Disclaimer: I do not own any characters associated with either the Saints Row series or Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The name of Laura isn't even original, but more of an homage.

I've done a lot of crazy things, but getting caught up in the mix of things has turned into a really disturbing trend. Dodging bullets is something new, but not the getting in trouble part.

What's really messed up is the fact that once again it's because of a woman that my life has been turned upside down.

Arriving in Steelport, I was overwhelmed by the sheer size of the place. To be honest I got lost so many times it wasn't funny, but there was the upside of seeing so many attractive women just walking around the place. After settling into my hotel room I decided to do a little sight-seeing. Steelport may only be an island, but it has some of the largest skyscrapers in the world. The three largest are called 'The Heavenly Trio', since they tower over the rest of the buildings and appear to reach toward Heaven.

Walking around down here it kind of looks like Times Square in New York. On one of the trio is an enormous video of a woman dancing on a stripper pole. At the base is the studio for Professor Genki's Murder Time Fun Time, a game show that has contestants "kill" the opposition to score points and time.

It got moved off of basic cable and on one of the premium cable networks after a guy got electrocuted. He didn't die, but I heard he was in the hospital for a while learning how to move again.

Steelport is also home to one of the most famous casinos outside of Las Vegas called The Ace of Clubs. Most prize fights, either for boxing or MMA, are always hosted there. It was here that I decided to try and see if Lady Luck was on my side tonight. After being there for only half an hour, that was a most definite yes. When I left Sunnydale for my summer road trip, I had a little over $1,500 to spend on expenditures. Making sure that I wouldn't screw myself over I had only brought a couple of hundred to blow at the casino. Within the span of 30 minutes I had almost doubled the money I had brought with me.

I only played for a little while longer before I decided to call it an evening and walk away while I was still ahead. After I left the casino I drove around for a little while trying to find someplace to eat. I hate to say it, but the people in this city suck when it comes to driving sometimes. Before I figured out where I was going to get something to eat, I came across three accidents, someone driving on the sidewalk almost hitting people, and two trucks chasing each other down the street.

I finally found a place called Phuc Mi Phuc Yue. If I hadn't already been in the mood for some exotic cuisine the name alone would have at least gotten my attention. It wasn't until I was chewing on an egg roll that I got the joke. The guy sitting at the table in front of me did not appreciate the timing of me finally getting the joke.

It was as I was leaving, happy and full, that fate decided to smack me in the face and call me her bitch. Walking back to my car I noticed this ridiculously hot woman standing at a news stand reading some magazines. I tried not to stare as I walked towards my car parked at the curb, but I couldn't help it. The brunette had a very light with her shoulder length hair pulled into a ponytail with two strands of the brown hair framing the side of her face. The spattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose and on her cheeks just made her even sexier. She was wearing a black leather jacket that ended above her waist with a striped purple and black corset that strained to contain what had to be at least a set of C-cup breasts. Long black leather pants and a pair of boots that just screamed 'Bad Girl' completed the ensemble.

Focused on the wonderful eye candy like I was I noticed two dudes dressed in black suits with red dress shirts walking towards her. I don't know what it was that made me start to get worried, maybe it was the matching uniforms or my Sunnydale radar still pinging things, but those guys made me think that something was about to go down. When they started to un-holster a big ass hand cannon and some kind of sub machine gun and point them at the hottie, I knew this was another one of those defining moments in my life. By the time I had shouted 'GUNS' at her, I had already crossed the distance between me and her would be assassins. By the time they turned towards me I was already bulldozing the guy in front of me into his partner.

The both of them flew through the glass window of a gun shop and into some of the stands as I went racing back towards the woman. It should have been surprising to me to see her pull out a .45 Shepherd from beneath her jacket and point it in my general direction, but I was honestly more worried about the guys I had just knocked through a window. I don't know why I did it, but I grabbed her by her free hand and yanked her toward my car.

It turned out to be a good thing, since henchman 1&2 were already up and opening fire. Thankfully we were already pulling away from the curb by the time they started to shoot at us.

"What the fuck was that and who fuck are you?"

I guess I didn't answer her fast enough since she lifted her gun up and pressed it against the side of my head.

"I asked you a question asshole. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?"

"X-Xander! My name is Xander!"

