She is so beautiful… perfect baby… she has her eyes.
You imprinted. You imprinted on it…
On her Leah. She is perfect, she is everything… She is Renesme.
"Leah… wake up…!" her tiny vanilla voice whispers sharply in my ear. "It's Renesme…!"
"Gerrof!" I swat her hand away from me, not bothering to open my eyes before reach around for something to cover my head from the sound of her stupid perfect voice and snuff out the irritating pleasant scent
She huffs delicately before rising up and away from my position on the floor, her expensive shoes tapping softly on the wood floor as she walks away from the slowly sobering She-Wolf splayed on timber. I can imagine her looking around at everything, scoffing and sneering at my little crappy apartment with one mangy brown sofa-it used to be cream-and an ancient TV set. And then there would be the matter of forty empty bottles of Vodka carpeting the floor…
"Ngh…" I groan, getting up groggily and swaying a little when I am upright. Little balls of light pop up abruptly in my vision and when they desist I realize that my guest has cleaned up my mess.
"You are naked" she states, watching me from were she is seated on the kitchen table-brown eyes impolitely raking my form. "And you don't shave…"
"Uh…" I gasp hoarsely, hand immediately covering my daisy. "Do you … how do you even know were I …?"
"You got sloppy" she says calmly. "Well, Jake decided he was done trying to find you and Seth… he is busy with Bethany so… it was up to me. And you know how I love doing things on my own…"
"Right…" I look around my little sleeping area-it's scattered with ribbons from my destroyed clothing. Nothing like a drunken Wolf stuck in a little apartment…
"Hmm" Renesme murmurs "The floor manager thought you were being murdered. Also, you have an eviction notice for numerous things"
"You read my mail?"
"I read your mail" she smiles a little. "You might want to get dressed…after a shower"
You might want to stop acting like my mother when you are a ten year old married brat.
"It would mean a great deal to Jacob if you came too…" she says softly, sipping the coffee distastefully-her face puckering after she swallows.
I wonder if she does that when Jacob asks her to swallow… pinching those beautiful marble features into uneven cement…
"I don't…" she sighs, removing her sunglasses and placing them on top of the little coffee table. "It was obviously before me… what happened with him… Jacob…"
"Nothing happened with Jacob" I say coldly.
"But you left"
"No…" I laugh sarcastically. "You left and I stayed. I wasn't you personal Labrador…"
"Even when he asked you to visit…!" her visage slips and the emotions of a ten year old lock hard in place in her brown eyes.
"Renesme…" I say in mock patience-thinking if we hurry this up she can go back to her mansion with her family, we can leave this stupid girly coffee shop and I can begin my search for a new place to stay.
"Dear sweet Nessie…" I murmur smiling at her.
"Don't patronize me Clearwater" she snaps. "You and I no better than that…"
"You are right" I laugh. "We do, don't we… anyway. You shouldn't believe the version of why I stayed in La Push or in fact any story to do with me… if it is told by Isabella. I was not in love with Jacob but I cared for him… maybe a little over what was necessary but it wasn't like with Sam. Some of us 'close to human' beings don't play that whole love at first sight…"
"You imprint, that's kind of like…"
"Kid, how many times do I have to tell you to never correct or prove me wrong!"
"It isn't… I am twenty years old!" she huffs.
"Renesme" I grin, watching her attempt to keep her lips from pouting childishly. "You are physically eighteen and technically ten years old. You don't get to start adding years after you stopped aging at eight naturally…"
"You don't get to make me feel guilty" she whispers. "You don't get to make me wonder…"
"You aren't supposed to question the imprint, Idiot" I laugh and she loses her battle with pouting. "Do you want me to buy you a lollipop?"
"I wonder of so many things, Leah" she says seriously and I hate that I am always the person she comes to for this emotional crap, turning into a skilled tracker every time I change addresses. Rustling up my phone number somehow…. I just want to get drunk, does she know how hard it is for a Wolf to get drunk… properly fucked up… it takes concentration and determination and even after achieving the goal, you have to remember that you can't leave the sanctuary of your den, you can't howl or move about too much… you just lie there like a broken down machine with no spares…
"I wonder about you a lot these days" she says, her eyes-eyes I had thought stupid when Jacob had over analyzed them on Bella's face-deep and full of a curious sort of compassion.
"I wonder why you have to disappear…" she continues. "I wonder why you can't be this way… the way you are with me now, when we are alone… I wonder why you can't be this way when everyone else is here…"
"You come up with any answers, Kid?" I ask, hating when my voice pitches.
"I think you wanted to hate me" she says, smiling a little. "But you don't"
"I don't necessarily like you, Spawn"
"I like you too" she beams, little white teeth flashing in the light filtering through the yellow blinds of the window. "You are… I think, my best friend"
"Your selection sucks"
"No, this is the one thing I got right" she says stubbornly.
"That's bullshit and you know it!" I scoff. "You get everything right… perfect little Nessie"
She frowns when I say it like that and takes another sip of her coffee, her wedding ring gleaming on her finger when she raises the cup through the light, to her lips and my heart squeezes painfully.
"Leah…" she says and she does the oddest thing-she reaches for my hand, placing her cooler one on top carefully-wearily-and bombards me with her stupid ostentatious gift.
She wonders why I left… she wonders why Jacob is immensely sad, feels guilty over it and simultaneously angry with him self. She knows if she asked him about it… he would tell her, but she doesn't want the imprint-coated version.
When she starts realising that Jacob's words, encouragement and careful joking around are all imprint-coated, she wonders some more. She is jealous of how I would fight with Jacob, she is even jealous of the time we got into it physically-to worked up to phase and I ended up with a dislocated jaw and a remorseful Jacob Black hovering over me with raw emotion-an emotion she is certain had been fighting of the imprint tooth and nail when it saw angry tears welling up in my eyes.
