Disclaimer: Again, I don't own any of this delightful place. I do, however, own Sophia Liliana Margarina Ravenlocks (and you are quite welcome to draw and quarter her).


"Ed, calm down."

"Calm down! Peter, you are proposing placing yourself directly in the path of all her freakish powers."

"I am not likely to fall for her, Ed. Do you remember what happened when...what was her name...WhiteCloud Rivergoddess Precious Princess happened along?"

"You threw her into Bism, where she dissolved and was mistakenly used as fertilizer on the rubies, which promptly shrivelled and died."


"After I rescued you from her clutches and nearly got challenged to a 'duel for her honor' for my pains, before Aslan made you see reason."

"... Erm, right."

"Look, if you are going to do something so unutterably stupid as go through with this, I'm doing it too."


"Susan, stop screaming like a banshee and listen to this. It's-"

"-horribly planned-out-"

"-planned down to the last detail and there is-"

"-a good chance that you could be turned into a duo of mooning idiots-"

"-not the ghost of a chance of failure, because we are-"

"-untouchable, despite the many times you have fallen to-"

"-strong kings, unable to fall to the wiles of-"

"-the ghastly misrepresentations of the human race known as-"

"-such petty inconveniences as-"



Lucy giggled. "That almost sounded planned."

"Edmund, I'm just saying that I fear for your safety."

"That's nice, Su, but that shrieking nightmare will be inside this castle in a few minutes, dragging that pitiful excuse of a brother-copy with her. Do you really think doing NOTHING is the best way to stop her?"

Sophia Liliana Margarina Ravenlocks thought that Peetey-weetey was "brngnnig rhe nito teh casle no shi amrs" and that "teh casle dores opnedsd bi tehmsealfes b/c uv hir gr8 beootry," but in reality, she was walking straight into a trap with Peetey-weetey dangling from her arm like an oversized rag doll. No sooner had she set foot inside than the heavy doors "sung" shut behind her. Peetey-weetey made a grandiose movement with his arm (presumably to exhibit the grandeur of his "casle"), and succeeded only in hitting his hand against an immoveable rock wall.

At that moment, a brown-haired boy walked out in front of her and fell at her feet, ogling as one moon-struck. Peetey-weetey, of course, was upset by this and "calegnd" the new-comer to a "duet." Edmund (for so the new-comer was) couldn't help but chuckle at the thought before charging the usurper and driving him, blow-by-blow, into a dark hallway, where the brothers quickly stripped him of his ghastly garments and put them on Peter.

Peter proceeded to swagger out of the hallway in front of Sophia Liliana Margarina Ravenlocks and hold out his (gloved) hand. She took it.

"Ach, mi prety prinsecss," Peter said, careful to misspell each word, "i hav vensquished mih evul bro and watn yeuo 2 mery mee!" He mentally gagged.

"Squee?" squeed the Mary-Sue.

"No," replied Edmund, stepping out of the shadows. "Your Peetey-weetey is dead!"

"But, hes heer!" said the Sue, her tiny brain going into overload.

"No, this is a sorry imposter for your Peetey-weetey."

"Eeep?" eeped the Mary-Sue.

"Eeep," Edmund confirmed as he unsheathed his sword.

There was no real killing, after all, since Mary-Sues most certainly have no souls.

"Perhaps I was wrong," Susan said, sipping some delicious spiced wine that evening. "Perhaps you are strong enough to withstand the evils of a Mary-Sue."

"I'd rather not have to," Peter said, stretching out on the divan.

"Second that!" Edmund called from his chess game with Lucy.

"You have to admit, though," Lucy said, moving a piece, "it does keep life interesting. Check-mate."