"Alright, Xander, you want to tell what the hell just happened back there?"

"Besides me just shitting my pants." I guess she liked that comment since she started to smile. "I don't know. I was walking back to my car after dinner and then these guys started pointing guns at you."

"How did you see them?"

At that point I was kind of hesitant to answer, but then I didn't want a gun pressed into my face again either. "I was watching you. N-Not like I was stalking you or anything like that! I-I just… noticed you when I was walking back to my car. Y-You're really b-beautiful. I was admiring the view when I noticed them walking up to you."

I don't think that was what she expected to hear since she just stared at me. However it only took a few moments for her real reaction to kick as she started to laugh so hard that I thought she was gonna die from lack of oxygen.

"Thanks kid. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.", she told me after she started to calm down.

"No, problem. That's my job after all, cheering up all the violent pretty women of the world."

"You might want to think about retiring soon then. Someone might not be in as such good mood as I was.", she joked.

For a while we just continued to drive. No destination, no real direction, other than just getting as far away from those assassins as fast as possible. We didn't say much anything since she seemed content to just ride and I was still panicking about being shot at. The ringing of her cell phone is what eventually broke the silence.


"Pierce would you slow the fuck down! Now tell me what's going on?"

"Too late. The motherfuckers tried to take me out while I was getting a newspaper." It was as she said that, that she turned to face me. "You could say that I had someone watching over me."

"Call Oleg and Shaundi. I'll be back soon."

She hung up without another word. I knew something was going to happen I just couldn't figure out what. At least I couldn't until she started slinking over to me like a sexy cat. When she wrapped an arm around me and started to nuzzle the side of my neck

"Xander… sweetie… I need a favor."

I need a favor. Four words. Four simple words that turned my life upside down… again. Turns out that the lady I decided to save was named Laura. Besides running around looking like a model and packing heat like the Terminator, Laura has a day job. It seems that Laura was the leader of an organization called the Third Street Saints. An organization that went from being one of the roughest gangs in Los Angeles to being a household name as a legitimate business.

Laura managed to "convince" me to play driver while she and her guys went to take out the people that put a hit out on her. An hour later and I was being invited to join her and her friends in celebration of… killing a shit load of people… as she liked to say. The party was actually pretty fun. It wasn't the kind of party that I've been invited to on a regular basis, but despite what they did on a regular basis, a lot of the Saints were pretty cool people.

The party never ended, but well into the night, Laura pulled me aside to talk. Not surprisingly, it wasn't for the reason that I had been hoping since the party started. Turns out Laura wanted to offer me a job as a wheelman. She let me stay the night and hang out with the Saints, while I thought about her offer. After weighing the pros and cons all night long, I finally wound up accepting the offer.

Six months later I now find myself sitting in a custom Vortex playing chauffeur as I wait on the boss lady to finish her errands. It's mind boggling, but here she is the head of a crime syndicate and she still takes forever shopping just like any other woman does. Not that I would complain, since she has a tendency to fly off the handle and shoot at people.

The sounds of clicking heels on pavements draws my attention away from my thoughts as Laura walks out of the store. Decked out in a black cleavage bearing dress that's cut short in the front and long in the back, Laura can't help but draw the attention of everyone she passes by. Even from here I can see the shit eating grin on her face as she teases people. It was weird at first to get used to her personality, but once you get past the part about being afraid she'll kick your ass, she's pretty fun to hang out with.

Sometimes I wonder if she acts the same way around other people or whether it's just me that she's so playful with.

"Thank you for being so patient, Xander."

"Anything for you, Boss Lady."

I wait for traffic to clear before putting the pedal to the metal and running my baby through her paces again. A squeal of excitement from beside me lets me know that my passenger is enjoying the speed as much as I do.

God I love being a Saint.


The name for the boss comes from the fact that one of the voice actors for the female boss is done by the sexy Laura Bailey. Surprised me when I realized it and now I can't get enough of her foul mouth in the game.

I'm also still working on my other story, but the next chapter is still under revision since I don't have a beta and I'm in school from 10 in the morning till 8 at night. The next chapter for Parlor will probably be up sometime in April or May and I'll probably have the first chapter of my Mass Effect up around the same time as well

Don't forget to drop me a review about what you guys think!