Disclaimer: I am in no way affiliated with the BBC.

Author's note: I absolutely ADORE all John and Sherlock's conversations. They're so cute and funny. So, just for fun, I wrote out a bunch of mini-conversations between them. A few of them are connected, but most of them are just little standalone snippets. Enjoy!


"John!"

"Yes?"

"RUN!"

"What? Why?"

"That's why!"


"Sherlock, are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Of course it's not a good idea. But bad ideas are much more fun."


"John! I'm bored."

"I'm sorry, Sherlock, but that's the point of a vacation."

"Vacations are lame."

"I'm enjoying the sensation of not being shot at for once."

"You're boring."

"Shut up!"


"Sherlock, please stop mutilating Mrs. Hudson's wall."

"But I'm bored. Find me a case and I'll stop."

"This is why I can never take you anywhere."

"….I'm willing to accept a date if you can't find a good case."

"Why do I put up with you?"

"Because you love me."

"That's it! I'm leaving!"

"See you at six."

"Bloody consulting detective."


"Sherlock? What happened?"

"You fainted."

"Yes, I know that. Why?"

"I was running some tests with chloroform and you walked in, blatantly ignoring the sign on the door. It says 'Do not enter'."

"There was no sign."

"Really? I must have forgotten to put it up."

"Sherlock!"


"John, is it illegal to keep a lion as a pet?"

"Sherlock, why are we having this conversation?"

"Go look in my room."

"What on earth possessed you to bring a lion home?"

"She escaped from the zoo. I needed somewhere to put her. Besides, she's almost as good as you when I need to reason something out. Except she doesn't ask stupid questions."

"Well, I'm sorry that I don't share your dazzling intellect."

"That was a compliment. Your stupid questions help me think."

"That was not a compliment. And, anyway, how long has she been here?"

"About five days."

"How on earth were you feeding her?"


"Text from your brother. He's texting me now."

"Tell him to bugger off."

"He says you haven't answered any of his texts or calls."

"I haven't."

"He says he has a case for you. Something about a locked door murder?"

"…Hand it over."


"That was rude, Sherlock."

"So?"

"Well, generally people don't like it when you're rude."

"Why should I care?"


"About that blog of yours…."

"What?"

"Must you really keep writing it?"

"What is your problem with my blog?"

"It's ridiculous. You make a serious case into a romantic adventure."

"There's nothing romantic about any of them! Except the Irene Adler one, and that's hardly my fault."

"Your sister seems to think otherwise."

"Harry's an idiot!"


"Sherlock, how old are you?"

"I don't remember."

"You don't remember?"

"I told you. I ignore anything that isn't relevant to my work. I haven't had a birthday party since I was seven."

"That's it. I'm taking you out to dinner this weekend and we're celebrating your birthday."

"John, please. That's the most ridiculous idea I've ever heard."


"Watch the suit of armor."

"Do you think you might have mentioned that before I walked into it?"

"You should know better than to walk around this place at night without turning on the lights."


"You idiot! You bloody idiot!"

"What did I do this time?"

"Could you please stop doing experiments in my shower! Use your own!"

"But that shade of pink looks so good on you."


"Sherlock, are you reading my email?"

"Yes."

"Again?"

"Yes."

"You promised you would stop that. Please, for the sake of my sanity, stop invading my privacy."


"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why the girlfriends?"

"Well, you might not care about human companionship, but some of us normal humans would rather not die alone."

"There you go again, being sentimental. Everyone dies alone, John, whether you like it or not."


"So, who's this?"

"This is Emma. Please try to behave yourself, Sherlock."

"Three days or less."

"Sherlock!"

"Just look at her. She's clearly a gossip. You told me you hate gossipy girls. If you must bring someone home, can it at least be someone remotely intelligent?"

"Maybe I would, but all the intelligent ones think I'm gay!

"….. Wait! Emma!...Damn you, Sherlock."


"What is it?"

"This, Sherlock, is what most people consider funny."

"It's a cat falling off of a shelf."

"You have no sense of humor."

"You know that's not true."


"Are you okay?"

"Of course, John. I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"This case. You hate unsolved cases."

"Despite what I told the idiots at New Scotland Yard, it was actually a quite simple case. I had it solved within five minutes."

"Then why did you tell the police that you had given up?"

"Would you want me to tell a father that his son's death was caused by his own carelessness?"

"You mean…?"

"Exactly."

"Well, um, that was very, um, good. Of you."


"Sherlock, are you sure you don't have any mental issues or anything?"

"What on earth are you talking about? The only 'mental issue' I might have is being more intelligent than the rest of the world."

"Yeah, sure."


"Sherlock! Why on earth are you in my room?"

"I'm booooooored!"

"Sherlock, it's three o'clock in the morning. I'm sure you can find something to entertain yourself with for the next few hours. In fact, why don't you try sleeping? You could probably use some rest."

"Sleeping is boring!"

"Maybe for you."


"Sherlock, why is there a lion in my room?"

"The lioness wanted a companion."

"Sherlock, you can't keep two lions in our flat!"

"Why not?"


"Of course!"

"Sherlock, what are you talking about? It's the middle of the night."

"It's so obvious! The Mother did it!"

"Sherlock, I'm going back to bed. We'll talk about this in the morning, at a more reasonable time."


"John, water."

"Where are you?"

"The kitchen."

"I'm on the other side of London, Sherlock. Get your own water."

"Joooohn!"


"Amazing!"

"It was nothing."

"That was not nothing. That was brilliant!"

"And you complain about my ego."


"John, fetch me my revolver."

"No! No more! The wall can't stand up to your punishment much longer!"

"But I'm bored! Life is boring!"

"Bored? Then you can look at that case your brother sent over. The one about the blue man, remember?"

"BORING!"


"Sherlock, why are you sleeping in my room. Or, better yet, why are you in my room at all?"

"We put the lions in my room, remember?"

"Sleep on the couch."

"It's covered in books and I don't feel like moving them."

"Oh, bloody hell, Sherlock. I guess you can sleep in here for tonight. I suppose I should be glad you're sleeping at all. But those lions are going first thing in the morning!"