another chapter, but still I hope you all enjoyed it. Comments? A xxxxx