She loves him, she wants him… but she wonders. What if the imprint… what if it wasn't there…?
"You are not supposed to wonder!" I hiss, snatching my hand away violently and startling her and two primp socialite rich girls seated next to our table.
"Why…?" she whispers.
"You will break him…!" I hiss, leaning on the table and holding her stupid vulnerable eyes. "You will destroy him… he never wanted to phase, you know….!"
"He does it for me?"
"Because you are special" I say scathingly, my heart pinching, twisting and beating in a painful fast rhythm-Sam never wondered. He never questioned… no one has ever questioned… she shouldn't… make me think that I didn't try hard enough… I am over it.
"I thought about it… in private of course…" she says, her face suddenly looking slightly aged. "I thought that maybe… just maybe… Jacob and I were meant to be as friends. Like my relationship with Seth. And when I found out mother was… well, had been in love with him, I stored that information for further…"
"You are a married, happily in love young woman" I snarl. "You don't have the luxury of masochism. Go back to your husband and…"
"I am pregnant" she whispers.
"Pregnant?" she repeats, her hand ghosting over her flat stomach under the cashmere cardigan she is wearing. "With Child… I had sex…"
"Right" I lean back in my chair and heave. "You had sex"
"It was awful" she smiles shyly. "It felt like… incest"
"Was this when you returned to your anti-imprint thoughts?" I ask. "When Jacob couldn't deliver…"
"We did it a few more times" she says guiltily, like she is on trial before me. "Always awful… he doesn't like touching me like that, or seeing me naked."
"When you started sprouting boobs, it was all he could think about…"
"Well, now everything is settled" she says thoughtfully. "I feel like we have both been imprisoned by this, Leah"
"By the imprint?"
"He would never say it or think it… but seeing me birthed, come on!" she laughs a little crazily. "He saw his wife being birthed…!"
"Keep your voice down, Renesme!" I say sharply and she just rolls her eyes.
"He saw me being birthed" she repeats. "I didn't see him being birthed…"
"Oh, so you want him but he doesn't … I am so confused right now" I groan.
"He loved my mother…" she whispers. "She loved him… he was going to fall for you…"
"And then some Idiot named Fate who writes our lives came and fucked it, right?"
"So, you came half way across the world to Russia to vent" I ask, pulling out a pack of cigarettes from the pocket of my leather jacket.
"Those things will kill you" a man murmurs in a thick Russian accent, shuffling to our table and taking out a lighter anyway. "Eventually"
"Even then…" I chuckle, balancing the cigarette between my lips and peering up at him. Not too bad on the eyes… "After 'eventually' I'll still be alive"
"Pretty ladies with a good sense of humour" he laughs, looking over to Renesme (Super hybrid vampire with looks crafted by Da Vinci) who blushes-for the average looking human-and hides behind her menu. He grins at that, lighting my cigarette and pulling a chair to our table.
"Do you mind?" he asks.
"Nessie, do we mind" I laugh, as she shakes her head no-only proof of this being that the raised menu covering her face moved with her. "My friend is shy"
"Shy…?" he laughs. "You are too beautiful to be shy"
"But I am sorry" I sigh in fake regret. "We were in the middle of something important"
"Oh" he says disappointed, leaving the chair next to our table. "I will see you around though… when you are less… in the middle…"
He grins, completely missing the little implication his bad English left and salutes us before retreating.
Renesme drops the menu, face still red and glares at me.
"There is only one married woman here so don't give me you Edward death glare!"
"I do not have an Edward…"
"You look like him" I laugh. "Maybe that's why Jake was finding it hard to… deliver"
"You would have thought the imprint would fix that up" she grumbles. "Smoking is bad for babies"
"You've seen a smoking baby?" I ask her grinning. "Now that would be cool, rebel since brith…"
"No!" she huffs. "In the womb…!"
"Smoking is bad for human babies… not freaky… What the hell is even growing in your body?"
"I don't know…" she says softly.
"I would think the Good Doctor would be all over that…" I eye her suspiciously. "Edward should be glad o have something new to obsess and find pain from…"
"They don't know… that I am… pregnant" she breathes. "Not even Jacob"
"You flew across the Earth with not a single Cullen trailing you" I murmur, putting the cigarette out.
"It involved a lot of top notch lies" she says seriously. "Jacob… is… in France. Waiting for our return"
"You have to, Leah…" she pleads. "Leah…"
My heart squeezes with familiar but unwelcome pain for her pain. I remember when she last came on La Push land as a child, nervous…entirely shy besides the fact that she had a bunch of beautiful vampires telling her she was exceptional and perfect and when Jacob said she could go play with the other kids-she came and sat beside me on my lone log by the bon fire, telling me about the particulars of the war in the middle east and how the Bible could help to somehow understand how it began.
"It had been predicted in the book of…" I remember her saying, ignoring my huffing and muttering about Scottish monsters and mutant X babies.
I had had to tell her to keep the information to herself. Of all human tribes… the ones from the Middle East could cause grave harm to a vampire most probably with their expertise on bombing.
"Whatever, I'll… do it." I mutter, shaking the memory out of my mind. "Shouldn't you be craving or something?"
"Uh… yeah" she blushes. "Blood. But I haven't indulged!"
"Nothing new there, Big Bronze"
AUTHORS NOTE: REMEMBER TO REVIEW! Thoughts, suggestion, criticism, likes and dislikes truly help a writer.
This has nothing to do with 'A twisted Love' which is halted indefinitely. 'As I Am' is one third complete.